monkey Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I'm new here, but I had to come somewhere that people will understand. I had my CAG Elwood from 8 weeks, I handfed him, weaned him, loved him. In hindsight I'm annoyed I was sold an unweaned baby, and now it's making me question whether this is why I lost him so young. He was hatched April 21st, and he died yesterday aged 6 months. The pain.. it's almost unbearable. It was so sudden, he showed no signs of illness at all. I don't know if it was shock that killed him, or an injury but I can't stand the thought of a birdy post-mortem. He was a joy, and I miss him so much already. I have covered his cage, I just can't deal with that right now. I still have his little body in a box, I don't know what to do with him. He was out for his breakfast, sweetcorn, sprouts, carrots, pine nuts. He flew to me to say hi, as he always did. He was being a little monkey, demanded head rubs, then I don't know what happened. He fell and landed on my foot but he was limp. My boyfriend said he was reaching with his beak to hold my desk before he fell. He died seconds later. It was quick, I try and take comfort in that but the speed in which he went from happy to gone.. astounds me. Now I'm filled with so many questions. Did I miss something? Was it my fault? Did he have an infection or diesease? Was he born with a defect? My son currently has a bad case of chicken pox, was it that? It's getting cold now, so I'm using the radiators, was it that? I'm always so careful, no scented candles, no teflon but the speed in which he passed leads me to think it could be something like this, or heart attack, or seizure, or a stroke.. I think it's too late for a post mortem, he has been in a box since yesterday, I don't even know how to get one, how much it costs, and whether I actually can cope with knowing. I don't think I can ever get another, the pain of losing him is so intense, I haven't cried so much in my life, and never want to again. I don't know if he had something contagious that would put other birds at risk.. so many ifs and buts. Sorry to put this on anyone, but some of you have been in similar situations x Emma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray P Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Emma I am so sorry for your loss and I understand how you feel. I have had birds for over 40 years and its never easy no mater how old or young. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I am so sorry for your loss Emma but it wasn't your fault, sounds like he died from something that you could not have prevented. Please don't beat yourself up over it, at least his time here was happy and you have many wonderful memories so cherish them. I think you should have that necropsy done to find out what happened especially if you have any other birds, sometimes its best to know why so you can put your mind at ease. Please keep your heart open for maybe another grey, not to replace Elwood but because they are awesome creatures and what better way to honor him, you sound like you have enough love there but let your heart be your guide. Again so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLB Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Emma, I am so sorry to hear this news. I know your heart is broken. Cherish his memory. I agree about the necropsy, it will help and if you ever decide to get another, you will have the reassurance that you have done everything in your power to make sure your house is free from anything that could harm another. You will never replace your sweet baby but it does sound as if you have plenty of love to share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I am so sorry for your family Emma. We lost ours after only seven weeks together and I went through so much of the same thinking as you, what I must have done wrong. We did take him for a necropsy and our vet had a way to preserve him with cold soapy water but he did say it needed to be done within 24 hours to have optimal results to find pathogens. I drove him by myself more than seven hours in the night to get him to a place where his original vet had the facilities and lab. It was four hundred dollars and revealed he had a disease that had nothing to do with our household or anything I worried I may have done. I cried for six weeks even though we had confirmation of the cause of his death. I don't think in my entire life anything had made me cry before. It really does take someone who understands your connection to Elwood to realize this is not just a pet but a real family member. The bottom line on the necropsy is it could help you understand if something caused his death but it will not change your feelings. You know full well that you did everything in your power to give him a good life and he had more love in six months with you than some humans have in a lifetime. You are not putting anything on us, we do care how you feel and are sad for you and send condolences. What helped most for me was the friends on this forum who were here to support us through the loss of two baby Congos and then through the rehoming of a Timneh over time. It also helped for me to make a tribute to Juno after his loss when I sewed a quilt to be raffled for avian research. It took almost a year, but in the beginning I cried while I sewed and later, the sadness started to ease a bit until I could smile at all the joy he brought to my life. Take your time and let your love for Elwood lead you to what is right in your life to grieve for him in your own way. I am so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkey Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 Thank you so very much for your replies. After reading them I have decided to get a nescropy done, I have an appointment with my vet in a few hours, they will also cremate him for me The vet did say, because I didn't refridgerate him that the tests will be limited, but you're right, I need to know. I hope it doesn't take too long to get the results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I am so sorry for your loss. One day, that heart will need another, please stay open, it will heal you.