Grandma in the Courtroom
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot, when you
haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the
worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you idiots
asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."