Parrot Empathy

[LindaMary]

Here's a little treat I experienced last night and wanted to share.

 

My 86-year-old mother has an apartment a few blocks from me; she spends about half her time there and half at her old house in CT. Maxi has a medium-sized spare cage in Mother's apartment, and when Mother's in town I leave Maxi with her a couple of days out of a week while I'm at work. It's company for both of them (otherwise Maxi has 8+ hours all alone with a radio or TV), and I hope is also helping them observe each other enough to bond a bit. My mother would really like for Maxi to be more "pet-like" with her, but she's not as much of a bird person as my daughter and I are, and is a little hesitant, which of course makes Max shy and nippy around her. My father, by contrast, was a real bird guy, and Max took to him instantly. My father passed away on March 22 of this year, and my mother (all of us, really, but she especially) is still very much in the throes of the grieving process.

 

Well, I had left Max with Mother yesterday, and stopped by after work to make dinner for us, visit, and then take Maxi home. As usual, Max was out on my shoulder throughout the meal, and afterwards as we sat talking. The conversation eventually turned to my dad, and my mother began to tear up, which of course got me going, too, which in turn got my mother going even more....

 

Now, Max has seen me do a lot of my grieving, because it tends to come over me during the "lullaby time" she and I always spend before I put her in her cage for the night. But I don't think she'd seen my mother cry before, and all of a sudden she's leaning and straining forward toward my mom, and then she's crawling down my arm and onto the table and running across the table to stand right in front of my mother, looking up at her. She just stood there quietly, about 6" away (closer than she's ever volunteered to get to my mom) looking up with her head cocked a bit, and no nervous body language at all, as if she just wanted to say "It's okay, I'm here."

 

Well it made me laugh right through my tears, and it made my mother smile through hers, too. I reassured Maxi that everything was really okay, people just have very runny faces when they're sad, and how sweet it was of her to care, etc. She didn't seem stressed at all (hasn't with me at my moments, either) but it sure did a lot for my mother last night! What amazing creatures.

 

I'd love to hear other peoples' stories of parrot empathy, too. Who has one?

[pmaholm]

That's a great story. Karma for you.

 

-Patrick

[judygram]

What a heartwarming story Linda, Max certainly knew just what your mother needed and it just goes to show what our greys are capable of, thanks so much for sharing that with us.:cheer:

[Patsy]

How sweet. It only goes to show how much time and energy you've put into socializing Max. I can only hope my baby will do the same.

[Tycos_mom]

They sure do pick up on our emotions don't they Your mother was sad and Maxi knew it. He wanted her to feel better. Thats so sweet mabie Maxi will feel more of a connection to your mom now.

[kittykittykitty]

What a beautiful experience! I, too, am smiling through my tears. Thank you for sharing.

[lovemyGreys]

Thanks for sharing that very special story with us

[BaxtersMom]

I teared up half way through and have blurry eyes typing this. Thanks for sharing that wonderful story. I could picture it as I read it.

[nims]

I think parrots are very in tune with their owners feeling. My CAG will curl up in my lap after my husband goes back to work (i only see him on weekends ) and knows when im feeling a little lonely.

 

Funny little creatures!

 

It was a lovely story linda, very heartwarming.

 

Nims

[danmcq]

What a wonderful story linda. These Greys are very sensitive and intuitive. What a warm jesture Maxi displayed to your Mother.

 

Thanks for sharing this. :-)

[tibanks]

What a heart warming story..Thank you for sharing

[Janfromboone]

I loved your story. Mine isn't as touching, but it's funny. I was recently packing for a trip. I was pretty wound up because I was leaving a sick dog and Tobie, my grey, for 9 days. Also I just reallized the time and we were supposed to leave in an hour for the airport. When I get frustrated over loosing my glasses or car keys I will just stop - throw my hands down and say OOOH WELLL!!. Tobie has seen me do this many times. He must have sensed how wound up I was getting, because all of a sudden he said "OOOOH WELLL" with as much feeling as I would have said it if I had thought of it first. I never heard him say that before.

[shanlung]

They know. In no uncertain ways, they know the emotions and feelings in us.

 

When I came back from work, how Tinkerbell interacted with me depended entirely on how I felt.

 

Should I have had a bad day, she would fly to my shoulder, rest there quietly while I veggie myself watching TV and with a drink. For 30-45 mins, she would remain there preening herself or preening me.

 

On good days, she would fly to my shoulder, pretend to perch there, and then reached down to my pocket to snatch my ciggies to fly off with them to destroy that on top of cupboard, or in search of my cat or ferret to dive bomb them.

 

Even though I have tried to act happy when sad, or sad when happy, she always knew my true state of mind and was never fooled.

 

I can add more instances, but that would almost be metaphysical. Such as not all recalls to her were made verbally. Love her as I do, those times still made me flinched a wee bit.

