TalonSis

Talon wrote: Well since CD isn't new I don't have to be nice? :silly: This one was a quickie, I was doing it at 10 o'clock at night when I was supposed to be in bed...:whistle: sorry CD!! :silly: {Feel-good-00020069} Melissa

I almost forgot! Congrats Mom!!!!

yay Mom!!! {Feel-good-0002006E} Congratulations Talon!!!!!! :laugh: Nice post CD. Melissa

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him." 2. A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." 3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." 4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" 5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead." 6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted. “’Cause your feet ain't empty." 7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.” Melissa

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives -- then you will be afraid to cough. 7. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Melissa

I would vote CD but I'd just vote for myself...:silly: Melissa

Congratulations CD!!!!!! ^It did have some of your pictures in the beginning, but it wouldnt upload so I had to take themn out :pinch: Go CD!!! This is the 2nd person in a day that reached 1,000 posts! (But the 1st admin ) What's the next goal...2000 posts? :huh: Melissa

aww He's so cute! Melissa

This is for you Judy! and now...CD!! As everyone reaches 1,000 posts, we can congratulate them here. So, as Judy is the first one, congrats!!! Melissa Post edited by: TalonSis, at: 2007/07/08 01:37 Post edited by: TalonSis, at: 2007/07/08 01:38<br><br>Post edited by: CeasarsDad, at: 2007/07/08 03:27

Haha. You are right Monique about the movie isn't as good as the book, but they do a great job on the movie, and special effects. Melissa

Yup, the 7th book is the last one. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself after the last movie comes out...{Feel-bad-00020063} Melissa

Guess what Harry Potter fans...its July!! That means: The 7th Book-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- July 21st. and... The 5th Movie-Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix-July 11th I think. (Oh, and don't forget! The magical day of 7/7/07 ) Anyone have any ideas on what's going to happen in the 7th book? Are you going to see the 5th movie? Melissa

alright, last one for tonight... -------- Mensa Convention Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..." "Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them. :silly: Melissa

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ****************** On a Septic Tank Truck : Yesterday's Meals on Wheels ************************** On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ************************** On a Church's Billboard: "7 days without God makes one weak." ************************** At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." ************************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ************************** In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ************************** At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." ************************** Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ************************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ************************** At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." ************************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." ************************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ************************** And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." --------------- Melissa

Subject: Little Leroy Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his Mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Of course, he said. Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room , Leroy, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter. Letter 1 Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Leroy. Leroy knew that it was not true. He had not been a good boy this year, so he tore it up and started over. Letter 2 Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year. I still would like a bike for my birthday. Leroy. Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Leroy wrote a third letter. Letter 3 Dear God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Leroy. Leroy knew that it was not true. By now he was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother that he needed to go to church. She thought her plan had worked. Just be home for dinner, she told him. Leroy walked down the Street to the church on the corner. He went to the altar. Leroy looked around to see if anyone was looking as he bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it up under his shirt and ran out the church going back home. He ran to his room and shut the door. Leroy began to write his letter to God. Letter 4 Dear God, I got your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike. Signed, Leroy. ----------------------------- Melissa<br><br>Post edited by: TalonSis, at: 2007/07/06 04:24

:lol:

This is a test for Smart People.....I have determined that you qualify. The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question! No cheating ! ! ! 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Did you say, open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if only I can sell the car." "Okay," said the blonde's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

Number6 wrote: Nope, I think I have you beat by a couple years. I'm 14 Melissa

“THE DONKEY” One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway. It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake the dirt off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. NOW --------Enough of that nonsense . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the heck out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you."

Happy 4th of July!!! It might rain tonight so maybe no fireworks Melissa

Here's some more pictures of Talon being crazy: http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4041.jpg http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4040.jpg http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4038.jpg http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4036.jpg http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4033.jpg http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4031.jpg http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4029.jpg http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s98/talon1013/IMG_4024.jpg Melissa

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation. ------------------ With a man named Pete soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked him to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years. The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions.” The minister inquired "Trips to where?" "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China." The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?" Pete smirked and says, “I'm going to bring her back.”

Its like curved plexiglass... But I was able to get pretty close without it flying away.

I'm sorry CD...