Gilbert is home

[katana600]

Miss Gilbert and I benefit equally. I think back often to when all this started. I dragged my feet for five months at taking in a parrot with known issues and having been rejected from other homes. I wondered if we could be up to the task because quitting isn't an option and knowing where she has been, if we couldn't make peace I was concerned if we would be exacerbating her problems. Ever so slowly, so as to be imperceptible most times, I am seeing Gil-girl become less encumbered by her past and her expectations and it makes me so happy to hear my kids and their prospective husbands take a liking to this little wisp of a soul who may someday grace their homes. It's all part of my grand plan. I expect to have grand babies some day and will teach them to love Gilbert and let her be herself no matter how she evolves. It's so enchanting to hear Gilbert's vocabulary change to include our family members. To me, it means she wants to be part of our group and please us and to elicit delighted responses. However, I notice she calls them all by their given names and she still calls me LuLu.

[Greywings]

So maybe you have an inner Lulu that Gil -girl recognizes. You and Gil are an awesome team leading the way for so many other people and birds who have come together needing to overcome a difficult previous life experience. You have earned the Professor of Patience position.

[katana600]

Professor of Patience, that made me chuckle. Little did I know how HARD it is to do nothing and wait. Early on, I read from people on our forum not to push, punish or try to mold Gilbert into what I dreamed a grey companion should be. She and I were both in "recovery" and mourning losses in the beginning. Once again, our house is in a turmoil. A month ago, strong winds took out trees. Once we cleaned that up, we preemptively removed some that were at risk, drought damaged, leaning toward the house etc. Big noise and heavy equipment, men shouting across the property. Then a neighbor lost a huge pine and it toppled onto my closest neighbor's deck and took it right off the house. So, there was more noise. Now that he too, out trees, it's a different landscape so now we are recontouring our lot, creating a patio on the lower level and a deck above. So, as I would expect Gilbert is less enthusiastic about talking or coming out of her cage. This morning she was eager for the comfort of our morning oatmeal routine. Several times she looked under the bowl, beaked my fingers, touched and gently beaked my fingers holding the spoon. I had butterflies in my tummy and a sense of awe no less than if a tiny wood fairy had flown in the window to have a conversation. Well some of those butterflies are the memory of sudden lunging bites of yesteryear, LOL. But as I held my breath so as to not break the spell, I was thinking about how she used to sound the alarms if there was noise, confusion of any unexpected change near her. A neighbor closing a car door doesn't even register as a sound to me, but it would sent her diving off her cage looking for a hiding place. She made foghorns, air raid sirens, tornado sirens, emergency sirens at the slightest distress. She also got so scared and frustrated she would snatch off a feather, chew and break her feathers and consistently barber her chest to her thighs. Now she shouts "Stop that! Get OUT of here'". She pulls back a little but she doesn't disappear into a 'dark' place any more. Keeping a journal of our time together helps me to get out of the 'wishful' and 'hopeful' and just love her at each stage of our evolution as a flock family. She's come a long way baby.

[Ray P]

I think Miss Gilbert is doing a great job of molding you into the person she wants you to be.

[katana600]

Apparently that is her long range plan, and we know by grey time, they have a bird's eye view of the big picture. Yesterday I had a sweet moment when Gil was on her cage top a d asked sweetly "You wanna treat?" She seldom will let my hands close to her without the cage bars between us. She has been real careful and gentle about touching my fingers every day when she eats warm oatmeal with me. When I gave her a pine nut, the thought crossed my mind that it would be wiser to put it in her cage treat cup. I decided to chance it and she took it gently, ate it and leaned and swayed a d asked again. As I gave her the second one, there was a split second when she loomed right into my face ditched the pi e nut and bit me instead. It was a deep puncture but not as vicious as she has shown herself to be capable. Of course I yelled. I told her quite firmly,don't bite. After stopping the blood flow, I came back and told her to go inside. She couldn't have complied any more quickly. But once safely behind her bars, she laughed. On the very few occasions, I have let my heart override my better judgement and given her too much temptation and she has struck out at me, she has always quickly said "sorry". This bite was by no means an accident, nor a knee jerk reaction to an outside noise or a spin around fear response. There is no doubt in my mind after observing her positioning, her calm execution and her behavior afterwards, it was intentional and it shook my warm regard for the wicked little pit viper of the moment. After we both had time to return to our senses, she was back on the cage top when I offered her red bell peppers from my salad, on a fork this time. She generally will snub veggies, but she ate the whole piece and asked for more. I think she was looking to get back in good graces. She never once, all day said sorry. Her next pine nuts will be offered with long handled hemostat "tweezers" I use in my sewing room. I have to admit I had thoughts yesterday of biting her toe! She has found the bottom of my supply of patience. For the first time in three and a half years, even with all her shenanigans, I did not smile at her all day. In fact, I returned the stink eye she was giving to me and didn't feel so much of a twinge of compassion or empathy for her for an entire day. I still talked nice to her and let her return to grace, but I wasn't feeling it on the inside. In fact, even when I was in my bed and awakened in the night I thought of her immediately with pure wickedness. I thought about walking right out there a dumping a bucket of water on her in her sleep and letting her have that moment of shock that she gave to me. Bloody hell, that fingertip puncture hurt.

