katana600

It is hot there today too! This morning is quiet and sweet. I awakened to the song Mississippi Queen by Mountain and thought immediately that I have a Cajun lady. Last night was magical. I asked her to go to bed and she was having no part of it, though she usually is in a big hurry to go inside. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder because to my total amazement as I stood there talking to her and asking her to tell me what her name should be, she waved her little foot and asked for a step up. I took her over to the sofa with me and she stayed up with me until 1:30 am. She didn't want any scratches but she wanted to get close. Any time I would try to set her down on the blanket on the back of the couch she would climb back to be on my hand. Today we are auditioning the name Dotty, Dot or Dorothy. In the morning she usually trills out "Good Morning sweet bird" or sweetheart, when she did it this morning, I answered back Good morning sweet girl. She started to say it and then hesitated at just a good morning. This is kind of fun.

That was adorable, it had me laughing out loud for Shelby playing and training with you.

Welcome to the forum Bill and Bailey. I've loved and lost and rediscovered the love of all things grey with a little Timneh who captured my heart too. When you are ready, you're ready. So glad you wanted to come share with us. I love love love your signature, I feel the same way.

Thanks for everyone sharing our news and the exciting prospect of a girly makeover. I can even use this opportunity to create a better bond with my husband and our 'new' little girl. I plan to tell him that she will be more naturally bonded to a male human and he has to attempt to be more involved. Ah... I see this going somewhere. The plaintive way she still calls for Jim as she gets ready for bed is so forlorn, maybe there is something to this. If I convince him to name her, that will just seal the deal. Not at all that I want to distance myself from her, but any resources to get her out of her shell and more confident, I will embrace whole heartedly. Dan, my motorcycle marathon is finished as of this morning. They essentially paid me to ride a thousand miles since Sunday. It was a new demo bike that they said we could buy at a used price if it had the miles before we signed. David is on the west coast and couldn't do it, so I took the challenge. The last mile logged as I pulled into the parking lot this morning. It was hot here, my temp guage said 96 degrees ambient temperature yesterday, but with the heat coming off the road and the bike, it melted the zipper in my boots. I was just a little nervous when they plugged it in to verify the miles that it would record my driving habits and jack my insurance rates. LOL. Its been a couple of hard years for our family, so having a little fun was on my list. Now I can get back into my daily routine, do some sewing and play nice. LOL.

Well done KimKim, great ideas. I am guessing the greys will naturally want to keep their distance from small children and to give them a place of their own with gates to keep the little ones separate and safe from an accidental bite is a wonderful compromise.

This morning when I awakened, I had a plan all prepared for Gilbert's "change of life". We don't know her age, we obviously didn't know her gender. We have had almost two and a half years with her trying to gain her trust and respect. I am declaring a "new birth". We brought her home as Gilbert on March 23, 2011. We were considering that her anniversary date. So her new "rebirthday" is September 23rd and she can have twice the celebrations to make up for the years of unknowns. Her first rebirthday present will be a name. We will try on new ones and hopefully she will tell us the one she likes. When it is right, we will know. It gives us some time to think about it and honor her with her very own identity. If that is Gilbert, that is fine too. It is a family decision and we will try on a few names. This morning I called her Lolita and I swear, she winked at me. LOL. Today the song stuck in my head while I was riding the motorcycle in bug ugly wicked traffic on 285 again was Lynnyrd Skynnyrd's "What's your name, little girl, what's your name" I had a coffee theme going and even dubbed Gilbert originally as having the full name of Gilberto Machiatto Grande. LOL.

Funny, I had no trouble "flipping the switch" in my brain. Once I heard the news she is a girl, she is a girl and we will deal with that without diminishing the good boy he has been. The pronoun shift was the easy part. The name will take a while to figure out. It has come to mind that at 375 grams she has been referred to as diminutive by our vet but it makes sense since the females are sometimes smaller in the same clutch. She is just a tiny girl. I haven't put any pink ribbons in her top knot yet. I have to say Java and I were outnumbered by the boys in our household and now it is 3 of each. We have had so many things to overcome that gender was just not an issue. Now that she is coming out of her shell more all the time, this will just be a blip on the radar and a nearly forgotten tidbit in the scheme of decades together. My future grandkids will say "remember when you thought your parrot was a boy?". LOL.

