kave70 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Hi, Sam has been here 9 months now. The progress is very slow, but I'm not worried about that- we love him for him. We do have a situation that I could really use some help with. Sam LOVES my husband and screams non-stop, every waking moment that Joe is home. He gets overly frantic, paces in his cage, shakes one leg (it's actually funny to watch.... just for a while). While he's at work or not home, Sam whistles and makes a lot of noises, but still no talking. As soon as the truck pulls in, it's screaming time, for hours. At 5 am, when he gets up for work, the screaming resumes, until he's out the door. He makes it a habit to come in and say hello to Sam, and say Good Morning and Good Night. We let Sam sit with us when we watch TV (he sits on a perch after a few minutes of cuddling with Joe). If Joe turns his attention to the dogs, the computer, or anything else, the screaming begins and seems to just escalate until we go to bed. We've tried a whistle in response, to change the call, but to no avail. Sam still won't let me interact much with him- but I do manage to take him out every day while no one is home, and he does fine- he always looks scared, so I don't require too much of him... just have him out with me for a bit. I've tried setting him up with his favorite foraging toys right before Joe gets home, or when he first wakes up, but Sam has no interest in ANYTHING other than Joe. He won't even take an almond (his very favorite treat)- he just frantically screams and paces. So, this post is all over the place, but I'm just trying to get in most of the facts that might seem pertinent. What is the best way to handle this situation? Should we ignore it (we've been trying but my husband is exhausted - Sam screams every waking moment he is home). Suggestions please- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywings Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Can you describe how his cage is situated please? He sounds stressed and I am sure you are all stressed as well. Does he play with toys? Is his cage located where he can make visual contact while hubby is home? Or is he situated where he can hear but not see? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kave70 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Thanks for the reply- We have an open floor plan and Sam's (and my cockatiels) cage is right in the kitchen, where he can see almost every part of the main living area. We spend almost the entire day in this area, as I care for an sick family member, and keep her in the same area. When Joe comes home, we have coffee about 4 feet in front of the cage. In the evening, Sam stays out in our living room, with us. He sits on a perch on the coffee table, right in the middle of everything. Even if a dog comes near for a pet, he starts screaming. He is still so skittish that toys aren't his favorite thing. I offer lots and lots of different toys and there are one or two (usually the foraging toys) that he will touch. It takes months for him to even go near a new toy- even slightly rearranging his cage makes him scared for a few days. He will just sit on his perch or cling to the sides, not daring to go near the moved toy. He has a HUGE corner cage that we have never covered at night. Might that help? I might need a ladder to do so :-) As soon as we go to bed, he is silent. Right now, he's making all kinds of whistles and kissing sounds- screaming here and there, but not much at all. Come 4:00 pm, he'll be screaming until bed time. Have I missed anything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywings Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 (edited) I would try giving him a cover on at least one side of his cage so he can retreat into a safe zone if he feels threatened. You can also cover the cage at his bedtime but he will still hear you and any activities. A good 8-10 hrs uninterrupted sleep might help him, Sometimes a small sleep cage that is in a separate area is helpful. Edited March 30, 2012 by Greywings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Have you tried turning on the radio, stereo or tv to distract Sam. If my parrots start making noise I don't want to hear, I sing to them. That using will stop the noise as they are curious about the new noise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kave70 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 It sounds like Sam wants attention from his chosen human and thinks screaming is the way to make that happen and the way to interact with the chosen human. He is mad because someone or something is coming between him and his beloved Joe. If this were a small child throwing a screaming fit I would put the child in time out. With a parrot throwing a jealous screaming fit I'm not sure what to suggest. Obviously you haven't found a way to redirect Sams behavior. How does Joe react to the screaming? Does he retreat to another room? Stop what he's doing to talk with Sam? Ignore it? All of them depending on his mood/day? How does Joe normally react? For the most part we have been attempting to have Joe come in and great him with a whistle that he loves and says hello before he even sits down. Our hope was that we could encourage Sam to use this whistle as a call, instead of screeching. Joe is pretty consistant, (but no one is perfect) and takes Sam out for the same amount of time every evening, and always greets and says goodbye to him. As I type, Sam is in full gear, screaming and screaming because Joe fell asleep on the couch. I checked and I'm sure he can see him- he just WANTS him. Music, singing, tv, nothing seems to help- we're still learning what motivates/calms/ relaxes him. If I could vaccuum all night, he'd be happy - that's when he goes into full whistle time. I'm going to buy some king size sheets to cover his huge cage with, and maybe we can make bedtime a little earlier and hopefully the sheets will keep him quiet at 5 am. I sure hope I can figure out how to redirect his behavior- I know I must be missing something and making the situation worse :-( I keep telling Sam that if he were smart, he'd have ME as his special human, because I'm home all day.......... too bad he doesn't agree. Any and all suggestions are appreciated by myself and more importantly JOE! Thanks, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Very normal behavior. A new baby, tends to prefer one human over another. Your baby is right on schedule! You have to choose, what path of parrenthood, you would like to follow. Let your baby dictate the rules, or do you want to set the rules. If you choose the path that parents set the rules, then you also need to accept the road of " I'm not here to please you!". Its a hard choice to do this. If you choose the harder road.... I promise you, it is a long road, but truly worth the journey! I chose the hard road. Sophie now loves ALL of us! We are all inportant to her, for different reasons. She will stepup to all of us. I don't even know how to say " stepup", as the moment I walk in the door, she has her footup waiting for me at the door. She is patient, and knows I need to let pups out. Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kave70 Posted March 31, 2012 Author Share Posted March 31, 2012 Very normal behavior. A new baby, tends to prefer one human over another. Your baby is right on schedule! You have to choose, what path of parrenthood, you would like to follow. Let your baby dictate the rules, or do you want to set the rules. If you choose the path that parents set the rules, then you also need to accept the road of " I'm not here to please you!". Its a hard choice to do this. If you choose the harder road.... I promise you, it is a long road, but truly worth the journey! I chose the hard road. Sophie now loves ALL of us! We are all inportant to her, for different reasons. She will stepup to all of us. I don't even know how to say " stepup", as the moment I walk in the door, she has her footup waiting for me at the door. She is patient, and knows I need to let pups out. Nancy Thanks for your thoughts and advice Nancy. Sam is a rehome of unknown age, but estimated to be about 8-10 years. I am not overly concerned with the fact that he prefers my husband, but more that the screaming has becoming increasingly worse, instead of better over these months. There must be something we should be doing better to help calm his frantic screaming and climbing. It can't be a very happy way to be, and the screaming never seems to end, as long as Joe is home. I feel like there is something I should be doing to help calm the situation. We appreciate all thoughts and suggestions- and will be trying each of them. Karen and Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pikachu Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 A bird behaviorist has told me that these birds really need 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Not only does our CAG get this but she is placed in a sleep cage, in a separate room to achieve this. Sometimes in the afternoon she gets noisy. Or, she repeatedly makes the smoke detector noise. When I put her "in bed" for the night, she gets totally quiet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Timeout, won't work for your bird. I would suggest, continue to provide routine, let your bird see you keep them safe. When hubby is home, let bird see you together. The trust may take a long time. Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kave70 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 A quick update- the screaming/pacing has diminished a lot. I still see that when Sam is looking for my husband (he has started a night class and it's messing up Sam's cuddle time) he gets himself in a tizzy. Once he's in that mode, there is no consoling him. My husband has been getting up 15 minutes earlier, to spend a little morning time with Sam and then in the evening, when I can begin to see the stress signs, I give him an almond and cover his cage. Sam has that enormous cage, but I used my trusty sewing machine to make a cover. It's not the perfect solution, but it seems to have helped a lot. Now, if only I could get that cover on easier :-) Karen and Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 It may seem like slow progress but you take it in small steps and you are getting there, it does take time and I think it will continue to diminish with the changes you have taken to make his life easier, kudos for finding a way to get him to cut back on the screaming and thanks so much for updating us on your progress. Bless his little pea picking heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acappella Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I just wanted to give you lots of credit for sticking with this and working so hard to find a solution. So many birds get re-homed when a behaviour like this happens. You and your husband both deserve big time praise. You're great parronts. Sounds like you're on the right track. If you can intervene when you see he's beginning to even think about screaming you have a good shot at breaking the connection in his brain between him screaming and then getting what he wants, which is one-on-one time with your husband. If he starts screaming when he hears the truck, I'd try Wingy's suggestion. Just for a while, have Joe park further away, then walk to the house. That way he could be in and saying hi to your demanding little one before the scream switch get triggered. Once Sam starts screaming he's likely just like a little kid throwing a tantrum. The screaming upsets him more/the upset feelings make him scream . . . and you're all caught up in the cycle with him. Keep us updated. You can always come here to vent when he makes you feel like screaming! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 kave70 Way too soon to start discipling or training. Trust needs to be established first. Encourage your bird to see Joe be affectionate to you. Talking, holding hands, etc. If Joe trusts you, you must be okay. Encourage your bird to come out when you are together! Practice " stepup" to each other. Make it a game. Birds love it Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray P Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Socializing, trust and bonding go hand and hand. You reward the good and ignor the bad. Discipline is not the way to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kave70 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Thanks for the positive responses. I just love him and I'm so proud of our steps forward... however small they may be. :-) Karen and Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Karen, it takes a long time! The commitment the entire family makes, is sooo worth it. Twelve years later, Sophie goes to everyone in the family. She loves all of us, but is fond of different things we bring to the table. I am very proud of her, how well she adapted when Ryan went off to college. She didn't even blink! When I remind her that " Ryan has to go to school, to get smart", she tells me " Sophie smart!" Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayd Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Thanks for your thoughts and advice Nancy. Sam is a rehome of unknown age, but estimated to be about 8-10 years. I am not overly concerned with the fact that he prefers my husband, but more that the screaming has becoming increasingly worse, instead of better over these months. There must be something we should be doing better to help calm his frantic screaming and climbing. It can't be a very happy way to be, and the screaming never seems to end, as long as Joe is home. I feel like there is something I should be doing to help calm the situation. We appreciate all thoughts and suggestions- and will be trying each of them. Karen and Sam Being a Re-home, the problem could be deep seated. One possibility could be that the person he was attached to in his previous environment paid little or no attention to him. This is common with cockatoo's. At some point your Grey feels that he might be abandoned [again], when you first got him, not much of a problem, as time when on and he adopted your husband, things got worst, "fear of being abandoned again"...We've seen this a lot where a loved parront died or a loved parront gave the bird away...Suggestion: Ignore the actions, conduct your daily routine around him like nothing is wrong, when you walk by him, say "Hi", other times play with him as you normally wouldd, clean, vacuum, eat etc,like nothing is wrong, follow this routine, make him a part of it...This is really hard on every one. Keep a eye open for other possible "Baggage" issues. Cease all references to his previous life, cage old toys etc, start fresh...Jay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Since your grey seems attached to your husband perhaps when he goes to work or outside he makes a point of telling Sam that he is going to work/outside and that he will be back. I have always told my parrots when I am leaving the house/room and that I will be back and when I return I make a point of greeting them. They seem to accept and understand my going and coming back now. Perhaps if your husband did something the same, it will help Sam understand that he will be back. A routine will develop that Sam can accept perhaps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kave70 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Great advice, thanks. I was making the situation worse by allowing Sam to stay up late and get very tired and cranky and then worked up. I truly believe that by finally making a cover for that huge cage and making sure he is well rested, the screaming has subsided some, and I am good at ignoring it. My concern was always for that tizzy he worked himself up to. I think we're on the right path, and will make sure Joe explains to him that he will be back. This board is so very helpful! Karen and Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kave70 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Being a Re-home, the problem could be deep seated. One possibility could be that the person he was attached to in his previous environment paid little or no attention to him. This is common with cockatoo's. At some point your Grey feels that he might be abandoned [again], when you first got him, not much of a problem, as time when on and he adopted your husband, things got worst, "fear of being abandoned again"...We've seen this a lot where a loved parront died or a loved parront gave the bird away...Suggestion: Ignore the actions, conduct your daily routine around him like nothing is wrong, when you walk by him, say "Hi", other times play with him as you normally wouldd, clean, vacuum, eat etc,like nothing is wrong, follow this routine, make him a part of it...This is really hard on every one. Keep a eye open for other possible "Baggage" issues. Cease all references to his previous life, cage old toys etc, start fresh...Jay Such wise, excellent advice. Thank you for the important reminders. Unfortunately, I think Sam has a lot of "baggage issues" but I'm hoping with time some of them ease. I have been telling him that he has found his home and we will never leave him. Do you think this is a good idea or a bad one? I absolutely love him and feel we have made such tremendous strides. We have years to go, and we're in for the long haul. The fact that he now whistles and comes out of his cage more are all good signs. He seems to look for me in the morning when I go outside to tend to all the outdoor critters and I can hear him whistling and making lots of noises. :-) Karen and Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayd Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Thank you. Your doing right, keep it up. Greys, especially ones who are confused not only by the move but who were attached to someone and didn't understand why this happened, love to be talked to, read to them, ask them questions, sing, both you and your husband as you go around your daily routine. Your aon the right path, and your cage cover surly has helped. You will see a change, be patient. Keep a eye open for anything that does't seem right like saying words or names that aren't used around your house or singing a song that isn't heard in you home. If any reference is made to a name you don't recognize, ignore it and chance the subject. Example: I would say to Joe, "Jay loves you" he would never say anything, after a long ti was his me Joe said. "I love you Papa". We found out that "Ray" was a bad memory. Don't stop...Jay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 One thing I really believe in, is routine. I did this with my rescue sunconure, as well as rehomed Grey. Bedtime especially! My gang is expected to go to bed at 8pm. Of course it was a struggle for awhile, but now they fly, or walk off to bed without being asked. Routine for us, has paid off. ( may not work for everyone). I believe it has given them all a sense of security. nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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