Gilbert is home

[Gwen]

First of all, Dee, I feel your pain!! I had braces at 50, 15 yrs. ago & still remember not liking the hassles !!! It's a big adjustment for you as well as Gilbert. So cute that he came to you to inspect your mouth!! They really notice even the smallest things. Earrings, glasses, nail polish - Roscoe doesn't like changes... Just take baby steps w/ him, he's already curious & once he realizes it's part of you, he will accept it.

 

Hang in there...

[Zoom]

I love the Gilbert stories. He's such a wonderful bird.

[katana600]

Thanks for sharing my moments with Gilbert. Our first introduction was a forthright discussion of his previous history and issues. I knew going in, it would be a long haul and there would be good days and not so good days. His good days are stacking way higher than the other days, actually, not bad days, he just has a short burst of attitude and I give him some room to make a graceful reentry and to save face and pretend it never even happened and then he is always happy to go back to being a good boy, and he tells me this often. I so enjoy the wee hours of the morning, while it is still dark in the house, he will start his day and talk and talk. He decided five am is his preferred wake up call and I have decided to compromise at 6:30. But, when he hears me in there laughing at his antics, he knows five is just fine. There is something magical about him attempting to fly towards me. He is not an active bird, he does very little climbing and playing. He does like for me to take him with me when I go to another part of the house and is fine on any playstand or countertop perch. If there was a way to describe how he is pulled within himself, it would be to picture a small child sitting on the ground, knees up, head resting on knees and arms wrapped tightly, but his head is turned just a little to observe anyone coming near and one eye is tilted to make sure no one comes up behind him. We will get into the habit of him asking to come to me at night when he sits on my knee on a fleece blanket while I surf the net on my laptop. If he is in the mood, he might nudge me and that means I have permission to scratch his head. This will go on for several weeks and suddenly he gets into a mood where I am not permitted to even bring him to my chair. We are in that in between stage again since I got the braces so for him to come on his own is just heartwarming. Today is quilt group, so we'll see if he attempts to come down to the sewing room again. Regardless of his moods, regardless of his not so good moments, I am grateful every day that he came into our lives and I think of him first thing every morning and all day long trying to imagine things for him to explore and open up his world just a tiny little bit at a time, when he is ready. Patience is a virtue with these rehomed birds in particular, it doesn't come naturally to me, but I am hurrying to try to acquire it. LOL. Just kidding, I have a master instructor named Gilbert who is willing to teach me his wise ways.

[katana600]

Oh dear Gwen.... and next week I have an appointment to get my glasses changed. He does notice the most subtle change. Someone else recently mentioned a new bird who will not take food from her left hand. Gilbert has a strong preference to step up only on my right hand. He does observe absolutely every small difference. He likes a predictable routine and I generally can give him that. The only really bad bite I have had was when I turned the lamps in the living room off in a different order. When he came to sit on my knee as usual, there was a different shadow pattern when I reached for him. To that point, I had not been aware that I had an ordered pattern of dimming the lights. Now I know that and honor his needs as much as I can consider it "reasonable accommodation". LOL. That is just a little joke because I would go a long long way to be reasonable in the way that he would define it. I believe it is only going to get better and better and will look back on these long months of getting to know him as going by in the wink of his wary little eye.

Edited November 8, 2011 by katana600
typo

[Gwen]

I see so many, many simularities in Gilbert & Roscoe!! These re-homes have baggage that is very difficult to decipher. Like you, I spend everyday trying to figure out different ways to figure out what he needs. He also will only step-up on my right hand. He feels more responsive when I have him on a strict schedule. It's like he takes comfort in knowing what will be going on each day at a specific time! He loves the routine...

 

It's entirely possible our guys need something to depend on to help them adapt to their new lives. I got new glasses abt. 6 mo. ago & Roscoe was stand-offish for a wk. before I realized. I put my old ones back on in the evening when I let him out & he goes back to his cuddly self. Go figure!!

 

Please keep me posted... I love comparing these two!!