Janet and Judy, this is just too much fun, all the possibilities. She might take to this better than we do. I was standing in the kitchen washing the dishes and she clearly said "I'm a pretty girl". She tells me I"m a pretty girl, or will say Java is a pretty girl but there was no mistaking her saying "I'm a pretty girl". We will have to see if we hear "Gilbert's a good boy". You know, she came in saying "Shut up you idiot" and over time that has changed. I have a feeling she is smarter than me and she will soon tell me how its going to be. Male or female, plucked and flightless or luxurious full feathers, I love this little character with all my heart. She is a beautiful soul, Gilbert or whomever she recreates herself to become.

@Kizzybird, That is so sweet, thanks for looking it up. I thought when I brought her home, she was a diamond in the rough, and bright promise is perfect. I love that.

She really takes an interest to LuLu but we have been saying it back and forth for at least six months. It will be hard enough for me to not identify her as Gilbert and we have only had each other for 2 1/2 years. I can only imagine how long she has considered herself Gilbert. It will take a lot more thinking on my part to decide what is the right thing to do here. It wouldn't hurt to call her Gilbert, but it would get confusing and I would feel like explaining it every time. My family gets a vote and they are all traveling or out of state right now. So, I get to practice a little calling her LuLu. My daughter texted she votes for Gilly since that is what she has called her all along. It came after a family member was diagnosed with "Gilbert's syndrome" and it was a french pronunciation kind of like Gil Bear, so she called her Gilly Bear. For LuLu, who knows? Once or twice she has referred to one dog by the name we call him, and always calls the other one Lou. There is definitely someone in her past named Gilbert, Jim and LuLu. Isn't it fascinating what we learn from our rehomed parrots? Or at least what we can guess we know from them. I can't wait to hear how my husband feels about this. I texted him to tell him Gilbert is a girl. He texted back "yes". He was on a flight to Salt Lake City and on to somewhere to then drive to Bend Oregon so I haven't had a conversation. I am thinking the "yes" was a high five that we got new information after paying for a test so he thinks he got his money's worth. LOL. Who knows. I didn't think he would care. Could be that Gilbert has been so grumpy, hubby was certain it was a she? Careful or the walk on the wild side from him may lead to battle scars. LOL. This is actually kind of fun and exciting to shake up our world.

Gilbert is fearful of most toys. I have an acrylic disk set that is made for the adding machine tape and he wouldn't go near that. Then I just took the paper roll and set it on the playtop with an inch or two hanging down and over the past month he has pulled it down and punched holes through it but when I tried again with the holder, no dice bucko. Maybe just thread a few paper pieces through the bars first and get a reaction before trying the whole roll.

We have been having a song fest and lots of hooting excitement celebrating her womanhood. LOL. All I can think of is the song lyrics, not the real lyrics, but how I remember them: He plucked his eyebrows on the way. He shaved his legs then he was a she. She said 'Hey Babe take a walk on the wild side'. She gets real excited to hear me say "Hey LuLu" to her rather than the other way around. Also in the midst of running the blender to have a celebration mojito with the neighbor who just cared for them while we were on our trip, our little "girl" said "Gilbert okaaaaay" to convince 'himself'. Time will tell and if we have a girl named Gilbert, so be it. If nothing else, we are taking a walk on the wild side. I told my sister I was really hoping for Gilbert to be a boy so everything would be just exactly the way I thought it was. Also because of his tattered little rag tag feathers, I wouldn't want him to turn out to be a sad looking disheveled girl. Then I happened to walk past a mirror today. Hahahahahaa.... who is kidding whom? My husband has a demo bike to try out and we couldn't buy it until it has a thousand miles on it. So, today while he is out of town, I was taking a ride on the wild side. I rode all the way to South Carolina and then back the busiest expressways in the country on I85, the fourteen lane 285 loop and up GA 400. A truck dumped a box of pipes, about fifty pieces of three foot long, 2 1/2" diameter steel pipes with a square bracket welded on the end. We were going well over 75 miles and hour bumper to bumper and every lane crammed. I was in the middle of the three lanes of debris. The cars in front were throwing the steel projectiles into the air like missiles back at us, they were flattening tires. It was like a scene from an action movie. I lay flat on my tank, ducked, held my lane and it was awesome! So... he or she, which will it be? Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. I love that we don't HAVE to be defined by gender. And if someone is feeling sorry for a scruffy little girl, don't look in my mirror. Hahahahaha... LOL.

