Alfie and me.

[neoow]

Hi all,

 

Apologies- this is likely to be a long one. I'm in a bit of a reflective mood.

 

When I joined this forum back in 2012 I made a fairly open and honest introduction to myself and Alfie. At the time I had gone through the agonising process of trying to decide whether I was a good enough owner for Alfie and trying to decide whether or not I should rehome him. When I joined, I had already decided that Alfie was staying put. The thought of rehoming him was far too painful. I've had him since he was 11 weeks old! So I promised Alfie that I would make changes to become a better owner and give him more of what he needs.

 

This has been a slow process of making changes- both big and small. I am nowhere near the "perfect" owner but I am doing the best I can. One of the problems I had to overcome was a fear of being bitten and regaining trust with Alfie. Because I work long hours and also have commitments outside of work, Alfie wasn't getting enough time out of the cage and therefore I felt we had lost a lot of that bond we had built in previous years. He also wasn't in the best location in the house (I was house-sharing and renting at the time) so didn't get constant attention. Fortunately my housemates moved out, so I could shuffle things around (and Alfie) so he was in the same room as me whenever I was home.

 

In 2013 I moved home and bought my first house. I arranged the furniture around Alfie- so he is now in the centre of the house and ALWAYS has my attention when I'm at home because he is in the living room and next to my PC. He also gets attention from everyone who comes into the house, because he's right there. This in itself was a very positive change and Alfie was very receptive to it. We quite often have a bit of back and fourth and he even makes the odd noise/word at my housemate (previously he wouldn't utter a word when someone was in the room). He can see and be a part of everything that is going on.

 

I have to be careful as I also have two cats. So when Alfie is out to play, the living room door is shut. Alfie gets the run of the downstairs and the cats stay upstairs. Alfie is exploring every inch of the room these days and I am constantly looking for more fun things to do with him. He discovered two shelves that he like to play on - so when he comes out I take everything valuable off them and put cardboard boxes and toys up there for him to throw around/chew on. He will spend hours up there showering me, the sofa and everything else in bits of cardboard and toys.

 

In terms of trust and bonding, we are a lot closer these days. He will still bite if he has the inclination to (e.g if he is telling me he's not happy about something) but I no longer have a fear of it. I can usually tell when it's going to happen and I can normally ride it out if it actually happens. He knows that if he bites too hard, he will get a timeout- so normally I just get a warning rather than a full on chomp. He seeks me out when it's time for fuss and I will happily oblige.

 

When it's time to go back in his cage he's now normally ok with this. I rarely get the run around now where I have to 'chase' him all around the room to try and get him back. Typically he just accepts it's time to go "night night" and he'll let me put him straight back in. At worst I might get a small nip just so he can show me he's not happy about it, but he'll still stay on my hand/arm and go back in.

 

My housemate is even making attempts to befriend Alfie. He's not at the point where he would want to be in the same room as Alfie when he's out of his cage, but Alfie often lets my housemate stroke his head and will come over to see what my housemate is doing. Whilst my housemate is very cautious and waits for Alfie to put his head right down (without looking at him) then he's secretly quite pleased that he's allowed to pet Alfie. He even stops to talk to him now whereas previously he used to mostly ignore him.

 

A while back I realised that I could utilise the curtain rails in the living room to provide more fun space for Alfie. (This came about after Alfie climbed up the curtains and swung from the curtain rails). I bought some 'S hooks' and hung Alfie's favourite swing from one curtain rail and have a cargo net and a bridge for the other one (which is a lot stronger). I've had these S hooks for the best part of a year and hang the toys every time Alfie comes out of the cage but he's shown absolutely no interest.... until today. I threw the back doors open today and hung his swing in front of the doors, got Alfie out and took him over and he stepped straight up on to the swing where previously he's always shied away. He's now enjoying the breeze through the mesh (I have the door covered with a mesh so he can't get out) and listening to all the local birds chirping away. One day I'm sure he'll realise his cargo net is actually a fun place to hang out rather than something that's going to eat him too...!

 

All in all, I still have a lot to improve on. I still work long hours but I am doing my best to get home on time so I can work from home if I need to do extra. I still have extra commitments with the hockey club and Alfie still isn't out of the cage as often as I'd like- but we have made a lot of progress there. Whenever I am home and have a few hours to spare, he's out. Even if I'm working or cleaning, he is out and amusing himself on his favourite shelf or following me around to see what I'm up to.