[katana600]

It is so hard deciphering to which previous situation Gilbert is reacting, or if he is just having a complaint about something we are doing now. We just keep plugging away and going back again and again after he has an upset. He is learning that we don't get upset, we don't make a lot of noise and we don't stay mad at him. Hopefully he will do the same for us when we have inadvertently irritated him. LOL. After feeling like we were on a "step back" he was charming today. I separated our dogs and brought them downstairs for our quilt group today so I could leave him out on his cage upstairs to see what he would do. Sure enough, he was talking and chatting happily away, then he got very quiet. I came up to check on him and there he was at the top of the steps. He couldn't stand that we were down there talking and having fun, he wanted to join us. I brought a table top perch and let him work with me on my table. We had two new ladies here today and of all times I expected it would be too much stimulation for him, he came down and talked to us, preened and was absolutely charming. I guess the bottom line in a rehome or rescue situation is to be prepared to take what you get and understand there is no book of instructions. Come to think of it, that is the same as getting a baby bird. One fine day you may be looking at a bird you think has turned into a stranger and it just takes time and patience to figure out what to do with what you've got and where to go from here. The best thing about having an unpredictable little friend is that after several days of frustration, when he suddenly gets charming, it is like winning the lottery. What an awesome feeling when he gets through whatever demons he struggled with and to make a great effort to come be in our presence.

[Gwen]

Thank you so very much for keeping me company to explain your view on Gilbert's complex personality!! I have so many ups & downs, it's heartwarming to know someone else has the same situation. Everyday is indeed a new challenge & I'm finding Roscoe is truely more difficult than it was raising 4 children!!

Gilbert is miles ahead of Roscoe in his roaming adventures. He will not venture more than 15 ft. away from his cage!! The living rm. is his whole world and I long for the day I can actually take him to the kitchen, bathroom for a shower; let alone downstairs!!

He has been quite anti-social towards my husband or when we have company over.

His tent game I play at night he was cuddling & letting me pet the top of his head, now the last 3 or 4 nights he grabs my finger & won't let me touch him ??!!##?? I'll just wait till he's ready & in a few days he will cuddle & I will be thrilled again.... The little sweetheart still comes to me & that's all that is important...

[katana600]

Gwen, we have so much to learn from one another. That is why I just love this forum. No matter what experience someone else relates, there are those light bulb moments that give us inspiration to try something new, or even to try something again that didn't work initially. Gilbert has his moments. When I left town for a funeral, he became reticent for weeks upon my return. It is almost like he is afraid to enjoy my company. He entices me over to him but then stands on the door of his cage and quivers as I talk to him. Now, he changed again and when he is inside his cage, which usually is a sign he is retreating and no one should ever come in without his permission, he is enticing me over with signs he wants interaction. He will very slowly rub the back of his head and neck with one talon. Sometimes he does that to his throat. It reminds me of a wise old man with a beard thoughtfully stroking his beard while he thinks. When I approach, Gilbert has a way of holding the bar with one talon, tucking his head and holding tightly with his beak to the feathers on his right chest. I rub his head through the bars and he closes his eyes. I know he enjoys it from a safety zone perspective, he knows he is safe in there with the door closed. From the beginning, he has done the sweetest little thing ever. I will rub his head. He will pull away and look at me and make the sound of a crying baby. Then he tucks his head down for more contact. He has days where he just hunches up in his cage, doesn't want any contact and gradually he will start with the scratches on the head while he is inside the cage and then suddenly he will hold his foot out to indicate he wants to step up and come to my chair with me. For weeks, he will come every night to sit on my knee or the arm of my chair but he wants no further contact. Then, one night he will nudge me and that is my sign that he is willing to accept an approach. That will go along grand for a few days and just as suddenly as he warmed up, he will step up, come to my chair and as soon as he gets there, he will hold up his foot and ask "Wanna go back?" There is nothing better than when he is the one to approach me. I give him lots of opportunities and I am very sensitive to his body language and a subtle "no" is all it takes from him to let me know to wait and try again later. Also, when he comes looking for me, it is more to bring me back to his room rather than to happily join me where I am. It is often just a fluke that he will let me put his table stand on a counter in the kitchen or for him to stay on his play stand in the sewing room downstairs. He usually comes for a few minutes and asks me to go back. It gives him some kind of security to "see" me, especially if we have a storm. He doesn't want to be "on" me or to be handled, he just wants the familiarity of me being in the room. That is enough for me. My goal is for him to be relaxed and secure. He may be at an age where playing and cuddling are just not his interest. I keep my hopes up and my heart open to him and don't take it personally that he withdraws when he needs his own comfort zone.

