I am so sorry to hear of all the tragedy that has fallen upon your family.
Your grey, at 6 years old, kept in a basement with free reign of the area, with no guidance or interaction based upon rules, expectations and how to get along with the entire family flock is going to take a lot of work to bring him to a level of cooperation suitable to you.
It is going to take a lot of time and many practices like you just went through with him.
One thing on the not stepping up in the cage to be let out. Your Grey could be very territorial of his cage and does not like your in it at all. Thats ok though, let him climb out on his own. :-)
Sometimes my Grey will not step up either. I just respect that most the time and let him come out on his own power.
One thing I do though, is sometimes, just to keep him in the stepping up mode. Is I will offer my hand at a distance while saying step up. if he does not position himself properly and raise his foot. I remove m hand, close the door and walk away for a while. He will normally start climbing all over his cage, whistling at me etc. and then when I go back and give the step up, he raises that foot like a pro and comes out with out an incident.
Unfortunately, it's not an easy task, but is well worth the rewards once you have him under more control. :-)