Telling a Date You Own Birds

[chezron]

Separated for 8 months and soon to be divorced. I worry about introducing new guys to the idea that I have pet parrots. Most people have dogs and cats, but not birds. Has anyone handled this situation? I recently joined an internet dating site and was told by a random guy that the fact that i own parrots is a major turn-off for many guys. I thought, "well too bad" but it is a concern. I know ideally that if Parrotsare an issue I am better off without guys like that. Just curious what others think.

[KimKim]

I have no experience in this, I adopted Babalu when I was already married, I did have to beg though lol. I would think they would think it was cool, to be able to see exotic birds, but then again, I love birds! Don't cats turn men off too tough?

[GC180]

Why would the type of pet you have make you less desirable? He's not going out with the parrot, he's going out with a person! And would you really want to date a guy who has that type of mentality? I'm a guy and I don't like cats or dogs, but that doesn't mean I won't date someone if they own cats or dogs.

[birdhouse]

..was told by a random guy that the fact that i own parrots is a major turn-off for many guys.

 

Turkey... As far as it goes, he may not be entirely wrong. But he's still a turkey!

 

I thought, "well too bad" but it is a concern. I know ideally that if Parrots are an issue I am better off without guys like that

 

Got it right in one!! If he can't pass the pet test, he isn't even worth the time it takes to brush your teeth(let alone the rest of the pre-date ritual lol). jmho

 

Our children & our pets are a fundamental part of who & what we are. How other people deal w/them can say a lot about who & what they are.

 

GC180 - The one thing I could say in the Turkey's defense, is that it is surprising how many people are intimidated by & even actively afraid of birds. Even though or because they've never been any where near them. If nothing else, birds have beaks & they're not afraid to use them! And parrots have such BIG beaks. :eek: lol

 

Edited February 15, 2014 by birdhouse

[VStar Mama]

Amen GC180!! You had the parrots first, and they have seen you though this incredibly stressful period of your life. If a guy is turned off enough by the parrots to back away....then that is one person not worth your time. I am sure there are parrot loving guys out there who will be thrilled to find a woman who understands the hold the fids have on your heart (at least this is my hope as I will soon find myself officially single although a parrot is not yet part of my picture).

[Inara]

Gosh, I didn't ever even think of it way back in the day when I was dating. I had my 'zon and CAG back then (mid 70's - late 90's) and I just never even thought to mentioned it unless we were talking about pets. If I felt someone was cool enough to bring home to my home, then they noticed my birds. I never had anyone who didn't think my birds were fascinating. Most guys thought my Afghan Hound was more exotic and interesting than the birds.

 

That being said, after their respective deaths, I was birdless for many years and it was during that time that I met my current husband. I didn't think to bring up the subject of getting parrot(s) with him, until a couple years into our relationship when I said I missed having a parrot in the house and was ready to have another one. Well, this opened the proverbial "can of worms." He told me that his mother had had little birds and that they were constantly noisy and really messy. I explained to him that parrots were//are much different and that they are not nearly as noisy (only periodically during the day) and that messy was relative and in complete correlation with cleaning chores conducted by their humans. We tabled the discussion.

 

We reopened negotiations late last summer, and my guy being the wonderful person he is, did a lot of research on his own, watched several youtube vids, watched a couple of documentaries, and decided that if it was that important for me to have another Grey, that he was on board. The final tipping point for him was when we met HRH Inara, formerly known as _________. When she stepped up for me at her then humans' home, climbed up to my shoulder and laid her cheek against mine for several seconds, he melted.

 

I awoke to an oddly quiet house this morning, looked at the time and realized I had overslept, walked into the kitchen and there was HRH happily perched atop Joe's hand taking dainty bites out of a sliced grape, with the remains of a nutriberry scattered upon the countertop. Not her usual breakfast, but woo hoo, great for me, and great for her and Joe. She has really enriched his life as well as mine. He is constantly laughing at her antics and when she says, "Joe-oh," in a sweet voice, or "peek-a-boo" when he's trying to ignore her, he's mush.

 

So the moral of the story is: Is it really something that is necessary to even mention until you're actually interested in someone for longer than a few dates? If the guy continues to be interested in you, introduce him to your flock and see how he handles that over time, not just for awhile -- as guys can have "honeymoon" periods too. 2) Since you already have them and they are your family, love me/love my birds or hit the road Jack.

 

EDIT: By "not necessary to mention" I don't mean hiding the fact or being cagey about it. Personally, now, if I were on a dating site, I'd probably have at least one photo with me and HRH as well as with my Rhodesian Ridgeback. If that's a turnoff, then too too bad.

Edited February 15, 2014 by Inara

[judygram]

Love me, love my fids is my motto, of course with me being married for over 46 years this is all moot for I have been married a lot longer than I have had my fids but if the circumstances came that I was in the market for another man then if they can't handle the fids then they can't handle me.