[Gwen]

Dee!!! Roscoe does the little 'ole man thing!!! He looks so wise & almost puts himself to sleep w/ the talon slooooooooooowly sctratching the top of his head, his neck & the front of his neck... I USE that time to softly say, "Awww", "Aww". I also make sure whenever I do get the opportunity to pet the top of his head, I make the same connection-- saying "Awwww, Awww".

 

When he goes in his cage at night, he clings on the side for a few minutes & he lets me play & stroke his toes while he makes kiss sounds.

 

He does have his moments, & I treasure them !!! I can well imagine that sweet feeling you have w/ Gilbert when he lets you pet his head thru the bars....

 

Oh, I almost forgot... When Roscoe is down on the floor w/ me.. He lifts up his foot & looks up at his cage, I ALWAYS tell him ok, buddy you want back on your cage? Sometimes the little booger plays games, He will come down, walk over to me & put his foot up. He does this like 4-5 times in a row!!! My husband says.. you don't have to do that everytime!! I say, yes I do, he needs to be reassured that I will always return him to his safe place whenever he wants...

[Gwen]

Update: Dee, I backed off & giving him the benefit of doubt, he is also in the middle of a heavy molt, (i placed a small humidifier under his cage in front of the register to ease his itching/preening) & last night he cuddled twice, each time for about 10 minutes!.... Instead of the tent, I just laid on my stomach on the floor & he walked over & stood under my chin with my arms wrapped around him. He was so sweetly calm and put his head against my neck and then snuggled in my arm with his head tucked between his feet. That was such a precious moment!!!

[katana600]

Gwen, I totally agree about taking him back every time he asks. That is the one thing Gilbert can count on with me. When we have good progress, I will hold him and my husband will ask for him to step up from my hand to his. As soon as Gilbert steps onto his hand, we offer for him to come back to me because that is where he is most secure. I believe it is better to give him very small doses of anything that is new and he will show us if he wants more, but we take great strides by holding back instead of pushing them. Gilbert has coiled up tight and permitted me to stroke his head until he falls asleep but we have never had a proper snuggle as you had with Roscoe. Congratulations, you must have been breathless. It is all a matter of giving them chances and offers to rise above their fears and backing off enough to give them time to decide if they are ready. We have years ahead of us to get to know them better and give them the life they deserve.

[chezron]

Such sweet stories! awww

[katana600]

Gilbert and I have become dance partners and even though I let him lead, it seems like I am always inadvertently stepping on his toes.... so to speak. When Sarah first told me about him she said he had issues and he does. I woud describe him often as a Jeckyll/Hyde character. We take two steps forward, one step back and bam, he has a meltdown and sometimes it seems like there was no provocation. Of course, when I sit and think about some small change that has been going on, he is extremely sensitive to any kind of change. Tonight, thanks to Birdhouse, he came out of his grump funk for a sip of Limeade. Oh the joy of sharing on the grey forums. I posted on her thread, but Gilbert did something that was much more like flying than I have seen to date. Granted he started from the tip top of his playstand on top of his cage, so he crossed more real estate in the living room from the vantage point of height, but he went about six to eight feet past his usual gliding stop point. My chair is the the farthest corner from his cage and he went right over my head and tumbled down behind the chair but came toddling right out asking for a step up and a "want some" for a sip of that limeade. Talk about soothing the savage beast. I cut it back a bit with water so as not to give him too much sugar, but this was the most enthusiastic he as been about anything since he has been here. I am getting ever more excited about the possibilities of flight for Gilbert. He has not know to have flown in nearly three years of history between our home and his previous home. Prior to that we have no knowlege of his past. I just see him getting more and more positioned for flight. Mark my words, there will be a day to come that will make me wonder why I ever wanted something so vehemently as to see him fly and dodge and swoop. About the day I get a sneak attack and a "Dayo neck pinch", I will be whining about why I was wishing for such a thing. Haha... but tonight, I feel like a six year old on Christmas Eve. I believe Gilbert, I believe.

