Why does my husband's African grey want to come on top of me?

[tbird]

My husband has an African grey and to my knowledge greys only attach themselves to one owner. Quite frankly, I am a little afraid of the bird b/c he pecks alot, more like bites. I do talk to him alot gently while he is in the cage and when my husband is not around and he tends to mimic my voice at times. When my husband lets him out of the cage and I happen to be in the room, he usually tries to come on top of me. I feel at times he wants to attack me, so I usually duck (I already got hurt b/c of this and landed up in emergency...long story but really no big deal). I have stretched out my hand so he can come on me, but the last time I did that he bit my hand and made me bleed. So that is why I am ducking more now. I don't know what else to make of this bird. He either likes me or he doesn't and since he is not my bird, I don't really know how to live with him in peace. Can anyone offer any wisdom in how to deal with this situation? I am using my husband's account.Thanks.

[Barbara2]

That's a tough one. It's kind of like a vicious circle. My guess is that this grey would really like to be with you but senses the fear/apprehension. That's why the bite. He bites so you try to avoid. You try to avoid so he bites. These birds are not predators so they are not going to attack without reason. Their reasons are to "chase" their loved one away from perceived danger or to protect themselves. It would help me to have more information. Do you have any kind of positive relationship with the bird? Do you interact while he is in a cage or on a playstand? Does he/she take treats from you? I'm trying to get a full picture.

[chezron]

I feel he is trying to dominate or intimidate you. When you say,"Come on me", do you mean "land" on me?

[Wingy]

tbirds wife can you give us more information. Does this happen every day? Does it happen to you both? Is it happening at certain time (like right after opening the cage door)? How is your relationship with the bird when its in or on the cage? Is that relationship any different when your husband is home? Where is your husband and what is he doing when this happens? Do you wear things in your hair or were/are you wearing it up?

 

This could be a lot of things from it now being a game, to not liking the color clothing your wearing, to a bird having a place to land and not wanting to come down, to chasing you away from the favorite person, to hey she's got something on her head I want it.

 

Thank you for coming here and asking for help instead of just demanding your husband find a new home for the bird. Many of us here know just how scary being the hated person can be.

[tbird]

I never ask him to step up or come on top of me, he just comes towards me if he is out of the cage and I happen to be standing in the same room. If I am sitting on the sofa he usually does not come to me. It is only when I am standing or near his cage. Here is where I usually duck b/c I don't trust him as I mentioned I have been bit by him already and I did not deserve that. I talk to him when he is in his cage softly which I know he listens and mimics me later on. That is about the only relationship I have with him. When my husband is home is usually when he is let out and that's when he does those things to me. My husband is almost always in the same room with me. I wear my hair down and once in while I have it in a pony tail. I have given him treats directly from my hand; for example, there are these particular peanuts I love to eat and he loves them too, so here is where he started coming to me and I would feed him the peanuts directly from my hands while talking to him, but when I don't have these peanuts he trys to come towards me and after getting bit I don't want him coming to me. I feel at this point he should really know us by now and be use to us so I don't understanding why he would like to bite. I do feel at times that he is trying to overpower me or dominate me but I'm not even saying anything to him for him to do this to me. In other words, I have never been mean to this bird. I trying really hard to understand but I'm not appreciating this bird's behavior

[CLB]

You should not take this behavior personally! Grey behavior is complicated. I am still learning and building my relationship with my bird. My husband did not ask for our bird or do anything special and she ADORES him. She will bite me. Some things we can not control. I am sure some others here will have more advice.

[Wingy]

tbirds wife this bird is playing a game with you. You don't find it fun but its great fun for the bird. Your ducking, probably saying shoo shoo (or something) and are animated. To them its fun and games. Energy, action, and emotion.

 

Here is something you can try. When the bird comes flying at you shut your eyes tight, tilt your head down just a little bit to protect your face and freeze. If the bird lands on your head don't move. Calmly and quietly call your husband to extract him. Don't try and get the bird off yourself, don't flap your arms and hands around, just stay perfectly still like a statue.