[kittykittykitty]

Interesting she didn't say "sorry;" the little stinker! Precious bit me at my next to last visit and I didn't feel very forgiving to her either.

[Inara]

How betrayed you must have felt to be on the receiving end of the birdie equivalent of a sucker punch. Looks like Miss GG's limit is one pine nut julep...after that she becomes a bit unruly. Kidding aside, no one can be expected to be a bottmless well of unflappable calm. You, Dee, are someone who is as close to that as I have ever known. You having a "human" day after the bite that broke the camel's back is natural and healthy. I think it is fine for our companions to get clear signals via body language when we are displeased.

 

Miss GG appears to have had a Gillian Anderson (X-Files) day: Trust no one. She allowed herself to get comfortable and then got aggressive around the treat. It makes me wonder if in her past she had someone who teased her with food/treats. She is certainly a complex and very well loved girl. Hugs to you and here's to a brand new day.

[katana600]

The truth is she is only comfortable having hands near her when she is inside her cage. She has been gently touching my fingers while I feed her oatmeal and I misread that for her opening up to me a little. More like she is so excited and immersed in gobbling oatmeal it didn't register that my hand was under the bowl. When she lured me in with sweet talk and it took longer for me to get the second pine nut between my fingernails to avoid an "accidental" bite. But there is no doubt about it, she was intentional and was NOT a startle reflex and she wasn't the slightest bit concerned nor sorry. Trust no one should be my motto. That bite was so hard my knuckle is red and swollen yet I am acutely aware it wasn't vicious or full force, just unexpected and shocking. Even when I was mad at first and told her so, we came back to baseline and I gave her oatmeal in the morning and we are back on track. It will be a long time before I offer her my bare fingers without the bars between us. I'm still put out about it and not feeling the forgiveness. But, really to me forgiveness is releasing myself from thoughts of retribution and there really isn't anything I would do to hurt her. And she is the most complex and confounding yet exquisite little character and dare I say mentally ill perhaps too.

[kittykittykitty]

Complex and confounding she surely is. Mental Illness? Maybe PTSD? Having worked the field I am very reluctant to hear a label because it sticks forever, even for Miss Gilli Girl.

[katana600]

I agree with the slippery slope of labels and of giving human attributes and characteristics to our parrots. Miss Gilbert is most definitely disturbed and she was presented to me with known issues. I think the most important aspect for me is that new forum members or those reading while considering an older parrot to adopt understand she may not be the average rehomed Timneh but we don't get a guarantee and its really crucial to be prepared to hang in there and commit for the long term. Even though I fully understand this is a factor of her life experience and not a personal indictment against me personally, one wrong move on my part proves painful to both of us. I misjudged her request for readiness to know what she was asking. Even though I was hurt and shocked and I did chastise her and told her it hurt, I did t raise my voice nor make any move toward "punishment" even though I sorely thought wickedness upon her sharp beak. Friday she was beside herself to see David return on a red eye flight from Oregon. We were gone a few hours Saturday. Last night she sang sweet tunes to him and enticed him by hanging out down low on the seed catcher. While he showered I. A room around the corner she chatted from her low vantage point. In a few minutes when he came out she had barbered off at least fifteen secondary feathers and one long flight feather was on the floor. It wasn't particularly "plucked" because it was hollow, clear and blunt at the tip but much further up the shaft was evidence of blood, so it wasn't necessarily ready to molt naturally yet. All day today she is down low in one particular spot. If I move or if she doesn't have a visual on me, she goes topside. David sat on the stairs a few feet away and talked softly to her. When I sat beside him on the steps she was fine to stay low. And would you believe! As he walked past at this very moment as I type she went into a long garbled "human speak" punctuated with a couple clearly spoken "I sorry" statements. We have both assured her its okay and that she is a good girl. I had my oatmeal with her, as usual. I do have to admit, I curled my fingers in under the bowl almost "fist-like" to prevent her from nailing a fingertip again. Her momentary lapse was a reminder to me not allow her more latitude than she is capable of restraint.

