Andrew Comments about losing Tui

[Zarlock]

Today is May 23rd, 12 days after losing my companion Tui. Please feel free to link to this or copy and post it elsewhere.

 

First I would just like to say how blown away I am with the amount of international concern, help and support I have received from all over the world regarding my loss. From those in Grey & other bird forum groups, to the many new viewers of Tui's youtube page, to the many wonderful people I have meet as I walk along the areas people have reported hearing something strange and calling me. I hope that many people will forgive me if I am unable to get back to most of the comments personally, I do try, but right at this point any time sitting at the computer is time I could be out looking. It has taken to today for me to finally decide to move on and not spend almost all my time focused on the search. This is not to say I have given up, just that I can no longer allocate all of my time to it. Just a few hours a day now.

 

I think if anyone who has seen the video's I have on youtube will know I have constantly said never allow your parrot the opportunity to get outside or chance to fly away. I am particularly unsettled by this lack in judgment on my part because just a few days before I had made a comment to my friend that at times it seemed as if I was so limited in my ability and freedom to do much. By choice I rarely went out to socialize and when I did my thoughts were usually about Tui being alone and bored and not on me having a life.

 

It troubles me that just after making this comment that I suddenly thought against all my own advice, that perhaps one way to enhance Tui's quality of life was to train for Free Flight. It troubles me that I had planned on firstly starting this in an indoor venue but I went on the Balcony instead. To be fair to Tui, she did do remarkable well, she did not just fly off by choice, she came looking for me because I left her sight and caught a gust of wind. She attempted to get back and caught another, panicked and flew off with the wind.

 

After the initial chase and few hours search I came back and looked up what to do online. Flyers and posters where made and put in mail boxes and given to anyone I saw within a 2-3 square mile area of where I think she may have landed. Fliers are around town, newspaper and craigslist adverts were placed, Vet's notified and Pet shops. I would often hear other people walking their dogs calling out Tui's name as I was searching and the people in Lawrence Kansas have amazed me at their level of concern for me and Tui and there efforts to Help. We got a front page story in the Newspaper and a TV News story a few days later, as well as contacting many of the websites dedicated to posting lost parrots.

 

There have been no sitings of Tui, but lots of people hearing strange noises at night. I have almost every night in the last 12 days gone out after a call around midnight or after from mostly the same area and several times during the day for other areas. One grey was found some 40 miles away and someone knew about tui and I was contacted. It turned out not to be her. Tui's cage is on someones balcony in the area where noises are heard, and a CD of her talking is being played along with her favourite songs. Her stands and perches are in other places. I also walk around calling each day and at one point waited 7 hrs with someone who lived in the area waiting for the sound they were hearing. I thought it was a cat, but the people insist sometimes there is additional "Tui noises" they hear on the CD as well.

 

Here are a couple of my concerns with the whole parrot loss issue. I will in time do what I can to address them, but for now others might like to do something to secure better resources in future...

 

1) The Vet who found a Grey, stated that the bands are not really that helpful. They were unaware of a national log or that the bands indicate the breeder and the breeder will usually know when a parrot is lost and who it is. This may not be the case with every Vet, but it would pay to let a Vet know this any opportunity you get

 

2) I could not find any articles on what a parrot might do in detail once they are lost. The information is that they will stay in the area for 3 days and then get hungry and might approach someone. My experience has been people swear they hear her fly and scream at night, times when it is dark and she should be asleep. Will a domestic parrot suddenly become comfortable in trees? when they never really like being in them on leased walks. Some people say they will be lower down on the ground but again is this likely when they did not like grass when as a companion? There are no sound recordings or information on what a parrot might sound like in the wild, or if a talker will talk or revert back to squels.

 

Some say that they might just like being 'free' but how is this possible with a grey who is a social bird and generally timid of new things. There are just so many issue that are not addressed in any form that could be. I never saw the idea to make a CD of the bird talking and play it, which to me seems a easy and practical thing to do. Apart from the standard list of what to do when a parrot goes missing that is copied everywhere, not much else seems to be out there. No pre-recordings of wild parrots, no advice of to look in trees or the ground, no mention of so many things that run through your mind when you have lost a companion. Perhaps people that know about these issue might like to make it available. Even the terrible stuff, like how long a parrot can live when stressed, or how often parrots get used to being in the wild, and how long it might take.