 

tbird you need to be ready to immediately debird your wifes head when ever she calls. Do not laugh or make this more of a bird game than it already is. Say no heads, pick the bird up and walk the bird back to its cage and walk away. Don't take it to the couch, give treats or go into snuggle time, don't be animated and no laughing. A simple no heads and no fun attention. Go give your wife a kiss and after a minute or 2 go back to your bird and offer a step up.

 

Both of you, please know that this will not change overnight. Its going to take time (and a whole lot of patience from you both) for the bird to realize that this game isn't fun any more. I'm sure there are other ideas but this has worked for me in the past.

[thenabrd]

i feel for you! athena can be very jealous of my husband!!! she likes him much more while she's inside her cage than when she's out of her cage. in her cage, he can scratch her head and back, she makes a different "kiss" sound for him and speaks in a higher, gentler voice to him than she does for me. out of the cage, it's like she's "protecting" me. she's bitten the crud out of him when he's approached me while she's out and tried to interact with her or me. if she's out of her cage and i'm not in the room, then she actually flirts with him, lol!! over time, this has lessened somewhat. she's still jealous/protective, but doesn't go on the "attack" like she did when she was younger.

 

kallie is a different story. having a grey was a dream of mine, my husband went along with letting me have my dream. well kallie has decided that my husband is the be all, end all of people! she lights up when he comes home from work or even looks in her direction. kallie likes me well enough, but will try to sneak a bite once in a while, reminding me that i'm "ok" with her, but not the "chosen" one. i can give her scratches, feed her, do the things she needs done, but no matter what, my husband is the apple of her eye. does that "hurt"? it did at first, but i'm so happy she's found one of us that she cares about so much. maybe in time, she'll look at me and decide to get closer to me, but if not, it's her choice and i'll love her either way!

 

i know you're trying so hard to be accepted and so far you're the object of less than favorable attention. i hope you can figure out how to make things better for you. the bird doesn't "hate" or "dislike" you, but might look at you as an interloper/threat to their "chosen" person. but bad behavior shouldn't be "rewarded" in any fashion by anyone. athena was always told, no bite, that's not nice, whenever she was going after my husband and praised like crazy when she was good with him.

[danmcq]

Is this all taking place on or in his cage?

 

The reason I ask, is many times they are cage aggressive towards the non-favored person, namely you. I have the same type of reaction at times with my grey if I am messing with him in or on his cage. My wife (the favored one) can do anything with the cage and dayo is fine with it and would probably just love for him to climb in to it.

 

If the grey is bitting your hand when your moving forward with it, just stop offering it and avoid the bite. As was alreay mentioned, it is more of an amusement to them than aggression from what you have described. Offer your forearm instead if you wish for him to step and and ASK him if he wishes to as you start moving forward with your forearm. If he does not lift that foot, just him it's ok, he's a good boy and yo respect his wishes of wanting to be left a lone.

 

When you say he fly's at your head. Does he try to land on top of it or is he flying directly at your face? Is this also when you are approaching his cage when he is out? The easiest way to avod is to duck, as you already mentioned.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

tbird.... I would suggest shaking things up a bit! ( I am good at that!) LOL. I have three birds, two boys age 17 and 20. One of our birds is a rescue Sunconure. Kiki, our Amazon is now ten, Sophie was adopted at age two, now twelve. All birds go to everyone in our family. Alot of training was involved. all introduction to other family members, was taught AWAY from the cage, and involved family games. Birds LOVE games. If they want to play, they have to stepup, to family member whose turn it is. It worked with all three. Another suggestion, is leaving cage door open, sit and read some books to birds. Greys LOVE ryming books such as Dr. Seuss. This is Sophie's favorite author for past 10 years. Let bird come and find you, as all my birds eventually did. You need to get over bite. Otherwise, they know you are scared. I always looked at it, like I did as a parent. If your toddler would bite you, what would you do? Its the same thing.

A few weeks ago, Kiki got spooked about something while feeding them. She charged across cage, ready to bite me. I left my hand there... she stopped in mid stride. Didn't bite. I knew she wouldn't. Birds are NOT allowed to bite, or chew feathers. I am their " ROM", mom. Nancy