[siobha9]

I think the most intriguing thing about parrot empathy is that only a grey owner can truly appreciate what we mean. If you tried to explain to a non parrot person how a grey can react to your moods, they wouldn't believe you or would put it down to coincidence. We are so lucky to experience it first hand

Please keep your stories coming;)

 

Siobhan

[LindaMary]

Thnaks for all your kind words, folks, about my story - and it's great to hear some from others, as well! I know you're out there!

 

I have actually experienced some of this kind of thing from horses, too - and the stories of cats who choose to cuddle up to the person who is sick or feeling blue are legion just within my family alone. I wonder if we humans simply find it more curious for a non-mammal to exhibit this sort of sensitivity? A propos of that: there's an interesting bit in an article by Sally Blanchard in Bird Talk this month (the article is called "Think Your Bird Hates You?"), where she talks about the difference in the physical vision structures of birds compared to humans. According to Sally, the fact that birds are designed to see more of the EMS than we are (including some of the ultraviolet range) means they can literally see our energy - what some people might call auras. Add that to the fact that they are flock animals, and it's not too surprising that they amaze us all with their intuitions!

 

And I loved the OOOHH WELLLL, Jan!

[DayosMom]

Hi Linda & All here,

 

I'm "danmcq" wife. After reading your storys, I just had to sign on and post to it. That is such a moving experience of Maxi with your mother. I was truly moved by the compassion of your Maxi.

 

Like you, I have had moments like that. Like "Shanlung" I have had days like he shares. Like "nims" my husband is gone Monday - Friday.

 

I can have a "testy" day at work, and come home to my grey, and soon forget all about the wrongs done that day. Dayo ALWAYS makes my day better just by being here when I get home.

 

Dayo is very intuitive, empathetic and loving. He can tell when I'm happy, and when I'm down. Mondays are always our best day together. I come home from work knowing no one is home to greet me (my husband), and Dayo has been locked up in his cage all day after being out with us 24/7 for the weekend. We have the best quality time then. He somehow knows I miss my husband, and I know how difficult it is for him to be in his cage all day.

 

After an evening with my "best friend", we both feel better, and that much closer to each other. Dayo is so loving in his actions with me, and I respond in the same way to him.

 

He sits on my lap looking up at me - talking away a storm, then climbs up to my shoulder to give me kisses, and then crawls down my chest only so I will cradle him close to my heart in the gentleness of my hands. I love this grey so much, I truly believe he can feel my connection to him, and responds to that in such a moving way, it always take my breath away.

 

LindaMary put it so well in the comment made about Greys seeing in EMS. It made so much sense about how they can see our "aura." Sad moods are displayed in blue tones, happy moods are displayed in more yellows, reds, and oranges. I never made this connection before I read LindaMary's post.

 

May I extend my deepest gratitude to you ALL for sharing thoughts so special, that it touches the very soul of one who has the privilege of being owned by a Grey.

 

As Dayo would say, "I love you!"

Kim

[shanlung]

LindaMary wrote:

Add that to the fact that they are flock animals, and it's not too surprising that they amaze us all with their intuitions!

 

And I loved the OOOHH WELLLL, Jan!

 

I would have agreed with you before.

That as those beasties are flock animals that perhaps they shared a different form of communication thats still much a puzzle to us all

 

But not after I have had YingShiong, the male white-rumped shama.

 

Shamas are solitary birds, so much so that males will kill females when not in breeding season. Male shamas are so territorial that they will fight any males.

 

Makes one think they are hermits and not likely to interact at all.

 

I was lucky enough to have shared part of my life with YS.

 

Might have been coincidental for all I know. But there had been times that before he flew (or I heard his wings flutter), I knew he was looking to me and would fly to me soon.

 

So it is not just with flock beasties.

 

And another snippet of things we do not really want to talk about. Even if it was not between me and beastie It was between Ivan my cat and wife when in Hongkong.

 

http://http://www.geocities.com/shanlung9/ivan1.html

 

Ivan photos in

http://http://www.flickr.com/photos/shimmertje/sets/1428189/

 

And if you are in my wife Flickr , and you curious as to sights in Oman, she uploaded lots in Flickr.

 

I have been too lazy and laid back to update my own blog or to take photos.

 

That will change if and after I got a bird here in Muscat.

[LindaMary]

Somehow it just means that much more when you experience that connection with an animal known for being solitary, doesn't it, Shanlung?

[Lyric]

What great stories, truly heartwarming. Today I was having a VERY bad day and a very bad moment and got Lyric out of his cage. He stared at me and stared some more and had a look about him like he was trying to figure it all out. Then he started being mischievous and I think he was doing it to get my mind off my problems. Lyric doesn't talk yet but if he could I think he would have told me to "lighten up- everything will be okay!" Greys have a way about them that makes them seem so wise- so incredible. I just love having a grey in my life and wouldn't have it any other way.

[she]

What a heart warming story. I am glad you shared it with us. I experienced real empathy with my old horse Dulcie.I truly believe she helped me through a really bad time.Dulcie is in the big field in the sky, but years later two cockatiels I had also proved to me how animals can sence human emotions.Animals say so much without saying a thing. and they say all the right things. God bless. Sheila