 

Tui was banded but not chipped, I was waiting for the GSP technology to come about in chips and had no intentions of letting her have the chance to get away at all. I am intending on returning back home to New Zealand where they have some lameass excuses to continue with a ban on importing parrots. One that is founded in a extremely possibility when related to domestic parrots and not in any real evidence by statistics to the contary to the concerns they cite. But I am taking a few months to do it just in case she is found.

 

If I get Tui back the very first thing she will learn now is my email address. The story from Japan that surfaced with the bird stating it's own address seems such a completely common sense idea that I had never even considered. I really do hope that EVERY talking bird owner takes that tip to heart and makes it a practice.

 

Thanks to all the concern and comments. It really has amazed me, a rational and logical person by nature to just how much emotions can arise from the loss of a bird. And it amazes me just how much compassion there has been from complete strangers, both local helping me look and internationally from internet people. Sadly very very few people I have known longer than a few months, people who know I can't open my mouth without a story about my Tui, have offered any help looking. I guess this was a price I paid by putting my parrot before people. Yes Tui and I had an amazing bond, but it seems not so much of one with my friends

 

I have said to people that I realize now, for me having a companion bird was a lot like a co-dependant relationship. All my time and thoughts were about her. This is my fault, she was all I really had in a country I was in without family. She was my everything and became my excuse to stagnate socially and professionally. Now that I do not have her, I am amazed at all the possibility of travel and experience I can have without her. But like any co-dependant relationship I would give it all up to have her again, but swear things will change, who knows if they really would, I did prefer having her to an active social life.

 

Again thank you to all for your support and kind words and suggestion in the parrot community. I have been honest about my mistake and my feelings in the hopes that even in my worst moments, My experience with Tui can provide some insight and help for others with questions. I do hope she is found and returned, I do hope that if someone finds her and decides to keep her, that in time they will find this and email me photos and let me know how she is doing. I do hope they will allow me to still play a part in her life.

 

I will eventually get another Grey. It will wait until I am in New Zealand and settled. To be honest I made a error in judgment sending an email to the NZ Minister in charge of the parrot ban letting him know what an idiot I thought he was, and understood why they have a smuggling problem there. The result being that I am on the watch list for Customs and get greeted with a strip search when I enter the country .. just in case I have parrot eggs up my arse.

 

The breeder of Tui told me she never wanted to burst my bubble, but to her the reality is that ALL GREYS have the ability to be special, it is the quality of the time an owner gives to the bird that makes the bird who it is. In some ways this is my greatest comfort to know that while she can never be replaced in my heart; my next bird will talk the same, and act much the same and remind me in many ways of Tui. I have not given up hope, it has only been 12 days, and while this started as a thank you, it ended up being cathartic experience of ramblings as well

 

Andrew

[pooky]

Hi Andrew,im so sorry for your loss,i cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.I do hope that you find her,you are in my thoughts and i will prey she is returned to you,Please keep us updated if you have any news.

Best wishes Jackie xx

[carlylu]

I just wanted to express my deepest condolences for your loss of Tui. It's true though that birds are located often weeks after going missing, so it is still possible she will turn up especially given how tame she is.

 

I wanted to ask you if I could post a link to your video on my web site. I have a free-flighted African Grey that I trained for many months and was fortunate to have the assistance of some good experienced trainers, both in person and over the internet. During this time I came to know several of the top trainers in the professional world who were invaluable resources. There is information about the kind of training I did on the site, along with many warnings to not make the transition outdoors without a very solid training plan and interaction with an experienced trainer. What you experienced is far too common -- flying down heights and flying in wind are two of the most critical skills that new outdoor flier have to contend with, and are probably the biggest causes of losses.

 

I don't say this to reprimand at all. I have been especially dismayed by the appearance on YouTube of freeflight videos which in my opinion greatly underestimate the patience and practice necessary to train freeflight safely. They also assert that the "bond" your bird has with you in freeflying is the only criteria. While it is important, it is at most only HALF the equation. In addition, learning by video has to be the most risky of all methods because the videos show only the pretty stuff and there is no opportunity to learn interactively.

