Joke Of The Day

[RdnkParamedic21]

Here are 2 from my line of work..The first one is my own original, the second is "borrowed"

 

Anatomy of my Job

20% - BSing with co-workers

12% - Sleeping, relaxing

12% - Cleaning (Trucks, Base, Myself) lol

10% - Driving on calls (911's and transfers)

10% - Learning medical stuff, training

9% - Cruising around town in the rig

7% - Actually doing patient care

6% - Convincing drunks to go see a Doc

5% - Doing paperwork

5% - Standing in various ERs

2% - On the phone

1% - Eating

1% - Actually saving lives

-----------------------------------------

100% LOVING THE HELL OUT OF IT!

 

 

 

10 reasons to date a Medic:

 

1) Anytime, Anywhere, Anyway you need us.

 

2) Of course we are already familiar with latex.

 

3) Medics are prepared for any rhythm.

 

4) We always come when we are called.

 

5) We can shock the socks off you.

 

6) We arrive with our own mulit-positional bed.

 

7) The best in rapid clothing removal.

 

8) Experts in mouth to mouth.

 

9) Good with mulitple partners.

 

10) We are used to staying up all night.

 

 

Hehe:evil:<br><br>Post edited by: RdnkParamedic21, at: 2007/09/02 05:46

[judygram]

This is great stuff, Josh, and if the first one is yours meaning you wrote it, its very good stuff, sounds right on the mark. Chalk up another talent for Josh.

 

The second one is really good too, but you didn't write it but whoever did has nailed it good.

 

Thanks for sharing these for a good laugh.:laugh:

[lovemyGreys]

oh Josh my daughter wants to date a medic :laugh:

She likes number 2, familiar with latex & number 3 any rhythm

 

:whistle: :evil: :woohoo: :kiss:

[RdnkParamedic21]

Haha:P

[lovemyGreys]

Some funny quote's

 

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

 

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

 

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

 

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

 

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

 

If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.

 

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

 

He who laughs last didn't get it

[judygram]

Thanks for the laughs Tracy, I have heard these before but I laugh every time I read them.

 

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[judygram]

Please excuse the rough language in the following story... I would have deleted the words, but the story wouldn't be the same.

 

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

 

"Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"

Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic.."

 

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before!

 

I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to bring me back home..., "PLEASE MAMA!"

 

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

 

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the laughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

 

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

 

Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

 

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

[RdnkParamedic21]

HAHA!! Good one Judy!:woohoo:

[judygram]

I aim to please, especially for you.

[RdnkParamedic21]

You're making me blush!!:blush: thats no easy task!

[Makena]

Maybe you have heard this one before... but it is still funny!

 

Jerry received a parrot for his birthday.

 

The parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least very rude.

 

Jerry tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked.

 

He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got angrier and became even more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation. Jerry put the parrot in the FREEZER.

 

For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was a quiet-----

 

Not a sound for half a minute. Jerry was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

 

The Parrot calmly stepped out onto Jerry's extended arm and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."

 

Jerry was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made the difference and caused such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did???"

[judygram]

Thats a good one, Kristin.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[judygram]

An old Louisiana farmer had a wife who nagged him

unmercifully.

 

From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule, so he tried to plow a lot.

 

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his

lunch. Immediately, his wife began harassing him again. Complain, nag, nag... it just went on and on.

 

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both

hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head.

Killed her dead on the spot.

 

At the funeral several days later, the minister

noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner

would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a

minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a

male mourner approached him, he would listen for a

minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

 

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask

the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the

minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

 

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up

and say something about how nice my wife looked, or

how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in

agreement."

 

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They all wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

[TalonSis]

Judy, I love that last one!!! :laugh: :laugh:

[lovemyGreys]

Judy i love that one :laugh:

 

Makena i have heard that one but it's still funny

[Talon]

That was a great one Judy!!

 

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[Makena]

I just had this one emailed to me...

 

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.

 

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

 

Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

 

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

[RdnkParamedic21]

Hahaha good one Kristin!!{Feel-good-0002006E}

[Tari]

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL. NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS." MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN, SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

 

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE A MAN'S MID-LIFE CRISES

[judygram]

And thats not all we can solve, either, Tari.

[Dave007]

The Scotsman

 

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The man says, "No, I'm in Castro's Army."

The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The man says, "No, I fight in Castro's Army."

The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The Scotsman says, "I also serve in Castro's Army."

The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?"

The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service"

[danmcq]

Hahahahahahahah, good one!! :lol:

[Guest briansmum]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Dave007]

The Cure for Snoring

 

A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's privates and he will stop snoring.

 

A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as

usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog's privates, and sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

 

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's privates. Amazingly, it also works on him!

 

The woman sleeps very soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over.

He tumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.

 

He is very confused, and, as he walks back into the

bedroom, he notices a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

 

He shakes his head, looks down at the dog and says:

"Boy, don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place!"

[danmcq]

Buuuuuaaaaaahhhhhhhahahahahahahahahaha {Feel-good-0002006E} your killing me............