[birdhouse]

Whooda thunk Simply Limeade would turn out to be "the nectar of the gods", right? lol I'm so glad sharing my little discovery gave you & Gilbert such a wonderful moment!

 

I've often thought while reading this thread & especially yours & Gwen's posts, how great it is that you've got GF for support w/your fids right now. So much better for everyone than having to battle their demons alone. It's amazing how one little piece of information can make such a difference.

[katana600]

I don't know anyone else in my bricks and mortar life who has any bird experience, much less with a grey. This forum, our breeder and our vet is where I have learned all things grey. Our rehomed guys need a whole different mindset than bringing in a baby. Both have really taught me a lot. I get so much enjoyment from the slightest little acceptance from Gilbert and I know when he has the ability to fly, it is going to be a wonderous and sometimes treacherous new dimension. This complicated little fluff of feathers and anxieties is going to reach is full potential with the help of our village of dedicated grey families through our forum. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel blessed by the association of peers. Thank you all so much for your dedication to your own flocks and to extending your knowlege to all of us new to the world of greys.

[Gwen]

Dee: You truely have become a treasured friend thru GF and you & I know very well those days when it's safer to vent here than tear our hair out!!! I said before Roscoe is much more difficult to raise than my 4 kids were... Even the smallest idea becomes a mission to break new ground. I'll try anything.

FYI... Roscoe took off & hit the full glass storm door a few months ago. Remember I posted that he had a goose egg over his eye & I felt so terrible!! Your looking forward to Gilbert's freedom of flight and to my absolute amazement -- the other day my husband was in the garage & made a loud noise, Roscoe took off from the top of his cage and made a beautiful 6 foot circle back to his cage IN FULL CONTROL !!! I think he's been holding out on me !!! He can fly !!!! I guess he chooses not to. Another moment when I realize I don't even know who he is yet!!!

[katana600]

Thanks Gwen, I had it relatively easy raising my two daughters, but Gilbert is challenging every creative thought I have had and certainly keeps stretching my definition of patience and courage. I think he is so close to flight. Like Roscoe, I think he is holding out on me. Probably not because I do keep seeing flight feathers that are hollow so I believe he is replacing damaged feathers with new growth. He has been doing the cutest thing. Before I put the rope perch on his door, he would climb out and perch on the door. I was always a little nervous that the cage door might get closed and pinch a toe and he doesn't need any set backs, so I would put a small bungee cord on the bottom of the door to keep it from closing accidentally. Now, he grasps the rope perch which puts him about four inches out from the door frame. Then he launches himself forward and beats his wings fiercely. If the bungee cord is on the door, he seems like he is "flying in place". At night, when I take off the bungee cord to put him to bed, he gets on the perch and "flies" into his cage and the door shuts behind him. It just makes me feel a little astonished that he gets such a motion going and that he seems to be practicing for flight. At least I want to imagine that he is preparing himself for flight. He will also hang by one foot from the inside bars of the top of his cage and flap like a little maniac in there. He is completely silent while he is doing it and afterward, he breathes hard and seems a little nervous. Another new thing is that I am getting a response when I sing him a bedtime song. I always sing the same songs and they are not really songs but mostly about "I love you forever" and lately he has been getting really excited and bobbing and hooting. I think he is singing back to me. LOL. There is nothing like the roller coaster of a sensitive grey of this age trying new things and learning to trust in a new home. It is a delicate balancing act to reassure him and to still give attention to Java who is sweet and not nearly as needy. She sometimes was getting the short end of attention when my other two were sick and when Gilbert first came and needed her to be caged to keep him calm. On a day to day basis, sometimes it seems like the progress is so slight as to imagine it is not getting better every day. Then I go back through and read some of our earlier posts and look at the scars on my fingers and I know we are definitely making progress.

[Gwen]

Yes, Dee .. Gilbert is making sure his muscles & lungs are strong enough for flight. My little Gabby is a top-notch pilot & can land on a dime or circle until she decides where to gently land. She exercises "flying" in her cage every day. (flying in place) That's cool Gilbert is trying, just give him a little time.

Music soothes the savage beast & I sing to Roscoe also. I'm happy Gil is responding to you.

 

Thanks again for everything !!!

