Joke Of The Day

[raehamilton]

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then ?'

'Because she can still drive!'

 

Writer Unkown. Please let me know if you want me to stop posting.

[judygram]

Rae you are on a roll, why stop now:laugh:

[raehamilton]

How about this one Judy?

 

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

 

 

 

Writer Unkown.

[judygram]

:laugh: :woohoo: :laugh: :woohoo: :laugh: :woohoo:

I can't stop laughing...............:laugh:

[raehamilton]

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, bu t i t 's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

 

 

Writer Unknown. LOL, now I am afraid to get sued over posting jokes.

[judygram]

Don't be silly, Rae, millions of jokes are floating all over the internet as we speak, keep em coming:laugh:

[raehamilton]

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

 

Writer Unknown.

[MommaFawkes]

lol!! Good one Rae! thank you!

[raehamilton]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[judygram]

I'd like to have a hot dadda and be cheerful myself, thanks Rae for picking on the old folks.:laugh: :laugh:

[danmcq]

Hahahahahaha Rae, Good Ones!!!! :laugh:

[raehamilton]

Now don't forget about giving Karma for the post you like. LOL.

[siobha9]

Well I suppose since you asked... I did like your jokes... here is some karma

[raehamilton]

Maybe you've heard this one already.

 

Choosing A Wife

 

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

 

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more a attractive for him because she loves him so much.

 

The man was impressed.

 

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

 

Again, the man is impressed.

 

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

 

Obviously, the man was impressed

 

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

 

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

 

Men are like that, you know.

 

 

 

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[judygram]

Thanks Rae for some more LMAO funny jokes and for sharing them with us, we all need a good laugh now and then.:laugh:

[siobha9]

A letter from an Irish Mother

 

 

Dear Son,

 

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.

 

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.

 

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.

 

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

 

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

 

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.

 

Your loving Mother XXXX

 

P.S. I was going to send you 10 Euro, but I'd already sealed the envelope.

[judygram]

Thanks Soibhan for another funny joke.

 

BTW, Monday is St Patrick's Day, I'm cooking corned beef, cabbage and potatoes, yummy.

[siobha9]

Actually this year the Archbishop changed St Patricks day to tomorrow the 15th because it cant fall in Holy Week. This is the first time since the 1940's this has happened. But we are still celebrating on Monday... well if truth be told we will celebrate tomorrow AND Monday B) !!!

[judygram]

Thata girl, you celebrate two days, yes I heard about that but here in America we celebrate it on Monday by wearing the green and cooking corned beef.:laugh:

[siobha9]

Tomorrow it will be celebrations in the pub next door... yes that's right I said NEXT door! I live in the middle of the country side and my only neighbour is a pub! Sure I cant convince you to come see me Judy?

 

On Monday I walk in a parade will all my little scouts, I am a leader in our local town for 8-10 year olds. They are so cute marching along

[judygram]

OMG you live next to a pub, how convenient is that, well I guess you won't be able to stand on your own two feet tomorrow, right:blink: Dagnabit, I wish I could come but it is out of the question right now, have to make it next year, ok:laugh: B)

[danmcq]

LOL siobha9, I loved that letter!! :-) VERY funny!!!

[raehamilton]

Only the Irish have Jokes Like These, a day late but still funny.

 

 

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

 

 

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

 

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

 

"That little crapper, O'Conner?" says Sean. "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

 

"That he did," says Paddy. "A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

 

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself; didn't you have something in your hand?"

 

That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's chest, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

 

Post edited by: raehamilton, at: 2008/03/18 16:56<br><br>Post edited by: raehamilton, at: 2008/03/18 17:07

[judygram]

As always Rae, you can come up with some good ones and this one does not disappoint, thanks for sharing it with us, LMAO

 

 

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[raehamilton]

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

 

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

 

 

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

 

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."