 

If you would not mind, I would like to put a link to your last video on my site so that others can see how serious it is to not undertake this kind of thing without having an experienced trainer at hand who understands the process of solid recall training. Perhaps you can think of it as a gift from Tui to other parrots and parrot owners so they don't have to go through this.

 

Again, so, so sorry for your loss. I hope it is only temporary and that you'll be reunited soon.

 

Sincerly,

Raz & Carly Lu

Info about our training here:

http://likambo.com/flyblog

[shanlung]

I am sorry to hear of your loss of Tui.

 

Not withstanding what Raz said, I feel CAGs tend

to spook too easily and are not the best candidate to free fly. When they spook, no 'bonding' will hold them back. Never mind if you have trained them for recall. During training, Tinkerbell flew to me without hesitation when given her cue. It is dangerous to think that recalls will get your parrot back when outside.

 

Especially in my case where I was in Taiwan with Tink and we went to many rugged places in the mountains and forests there.

 

That is why I believe in using a harness whenever we went out. You must train the parrot to wear harness. And that harness must at all times be carabinered to you or your backpack.

 

A summary of that training and details of harness is in here

http://shanlung.livejournal.com/8284.html

 

I forgot to carabiner once in Dec 2007.

Account in

http://shanlung.livejournal.com/71760.html

(which may be a roadmap as to what to do and who to reach out to)

 

I flooded that area with posters and fliers.

 

I was very lucky that Tinkerbell was returned, after 3 weeks. During that time, people comforted me that their parrot were recovered as late as a couple of months later.

 

Tough as it is, do not lose heart.

 

I hope you get Tui back.

 

 

Warmest regards

 

Shanlung

http://www.geocities.com/shanlung9/

[Raposa]

Oh Andrew, my heart aches for you and for Tui. I pray that she will be returned to you whole and well.

[Zarlock]

I too have been told of birds that are returned after a few weeks to several months. I would dearly love to know if they were out in the wild all that time or caught and it just took the people who caught the bird a little time to find the right people to report it too.

 

I was sent Tinks link and read through it, It was nice to see, however no one has spotted Tui, I wondered if that makes a difference?

 

thanks

 

Andrew

[HeatherStrella]

Hi Andrew. I must say that my heart aches for you. The morning I saw your video, I thought about you and Tui alll day. I couldn't get you out of my mind. I'm not really a pray/talk to god type person but I actually prayed and asked that Tui be returned to you. I am bonded to my Grey more than any animal I've ever had...more than most humans...I think my husband is the only human I'm more bonded to so I just can't imagine the feeling of loss if I lost her. When you cried, I cried...I'm soooo sorry and I really hope you find her. It's obvious you shared a close bond with her and I'm sure she wants to find you. I also wanted to say not to be hard on yourself. You were doing what you thought would be best for Tui. And I'm sure she was having a ball at first...your intentions were right..but that darned wind. I will keep you in my thoughts and continue to pray that Tui comes back to you...and if she doesn't than I hope you'll have the strength to let go. As hard as that will be. Take care of yourself.

 

Heather

[wastrox]

Andrew --- Reading you lengthy post has me in tears. I'm new to this community and new to the experience of being owned by a Grey. I'm only just beginning to understand the awesome responsibility I have undertaken. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share your experience with us. I pray for Tui's return. I will light a candle for her and pray that it helps to bring her back to you.