The vet just called to confirm Gilbert is a boy. Of course we all knew that, he calls himself Gilbert. Except, he is not a boy, she is a girl.... I so did not expect that. For some reason it made me tearful. I just don't get it, but there is something more endearing about her being sent from place to place with everyone thinking she was a boy. My daughter said to call her Gilly, but I am thinking maybe, in a former life somewhere HER name was LuLu. She is a loo loo. I have a new baby girl.

Merciful days, the fury of a little fellow who believes he was grievously wronged. Last night I asked him to go to bed and he refused. He was on the playstand next to his cage, so I reached up and jangled his spoons. He came skittering just as fast as he could and climbed to the top and then in a blind fury he jumped off the playtop trying to get me. When he did calm down and go into his cage for bed time, I tried to give him his almond between the bars and he would have none of it. It is just shocking to see how cunning he is to come almost to the bars, appear to be tucking his head to lure me closer and then to attack with such force I thought he would bend the bars and stick his whole head right through. I softly told him goodnight and added "see you Wednesday" for his 72 hour venom to wear off. Then, this morning I was up way early at 5:30 and while it was still dark in the house, he made his familiar baby crying sound, grabbed the bars tightly with his talon and ducked his head in the familiar begging stance. As much as my brain was telling me to stay back, my heart made me reach into the "zone" and he not only rewarded me by allowing me to rub his head, he turned and pressed against the bars, eyes tightly closed and offered me the tender hollow spot under his lower mandible. That is a first. I can not tell you how petrified I was to have my fingers in the bars so far that should he turn and take a swipe I know my knuckle would get stuck or I would break my own finger trying to escape. LOL. For the first time, I had two fingers cupped around his entire head and he was warm and relaxed. Now he is sweet. I am not going to tell him today is Tuesday. LOL.

Welcome to the forum Mr. Mom. Congratulations on your new baby Charlie. You go right ahead and ask all those nervous dad questions and know that in a few short months, you will be answering those questions for newcomers. You are doing a great job and being very thorough about offering Charlie a variety of foods while he is learning what is edible. It is one thing for unscrupulous breeders to send home an immature chick only on formula feeding and for you to make that decision with prior parrot experience and with Charlie being ten weeks old and starting to eat solids as well. Taking Charlie to the vet is a great start and our forum members will make a great support team as you get to know the wonderful experience of living with such an exquisite character. Thanks for joining us and allowing us to share the experience with you and Charlie.

Many moons ago in my life before Gilbert the fearful, I saw the directions and made a similar atom using lawn sprinkler tubing and then wrapped it with sisal rope. It was a really hard job and took a long time to figure out how to drill it and knot the rope so it wouldn't get picked off. This looks a lot easier. Thanks for the thread Jamie. Thanks for the demonstration of making one to verify that it is a do it yourself kind of job that was much faster than the one I saw. Now that you reminded me and Gilbert is getting more active and fearless, I will get the other one out of the attic. One thing I found helpful when I hung ours was to put a shower tension rod in a narrow hallway leading to a guest bathroom. I could make the perfect height without drilling into my ceiling. Also from the wild bird store, I bought a flexible fabric screen seed catcher and that kept my dogs from getting the shredded wood or other shrapnel that the parrot tossed down. Kudos to you Kim Kim for the proactive approach and thank you to you and your husband for your service!