Edited July 13, 2014 by katana600
Darn auto correct

[katana600]

What a day of "point" "counterpoint" between two determined and headstrong females. For a while now she has been pulling her stainless steel food and water cups out and flinging them to the floor as soon as I change them in the morning. I have tried a few things but even though I bought 20 sets of bowls and rings at the same time from the same company they vary slightly in size so making a dent to hold them down hasn't been effective. Today I found heavy ceramic bowls with a lip that fit down into heavier metal rings. And today she was not able to upend and toss out her food and water. Her counterpoint? Very quietly in stealth mode while we were sitting in the same room, she went down on the seed catcher and chewed the wood off 25 inches along the edge of door frame. We heard nothing, we saw nothing until I left the room and saw the pile of splinters in the same spot where here tattered feathers had been yesterday. I can fix wood easier than feathers. Gilbert 1 LuLu 0

[kittykittykitty]

I am so very sorry about the feathers, also the wood chewing. It's almost like the World Cup; attack, defend, find an opening, GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL.

[katana600]

No harm, no foul. It's her way of expression and there was a much bigger pile of wood than feathers. When I got the broom to clean it up she exclaimed "sh#! On the floor!" She has come a long way from the catatonic frozen state of her first two years. I think she has about this much time with previous owners. Maybe she is anticipating that kind of change and is preempting to rid herself of that nervous tension. Maybe she is unpacking just a little more of that infamous rescue baggage. I see her making progress even in the midst of less desirable behaviors. She is getting ever closer to that normal grey. Some day we will look back and be grateful these days have passed. I surely hope we don't look back a d say this weekend was "the good old days". We will take the hand we're dealt, up the ante and hope for an ace in the hole. She is going to be a treasured companion in spite of her shenanigans. Or rather, because of the uniqueness and enigma that is Miss Gilbert my little Cajun pearl.

[katana600]

What a difference a day makes. We had some excitement today. We have a work crew here, I will spare you the graphic details but it included ambulance. Gilbert reminds me of the Don Henley "Dirty Laundry". She is telling all about it with a gleam in her eye. She mimics the siren, the circular saw, the pneumatic wrenches, the dogs barking. She is really animated and full of excitement. After the crisis and seeing him off in the ambulance, I did the only sensible thing, ironed sheets to calm my mind. Gilbert has no intention of calming down. She really seems to relish the excitement. It's not like anything I have seen from her. She has come a long way from hiding in a panic at the sound of a car door or thunder. Oh, yes. Now its starting to storm and she hasn't even noticed. Who knows what we will have tomorrow but today she is the news anchor telling her story over and over.

[Ray P]

Miss G. has reached a pinnacle !!!

Now the next step.

[Inara]

Sorry to laugh, but the first thing that came to mind (after many years of working with Juvenile delinquents) -after your recent nasty bite day, is that it is nice that GG is "using her words." LOL (even if they include buzz saws). Loved the "Dirty Laundry" reference, now that is stuck in my head. It's never a dull moment at your house, Dee!

[JeffNOK]

I have really enjoyed catching up on this thread. I admit, due to its length, I wasn't sure I could take it all in. What struck me is the beauty of the journey. When I read the early posts and compare them to the later ones, I feel like I have traveled many miles with Katana and Gil Girl. I can't help but think you should take some time and write a book. There are so few resources for grey owners in different circumstances. I think you could inspire and inform many who may want take the step of rehoming a troubled parrot. There just isn't much out there that speaks so deeply and comprehensively about the daily walk. In fact I think many of us who have the inclination to write should take the time and chronicle our lives with our fids. Before I found this forum I looked for books that covered topics about life with a grey. I didn't find much beyond the typical books that cover the basics of African Grey care. There are a few, but FAR too few. Thank you for this thread and thank you for being a great example of devotion to a bird that clearly deserves it.

[katana600]

Thanks for reading, for encouragement and for helping us laugh through the hard times as well as the funny ones. It is a dauntingly long thread and often seems like a book. It has been a tool for me to go back and read, to look at her early pictures and see that healing and building trust comes very slowly but it does come. Thank you Jeff for the kindness to say we could write a book. I will talk it over with Miss Gilbert and when she is ready to call our relationship successful, I may think about it a bit. I don't know what it is, but there is always something interesting going on, maybe I am drawn to it. More like, once I see what needs to be done, I can't turn away. Since that's how Gilbert came to me in the first place, it must be a gift.

[kittykittykitty]

Even this thread would make a delightful book, Dee.