[BaileysPapa]

I have always had birds, and looked for a woman who would accept them. Since I've always had so many, I made that point clear from the beginning. Many women were not too keen on that. They didn't last, and I don't miss them. When my wife & I got serious, I told her then that the birds will always come first. Before her, and even before me. She accepted it, and has found out how serious I am. Still, we are together. There are guys out there who'll understand. Just wait for the right one.

[katana600]

This is not a situation I have been in so I haven't had a lot of time to think about it. My first response is that it shouldn't make a big difference. Then I think how my kids, dogs and husband felt in the early days with Java when she would vent hostility upon them and crank it up a notch if they sat next to me. We found ways to handle it and made it better. Having a parrot does change our family. We drive on vacations so we can take the dogs and parrots. We have to do extra planning to stay at pet friendly homes and hotels and it does limit us in our choices of vacations. We have family members who are deathly afraid of Gilbert even though she is incapable of flying to "get" them and has never even looked at them because she is the one afraid of them. I try to be sensitive and realize they are the uninitiated and know not what they are missing. Slowly they have become curious and have come closer and closer. I met a new neighbor with teenage girls. She mentioned that her daughter would love to be our pet sitter. When I explained that on occasion I have hired someone, I get them to stay at my house overnight and not just a quick walk in the morning, noon and evening, or changing food and water as if we had a "pet mouse" or I could sense the offer was "cooling". So, I get it that someone looking for companionship on a date may not want to hear about my pets or parrot on the first date or for them to be the only topic of conversation I might be willing to discuss. With all that said, if I was meeting a potential date and he said pets, small children and old people were a turn off, that would be my cue to pay for my own dinner and make it quick. LOL. You are navigating a major life change and your parrots are your steady companions. I like the idea of getting to know someone and when you have approved of him long enough to bring him home, he will meet your companions.

[Dave007]

Jeez, when I was dating my wife and bringing her into my lair, she started finding the parrots more interesting than me. That ruined many an evening. No hugging, no fooling around, just lots of noises when she was in the bird room. That's why I hated parrots but being the nice guy that I am, I forgave the parrots.

PS--good luck in finding your man but please be careful. There's lots of scumbags out there.

Edited February 15, 2014 by Dave007

[Luvparrots]

I am single but am not looking for a guy. If I were, I would tell a guy about my parrots and if he did not call me again, I would think myself lucky to have dodged the "bullet". Don't worry about what a guy will think. When he comes to pick you up for your first date, introduce him to your parrot(s) and see how he reacts. Enjoy the date and see if you and he are still interested in each other. If people care about each other, the family, pets etc. are just the trimming. Enjoy your freedom and meeting new people. With the right person things fall into place on their own. Enjoy!

 

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." Emmanuel Kant

Edited February 15, 2014 by luvparrots

[Timbersmom]

This is something I've never thought about. As everyone else said, I would have a "love me, love my bird" attitude. Timber is like part of my family. If I were dating (I've been married forever), I would feel the same way about a guy that didn't want my parrot around as I would feel about one who didn't want one of my kids around. His loss! That said, I think the "guy" was wrong who told you birds would be a turnoff. There are probably a few who don't like birds (insert cats, dogs, ferrets, kids, etc. etc.). Those guys just aren't the one for you! Most visitors to my house are fascinated by Timber.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I dated alot, had two marriage proposals, after getting divorced. My birds or dogs were never an issue! It was never ever a question about them. Sophie " tolerated" them. She would never bite them! BUT... I learned " I tolerated them as well!" LOL! I think Sophie knows me better than I know me! Nancy

[Mistyparrot]

When Misty and I came together I always knew it was a long term commitment on my behalf. At the time I was living alone and I found Misty in an advertisement in a shop window. As I had long been keen on adopting a Grey I jumped at the chance. He was with good people but they told me they could not give him the attention he needed or deserved. Misty did not have much choice in the matter but he accepted me from the off. I understood that he is an intelligent and self aware parrot person and I made a one way commitment to give him the best home I could. After ten years we have a good bond and as much as I would like to find a human companion of the female persuasion, for me Misty comes first. That means that if I am lucky enough to find someone she will need to understand that Misty is a vital part of my life and he always will be. It will be a case of love me. Love my Grey. If she is the right person for me she will have no problem with that. As for Misty he is a good natured chap and I am sure he will accept any person who has the right disposition toward him.

 

Steve n Misty

Edited February 16, 2014 by Mistyparrot

[Ray P]

I have worked with and been around lots of people, men and woman all my life. I am a people person and my bird come up in many conversations with them.

I found that there just as many woman that have problems with parrots as men and just as many men are fascinated with parrots as women.

I love my birds and if I were looking for a woman my parrots are part of the package.