katana600

We had a breeder who agreed not to clip our first baby against her usual policy. I really was new to this and did a lot of soul searching. As it turns out, Juno did fly into a wall at the breeder's home and he did injure a wing. I was willing to take full responsibility and they would not hear of it. But later as we became friends, our situation made them look very hard at the policies they had for thirty years. We had only adults in our household with kids in college. We have a vet who also suggested as first time grey companions, we should consider trimming. I was very much determined to not have my baby trimmed. He came home with me and he learned to fly and he was happy. It means so much to me that he had that opportunity. Now we have an older TAG from several rehoming attempts she came to us without the ability of flight and it is unlikely she will every fly. It takes an entire household willing to protect and engage with a flighted parrot and I think it is a very personal choice that needs research and discussion of the risks and benefits.

There was no real harm done, just a really big surprise from a little girl who has been in retreat mode for so long. She is changing so fast, I can't keep up with her. She hangs upside down now by one toe and swings wildly. She has fallen off her floor stand several times in a week. A few months ago, that would have had her frozen, huddling and shaking inside her cage for a week. Now she just climbs back up and plays some more. She is ripping toys to shreds now. It has been the most amazing thing. It just didn't feel so amazing when the top of my head was smarting from a right hard hair snatching. But when I realized what this means to her, she is changing from a scared, retreating little bundle of nerves to she-ra warrior princess. Although I have personally not witnessed a baby grey in the terrible twos, I feel as if this is sort of like what Gilda is experiencing. She is realizing finally she can open and close access to her cage, she can "make" things happen when she says something or whistles a certain way and she can say NO big and loud. She is the queen of her domain and its best I don't forget that. Another thing that seems amazing to me is that her eyes are pinning more and more. Today I was watching as I talked to her on her cage and they were just scintillating with the motion of getting larger and smaller. She still doesn't "pinpoint" the way I have seen other greys when they are real excited or nervous. The fluctuations are just more pronounced and more frequent and man do they move quickly.

Now that Gilda is more active and making lots of messes, I got a new cannister vacuum that is especially quiet. She already has a reason to hate the vacuum and is further stressed by loud noise. I vacuumed around her cage and she asked me several times what I was doing. When anything bothers her she makes a bolt for inside her cage and that was about the only way I could tell it was uncomfortable for her still. When clean her cage, she is up high and I get on the floor and go low to reach in a pull out any almond shells or debris on her grates. Well this time there was a lot of debris from where she has been on the cage top destroying some small cockatiel size toys and tearing up that adding machine paper. I was intent on scraping off the grates and felt a searing pain on the side of my head. Scared, timid, little Gilda went all Ninja on me and jumped right on my head and after trying to bite my head unsuccessfully, she had a hank of my hair which had been in a bun and she ripped out a chunk. In three years, I never saw this one coming and I am just grateful my ear wasn't readily available to her. Suffice to say, the quiet version of the vacuum doesn't send her into petrified fear any more and I am going to have to wait for her to get on her floor stand and move her cage far enough away to safely clean it. She was over it as quickly as it started. Within minutes she was clamoring around on the cage top whistling and saying sweet nothings. My husband and I are just greatly entranced by watching her destroy toys and chew up paper and generally cause mayhem. My husband's reaction was just priceless. He was humorously lecturing me from Gilda's perspective, "Now there, I have told you many times don't touch my stuff. You know I don't like you getting into my cage. Maybe you learned a lesson there. Be a good LuLu and fetch me up some warm beans and don't reach in here again. Don't think you need to clean my stuff, it took me a long time to fix it just the way I like it."

In Oman, you may not have the Dawn dish soap. Please be careful with reading ingredients in any soap product you use on her. The oil may be less harmful than the soap at this point. If you are able to use towels to absorb as much oil as you can, she isn't likely to have tried to drink the oil, it would be more likely if she is trying to clean it off herself it would get in her mouth. Getting advice from a vet may be your best choice, check online to see if you could find one to make a phone call out of the country if you are able to do so. Make sure you have the hair oil bottle to read ingredients.