[Ray P]

This thread is a book with over 1300 pages for those who are thinking of a rehome.

A real success story and how too.

[birdhouse]

^^^ It's true. This is already long enough to be a book. But really it's just the first couple of chapters of "Miss G & Dee".

 

There have only been 2 things that made me lose it w/Phenix. One was when he started to bite me & laugh while he watched me bleed. As long as I could rationalize some reason for the bloodshed, I could deal. But to know for absolute certain that he was deliberately causing me pain just for the fun of it really pissed me off!

 

It's a most unfortunate thing that they unquestionably have the upside of the power curve & know it. Since I couldn't do much of anything else, I eventually started shunning Phenix until he couldn't stand it anymore. He is like a 3 yo. He hates being ignored. Especially when I go out of my way to love on the rest of the flock in the meantime. };-> At some point, he always goes out of his way to get back into my good graces. And I make very sure to make him earn it before he does!

[katana600]

These greys are so much the individuals. Gil is not so attached to me that she would care if I ignored her and in fact that may be her preference. After I have been struck by her lightning quick beak, time will unfold the catalyst. I was really mad that day and thought unpleasantness toward her. She DID laugh when I told her to go inside. Even when I heard that plaintive "I sorry" as she told her tale a couple of days later it didn't really pave the way to softening my mood. I really can see how it could create an estrangement and fear of each other and spiral. I had to be mindful that to her, after the moment, it is over. My reaction will set the stage for moving forward or setting us back. I choose to get back in the game. For a couple of days, it was with sweaty palms. When I offers her a treat, I went for the almonds and I couldn't bring myself to offer her pine nuts with "protection". What I have discovered is when she is on the brink of a milestone moment, she is more likely to snap. I noticed her poo in an unusual spot. The first day, I thought perhaps David had given her a lift back to her cage and I cleaned it up. There was another spot in the same place day two. I meant to ask him and forgot. When I was in the kitchen preparing a month of food cups for them, I went to the cage to give them treats and she was gone. I am not even out of her sight and I know she didn't fly. As I looked for her I found more day old dried poo behind the sofa. She has been climbing down the ladder and exploring. Just like when she chewed up the door frame she has been doing this while I am in the room and I never saw her. Mainly it's because she usually panics and flaps and makes a fuss if she is startled off her cage and until now she has seldom left her cage on purpose. Even more shocking was when I finally did find her she came to me, lifted her foot willingly for a step up but then got nervous and she flew up from the floor to grab her cage about halfway up and scamper back in on her own. This is a game changer. I never leave her out of her cage while I am occupied on a different floor. The house is well parrot proofed and the dogs usually will run to me to tell if she is on the floor but in stealth mode, they didn't notice either. She is become more mobile, more self reliant and more confident. Something tells me she will never cease to surprise and delight me. I am so glad I didn't allow my hurt feelings and finger to speak to her louder than my heart.

[katana600]

It's true. We really are barely at the beginning of our story, yet it seems like a lifetime of changes. All in grey time.

[birdhouse]

I actually didn't start shunning Phenix on purpose. At that point in our relationship, I wouldn't have thought he'd care either. It happened "organically" for 2 reasons.

 

The severity of that bite actually warranted stitches. It didn't even occur to me until it was too late because being bitten was such a matter or course. The next day he got me again in that same area of web between my thumb & palm. For a little while, I totally lost my nerve around him. AND I was really furious w/him for 2 days running.

 

All & all I knew I shouldn't be handling him until I got my act together. I've never been in a head space like that w/any other critter & I was at a complete loss about how to get over myself. Then Phenix came to me. He was the one doing the heavy lifting for the first time in our oh so unequal relationship.

 

I will also admit, I flat out didn't trust him. I still couldn't engage for a while. But he kept at the role reversal until we finally came out the other side. Who'd have guessed this would ultimately become quite a positive pivotal moment in our relationship?

 

As far as what you said about 'the moment being over'...? W/dogs & cats, definitely. Parrots...? Maybe, maybe not. Look how long they can hold onto an emotional reaction. Multiply that by an entire flock dynamic. Doesn't it make sense that they'd need to remember causing that type of reaction w/a flock mate? Doesn't it stand to reason they'd need to expect to either be prepared for a dust up or stay the heck out of the way for maybe the next couple of days?

 

I know; it's another one of my "interesting" theories. But I think it's part of what makes them so unique. I also think it's part of what makes them so difficult for so many people to relate to.

[kittykittykitty]

I agree with the remembering. Precious knows she hurt me and remembers my anger. I did lose my cool and I regret it.