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkey Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 I am so sorry for your loss. One day, that heart will need another, please stay open, it will heal you.. I hope so much for this to be true =[ I've never known pain like this, and I've lost friends and family in the past. Right now I don't see an end to it, but I think the necropsy will help me understand which is a step in the right direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 It is a courageous choice to seek answers. I held my breath in fear that I was negligent in some way but having some answers did help, just not at first. Your hopes and dreams for Elwood have been crushed and it is such an unbearable loss. It is hard right now, but you never would knowingly jeopardize your baby, so give yourself some of the compassion you would give to anyone else suffering. I agree that I never could have expected the extreme heartbreak of losing a little feathered companion with whom I had invested so much of my time, learning and had grown to love in such a short amount of time. My condolences as you find your way through your heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkey Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 Thank you katana. You're absolutely correct in everything you say. I am dreading knowing the cause, I just hope that it comes back with something I couldn't have helped him with or known, that's my only hope right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbersmom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 So sorry for your loss Emma! I have no words to say, but my thoughts and prayers are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 It will take a couple of weeks and every minute seems too long to get answers. When I was at my most distraught, Acapella posted a video where she and Dorian were sharing a song "Just Breathe" and that played over and over soothing my broken heart. Just breathe, take one moment at a time and I promise you are going to see this through to better days ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayd Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Our hearts cry for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murfchck Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywings Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Crushing news of your loss. Hope fully knowing what happened will at least let your mind quit the speculating and the self blame issues go by the wayside. Elwood took a piece of your heart with him and you will always carry him in your soul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkey Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Thank you for your kind words everyone, they mean a lot. Elwood is with my vet now, I just have an agonising wait until he calls with some results, although he told me that it's 40% success rate which is low, I'm still hopeful I'll know something at least. As I said, his death was very sudden, and the more I think back, the more sure I am that I missed no signs of illness. I've been trawling the internet for clues as to what happened, and there are 3 things stuck in my head. 1 - my son currently has chickenpox 2 - Elwood may have had underlying issues but number 3 is where I'm at right now, if it's ok to double post, I may ask this question in another part of the forum too so more people see it. 3 - It's just got cold enough here in the UK to put the heating on. I had a new radiator installed last year. My desk is right next to the radiator. Elwood was on me, by this radiator when he passed away. At first I searched for radiator covering, and found they are powder coated like bird cages. After a lot more digging I have found that PTFE tape (aka Teflon Tape) is routinely used in radiator valves and joints. The symptoms of Elwoods death are identical to those of teflon poisoning. I know some say teflon needs to reach a high heat before it gives off fumes, but I've also read if it's damaged in any way (ie squeezed around pipes) that fumes can be given off at a much lower heat. Can anyone give any insight on this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 We have a different kind of heating system with baseboard heat but I do know there are lots of our members in the UK and if this teflon tape was giving off fumes, I think we would be hearing from more of them. It is a stretch, but I know I was going through the same thing wondering about an enamel coated wrought iron tree I bought for Juno. Even though it was proven that he passed from a known and proven disease, I still could not bear bringing that tree back in for my subsequent parrots. We do have that teflon tape on all our joints for water heaters, gas lines and pipes, but they are not in accessible places where our parrots could chew them and almost everyone I know has the same type of fittings with no issues. We drink the water that probably doesn't have any direct contact with the tape and we have friends with hot water based heating through pipes that are sealed with the same teflon tape, again, have heard of no issues with their parrots. I know my limited knowledge is a paltry offering to you in your grief, but I am thinking about you every day as you agonize while waiting for some kind of answer for your boy. I promise, it does get easier, it will still take a long time regardless of the outcome of the necropsy, you heart is still empty and searching to understand. I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrot Lady Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 so sorry for your loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitt4kaz Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I am truly sorry for your loss! I hope you get some answers as to what happened to your baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOT A GREY Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 did the vet ever report back? such a sad story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloe's mom Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 i'm so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CNY750Rider Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 I am very sad reading this and my heart goes out to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I am so sorry for your loss. I know you want answers. You were a fantastic parent. Let us know, if you find the answer. I don't think teflon poisoning is the answer.Please continue to communicate with us and let us share your grief. Nancy and Sophie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittykittykitty Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I am so very sorry. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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