You are in for an experience like nothing you could imagine when you make a lifelong commitment to having a grey in your life. As for the cage, you have the rest of your life to research and live with your grey and build something fabulous as you get to know what works best. One of the things is to be able to clean it easily and effectively. As you look for one online, keep that in mind also. Having a grate on the bottom and a separate solid "drawer" you line with newspaper is good. Make sure you can feed your parrot without having to reach into the cage. This will help later if you happen to need someone else to temporarily take care of your grey when you are not home. From the effort and time you put into making a beautiful habitat for your bearded dragon and from reading and researching before bringing home an African grey or any parrot, you are really interested in setting up a successful relationship. Great job.

They will continue to show improvement as you treat them with respect and kindness. Expect it to take a really long time and most adult greys are not cuddly. For them to be whistling and taking food from your hands is great news. It will take months or even years to build trust with them, so give them the best of your time and don't push them too fast. You are improving their lives greatly. It would help to know their history. If they were formerly a mated breeding pair it will be different than if they were companions to humans and just shoved in the same cage with a hope they would breed and create a cash flow. Either way, bless you for making a better life for them. You will be rewarded for your kindness and a quiet gentle approach.

If they are in the same cage, it would be far better to get a second, small temporary cage while you wait for the big ones to be delivered. It is bad for two to be in the same cage, worse if the cage is small. One may be plucking the other or one may be so stressed and scared it plucks itself. The change of catching them and bringing them to you is very stressful also. Talk softly and give them some space, they are likely scared out of their minds. Take your time, go slowly and you will learn why one is plucked to the bald spot.

I am so very sorry to know you lost Monty and that your heart is breaking. You are among friends who do understand the depth of your loss and pain. It helps us a lot to learn to do better for knowing Monty's loss was not in vain if one person decreases the chance of an accidental exposure to our families. When I was changing over to alternate cookware and getting all our nonstick kitchenware replaced, it was so hard to throw them away, my husband loved them and detests the new stainless steel. He wanted to keep his familiar stuff and only use them when he was "careful" and didn't like it when I was so adamant about it. I felt guilty but your sharing helps me to hold firm. Thank you for taking the time and exposing your pain to help our loved ones, feathered and human. I am grateful that your TAG survived and that you are not holding your husband to blame, I'm sure all of you are suffering.

Our sad advantage with Gilda is that she is flightless due to damaged wings. It was clear in the beginning she has been trained to step up, but was too scared of our hands. What I tried in the beginning and seemed to work well is to feed her treats only inside her cage and I put a treat cup in there that only held treats. When she wanted a treat she had to go inside. Next, I have three lamps in the living room. I would let her out of her cage only at night in early weeks together. When time was winding down about a half hour before bed, I turned off the first light and said nothing. I turned off the second lamp about fifteen minute later and told her it was time for night night and put a whole almond in the shell into her treat cup and moved away. By the time I got to the third light she could predict it was bedtime. Having predictability in these early days is helpful for her to figure out the rhythm of your home. I wouldn't keep approaching her if she growls because that may be establishing predictability that you will keep coming after she warns you off. She will have to relax more before she evenutally trusts you enough to come to you. By allowing her out only at night, you have the advantage of turning off the lights and hoping she will retreat to the safety of her cage. Only a very few times when I had to leave I would show Gil a small piece of fleece she has hated since the beginning. All I need to do is ask her to go in and when she fights me over it and it is a showdown, I put that fleece on the stair banister about three feet from her cage and ask if she wants to go in the easy way or if I need to help her. Then I rattle the almond in her treat dish and walk away giving her the grace to think she went in because she wanted a treat.

