Wingy Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I have waited until all the kids had left the nest before bringing any bird home. All the kids had left and I was ready. Now for the dilemma. I had planned on putting a deposit down on a grey this spring so that he/she should be ready to come home before November. The bird store is 65 miles away and in the lake effect snow belt so I have a small window of opportunity. One of the kids has recently moved back home and there is no telling for how long. Now I don't know what to do. Should I wait until this kid moves out again or not? I am so torn here. Part of me says to just do it, everything will be fine and that I'm over thinking the whole situation. The other part of me says that its unfair to bring any creature into the home when I know one of the humans will be leaving, that I am aiding in a situation that could cause a baby stress, bring about stress related behaviors, and to just wait until next spring to try again. Please give me your opinions. I'm flip flopping more than a politician. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimijean Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I think you're over thinking it. I've never had a grey but have had many birds. I'm bringing home a baby CAG in about three months (s/he's an egg right now) my son is 16 and lives with my. I have no intentions of waiting. Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rafiki Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hi Wingy, I understand your feelings of uncertainty. I brought home my first Grey (first bird too) this evening. I visited the store yesterday to feel things out after considering a Grey for some time. I met a 4 yr old Grey during my visit who just arrived that day. Given the circumstances she was so sweet an came right to me. She was shaking and afraid of her new surroundings. I immediately fell in love with her but bought left to think more about it that evening. The more I read the more I couldn't wait to get back to pick her up but I too had moments of doubt. I am still a bit timid of her myself, but I am so excited she is home now. I cannot wait for our relationship to blossom. I feel like the more calm and at ease I feel, she can tell and she mirrors my behavior. Good luck I am sure you will make the best decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 The more the merrier I say. My kids were still living at home when I brought home my parrots. One was going back and forth to college at the time and she was the hardest one to introduce to the birds, Java was always trying to drive away the intruder. It took a long time for them to reach friendly terms. The way I look at it, my parrot is going to outlive me and my kids are committed to continuing care for them. Better for your child to be there bonding with your baby parrot and then coming and going in the years and having knowlege of parrot care. The only problem I see (wink wink) is once your adult child sees how much more fun "home" is with a parrot, you may not be able to pry them into independence. Just kidding. You may be overthinking it, but you are the one to have to live with the situation. My kids do come and go, my husband travels a lot and the parrots just take it in stride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Having a child back at home should not have any affect on your decision to get a grey. In fact, I personally believe the more people around, the better socialization will take place and also that people come and go. The only issue that may be a problem, is if helping the child and cost while they are back at home would put you in a financial situation where you could not properly provide for both at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 No offense, butI would not let your kid coming home dictate whether you get a grey or not. It is very easy to have a bird and kids. I have 3 kids living at home,3 parrots, 2 budgies, and other pets.we all manage very well, my birds are free flighted, so they are free to follow me around while I do other things. You sound like someonenwho always did for others in your,life, Time to put YOUr own wants ahead of your kids for once in your life, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 You have waited long enough in my opinion, quit analysing the situation and do what you want to do, kids may come and go and if you wait for the perfect time you will never realize your dream, its time you put your own needs first, now go get that bird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingy Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 Having a child back at home should not have any affect on your decision to get a grey. In fact, I personally believe the more people around, the better socialization will take place and also that people come and go. The only issue that may be a problem, is if helping the child and cost while they are back at home would put you in a financial situation where you could not properly provide for both at the same time. The cost of this one returning home is minimal. A couple of meals, a few extra hours of a light on and 2 additional loads of laundry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingy Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 No offense, butI would not let your kid coming home dictate whether you get a grey or not. It is very easy to have a bird and kids. I have 3 kids living at home,3 parrots, 2 budgies, and other pets.we all manage very well, my birds are free flighted, so they are free to follow me around while I do other things. You sound like someonenwho always did for others in your,life, Time to put YOUr own wants ahead of your kids for once in your life, The kid that returned home isn't the problem. She loves all things and is excited. My only concern is the baby grey. Will this kid moving out say within 6 to 12 months of bringing a baby grey home cause undo stress on the bird? My immediate wants are secondary to having a happy well adjusted bird and being a responsible parront. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave007 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) Well, it's really not a dilemma. Just take your kid and tell him/her to move out permanently and not think about coming back. Make sure that any furniture and other personal belongings are outside in a pile. Just tell the kid that he/she isn't wanted anymore. Tell the kid to never disturb your peacefulness again. Tell the kid to go and get a job like all other responsible kids do. If there's no living quarters available make sure the barn is temporarily available. Tell the kid that it's not worth spending more time or money with him/her. Make it clear that you've had enough. Tell the kid that you're bored with the past lifestyle and you're moving on to a very good parrot that'll understand what it's really like to be grateful for the small things. Tell the kid that you realize that it's time that you wanna think only of yourself. Tell your kid that 65 miles isn't a long distance to finally get happiness and contentment. After all, you are thinking like a politician, right? Edited March 18, 2012 by Dave007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Oh heavens, get your baby grey. I was busy raising my kids and never had the money to have a parrot. Once they were married or out on their own I was alone and finally got my parrot. I now have three, one for each child! My parrots know them all, including my grandchildren and everyone has learned to accept each other. My parrots have favorites and when my kids visit they choose (my parrots do) which they want to interact with. Nothing is upset then the kids go home my parrots have adjusted to their coming and going. You are over thinking everything, now is the time of your life that you should do things for yourself. My three parrots are like three children, I love it and I believe so do they. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hahaha Dave, I can relate. Both mine are out, I tell them they are welcome to come home to live if they want, but they have to renovate the basement and I don't plan to put heat or AC down there. Then I moved in huge industrial sewing machine, so now I tell them they can be my sweat shop employees. Wingy, I think when we think of our rehomed parrots grieving for their people, it is because they lost everything familiar all in one fell swoop. If one person is the "bird person" and that person moves out and the rest of the household is ambivalent, that might cause the parrot upset because the love is gone. I don't foresee that happening with your household, you are the one who is wanting the bird, with support from your kids. My kids do come and go, spend the weekend and they are recognized flock members. Once Java accepted our daughter, now she can come in after a few months away and pick her up and scratch her head and they are fast friends the minute she comes back in the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingy Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 Well, it's really not a dilemma. Just take your kid and tell him/her to move out permanently and not think about coming back. Make sure that any furniture and other personal belongings are outside in a pile. Just tell the kid that he/she isn't wanted anymore. Tell the kid to never disturb your peacefulness again. Tell the kid to go and get a job like all other responsible kids do. If there's no living quarters available make sure the barn is temporarily available. Tell the kid that it's not worth spending more time or money with him/her. Make it clear that you've had enough. Tell the kid that you're bored with the past lifestyle and you're moving on to a very good parrot that'll understand what it's really like to be grateful for the small things. Tell the kid that you realize that it's time that you wanna think only of yourself. Tell your kid that 65 miles isn't a long distance to finally get happiness and contentment.After all, you are thinking like a politician, right? You sound an awful lot like some of my family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 You sound an awful lot like some of my family. We ARE your family, your bird family and Dave's post has its merits but we just want you to have what you have wanted for so long, time to take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ariisamis Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Ok so after reading this tread I have to ask, am I a bad parent because I am getting a grey and I too have children ages 18, 15 and 8. Should I have waited until they all moved out? I think I have enough love in me for all my children humans and birds. But if you tell me that it is not a good thing I will hold off for at least 8 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 No you are not a bad parent, many of our members got their greys while their kids were still living at home and even at young ages, its just that Wingy wanted to wait until all hers were gone and one had come back. Children and greys can and do mix well if it is handled properly, your kids are not of the real young age as two of them are teenagers and I am sure you will instruct them in how to behave and interact with