[Tycos_mom]

Andrew I have beenfollowing this story since the begining I can feel your pain icuts like a knife right to my heart. I pray to God that you get the love of your life back. I know the love you feel for her because i have the same kind of love for my birds my friends and family coment all the time about it. they say can't you talk about anything else except your birds. they are everything to me just like Tui is to you. I trully hope that Tui will find a way to come home to you weather she finds you or go to someone and they find you. Don't lose hope there are so many people helping you look for her that I'm sure she will be home before you know it. have faith that the Lord God will find a way and please keep us updated on any progress no matter how small. I am in the proses of teaching my Grey her address and phone number I have it on a tape recorder and when I go out I turn it on so that she can hear it over and over it is in my voice so it will also comfort her while I'm gone. I just could not bear it if she got out and was lost. without some kind of way to find her way home. with my dogs they have tags on their collar with parrots you have to do something else so I think teaching them their address and phone number is a good way to start. Pat

[Guest Skuffy]

I must admit..I take my Bird out without a Harness,,,Theres pics in my Profile...The bond i have with my Grey is out this world,,He's on YouTube also...search skuffy39 or MAD MAX....The bond i have with my Bird is just out this world..Nothing scares him,,Dogs barking other birds fly over,,he just shouts Hello to them....I take him to the paper shop on my shoulder in the car..he comes shopping sits on my trolly....Ppl here say he may fly off..BUT!!!!My Boys clipped to the point Hes got no uplift at all...

"if" he was to fly from me,,I feel he wud come right back to me,,as he doesn't like me to walk to far from him when hes out,,,,he comes running over to me..Sorry for your Lose..I really hope you find your Birdie..x<br><br>Post edited by: Skuffy, at: 2008/05/24 10:50

[Guest Skuffy]

TYCOs mum..have you ever thought to Micro chip your bird..? Its very cheap in the UK..On my nxt visit to the Vet i may have his ring took off and all my boys info and mine will then be put on Micro chip then into my Birds Neck,,theres no pain for the bird,,,and you'll feel alot safer..!B)

[Toni]

Andrew, my heart just dropped when I heard what happened to Tui.I've seen videos of you and her from time to time and noticed what a special bond you and her have which hoping in time Alcazar and I can have that. The thought of my baby getting away is hard to imagine.I'm even afraid to want to let him out doors at all even in a harness.After reading this I'm going to get Alcazar micro chipped.Teach him his name, well hes doing that already but also his address.I dont plan on selling the house ever.Maybe even whistle train him so when he hears a whistle being blown he knows its me.

I remember the story of Shanlung and Tink.In time he got her back.I would definently get fliers out.

I pray you will get her back soon.My heart is w/you and Tui.Take care.

[mas]

Andrew I am so sorry to hear of what I hope is a temporary loss of Tui. My husband and I watched Tui's videos when we first got our Zahzu, and we were very inspired and learned heaps. Thank you.

 

I just want to say, I really understand your bond with Tui - I am in much the same situation with Zahzu having moved countries. Zahzu has been one of my best mates here!

 

Also, thank you for the tip - Australia also does not let you import birds (except from NZ!!), and I will not write a letter to anyone complaining because I really could do without the strip searching!

Be positive and know that you and Tui are in our prayers.

 

Anyway look, there is still a huge possibility she will return -and you have an advantage most of us would never have - tv and media support! The odds are in favour of Tui being found - so keep looking and don't give up hope! I'm sure Kiwis say this as well as Aussies "she'll be right mate!" so stay positive, and know we are praying for Tui's happiness and safety - and yours too!

-Sameera

[danmcq]

I am truly sorry for you and Tui, Andrew. Hopefully, your life and Tui's will continue on and at some point be reunited.

 

Words can not be said that have not already been written or spoken.

 

As you have not given up, neither has Tui.

 

Our thoughts and prayers are with you both.

[lovemyGreys]

Andrew thank you for posting during this heartbraking period in your life.I only pray that one day you & Tui will be reunited.Never give up hope,stay positive & always remember you have the thoughts & prayers from around the globe thinking of you.

[Tari]

No matter how well trained a bird is there well always be a rish to taking them outside without a harness or cage. It is up to you if you are ok with the risk. I for one am not.

I am so sorry you lost your baby and I hope you well find Tui.

[Tycos_mom]

Mad Max I have to take Tyco and Fergie to the vet for thier yearly well bird check up soon and it time for wing clipping and nails again also as its summer and both of them are fully flighted right now so They can't go out until they are clipped again. When I take them I will ask about micro chipping them thats a good idea I wonder if they can put a GPS in the chip to make it easy to find them Thanx Pat

[MacsMom50]

Andrew, I am very distressed about your Tui! She is indeed a special bird and I understand completely your "co-dependency" with her as I have the same relationship with my Mac. The difference being that I have a family here, whereas you don't. Once the kids are grown in a few years, it will be the bird, my hubby and me. Like you, I would not travel where I couldn't take him. Anyway, if I lived near you I would help you look for Tui....I guess your "friends" don't understand. Parrot people do, and we are all pulling for you to find Tui. God bless.

