Joke Of The Day

[Patsy]

Creation according to the Parrot

 

 

 

On the first day, God created the Parrot.

 

On the second day, God created man to serve the Parrot.

 

On the third day, God created the fruits and plants of the Earth to serve as food for the Parrot.

 

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the Parrot.

 

On the fifth day, God created the toys so that the Parrot could or could not destroy them.

 

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the Parrot healthy and the man broke.

 

 

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to clean up after the Parrot.

 

On the eighth day, God believeth that He was done, but Lo! The Garden of Eden was full of Parrot poop and wood splinters.

Adam & Eve, having been banished from the garden, no longer dwelleth therein to serve the Parrot, so it came to pass that

He had to clean the mess up Himself. And God was displeased.

 

On the ninth day, God sayeth unto the Heavens, "Who hath dominion here, me or the Parrot?

 

On the tenth day, God came upon the Parrot perched on His

throne and abideth there unmoving, despite all His beseeching.

 

And so it came to pass that God had his answer. He then sayeth unto Moses, "Fine! You're in charge now.

Here's my ten commandments. You deal with the Parrot! I'm retiring to Miami Beach!"

 

And Moses convinced the Pharaoh to let the Israelites go out of bondage in Egypt and journey to the Promised Land.

God sayeth unto Moses, "The Promised Land shall be yours, but you must take the Parrot with you."

 

And so it came to pass that the Israelites wandered for 40 years in the

wilderness, waiting for the Parrot to go potty, destroy every bush and maul

every blade of grass in its domain. And the Parrot was fruitful and

multiplied.

 

The people were taken by the comliness and manner of the Parrot, but they were sorely distressed.

"Lord" they cried out, "The Parrot is an attractive and sweet creature, but there are so many, what shall we do?"

 

And God sayeth unto the people, "Ye are a cursed people and shall be known as adopters!

Thy homes shall be barren of furniture. Thy dwellings shall overflow with bird cages, play stands, toys and Parrot snackies.

Thy carpets shall be forever stained and frayed. Thy vet bills shalt be large and thy lives forever ordered around the whims of

the Parrot. And thy minds shall be muddled, as thou shalt treat thy Parrots as thy do thy human offspring."

 

And Adopters begat Fosters. And Fosters begat Adoption Groups. And Adoption Groups begat Discussion Lists.

And Discussion Lists begat Gatherings. And Gatherings begat Vendors. And Vendors begat a wardrobe for the Parrot.

 

And the Parrot was spoiled. God looked down on this and was pleased.

[danmcq]

LOL and Amen!!

 

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[Luvparrots]

Luv it Patsy!!!{Feel-good-0002006E}

[Luvparrots]

The parrot asked, "How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?"

 

The pirate answered, " A buck an ear. Aaaarrrgh!"

[danmcq]

LOL!!!!

[danmcq]

[casper]

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[Luvparrots]

Sick Dan, truly sick!!{Feel-good-00020069}

[Luvparrots]

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

 

Because when the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

[SchroedersJen]

Hehehehe, that made me laugh so hard some of my water squirted out of my nose. Doh!

[danmcq]

A BAD parrots prayer....

 

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one

thing."

 

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

 

"They only know how to say, "Hi, we're hookers. Want to have some fun? "

 

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and say their rosary. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray".

 

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

 

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hookers, want to have some fun?".

 

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "Put the beads away, George Our prayers have been answered."

[Luvparrots]

{Feel-good-0002006E}

[casper]

{Feel-good-0002006E}

 

 

Thats a good one!

[she]

Thanks every one for giving me a good laugh.Brilliant

[Luvparrots]

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?

 

 

The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

[SchroedersJen]

lol the sofa also doesnt keep me from watching my bad VH1 reality Shows

[danmcq]

LOL - The sofa...good one. :-)

[danmcq]

The Parrot with no Talons - - -

 

A guy goes in a pet store and sees a Parrot at an unbelievable low price. So he asks "Why is this Parrot so Cheap?".

 

The Owner replies, the Parrot is handicapped and has no Talons.

 

The customers, "Well, how is he staying upright on the Perch then?".

 

The owner replies "He has his "Thingy" wrapped around it".

 

So the man buys the Parrot and takes it home and gets him all settled in a huge cage and great foods and toys.

 

The Man goes to work the next Day and comes home after work. He walks in the door and the Parrot says "The Plumber came today".

 

The Owner asks " Why, did something break?".

 

The Parrot says "No, he came and started talking to your Wife".

 

The Owner asks "Oh and then what?".

 

The Parrot says "They started kissing!!".

 

The Owner rather disturbed asked "And then what?"

 

The Parrot says "The Plumber started undressing your Wife!!".

 

The owner shocked now asked "And then what?"

 

The Parrot Says "I don't know, I got an erection and fell off the Perch!!!!"

[Toni]

GUARD PARROT

 

A postal carrier is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch. The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden. He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, it calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"

[Toni]

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

 

This Is AMAZING!!!

 

 

 

Until now I never fully understood how to tell the difference.... Male from Female Birds.

 

Which of The Two Birds Is a Female? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely...

 

See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female. It can be done.

 

Even by one with limited bird watching skills.

 

 

 

[Luvparrots]

Why did God create man before woman?

 

Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

[Toni]

This is sorta kinda like a joke.This is what happened with my so Sean....Its cute..

 

 

When my son Sean was 3.He saw his dad outside lying in the sun on a blanket. His nana and I were inside with Sean, he says to his nana, "Nana what is daddy doing?"

She told him that he was sun bathing. Sean replied with a puzzled look."Well I take a bath too but I use a bath tub and water"...We just laughed so hard I almost wanted to pee...I never turned so red..Til this day he is constantly teased when he tans outside or goes to the beach to tan.

[Luvparrots]

What side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers?

 

 

 

The outside.

 

[danmcq]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

 

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

 

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

 

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

 

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

 

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

 

Harry: "9."

 

 

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

 

Harry: "36."

 

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

 

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

 

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

 

The principal and Harry both agreed.

 

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

 

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

 

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

 

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

 

Harry replied: "Pockets."

 

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

 

Harry: "Pants."

 

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

 

Harry: "Coconut."

 

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

 

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

 

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

 

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

 

Harry: "Shake hands."

 

The principal was trembling.

 

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

 

Harry: "Firetruck."

 

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

[judygram]

Excellent Dan, more karma coming your way!!B) B) B)