That is such happy news. I know it feels great to accomplish something but being close to home is a gift to everyone there who loves you.... and to us for you to have more computer time instead of commuter time. My husband travels east coast to west coast almost every week troubleshooting and mediating the "problem children" for a heavy civil construction company. Even after more than three decades of togetherness, I never tire of hearing that garage door opening on a Friday night. The whole house gets into a celebration. I imagine that's how it is for you too. Welcome home Ray.

Every day is a new day with her now. Just when I mentioned she quit slamming her door, she is back at it again. She is not doing it loudly and with such persistence, but now I walk past her and she is out and the door is closed, a little while later the door is ajar, she just goes over and moves it because she can. Funny to see it open six inches, then closed a few minutes later. She also is getting really excited about being able to predict that wherever I am in the house if she does the dropping bomb whistle, I will clap my hands. She is totally convinced she is the puppet master and it gives her a heady rush. She will sway excitely when I clap my hands. "Yes! I have her right where I want her now". For so long I curbed my expectations of her and was determined to accept her just as she was and not get my hopes too high. Since discovering she is a girl, I don't chastize he or correct her when she says "Gilbert's a good boy" but I do tell her all the boys in the house and call her and Java pretty girls etc. She will call out in her familiar sing song "Gilbert's a good b.." and trail off and said "night night Gilda" or interchangably "Gilgirl" and now and again "Gilda girl". She doesn't really seem confused about it, just catches herself and stops midstream and you can see her thinking about it and changing it. I am convinced on a daily basis that she knows exactly what she is doing. When she gets mad or frustrated with me she will snatch off a piece of her paper and fling it and look down at it on the floor and say "sh** on the floor" then cock her head and look at me daring me to respond. Nope. I walk away but I know she senses I smiled at her attempt to get one up on me. When she says it for the benefit of my husband, she always laughs, just chuckles and hoots and makes it clear it is for comic relief but with me it is "so there". Another thing that has come up in recent weeks with the realization that hands are still frightening to her, I will dim the lights except for one nightlight and she is far more relaxed and involved with wanting her head and neck rubbed. For every tiny little change when I finally "get it" she rewards me with huge gains in her confidence with interactions. I have so wanted her to regain her fllight ability and it would change my life to see her come to me that way. Lately I have been envisioning zip line inventions throughout my house, and when that happens, I have clearly gone over the edge of the crazy bird lady cliff. I think I will start today. Hahahahahaa

Dan, when I read that I thought you were talking about your dating as in courtship days. LOL. I think those Three Stooges skits are timeless, so you don't need to date yourself. Kim's a pretty good catch. Gilda has gotten out of her "stuck" phase and now I never can predict what she is going to do next. I pretend we just had our compliant baby days and she is reinventing her childhood. Fitting, since that is what I decided to do about a decade ago when I went into a 'first childhood' myself. Hahaha.. At least she seems to have gotten past her door slamming phase for now. She is spending far less time sitting still these days. She was a whirlwind when she got the notion she wanted to eat a lightbulb. It was kind of fun to see her fling things and rip up paper and then regroup to find a new way to get to the light again. I am going to have to up my game. To see her play and go from toy to toy after such a long time that she was scared and shut down is worth anything she brings as she works through some demons. The fact that she is saying her new name and still calls herself Gilgirl from just days ago is mesmerizing. I take that as a sign that she is interested and engaged and she has almost decided to stay and make the best of this family.