[katana600]

Our Thanksgiving included visits from our girls and their pets. We had a kitten, a full grown cat, and an extra dog visiting. At one point my daughter was on the sofa, she had all the dogs and one cat snuggled under a quilt together. When I said "Awww, look at you with your little zoo" Gilbert responded with "Oh Lord". He couldn't have used a more disdainful tone if he had given us the raspberries. He also has taken to making an abrasive "Haw haw haw haw" mocking laugh when we are all talking and laughing. It always brings everyone around to laughing and giving him more attention which is exactly his point.

[Malikah]

He is such a card! LOL!!! Thanks for sharing Dee.

[Gwen]

So cute !!! Gilbert, the little comedian....

[katana600]

We have been rolling right along with the dance of the rehomed grey, one step forward, half a step back and no bites in a really long time. Yesterday a dear friend from long ago was visiting our home. She was wondering how we could know anything about Gilbert if he was in several homes. I explained that each home passed a small part of his previous home and he calls out for a former friend "Jim" often. I also pointed out that in the back of his cage is a leather toy that Sarah told me was the only thing he has from his very first home. He will play with it occasionally, but hasn't touched it in a couple of months. An hour after we spoke about it, is was as though he was listening and was reminded. He has been playing with it non-stop since then. Their communication with us is subtle, sometimes they can tell us what they want, sometimes we just watch and figure it out. We have also had many breakthroughs thanks to the tip of sharing a little sip of natural limeade. I put a red fleece blanket on the back of the sofa and Gilbert gets excited, steps up willinging and comes and sits about one cushion away but every night he has been getting more interested. Tonight, I was reading the forum and heard a soft little voice in my ear "Hey". He had sidled up to me and initiated a contact. I rubbed his head and gave him a scratch and went back to reading. Over and over again, he said "Hey" and soon, if I didn't stop immediately, he would nudge the side of my head with another "Hey". He stayed there for more than an hour and even though the dogs were getting up and down on my lap, he never acted skittish or nervous, he didn't grasp his chest feathers anxiously as he would usually do when he is touched. It makes all the difference in the world that he is the one to ask for a scratch and it was so sweet that he did it over and over again. I stopped on a positive note and offered him to go back and he was ready and willing. He was so warm and gentle just inches from my head we were both relaxed and grateful for the contact.

[Malikah]

That is so sweet. I'm all teary eyed! Merry Christmas Dee and Gilbert!

[MarcusCAG]

Dee, I just had to log back in when I read your newest Gilbert update. That... is just so wonderful that you could spend such tender and safe time together in the sofa!! And that part about his little leather toy from his first home... I read that bit out loud to my hubby, it was so heart-rending, and he just had this sad tone when he said, "I hate to think that if something happened to us, Marcus would call out for us and call out for us in another home." But even though Gilbert has come so far on such a long journey during his little life, he's ended up in a very loving space with you, and he's finally starting to relax, it seems. Congratulations to you both, you both have so much courage and love to share... I am looking forward very much to reading many more happy stories that you will be able to share with all of us here in the future.

[katana600]

Thank you, last night did seem like our very own Christmas miracle. As I was closing things down for the night feeling so warm and happy, Gilbert clamored to the perch on his door and tucked his head. As I started to reach up to scratch his head, instead he moved quickly and lifted his foot to step up. That kind of offer was too much temptation to pass up for me because he is generally reluctant to leave his safety zone. I brought him back to the sofa and I sat back down to read a book. Soon he was soliciting scratches and nudging me again for interaction. As I grew more sleepy, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. It was bliss for me to just sit quietly and feel his warmth just near the side of my head. He started to explore and pulled at my glasses, so I took them off. Then he did the strangest, scariest thing. He started "feeling" my face with the arc of his beak, quickly doing that flicking right-left tapping over my entire face. It was something like I might imagine a blind man doing to "read" a face. I stayed there quietly and allowed him to continue and then he just fluffed up, tucked his head under a wing and promptly fell asleep. I held very still and allowed him just the quietness of a connection that we had not enjoyed until those moments. Every grey companion on this forum has helped us reach this point. Your descriptions of your own stories, your continued encouragement and your understanding of your own grey has given me insight to let my heart lead the way to Gilbert's trust.