[siobha9]

Hi Andrew,

I have wanted an African Grey for many many years, and I was lucky enough to get my first grey on Halloween 2006. A couple of months after I got her, I first found a video of Tui on Youtube. I wondered whether I would ever have a relationship like that with my grey, whether she would ever talk like Tui did, and whether I could have conversations with her like you did with Tui.

Your videos motivated me to work with Liath all day every day (I hadnt found this forum then), and now she is the funniest little bird I could ever hope to own. Many of her expressions she learned from Tui, as she Loves to sit on my desk and watch her.

I really hope that you find Tui, whoever has her, cant possibly mistake her accent, and has to know who she is. Perhaps they will see the error of their ways and return her to you.

[Guest]

I am so sorry to hear this. I don't want to add salt to the wound, but really, I mean sincerely, what made you take the chance to take her outside?

[shanlung]

Zarlock wrote:

I was sent Tinks link and read through it, It was nice to see, however no one has spotted Tui, I wondered if that makes a difference?

 

thanks

 

Andrew

 

I criss-crossed Bantienyen day after day. I touched base with whom I felt might be influential people there. No road or track junctions were without posters.

Schools were blitzed by me and my wife to widen that circle of eyes.

 

I might be a very pathetic sight to those there hearing me call out again and again. But I did gain their sympathies in addition to their warm wishes. Posters help, but that alone probably would not be enough.

 

I gave them reasons to get back to me should sightings occured. No one there would suddenly aquired a grey without their neighbours knowing and getting back to me.

 

Getting Tui back depends on the groundwork that you must do and in widening your network of eyes and ears.

 

Do not lose hope. And now is not the time for despair and misery.

 

There will be time for that after you get Tui back.

[di2008]

hi andrew, i am so sorry for your loss,i cannot imagine how you are feeling, i have thought about you and tui everyday since you lost her. you have been my inspiration and the reason for me wanting an african grey since finding you both on youtube last summer, i have always wanted a parrot but seeing you and tui kinda made me do something about it, i am due to have my grey in july. i havnt had the joys of bonding and all the love that comes with being a parrot mum yet but have been brought to tears by ur sad loss , i hope and pray that you gat tui back.i am driving people nuts already aout my grey so dont know what i'll be like when i do get him any ways im starting to ramble now so i'll just send all my love and prayers and say "keep ya chin up" xxxx

di

[Acappella]

Andrew, I haven't even been able to make myself watch your video, just the thought makes me feel ill. As Shanlung says, if you get enough people out there aware of Tui's loss no-one will be able to 'aquire' a new grey without being noticed. They're not exactly a pet that's easy to hide. One thing I would try is carry cards/slips of a bright colour card stock with your name and contact info, and the youtube link printed on them and pass them out to everyone who will take one. If even one out of ten goes to the site only the cold hearted wouldn't be touched by your situation. So they tell two friends, and they tell two friends . . .

 

I won't watch the video until you are able to post that Tui has returned to you. I hope and pray I'm watching it soon. Love, Marguerite and Dorian

[giggles]

Andrew ... to say I was shattered when I heard what had happened would be an understatement, I too know what you are going through and although I was not lucky enough to have my bird returned I have full confidence that someway somehow she will be back in your life... have faith, it's a blessing that she is so well known as I think that will be what brings her home. best wishes , wish I was in the area to help look ... good luck

[shanlung]

Getting a bird back will require luck.

 

Luck will need a lot lot of hard work and leg work as catalyst.

 

When you want to cry and give up in despair, and you still press on as much as you can with all that pain in your heart.

 

Luck will not coming from just wishfully hoping or praying for luck.

 

Shanlung<br><br>Post edited by: shanlung, at: 2008/06/22 07:06