Interesting. At 23 years in, I discovered my husband didn't know who he was either. It was not pretty but I dug deep and found myself in the process and although we are still married, the good life where I put him first at all times and made myself second rate in my own priorities has changed. I daresay it hurt him more than it hurt me and I found my inner demons with sharp and pointy teeth and they have kept me true to myself since then. You are certainly entitled to rough days, you have had the rug yanked out from under you by the one person who supposedly loved you above all others and your friend did you a big favor by clearing up that one way street of using you too. I learned to care deeply for others but never allow myself to get more emotionally vested than I can afford to lose and to love myself first. If you don't do that, anyone will cozy up and take advantage. In good time, you will discover you can take care of yourself just fine thank you very much and look back with wisdom and strength. We really are here for you as you shake yourself off and find your sharp and pointy teeth.

Your first post was heart rending, not because of the divorce but because you thought anyone would be better off without you. It sounds as if you think this man leaving had anything remotely to do with you and your "faults", it does not. He made choices based on selfishness and a transient infatuation that will not make him happy any more than you could "make" anyone else happy. That is his job and he may never man up and look at it that way but you have not failed, he has failed you. Your "best" friends have failed you as well, shame on the whole lot of them. We all would be worse off without you, including your birds, it would be a double pain if they not only changed routine, but lost you in their lives too. You may not be one hundred percent yourself for a while, but you are everything to them. You will find your footing again and look at the world differently and make time for you as you re-evaluate what you believed to be true. Grieve for what you lost, your birds will grieve in their way too. Then, claw your way out of the darkness and get that sunshine on you again and let it heal your pain and make you feel whole and perfect just the way you are. My best to you as you weather the storms.

Wow, I am delighted to see all the ideas for foraging and enrichment on this thread. Gilbert has been so long in avoiding things that I may have forgotten some great things to try and engage him. You all have wonderful ideas. And Val (birdhouse), Kura's set up looks so inviting, I think I might want to move in. That paper towel roll might be just the thing to try on the outside of his cage to give him time to get adjusted. He does punch his ticket on the adding machine tape, but the soft side might catch his attention. Maybe I could cut through the larger roll with an electric knife or saws-all to make smaller chunks of fun. This is a great example of our forum coming together for the good of all our parrots. And Penny (Talon), I would highly suspect this is not about complacency or lack of motivation to please Talon, more like you know she doesn't like being soaked and you probably felt guilty for being gone so you didn't want to spray her and aggravate her in the precious time you are home enjoying her company. She is adorable in her wet look and it gives me the incentive to try again with Gilbert to bathe him properly. Wonderful thread, hope to get an update after her vet visit that says you have it all figured out already and there is confirmation that bathing is the key to healthy feathers at your house and ours.

We returned home from our trip last night and Gilbert was downright surly. I rejoice! Haha. I am happy because he has finally reached a place where he can show his displeasure without harming himself or turning into a shaking bundle of anxiety. He tried luring me in with sweet words and a fake head tuck at his favorite scratching perch and he tried to bite me. It was breathtaking in his ferocity and the quickness of his strike. The good news is it lasted until bed time as he refused his almond and decided he was going to go eat worms. He gave me nary a "hey" as I turned off his light and he grumbled to high heaven. He was letting me know just how annoyed he was to be left behind like a dog, actually with the dogs, as I jetted off somewhere wonderful without him. Seriously, I was gone four nights. He had a babysitter! How rude. He was not allowed out of his cage and to roam free as he would normally. But... the good news is, he awakened this morning ready to start a new day. Someone here recommended quite some time ago to put steel measuring cups on a quick link and although I used steel measuring spoons, he had ignored them for quite a few weeks. This morning he is up there banging the living terror out of those spoons. He is able to vent and sulk like a genuinely "normal" African grey. Woot! He quickly forgave David, probably because he travels extensively and Gilbert knows it is his job. LOL. With me, this time, it was purely pleasure travel to visit my daughters after their relocation to the Dallas Texas area. Once Gilbert got his warm beans served up on a crystal tray, he is begrudgingly relenting and relaxing his stance but I would not offer him a finger or a limb any time soon. Actually, I kid. He did let me scratch his head in the wee hours this morning, in a dim light, he must have thought I was someone else. A year ago, I would have not believed this scared shaking little bundle of plucked fluff would reach a place where he could be so aggressive with banging those spoons and swinging upside down in a real temper tantrum. I celebrate him moving into the realm of a well adjusted and demonstrative... (hah, demon is in that word) grey. Oh, and he has been cussing and staring me down. I have had a poker face and he stares at me intently as he attempts to provoke me or make me turn away. I am not budging. I have a demon in my soul too Gilbert. Hahahahaha. Honestly, I had a live in pet sitter while I was gone and she is honest and would tell me if he was distressed and it was so relaxing to be away doing something fun. And oh, by the way, everything really is bigger in Texas, my suitcase grew by eleven pounds after I found a quilt shop and a Half Price Book store. This is the first time since Gilbert came that I went away and just had fun. I feel exhilarated. Don't tell him. I am working hard on that poker face.