Oh goodness, the wait has made the progress so much sweeter. Many days I wondered what I could do for her and it all amounts to taking the advice from seasoned grey companion forum members to just build trust and wait. She is doing some wonderful things like approaching me as I come near her zone. I keep my hands behind my back still and stand a few feet away and if she takes a step toward me, I take a step toward her and wait. We are slowly slowly making progress. In earlier times, she would skitter inside her cage as I approached. Now even when she isn't too sure, she will hang out on a shelf on her door, I take that as her wanting to keep those bars between us for her boundary and I stay a little ways away and hand her treats. Last night, she tucked her head and let me scratch her, still through the bars, but out of her usual comfort zone. I leaned over and kissed the top of her little foot and she said "whoo". Also with her newfound mojo, she is getting a little fiesty. She learned yesterday she could reach her UV light. She shocked me when she grabbed the bulb! I went over and pushed her cage a little further away from it and she put up a hissy fit. In five minutes, she learned how to maneuver so she could grab that bulb again. The light is against the wall in the corner, so I moved her cage again. She went on top and shredded papers and griped at me for an hour. LOL. She hasn't bothered with that light for three years. I am not sure what she is up to, but the girl has skills. I foresee some minor battles coming up as she gets more confident and wants her own way though. Who would have thought, I would look forward to seeing her make messes and challenge me to a duel? Bring it on Gilda.

Ah yes, that selection of a favored person. We have that with Gilda too. In this new home with new things, she has decided to grace your husband with her attention. Good. Use that. LOL. Anything that you can use as a wedge to get her settled is going to be a blessing in the long run. Gilda will allow my husband to rub her head outside the cage, me... only with the bars to protect her from me. She will coo and whistle to him and also to my daughters so it isn't a gender thing. I always find a way to use them to get them to do the things that would have her mad at me because she forgives them quickly. They can spray her and put toys in her cage and she will accept it when she wouldn't have been so forgiving of me. My husband jokes all the time to her that she doesn't need to look at him when I am the one cooking her favorite foods, cleaning her cage and keeping her from being put in an orphanage. LOL. Then one day, she will switch it up and bite him when he thinks she is going to let him scratch her head and that starts a week or two where she gets closer to me. I try to be humble, but its amaaaaazing.... LOL. Use what you can and love that she is evolving much more quickly because of it.

This little girl has changed me. Never have I worked so hard without a visible measure of progress. Never have I felt so utterly out of my depth and not had any answers and just had to accept and wait. When I see the tiniest glimpse of hope, I start getting ahead of myself thinking about her potential. All that potential is still untapped. The one thing that is warming my heart is how she is now leaning against the bars at night when she wants to be touched. She is almost leaning into my palm now. Then, when I turn off the light, she is adorable with the solicitations to come back out. The real happy dance comes out of me though when I watch her watching my face. She listens so intently and she doesn't have that hard-edged, suspicious, tension and her chest seldom trembles. I have learned that if I put my hands behind my back, she leans real close and watches my mouth move. Just those two words when she called herself Gilgirl and then Gilda last night are intoxicating. We are at a crossroads where she is throwing off her encumbrances and throwing caution to the wind and starting over. Nothing has come easily for her and I am in the position to watch a miracle of life unfold. Thank you Gilda.

Oh be still my heart. What precious moments. I'm with Jeff, I am going to show this to Gilda and tell her that's what I want too... with no piercings thank you very much. I am still relegated to the untrustrworthy position of only being permitted a touching moment if the bars of her cage are between us. Someday though.

You are bringing back memories of bring Gilda (formerly Gilbert) into our home. In the five months of cautious consideration and correspondence with her former caretaker she was described as having been rehomed more than a time or so, she had "issues" and was referenced as "that mean grey bird" by the children in her former family. Her background is sketchy to say the least. I remember seeing her and just having a great wash of emotion of what I wanted to bring to her life. Like you, I had a boatload of new toys and had read up on thing that should make her happy. Like you, I proudly offered her a lovely cage with new toys and she responded much like I did once when I returned home to find my visiting mother-in-law had rearranged all my furniture. Dolly hasn't read on the internet what a wonderful companion you will make, nor has she had great personal recommendations from experienced greys in her coffee group. LOL. She has had limited experience with a small samplings of humans and she judges you harshly under high suspicion. What I can tell you for sure is that when you do learn to get past her defenses and earn her trust it is going to be the most profound relationship you will ever experience. Have patience, prepare yourself to not take her many small rejections personally. There will be larger rejections which include bites on occasion and if you can rise past those, just breathe and keep yourself from trying to "do" too much. You will learn from Dolly more than you ever considered possible.

