For those who have lost a loved one

[danmcq]

Some good words I stumbled upon that rang true with me. I hope anyone else that suffers a loss of a loved one whither human, feathered or furred, that they find peace and love within.

 

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"Do not worry, I am not suffering. Do not blame yourself there was nothing that you could have done. I did what I came to do, and then I moved on. I had no need to experience anymore of this lifetime."

 

 

"I will remain with you, as I have remained with you. The bond between us is strong. You know that I am here because you can feel my love and my presence. You have also allowed yourself to see me on occasions."

 

"You want to believe, but you do not need to believe, only to accept."

 

"There is no reason to be sad. You must remember the happiness and the joy. I am not gone from your life, but my role is different. There has been no loss, only change."

 

 

"Do not be sad, there is sadness within your heart, and you have made that sadness the center of your existence. Remember the love past, feel the love now, and allow that love to be the center of your existence."

 

 

"If love is at the center of your existence, you will draw love to yourself. While sadness remains at the centre of your existence, you will continue to draw sadness to yourself."

 

 

"Remember the love,

Feel the love,

Do not feel loss,

Because there is no loss,

Only change."

Edited August 4, 2013 by danmcq

[katana600]

I can remember and rejoice in the joyful times. I can appreciate the change and all things change. What I want to do is find the way to recreate the joyful experiences in a different form. I am close, but not there yet. Loss creates a void and it is in fillling that void that we redefine how it affects us. As in any change, the transitional period is the hardest part.

[neoow]

Thank you for this.

 

I lost my nan almost a year ago now (it will be a year on 29th August) and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. She had dementia so it was difficult to see her deteriorating but her old self was still there and still shone through from time to time. She suffered from a minor stroke and had to stay in hospital for a few weeks. It was then that she had to be moved to a home as she was no longer able to look after herself. It was a heartbreaking journey but we made sure that she felt loved, safe and secure at all times. When the dementia caused her to see things or hear things we just rode it out, let her talk and waited patiently. There was no point trying to tell her that she was wrong or that whatever it was she was seeing wasn't there because to her it was. It was all real for her. She then suffered another stroke and ended up in hospital again. This time it was worse. I still kept hoping beyond all hope that she would fight back the way she had from the first incident. She moved to another home- they knew another stroke was coming and thankfully managed to get her into a lovely recently opened home. The staff were fantastic but it was just a matter of time before the next and last stroke. It was difficult to comprehend that someone I had loved and respected was in this situation- just a shadow of her former self. Yet still- her true personality would shine through. We had some moments where her sense of humour came flooding back, even if only for a few seconds. Or that smile. Oh that smile.

 

We were all there for her after the last stroke. She held on long enough for all of her children and two of her grandchildren (myself and my sister) to be with her. She was a stubborn old soul at the best of times and proved it then!! Her three children didn't normally get on. But oddly enough, they were fine that day. For the first time in years they were able to sit in the same room and laugh and joke (even at such a rough time). She held on and she waited for that. Family was so important to her. She did everything for family. This was no exception. She only passed when she knew that they would be ok. That they would get on. When we all said we loved her, were so proud of her and that she was free to go because we would all be fine- that was when she passed. As if somehow she knew.

 

It was the hardest day of my life. I have struggled to deal with it- watching a loved one pass away. I bought my first house this year and I would have loved for her to see it. She would have loved the garden- she always loved gardening and my garden is lovely. My sister fell pregnant at the beginning of the year, due September and I know my nan would have loved to be involved- to see her great grand-son. The only way I can carry on is because I hope that she is able to see how we are doing and that she is proud of what we have achieved. I know she is at peace now. I know she hasn't got to battle anymore. But it's still hard to know she has gone.

 

I'm sorry. Your words struck a chord with me. I haven't really spoken to anyone in depth about this before. I guess I'm not quite ready yet. I haven't allowed myself the time needed to grieve. I threw myself straight back into everything after my nan passed and sometimes, when things slow down, it sneaks up on me and catches me out. Like now.

So thank you for these words. And apologies for my ramblings above! I just started typing and couldn't stop.

[danmcq]

Thanks for sharing this about your Nan. We always reflect back and feel the loss, but more importantly the joy and love they brought in to our lives.

 

My Mother has had Dementia for over 12 years now. I had to place her in a nursing home 6 years ago after it became too dangerous for Her to continue living with us. She is still alive, but now barely remembers me and and sometimes I suspect she does not remember me at all on some days. Yet, she smiles and nods when I talk to her and loves for me to just sit and hold her hand. She does not speak much anymore and most the time I can tell she really does not know what I have said or asked. She is 84 and very frail. But, i always remember the good times and love she has brought.

[judygram]

Its never easy losing a loved one but sadly its a fate we all must face one day, be grateful for the time you had with her and cherish the wonderful memories, it does get easier with time.

[katana600]

We just never know when the words or a memory will resonate with us as we are more and more emotionally ready to accept our loss. It is a tribute to your nan that you feel so deeply her loss. Watching her deteriorate had to have been crushing for your family. The way your family came together for her was just what she needed and gave her the peace to let go, it was a generous gift. And Dan, there may be a hundred days when you don't see your mom in there, but the one day when she has a spark of recognition and pleasure at hearing your voice, feeling your hand, lightening her day makes it all worth it. We are dealing with Alzheimers with my mother in law as well.