Like Smokey, Gilbert was chewing and barbering feathers. He was also a nervous wreck when we got him. He had plucked some feathers so violently he pulled follicles and those feathers are not going to come back. We knew he was a stress plucker and as time passed he became better able to predict his environment and he has slowly improved. The hardest thing I had to do for him was "nothing". It just takes time. Change is hard on them, even good change.

You know her better than anyone. If you sense something is "off" it's better to have your vet alerted to help you watch over her and offer a different perspective. It is early so at least your vet will be ahead of it if there is an underlying medical cause. Talon still looks a great deal better than Gilbert on his best day and I have never seen him worrying his feathers and seldom find evidence. He has has blood panels and vet checks and his thankfully has not been medical and he gets better all the time. You are really tuned in to all of your flock so of course you would worry. Has there been a schedule change with your kids going back to school?

We have been there with PDD. The new tests are controversial. Your vet will be the one to know the details and will lead you in the best care. This is a "pre-indicator" not a diagnosis, so there is reason for hope. Hand feeding is not a cause at all of acquiring this virus. Ours came with it from the breeder and she shut down her breeders but its unclear where her flock went. It's such a difficult disease to diagnose. They can take biopsy after biopsy by guessing where a lesion may exist, and they can get many negative tests which only means they did not find a positive lesion, it is not a clear sign that the bird is disease free. So, keep open minded and ask your vet for literature to explain the bornavirus connection. The clinical signs are more likely to cause alarm. It will take some time to sort through this one. I wish I had answers but just have more questions as I keep up with the research on PDD.

Thanks Dan, your words are kind and encouraging. Gilbert is unique and wonderful in his own way. He was subdued and shut down for so long and it didn't seem as if he was going to decide to stay with us. There is so much more I wish I could do for him but its more important to allow him to come at his own pace. My job isn't to "rescue" him as much as just to stand next to him, lift him up when he falls and give him the room and grace to open his heart again to humans. I am not sure he has had abuse as much as being bereft and broken hearted at being uprooted. I am out of state at the moment and have pet sitters staying at our house and Gilbert has been chatty and seems relaxed. He seems to get it that I take him and I bring him back. I leave and return. It made a huge difference that this is a happy visit, he was well prepared and his schedule is much the same, in his own house. The last time, he nervously chewed his feathers was a stressful, sad time in our family. There is no doubt in my mind these greys understand much more of our world than I do of theirs.

My first thought was similar to SterlingSL, that you left a pliable, easy-to-please youngster in the baby stages and returned to a juvenile. Number one, I don't think anyone here is going to get ugly about leaving her, you did what you felt necessary for family harmony, you had a safe place and a short term plan. Luna may not agree, but she will come around. Give her time, don't push her and don't expect her to be exactly what she was when you left. She evolved and grew as did your extended family. On one hand, if it were me, I would be happy that she had the doting, loving attention while I was gone, it must have been very difficult for your family to return her to your home, yet now she has two homes to which she could happily adapt. She will adapt and while she may be "different" than before, she will learn what is acceptable in your home and that you are still the kind and loving companion to her. Give her the grace to learn to trust you once more and make a new relationship with a more mature parrot. In dealing with a difficult rehoming situation over the past 2 1/2 years, I learned to put my expectations away and to also not compare from day to day. I learned that "grey time" is not something you can put on a calendar, it is better to compare in months and start with today rather than the wistful day that you reluctantly left her behind. Hold those times dear in your memory as you weather stormy days of change. It will be all right.