Dave007 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 <br><br>Post edited by: Dave007, at: 2008/02/05 20:55 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 That was great! Thanks for the good laugh!! {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Parrot -vs- Leopard A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her parrot along for company. One day the parrot starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The parrot thinks, "Oh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the parrot exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That parrot nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the parrot sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that parrot to bits!" Now, the parrot sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the parrot sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. "Where's that damn monkey?" the parrot says, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyGreys Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Funny ones guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toni Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Dear Lord, I pray for: wisdom, to understand a man. Love, to forgive him and; patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for strength I'll just beat him. LOL... Just kidding... I love my guy, but still at times, grrrrr.<br><br>Post edited by: Talon, at: 2007/09/08 16:01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave007 Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Not a Good day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Oh My God, someone help me get up off the floor!!! MrSpock, you have surpassed even yourself. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyGreys Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 The Parrot and the Pirate The barman was reading his paper in the fishing village pub when in came a weather-beaten pirate with a patch on his eye, a peg leg and a hook for a hand. On his shoulder was a magnificent parrot. As the door closed behind the pirate the parrot flew from his shoulder to perch on back of a nearby chair. "Don't I recognize you?" said the barman. "Likely you do. I've been away for many years. I'm Jim," said the man. "Ah yes Jimmy, good to see you again. What on earth has been happening to you?" The parrot glided across the bar and settled on the windowsill as Jim paid for his beer. "I was sailing the great barrier reef when I went swimming and got caught by a great white, that's how I lost my leg." "Terrible" said the barman as the parrot flew up into the beams. "Was that when you lost your arm?" "No, that happened in the Everglades when I was fishing. I reached in to land my catch and an alligator took my forearm, bit it right off. That's when I got the hook." The parrot fluttered down to sit on the bar as the barman said, "That's awful. How did you loose your eye?" "I was sitting in the sun, just getting over that alligator when this bloody parrot flew by and dumped in my eye." Puzzled, the barman said "But that's not enough to cause you to loose the eye?" "No, but I wasn't used to the hook yet." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevjoe Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 MrSpock that is priceless. Great laugh. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Oh no, I am rolling around on the floor laughing again, somebody help me up cause I can't stop laughing, I must have missed Dave's post on the 8th. You have outdone yourself again, Dave. {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave007 Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makena Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 LOL! {Feel-good-00020069} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyGreys Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave007 Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD======================================== PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you People see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going To the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you Will become gay too.I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this Abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases Like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as Plain and simple as that. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone. REV. JESSE JACKSON I envision a world where all chickens will be free to Cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the Road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good Enough for us. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability that the chicken would Cross the road. GLORIA STEINEM To escape the domination of men and achieve equality. CONFUCIUS Because the road could not cross the chicken. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion by the chicken; we Were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? DAN QUAYLE I believe that's spelled R-O-d-e. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many More chickens have to cross before you believe it? TONY SOPRANO F*** the f****** chicken, and the f****** road, you f***! FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken Crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES The question is no longer relevant. I have just released Chicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file Your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Chickenet Explorer is an inextricable part of Chicken2000. EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move Beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. And, what do You mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please? GEORGE W. BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question. LOUIS FARRAKHAN The road, you see, being black asphalt, represents the Black man. The chicken as white meat represents the white man, so The "white man" crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. YASSIR ARAFAT To build settlements in our homeland. THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, And there was much rejoicing. COLONEL SANDERS I missed one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyGreys Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 {Feel-good-0002006E} That's funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevjoe Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 I love that MrSpock. {Feel-good-000200BB} Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Thanks a million for another hearty laugh. {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makena Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Toilet Cleaning Instructions : 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, The Dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 {Feel-good-0002006E} I've heard it before, but I still laugh when I read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 That was hilarious!!! Upon trying to place a neighborhood Cat (we don't have one) in the toilet bowl, this occured... <br><br>Post edited by: danmcq, at: 2007/09/30 14:42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyGreys Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Thanks Dan, what a wonderful clip for a hearty laugh on a Sunday morning. {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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