 

I am so happy I made the decision to keep him. I can't imagine ever giving up on him and every time I thought about it or talked it through with family it bought me to tears. I was the problem, not Alfie, so it was up to me to change rather than give up on him. It was a tough call to make and we still have a long way to go but we are definitely heading in the right direction.

 

If you managed to read through this whole essay- thank you. (I'm sorry it was so long!) And thank you to all on this forum who have given advice and encouragement over the last few years. This is an amazing resource full of wonderful people.

 

I was trying to upload some photos...but I keep receiving an error saying they are not valid image files. I will try and find an alternate method, as I know you won't let me write this much without seeing photos too! :rolleyes:

 

EDIT: Here's a link to the photos I was trying to upload: https://goo.gl/photos/KjREuYEBJNQvCVA56

Edited April 7, 2017 by neoow
trying to add photos!

[Acappella]

So glad you and Alfie have found a rhythm that works for you. I know all about those "I'm not pleased about this" chomping down warnings. They're not really bites, but you have to program yourself to accept them because part of you knows how easily they could turn into real bites. It's all about trusting each other. The pictures are great. It's looks like you've got a corrugated cardboard lover like I do. I also get pieces of cardboard rained down upon me when he's on his playstand. lol We, the slaves, are left to sweep up the mess. So glad your roommate has taken an interest in him as well. I'm glad you've found the forum a helpful resource over the years. It's a great place isn't it?!

[Timbersmom]

What a great update! I'm familiar with the "beak of displeasure" and the cardboard fetish too. So glad you are here with us!

[JeffNOK]

Thanks for the update. It sounds like great strides are taking place. None of us can claim to be anything like perfect parrot companions, but we live, learn, adjust, try this, and try that. It can be daunting, but ultimately rewarding when we see steps forward.

[SRSeedBurners]

The last two pics of Alfie hanging in the window are beautiful. Just what a Grey would love! Good job.

[neoow]

The last two pics of Alfie hanging in the window are beautiful. Just what a Grey would love! Good job.

 

Yeah once he finally found the courage to step up there he was there for a few hours, enjoying the breeze and the birds chirping outside.

 

It's funny because he loves that swing but as soon as I moved it out of his cage and hung it from the curtain rail he was a bit wary of it and wouldn't step up on it. I'm happy he's finally realised that it's a good place to sit. He'll get to enjoy some sunshine through the summer in that spot.

[Ray P]

As the fear goes away so do the bites.

Parrots can read our body language better than we can read theirs. If you have a fear of them biting they know it and can and will bite. As the fear goes away the bites turn to pinches and than to just grabs.

I think it`s a grey thing to do this as when you are scratching Corky s head after a minute or so she will swing her head around and grab my finger not bite and let it go and put her head back so you can go on with her head scratches

Sounds like you are doing very well. Just keep it up.

[neoow]

As the fear goes away so do the bites.

Parrots can read our body language better than we can read theirs. If you have a fear of them biting they know it and can and will bite. As the fear goes away the bites turn to pinches and than to just grabs.

I think it`s a grey thing to do this as when you are scratching Corky s head after a minute or so she will swing her head around and grab my finger not bite and let it go and put her head back so you can go on with her head scratches

Sounds like you are doing very well. Just keep it up.

 

Alfie does exactly the same thing when he has head scratches. He'll wander over, pull my hand or fingers towards him (gently) then put his head down. He'll then swivel his head round and grab my fingers gently before going back to enjoying the head scratches. He's always done it. It's interesting to know that other Greys have the same behaviour.

[Greywings]

Lovely view for Alfie, handsome bird too. Glad you are finding a balance that helps you both feel more comfortable. Most of my flock are cardboard termites as well!

[Kya]

It can be so hard to find that balance when you work full time, I know.

 

I find my two are very "schedule" oriented, and as long as I don't veer off course, everything goes well. We also have two small dogs inside, and two outside, so when we come in at 5:30 pm, we have to divide our evening with everyone. It works, but it took everyone awhile to adjust. Weekends are a free for all in our house, and we toss the schedule to the wind.

 

Glad to hear you figured out a way to have it all! Alfie sounds happy, and you sound happy. That's a pretty good thing when it comes to parrots and humans.