Congrats on getting Coco home and off to such a good start. You have a good approach and it is wise to give her a little time to adjust before approaching her for more interaction. She sounds very comfortable already, I think you have found a good fit.

Someone did this for me at our time of loss and it gave me solace in my grief. I read this poem of lighting a candle http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/light-a-candle and I lit a candle for Sam http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=19648254 Its so hard to know how to reach through the cyberspace, but sit quietly and know you have a hug.

Last night was magical. Again. Gil was not wanting to stop the snugglefest and go to bed. Of course, every time I tried to walk away and she made the familiar sound of a human baby cry as she only does during those quiet gentle moments. She grasped the cage bars and tucked her head and I was not about to let the moment of opportunity pass, so I obliged. When I finally had to stop and turn off the light, she did her usual soft surprised little "hey" and a few "whoo"s for good measure. But as I answered her back from my bed and told her goodnight, I was stunned to hear her reply. From the darkened living room I heard the sweetest little voice say "Night night Gilda". It has taken a decade or so for the collective "us" to figure out she is a girl, two more months to let the right name come up and she accepted it and repeated it in under two days. What a brilliant and special little girl she is. I was awake at 4:30 am and couldn't wait to get out of bed to see her again.

I would suspect the changes in Dolly's life have scared her at least as much as it has you. The first day home with any big commitment including my husband, children and parrots was a morning awakening to think "What have I done?" and "Now what?" It all turned out okay and although my first response was to try to improve Gilbert/Gilda's life, she just needed me to be consistent and predictable. The ruffled feathers are just what you thought, a sign of distress. She is making herself look really big and scary to keep you at a distance. As much as you want to give her affection and open her life to all you have to offer, she will have an adjustment period and you are about to learn what "grey time" means. The less you advance, the more she will move toward you. Sit near her, talk to her and tell her all about how her life is going to be when you are friends. If you watch her carefully, she will let you know your boundaries and before you know it you will be posting advice to other newcomers. Thanks so much for joining our forum and for bringing Dolly into your life, and ours.

The thing that gave me some hope was the comments on the video at the source, there was not much support for the nature moment at the peril of the Amazon in the cage. At first I wondered why someone would take the time to run and get a camera but then realized it most likely was from a cell phone that seems to have become a body attachment. Still... who would stand by to take a video except as a warning to others not to ever leave a captive food offering outside unattended?

I think all of her prayers have come true and she is in a really good place. She is a beautiful little soul.

What great instincts and intuition you have. Knowing where Gracie has been will be a huge bonus to you in thinking of the world through her experience. Being that her vision is compromised, as Dan says, her other senses will be heightened. My thought are for her being a prey animal and hearing sounds long before we would and having no way to know what those sounds are. Since you are talking to her, reassuring and letting her know where you are, when you are approaching and that you have something good for her has to be utopia for the little lady.

I felt a lot of what you are expressing now and the biggest thing looming for me at the time of our loss was what I might have done to contribute to it. It isn't likely that Sam was broken hearted, he knew your husband and you were doing your best for him. As you have also said, you have moved him previously and it was fine. The loss will always be with you but in time you will see the many ways he brought joy to your home and those memories will make you smile unexpectedly. My guess is that making you smile was his greatest pleasure as well. Birdhouse has some great ideas. When you are ready to share to happy stories about Sam, know we are all here caring and as you said Sam knew when you were sad and that great grey capacity was also in knowing you loved him dearly. Also as you are remembering, its okay to cry for missing him as you grieve. There is no other creature who touched me so deeply and the loss was equally profound. Thank you for coming to us and sharing your loss, our members don't have to have lost a beloved friend to understand and to be good listeners. I promise it gets better, it takes time and honoring his loss in your own way. You will find that way, listen to your heart.