Poppy Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 That was sheer class dan ! I loved it Thanks :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 Dan,Dan what are we going to do with you??? Thanks for another good belly jiggler!!!{Feel-good-000200B9}{Feel-good-0002006E}<br><br>Post edited by: luvparrots, at: 2008/12/12 21:25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 APPLIED MATHEMATICS The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 LOL!! Good One. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover? A rash of good luck!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMAN Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 I have a good joke, what is grey with a red tail? a parrot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 GMan - Also a Rocket.... :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 How can you get 4 suits for a $1? Buy a deck of cards.<br><br>Post edited by: luvparrots, at: 2008/12/21 05:00 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 A Frenchman was walking down the street one day and saw another Frenchman with an African Grey on his shoulder. So the Man walked up and asked "Where did you get that from"? The Parrot replied "Right Here, There's MILLIONS of them!!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casper Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 The Night Before Christmas A Dieter's Style Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below When what to my wandering eyes should appear: A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear On Pritikin, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolyn Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 This shows the progression of two signs out side 2 churches in Canada - Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church and the Beulah Cumberland Presbyterian, these churches were accross the road from one another, this is one of the funnist sign wars I have seen: First up - Catholic Church posted "All birds go to heaven" Presbyterian Church countered - "Only humans go to heaven" Catholic church came back with - "God loves all his creatures, birds included" Not impressed, Presbyterian church shot back - "Birds do not have souls - this is not open for debate" Undeterred, Catholic church responded with - "Catholic birds go to heaven, Presbyterian birds, can talk to there pastor" Back came the Presbyterian church with - "Converting to Catholicism does not magically grant your bird a soul" Catholic church responded - "Free bird souls with conversion" Ok now the Presbyterian Church is getting really steamed - "Birds are animals - there arn't any rocks in Heaven either!" But the Catholic church would end the war of the signs with this final thrust: - "All rocks go to Heaven" I don't know about you but this was one Holy War I could get on board with:laugh: Carolyn & Mika Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Well, God did say he would make the Rocks cry out of a man wouldn't tell someone his mesage. ;-) {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish. "Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?" The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it. "Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before." The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go. Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling. "What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark. "I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked. Nahh" said the bloke, "I'm just a really bad conductor" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casper Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titch Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past, looks up, and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing?" The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up the tree, sits next to the monkey, and they smoke a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to the river to get a drink. The lizard climbs down the tree and staggers over to the river to get a drink of water, but he is so stoned, he leans over too far and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side. Then he asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up in a tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out, and wanders off into the jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint. The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!" The monkey looks down and says, ......."Dude! How much water did you drink?!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titch Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Another one for you. just got this in a text and had to share... Mary had a little lamb, It's fleece was white and whispy Along came foot and mouth disease and now it's black n crispy! hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Thanks Chris for the jokes. {Feel-good-0002006E} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poppy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 They both made me laugh Thanks :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Great jokes Chris!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goralka08 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 HAHAHAH those were great Chris, thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay? Deviled eggs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goralka08 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think I learned this joke at church lol... How do you make water Holy? * * * * * * * you boil the hell out of it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now