your new grey, after all you have read what has been written by others here with the same situation so rest assured that you are doing the right thing, if you want it to work then it will work. Besides having the kids around a lot now will go a long way to socialize your new baby for the baby years are the formative ones. Good question though, glad you asked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Dave... you had me laughing!!!! They keep coming back, no matter what you do! That being said... kids as teenagers focus on themselves, they don't care if we as parents get a bird! They want us to be happy, and will NOT be jealous. Even though Sophie was here for a decade, I was waiting for the " fallout", when Ryan left for school, as they are extremely close. Didn't happen! When he calls... Sophie gets on the phone and is excited to talk to him. When he walks in the door at midnite, she comes running in the kitchen to see her friend. When he leaves two weeks later.... she is just as happy. No changes, in anything! Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pikachu Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Ok so after reading this tread I have to ask, am I a bad parent because I am getting a grey and I too have children ages 18, 15 and 8. Should I have waited until they all moved out? I think I have enough love in me for all my children humans and birds. But if you tell me that it is not a good thing I will hold off for at least 8 years. We have two children, the eldest is getting married in three months. Her fiance comes to visit every weekend, sometimes with his son. So, in three months all of them will be gone, but they will visit. I have no doubt that the birds will take it in stride. I can't imagine if we waited to add the birds until everyone left. Our birds ENHANCE our family. Everyone takes great joy in having them around. I think to wait would have robbed them (my family) of their joy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingy Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) Ok so after reading this tread I have to ask, am I a bad parent because I am getting a grey and I too have children ages 18, 15 and 8. Should I have waited until they all moved out? I think I have enough love in me for all my children humans and birds. But if you tell me that it is not a good thing I will hold off for at least 8 years. I am so sorry I may have caused you grief. Children and birds do go together. My situation and question was not because there is a kid (ok young adult) in the house but out of fear that a baby grey would be stressed and traumatized by losing to many caregivers in a relatively short period of time. My reasons for wanting to wait until the kids had all left home are many but the biggest reason is because I wanted to see what my kidless life would be like. **Edited to add. Now that one has flown back to the nest yes I do miss parts of being kidless. I have to always be dressed, have to share the bathroom and get "the look" if I eat dessert before dinner. On the flip side I am cooking more and enjoy the activity of having a young adult around like phones ringing and people stopping by. Edited March 18, 2012 by Wingy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ariisamis Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thank you all, I was starting to panic. I have fallen in love with my baby and so looking forward to bringing him/her home. I do take my children to the breeders to visit when I go. We have been working with the children about things they must know such as what not to give them to eat, fumes and odors, holding the new baby and other things to get ready. I will also stick with my new family here to help us along the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Ok so after reading this tread I have to ask, am I a bad parent because I am getting a grey and I too have children ages 18, 15 and 8. Should I have waited until they all moved out? I think I have enough love in me for all my children humans and birds. But if you tell me that it is not a good thing I will hold off for at least 8 years. You are not a bad parent. My kids are 19, 17, and 13. We all do fine, just like having more kids, there is always enough Love to go around, and it is good for the birds to get used to kids coming and going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I really don't see a problem. I think you should get your bird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 ariisamis... so sorry, you got caught in us just having fun! Your children's ages are just fine! My oldest was nine years old when Sophie came home. She was the BEST experience for him, and loves him to death a decade later! The moment he walks in the door from college, I get a quick peck... he wants to see Sophie. She's already climbing down her cage to find him! I am sooo proud, that my goal of owning a grey, who loves the entire family, has been met. I am soo proud! Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ariisamis Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Thank you all, it does make me feel better about getting my baby. My children think its neat to have something other than a cat or dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovethatgrey Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 What exactly is provoking these concerns for you? Would there be a particular reason why your son/daughter returning to live with you should have an impact on whether you bring home an african grey or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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