Gilbert is home

[Timbersmom]

That makes three of us then. Did you get the verdict on the DNA test?

[katana600]

Gosh, how muddled is my memory. I had forgotten all about asking for the DNA. I just called and they said it usually takes about two weeks so they will call me when they get it back. Maybe we will get an answer on that next week. Thanks for jogging my memory though. As far as the cold shoulder from Gilbert, it seems most obvious to me when I leave him for a couple of days. Even if I spend the day out of the house, which is unusual for me, he will get very distant. The perplexing thing is that our daughters have been finishing their education, moving in, moving out, coming home for holidays and he is the opposite with them. After an absence, he is loving and solicitous and goes to great lengths to seek their attention. I take what I can get where he is concerned. When he rebuffs my approach, I give him his space. When he is really contrary, even offering him an almond of his favorite, pine nuts, will send him right into an full attack mode. He signals when he is approachable by a particular way he says "hey" very soft and gentle and then he goes inside the cage to a specific spot, grabs the bars and tucks his head. Last night he let me give him twenty minutes or more of prolonged contact. The warmth of his head, the scent of grey, the gentle submission is intoxicating. I can barely describe the joy it brings because I know what an internal battle he has to relax and accept our touch. He practically looks like he is going to chew off his own leg the way he gnaws at this leg when he first gets in his position, then changes his mind, draws back and repeats the process over and over. There is definitely a change in the wind when he stands for more than a thirty second contact. After our session last night, I got into bed and he sat in the dark and said "hey". I could not resist getting up, turning on the light and coming to him. He must have done that three times. All the patience and holding my breath waiting for his trust is repaid in these touching moments. He is asking me to come close. Is that not the most awesome affirmation? I love him through the ups and downs that are the path of a rehomed, uncertain and frightened little guy.

[Timbersmom]

Awesome indeed! It would sure make things easier if we could tell what they are thinking. I'd love to have an explanation for some of Timber's moodiness. I've tried to figure it out, but can never find a pattern. On the plus side, I'm able to pet him daily now. Before he started allowing that, I was scratching his head through the cage bars while he bit down on the bars. I always thought there was such a look of longing in his eyes. So, I know what you mean! Those moments make it all worth while

[katana600]

Gilbert gets real standoffish and downright ornery sometimes. Sara said he was like that with her too. His "low" sessions seem less frequent and less pronounced and his good weeks far outnumber and outlast his withdrawals so I am still encouraged that he is making forward progress. Yesterday my husband walked right up to him and Gilbert let him scratch his head and then Gilbert spontaneously offered a foot for a step up. David was thrilled at the invite. Gilbert put one foot on his finger and then got scared and took it back and it pleased me to no end that David just encouraged him and told him "it's okay, maybe next time." Then after a trip to the airport again, Rachel came home last night. Gilbert was all over it, he was so happy to see her and probably more active and boisterous than I have ever seen him. As she came down this morning he was all over himself asking her for a step up. One more thing to note. Our vet suggested we might try the Rescue Remedy drops for Gilbert when we are anticipating stressful changes coming up, like vet visits or travel. He said it would take about two weeks to show any signs that it might be working. He said he recommends just trying it and then we will see if he has a positive change, then not to use it all the time, just as needed. It does seem to be helping. What I have noticed and my family has remarked on is that Gilbert isn't trembling like he normally does when anyone gets close to him. We are going to give it a chance so that when we take an RV trip over the labor day holiday, we won't have any surprises or adverse reactions when we are away from home without his usual vet. We are watching him closely and he seems to be doing better. It is not a long term medicating situation, but if it opens the door to him being more relaxed and helps his nerves enough to seek out human contact, so far, so good.

[katana600]

To Timbersmom, I agree with what you say about the look of longing. From the beginning Gilbert would offer his head for a scratch but we had about thirty seconds before he would pull away, the fear is too great for any kind of extended contact. He continues to seem to "want" contact but he is so conflicted and nervous about it. When I read this forum long long ago, I would often see reference to "grey time". Gilbert is teaching me that a year and a half is a blink in the eye of grey time. He has to come through this on his own time and I see opportunities to increase contact in a positive way and I back off when he has had too much. His little "hey" voice is always our cue to see what he wants next.

[Wingy]

Ask your vet for recommendations of others in case you run into an emergency. The pediatrician use to do this for me after we ran into trouble with a sick kid while traveling. (A small town pharmacy wouldn't accept an out of state doctor calling in a prescription for antibiotics.)

[katana600]

That is a great idea. We are going to be in our hometown and Gilbert has traveled up there with us several times now. He was great traveling in the car and we are really looking forward to this time now that he has been with us long enough to trust us more. The rescue remedy is a homeopathic solution and it seems to be making a remarkable difference. As I am typing Gilbert is away from his cage for the fourth time today. Earlier he was on a blanket on the sofa going between Rachel and me and accepting some pine nuts for encouragement. Now he is on his floor stand and he is going to one side to visit her, then coming to my side. He is just making some big strides and showing a lot of new calm behavior and is amazing us all with his cooperation and relaxed posture.

