Joke Of The Day

[Luvparrots]

Loved it Bernie, too cute!!!!

[danmcq]

Hahahahahahahahaha Bernie/......Good One!!!

 

{Feel-good-0002006E}{Feel-good-0002006E}{Feel-good-0002006E}{Feel-good-0002006E}

[Luvparrots]

True story from Sweden some might enjoy....... After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit Dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything; cleaned & mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went. Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The Moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home. Including the curtain rods.:laugh: :laugh:

[Supernova]

Adam

 

 

God said, 'Adam, I

Want you to do

Something for Me.'

 

Adam said, 'Gladly,

Lord, what do You

Want me to do?'

 

God said, 'Go down

Into that valley.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

 

God explained it to

Him. Then God said,

'Cross the river.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

 

God explained that

To him, and then said,

'Go over to the hill....'

 

Adam said, 'What is a

Hill?'

 

So, God explained to

Adam what a hill was.

 

He told Adam, 'On

The other side of the

Hill you will find a

Cave.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a

Cave?'

 

After God explained,

He said, 'In the cave

You will find a woman.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

 

So God explained

That to him, too.

 

Then, God said, 'I

Want you to

Reproduce.'

 

Adam said, 'How do

I do that?'

 

God first said (under

His breath), 'Geez.....'

 

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to

Adam, as well.

 

So, Adam goes down

Into the valley,

 

Across the river, and

Over the hill, into the

Cave, and finds the

Woman..

 

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

 

God, His patience

Wearing thin, said

Angrily, 'What is it

Now?'

 

And Adam said....

 

*

 

*

 

(YOU'RE GOING TO

LOVE THIS!!!!!!)

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

'What's a headache?'

 

[danmcq]

Hahahahahahahaha!

 

Whats a Headache? Wifey never used that on me. ;-)

[Luvparrots]

Oh my God!!! :woohoo: :laugh: :blink:

[JillyBeanz]

A parrot swallows a Vigra tablet and is obviously acting in a rather disturbing way, so the owner puts it in the freezer to cool down. 20 minutes go by and the owner goes back to the freezer and opens the drawer to find the parrot sweating. The guy says to the parrot "how come you are sweating so much?". The parrot answers "have you any idea how hard it is to part the legs of a frozen chicken?"

[pearllyn]

:ohmy: :ohmy:

[Luvparrots]

Even Simon says Thumbs down Jill!

 

 

[JillyBeanz]

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed

as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted,

and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give

him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

[Luvparrots]

{Feel-good-0002006E}{Feel-good-000200BB}

[pearllyn]

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[JillyBeanz]

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

 

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

 

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

 

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

 

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

 

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

 

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

 

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

 

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

 

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

 

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

 

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

 

Liver alone. Cheese mine.

[pearllyn]

Hehe - that's about right! Leave it to the little big dog!!:laugh:

[Luvparrots]

[Luvparrots]

A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.

‘They use him to keep crowds back,’ said Tommy.

‘No,’ said Billy, ‘he’s just for good luck.’

Peter brought the argument to a close. ‘They use the dogs,’ he said firmly, ‘to find the fire hydrants….

[JillyBeanz]

Ha Ha Ha! Mint! Loved it!!! :laugh:

[Supernova]

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

 

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her primary

students put on his boots,

 

Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't

want to go on.

 

Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

 

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the

wrong feet.'

 

She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling

the boots off than it was putting them on.

 

She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots

back on, this time on the right feet. he then announced, 'These aren't

my boots.'

 

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,

'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.

 

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off

his little feet.

 

No sooner had they got the boots off then he said, 'They're my

brother's boots. My Mum made me wear them.'

 

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

 

She mustered up the grace and courage she had left, to wrestle the

boots on

his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are

your mittens?'

 

He said, 'I stuffed them in the toes of my boots.'

 

Her trial starts next month

[Luvparrots]

Edited June 16, 2010 by luvparrots

[Supernova]

A Bottle of Wine

 

 

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold

Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished

but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

 

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is cussing and yelling about women

drivers.

 

The woman says, "So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This

must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the

rest of our days".

 

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be

a sign from God! But you're still at fault....women shouldn't be allowed to

drive.

 

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My

car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely

God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

 

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement,

opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

 

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to

the man.

 

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

 

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

 

MORAL OF THE STORY : Women are clever and evil Don't mess with them.

 

:angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:<br><br>Post edited by: Supernova, at: 2010/02/03 20:20

[pearllyn]

{Feel-good-0002006E}{Feel-good-0002006E}

[Luvparrots]

Totally love it Bernie!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :evil: :evil: :silly:

[pearllyn]

A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny scene the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying.

 

This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out.

In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly amazing!"

 

"It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!"<br><br>Post edited by: pearllyn, at: 2010/02/03 22:53

[Luvparrots]

Very cute!!! {Feel-good-0002006E}:laugh: :laugh:

[Supernova]

Nice one :woohoo: :woohoo: