Living with a memory

[Ray P]

When Cricket passed away she took a part of me with her and I am still trying to deal with that.

After a number of days my wife and son moved Crickets cage out on to the back deck and cleaned her cage and her toys an packed them in a plastic bag and a day or two later moved her cage into the garage.

One of the things I always did when I left for work is I would stop at Corkys cage and lift the cover and say see you later and than rub her head I would say see you to Willie our cockatiel and stop at Crickets cage and put my hand under the cover, put my fingers through the bars and Cricket would come over and rub her head on my fingers. I never lifted her covers, she just new it was me.

My wife did not tell me when she moved Crickets cage into the garage.

I leave for work early around day brake and as I stopped and rubbed Corkys head and said see you to her and Willie I went through the garage and I could see Crickets cage in the shadows. I walked over to her cage and put my fingers through the bars. I would think of how she would come over and rub her head on my fingers and make her little sounds. I would stop at her cag in the garage and do this when ever I went to work.

I am a person who shows up at work 40 to 45 minutes before I start work. Its a me thing.

When I got up on August 2, I was thinking about Cricket and how it was two months to the day that she passed away. As I said see you to Corky and Willie and walked into the garage I stopped at Crickets cage and put my fingers though the bars. I could feel her rubbing her head on my fingers. The tears ran down my face and when I looked at my watch I had been standing there for over 35 minutes.

I no longer leave for work through the garage in the morning.

[katana600]

Ray, while its hard to think of the profound loss and grief you are experiencing, there is so much love and good from Cricket being in your life and ours through you. The patience you showed her flowed right out of you and into my heart to teach me how to be with Miss Gilbert. I feel for you in these early days, weeks and months. I may only have cried a handful of times since I was ten years old. When Juno died so suddenly, I cried hard every day for two months. He was something wonderful and special. When I came across a photo of him with me before I brought him home, I remembered the awe and excitement and I cried. When I bought a sleep tent for Gil, I remembered how he would chortle and blush when he peeked out of his tent and saw me every morning. It's been five years and tears roll freely down my cheeks. Cricket is always with you in heart and spirit. She was with you in the garage. Don't stop going there, but do it after work, one day a month and have a quiet commune with Cricket. Her love in your heart will never fade but the pain of her loss will look smaller in comparison and you will laugh again when you think of her antics. On a side note, the thought of reaching my finger in to Gilbert blindly is terrifying. I have never had that trust or gentleness and I rejoice that you have and can describe it to me and Cricket brings me a calm sense of peace today through you.

[SRSeedBurners]

Not sure when it gets easier. The initial sting is gone but I find myself always missing our Raven. We were in Lowes yesterday and they had the little plants that my wife bought the day Raven passed and planted over her. I don't know how she found a plant that so much reminds me of a bird. The leaves are scalloped just like a Jardines and it has little orange blossoms on top - just like a Jardines. Sometimes I feel her little spirit is in that plant. I have her little plant and we have another little Jardines that acts so much like she did. I guess that's how we're dealing with it. We still miss her and both of us get caught with a tear every now and then... In one month it will be 1 year.

 

 

 

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I'm missing Kiki. We have decided we won't get any new birds, as we failed our Amazon. I know Sean is sad. Nancy

[Inara]

Each companion we have in life touches us in some way. Some embed themselves in our lives, some in our hearts, and some deeply into our very souls. Cricket and you touched souls, and that is a love that spans from this universe into the next. It is still so very soon, since Cricket's death. Your tears are a lovely testament to the depth of your bond.

[Greywings]

Lovely flowers-"Pride of Barbados" and Ray I know Cricket was reaching out to you.

[birdhouse]

That's a big empty space & we both know it's probably going to swallow you up occasionally for a while to come. Maybe life doesn't really seem as cruel when you realize that the tears will mostly go away eventually. But the joy & laughter & especially the love, will stay w/you for a lifetime.

[Muse]

Oh Ray, I am so sorry. I know the pain you must be feeling. Marden has been gone seven months now, and I still cry almost every day. The bond we share with them is one that when broken by death is hard to get over.

 

[JeffNOK]

Ray, your post here and the others that responded were touching, deep, and significant. They testify to the beauty of our relationships with our parrots--each one unique. At the same time, it is heartbreaking and I am glad I was alone when I read them because I couldn't help but cry. Bless you all for sharing.

[Greytness]

Ray, that made me tear up. I was right there with you as I read your post. I believe that Cricket was there that morning. She was giving you her essence in spirit form, which is why it was such a timeless moment for you.

 

These precious creatures are such a blessing to us. And Cricket was very blessed to have been loved and cherished by you.

[kittykittykitty]

My hope is that you will continue to experience the memories, even when they bring tears. Some day they will include smiles, even if it is years later, at least that is the way it has been for me.