Thebirdistheword Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 oh lord i was afraid this would happen. Roxie loves Dusty my fiance She just seems to tolerate me. I am so sad I feel like crying. I do everything for her and all he does is hold her and talk to her I do talk to her alot and try to hold her but she keeps flying off. maybe because i home all day and night because i am on a medical leave. I dont know what to do any suggestions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLB Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I am fairly sure I won't be the only one to suggest this....be patient. I completely understand how you feel. I often feel like Shadow's slave (chief cook and bottle washer for all in my home). However, after some time, I have come to terms with her preference for my husband. More importantly, I have continued to be patient, gentle and kind. Once I accepted the reality, I lessened my expectations and stopped trying so hard. I was assured that my devotion would not go unnoticed and I am happy to say it is true! Although Shadow still loves him best, she is much better with me and I have come to appreciate her small tokens of affection. Shadow has been with us for 5 months and I know in my heart that she has accepted me and I have accepted our relationship, however she wants it to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 It is a little upsetting but I will surely take your advice maybe i am trying to hard. Thanks for the advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life is Greyt Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I can see how this would be really upsetting, but I think CLB gave you the right advice. Try to relax because if you are tense she will know it. Give her time to settle in and just continue to be with her. They do tend to pick favorites, but I have been told that the favorite can change back and forth. She doesn't know how highly anticipated she was, so try to relax and let things unfold. Keep us posted on how things go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 thanks for that advice i will keep u posted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thenabrd Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 i know exactly how you feel!!! unfortunately, i don't think there's an answer to why. kallie thinks my husband is the be all, end all of the universe!!! she likes me, lets me give her head scratches, take care of her needs, but i'm not her favorite. i'm home all day as well. my husband went along with my desire to bring her into our home when her previous owner (an elderly woman) passed away. there was no man in that home, only the woman, so it was thought that she'd learn to accept a man, but would probably prefer me. lol, wrong!!!!!! yes i was heartbroken, since i'd always wanted a grey and my husband was loving enough to let my dream come true. however, i'm thrilled that she loves one of us this much! she could have rejected us both and only "accepted" us, making her life less full. we've had kallie now about 1 year. i love her to pieces even though i'm not her favorite. its a hard situation, our birds pick us in the end. you'll find that there will be things she'll accept from you or do for you that she might not do for your fiancee! both of our girls interact with each of us in a slightly different way, whether its allowing scratches in specific places or speaking in a gentler voice, etc. (ex. athena won't let me scratch her head, but let's my husband and she uses a gentler voice and different "kissy" sound for him. kallie lets me scratch her "chin" and neck, but isn't too thrilled when my husband does.) we take these differences and cherish them as the girls way of saying "you may not be my favorite, but i still think you're special". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLB Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) I will say that Shadow's feelings towards me were much more obvious after I had to be away from home. I had several days where I was gone all day (normally home) and when I finally sat down Shadow eagerly stepped up and obviously wanted to be with me. I am still not her favorite but that's ok. I think she was thinking "how can I miss you if you never go away?". Once I was gone....she realized what she was missing. I have a dear friend that reminds me all the time that what Shadow sees is that my job is to take care of everyone, people and animals alike so why would it be any different with her? Heartbreaking for those of us that want to be the favorite. I was very sad but again, once I came to realize that Shadow didn't actually dislike me I have come to terms with our relationship and everything is great. Maybe one day things will change...who knows? Living with a grey bird seems to be a new adventure every day! BTW...Shadow does not let me give her scratches and in the beginning I honestly felt like she was just going to be "another mouth to feed". Fortunately that has changed! Edited February 8, 2012 by CLB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave007 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Thebirdistheword Listen, before you get a whole lot of complex solutions that you're hearing about, the whole picture should be talked about. Many members may not know the short complete set of present situations. Right now, there aren't many facts to be spoken about concerning your bird so this will be a short reply. Ok, so you're worried about what your bird is now doing concerning hubby/fiance. ( playing favorites). BUT, what you didn't mention in this thread is how long you've had your bird. So lets see, if I'm not mistaken, you got your bird around 1/22/02. That means that you have your bird approx 2 weeks SO, you have a bird that's no where near being settled in and you're making judgements concerning behavior which is gonna change constantly as this time passes. Your bird iswn't a machine and won't follow some sort of routine that you've heard other birds have. All birds are different. That's why people will say that a grey is an individual and needs to be treated like that. So, slow down and let your bird become a complete member of the family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracie Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I am also going through this with a LS Cockatoo. We got her around the same time that you got your bird. She hates me. When I open her cage she frantically flies past me to the floor and runs. If my boyfriend or my son open her cage she scrambles up their arm and cuddles with them. She also calls for them and talks like crazy when they are in the room begging at her door to come out. When it's me she goes to the highest perch in her cage and doesn't make a peep. I no longer try to bring her out. I am respecting the fact that she is unsure of me, as forcing myself on her will cause more fear. Instead I sit close to the boys she loves and ask to pet her. If I reach and she shows fear I back off. If I reach and she allows a scratch I give her a wonderful head massage and give her a treats. Now, as long as I ask first and she understands my intention she allows me to touch her whole body and will walk towards me to get a massage. She is still not willing to step up for me, but I can see the trust building day by day. I hope that she comes around at some point, but unfortunately we cannot control who living beings choose to love. However, we can change fear by fostering trust. So my advice is for you to figure out if it might be fear or insecurity that makes your bird fly from you. One day the cockatoo flew to the floor and I was the only one home to get her. I had to chase her to put her away. This chase was scarey for her and sent our relationship right back to the very first day. Though the human emotion of jealousy and the need to be loved in return is strong, it is important to love these birds for the complicated beings that they are no matter how they feel about us because as they grow and mature the way they feel about us changes to some degree many times over through the years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I always wonder why new bird owners get a bird, then expect it to become attached to them over everyone else in their family. Birds dont have the sense of gratefulness & devotion like a cat or dog does just because YOU are the caregiver. When you bring a parrot into your family, your family becomes it's flock. THEY decide who is their favorite, has nothing to do with WHO gives the care or not. As you will find out, over time, the bird will have different favorite people at different times in its life. THEY decide, you cant force or unforce it. ALL you can do is love him/her unconditionally, dont show your disappointment, and your bird will love you just as he will everyone in your family as long as they all interact with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 You have not even had the bird for very long and it takes time for a grey to settle into a new home and much too early to know if she has a favorite yet, besides there is not anything you can do to make her change her mind if she does like him better, give her plenty of time and be patient with her during the readjustment period and you may be surprised. Don't let her see your disappointment, just treat her the same as if you had been the chosen one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I LOVED what Talon had to say. An African grey, will pick one person, that he or she will will bond with. Have that one person, work on bonding with the rest of the family. Sophie, would pick Ryan, if left to bond with one person. She's NOT given that opportunity. If there was a fire, or her life was threatened in any way, she wouldn't scream Ryan! She would scream for " ROM!" She knows whom she likes for fun, as well as who keeps her safe. Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 They do, of course, have a preference, BUT they can learn to love everybody! Do not despair. Be patient and build trust. Our CAG prefers me but my husband has a great relationship with him. The only difference is in the evening he likes to cuddle with me, and that is the only thing that cannot be changed. Brutus is affectionate with my husband all the rest of the time. That's pretty good, don't you think? Right now they are having one-on-one time in his office. Brutus loves us both, and you can develop the same situation too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aerial.2000 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 All super great answers great great thread with everything else I have bought so far for my baby ... maybe I can get some patience on Ebay or Amazon too :rolleyes: lol ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Thanks dave actually I just brought her home on Sunday. I appreciate your advice. Also my fiance resembles her previous owner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 lol yea with all the advice I feel better about everything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Thanks so much. she will step up for all of us which is good too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Thankyou Talon I appreciate that advice. I just want to be a great mommy and all of you are helping me with that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Thankyou Talon I appreciate that advice. I just want to be a great mommy and all of you are helping me with that Your welcome, sorry if I came across a bit harsh, my patience are short, just had paper and lower mouth surgery that day... I am sure you will be a wonderful,parent, and their will be things that your bird loves about you, and then he may have times when he will cuddle with someone else it's early and things will settle down, but it can take many months. Our favorite person for my 2 greys to cuddle at night goes between me and my daughter depending on whose home and who is working at night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 You didnt come across harsh. I want everyones honest opinion. Roxie is now doing the woof whistle and she said hello again. She actually sat with me for like an hour watching the grammy awards. Then she pooped on me. Theres nothing like a quick feeling of warmth running down your arm. lol Oh and today I got her to eat roudybush I just kept offering like Nancy told me and many others and it worked. woo hoo. My baby is on her way to a great diet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I can understand, a new parent being dissappointed, if the bird loves someone else, more than them. They may have put all the energy into buying the bird, learning how to care for it. The bird was extremely important to them, and not the rest of the family. That HURTS! Don't worry, Thebirdistheword! There is a solution! An African Grey, tends to choose one person. If Moxie's previous owner was a male, she will continue to do so. She is young and will be receptive to learning. Number one... it is important for Moxie to watch and be involved in interactions between you and your boyfriend. Once she is curious, wants to hangout with you guys, play a boardgame. I know it sounds stupid... but for us, it was that easy. If its your turn, Moxie needs to stepup if she wants to play. ( try the game TROUBLE).Sophie loves all of us! We fufill her needs, independent of each other. She steps up to all of us. We all think "she loves us best!" LOL Ryan teaches her music and dancing, Sean teaches her how to play tag, I feed her, enforce bedtime and keeping her safe, i could go on and on. At the end of the day, it is a family effort. She recognizes this. Hence... why wouldn't she stepup to all of us? We all have something to offer! Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebirdistheword Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 You are right Nancy. But it stinks because no one in this house takes care of her at all. I do everything. All dusty does it talk to her and hold her and play with her. I feed her give her water shower talk to her sing to her clean her cage make her toys I am the one who bought her and everything she needs it is just hard to deal with. At the same time after talking with u and others it will take time and I just have to wait and try everything you all tell me and hope it works. Thanks for everything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aerial.2000 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 How is Roxie doing?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaladNinja Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I'm in almost this exact same situation! Noodle adores my fiance Cody, but only tolerates me. We've just been practicing socializing him, letting him see that I give the treats and he's made a ton of progress. The other day, he was in a super cuddly mood and even let me rub all over his neck, face, and even under his wings! My advice would just be to stick with it. I know Noodle loves me, he just has a hard time showing it due to his trust issues. All greys pick favorites, but I have no doubt that your little guy loves you as well Best of luck, and just stick with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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