[katana600]

Once Gilbert got on the tall wooden floor stand, he was big stuff. I think he got more exercise in an hour than he generally has in a month. Our vet said to encourage him in this and since he has been soooo receptive to Rachel I am taking advantage of his love for her. She got a job offer in Texas and will move by the end of this month so we are going to work together every day while he is in such a receptive mindset. When he got on the floor stand we moved it between us. He will allow her to touch his head and he will take pine nuts from each of us. When it came time to put him back to bed, he was NOT wanting to come off the stand. He offered to bite her and he was even less cooperative for me. On these occasions, if I just show him a fleece square and tell him he has to step up, I put the fleece square just draped over the far end of the stand and he came running to the other end more than willing to step up for me. For the most part, I have been reluctant to use this tactic because it really does scare him and his chest heaves and trembles. This time however, he was more confident and he just seemed like a "normal" parrot who just didn't like the idea of being near the fleece. He has only been toweled by the vet. If I have him on my lap or the arm of my chair, he has absolutely no reaction to standing on the colorful fleece square as a drop cloth. Draped on his play top or on the stand is a totally different experience. I much prefer when he is cooperative because he wants to be and not because he is scared. This is a special circumstance though because we are finally getting to a place where he is not shaking, frightened and traumatized. I am very careful as to using "tools" to gain his cooperation unless they are positive reinforcements. With his newfound bravery he is getting to a place in our relationship where he is starting to "push back" in a healthy way. He is amazing and awesome and always just one step ahead of me, the little booger.

[CLB]

Thank you so much for sharing these experiences with Gilbert. In my opinion, it is these personal stories that add so much depth to this forum. With my limited experience, it is comforting to see the trials and tribulations of others who are working through difficult times. I guess in a sense, the old saying is true....Misery loves company! However, with these amazing birds we have chosen to share our life with, the misery is well worth the benefit!

[Timbersmom]

I love reading your updates, thanks for sharing!

[katana600]

One thing is certain about sharing our experience with our babies or our rescues or our long time companions, things change on a daily basis. Sometimes those changes are so subtle as to be nearly imperceptible. We have been celebrating some milestone moments with Gilbert for a few days. Then, right smack dab in the middle of the most rewarding exchange, he was taking a pine nut from Rachel, then dashing down to the opposite side of his branch to take the next offering from me when he deliberately, with malice did a cobra strike bite on my finger with no obvious signs of provocation. Just a momentary overload to be sure but it was dramatic and left me bleeding and a little bewildered. As long as he was off his cage and unapproachable at the moment, I took the opportunity to thoroughly scrub his cage. One thing I would like to note is that I was wondering about the vinegar in the water "burning" a cut even though it is an antiseptic and I pleased to say, I was using a stronger mix than most of us would use in drinking water for our greys and there was nary a sting. In fact, by the time I was finished, I could barely see the punctures in my finger. I still put some antibiotic on it. And would you believe that Gilbert had a few hours back in his cage where he withdrew in a snit, then he came out and asked to step up and come back to the floor stand. I gave him another little sampling of pine nuts and while he didn't snap at me this time, he didn't say he was sorry either. LOL. He does usually say "sorry" after a surprise nip. I imagine he is saying how unpredictable I am as well. One minute I am talking sweet and giving him a treat and the next minute I am cleaning HIS cage without his permission. Hahahahaha.. He is certainly a work in progress.

[Wingy]

You messed with hours of birdie artwork and your surprised you got a chomp. lol.

[chezron]

I sure enjoy Gilbert's updates!

[katana600]

At bedtime, when I gave him his night time almond snack he flung it and tried to bite me. I guess he was still annoyed that I cleaned up all his grafitti and art work, LOL. Ten minutes later he was posturing and asking for scritches. That little nursery rhyme of the little girl with the curl being very very good, or horrid comes to mind. Either Gilbert has not found his middle ground or I have yet to discover the grey areas, because it is still either hot or cold, black or white, sweet or wicked where he is concerned. I much prefer these sweet moments but I can forgive him as quickly as he forgives me. This morning he is sweet again, just a regular little snuggle bug. Well, with that said, it is within his clearly defined limits. He has now expanded his zone of contact to include a second perch in his cage. To Dan's earlier point of something I may have changed that initiates his periods of distancing himself and getting grumpy, I have been thinking about it a lot. Each time has included what he would consider betrayal. When I have gone away for a weekend, I come back to a grouch. When I needed to spray his chewed and irritated tail feathers with aloe, that was a snubbing. When I took him to the vet, he handled it all with surprising calm, but took a long time to forgive the infraction. Unfortunately for him, all of these upsetting things are necessary and he is ever so slowly gaining the ability to roll with the changes and challenges.

[katana600]

This is day 502 since taking Gilbert "hostage". He seems to have decided that I am the old one and I adapt to his techniques and challenges and is taking a different tact to endear himself to the younger person in the family. He will do anything for Rachel. He will step up for her almost every time she asks. If she puts him on the floor stand, he will come to me from there and he will also willingly step off her hand onto mine. For the past few days, I have been rolling the floor up close to his cage so he is able to step off that onto the cage on his own time. Today for the first time, he initiated the change from his cage to the floor stand and explored it to his little heart's content. He is making progress.

[Timbersmom]

Progress indeed! It is funny, and probably a sign of their intelligence, that they interact so differently with each individual. Timber's favorite person is my son Dakota, but I'm the one he trusts the most.

[katana600]

It really is a mystery to decipher what makes this little guy tick. I am not hopeful that I will understand him, I have had a husband well over three decades now and I am no closer to seeing inside his head as I am with Gilbert. I will take what I can get and call a truce. LOL. I have been enthralled and intriqued but whatever Rachel is doing "right" and it comes down to what Gilbert prefers at any given moment and that will change. Last night he did the lure of a tuck and posture for a scratch and the sudden attempt to sneak in a bite. He did it again this morning. I have to admit in my deepest heart of hearts, I was glad to see him do that. Not for him to be aggressive to her, but to breathe a little sigh of relief that it is not just me. It doesn't seem fair that she can come and go and he just joyfully welcomes her home but if I leave for a few hours even, it is met with disdain and suspicion. LOL. I do think that is because when I am gone, he doesn't have anything to predict whereas when the others come and go it doesn't affect when he is fed or given his night time almond or what lights are left on long past when he asks to go to bed.

[CLB]

I have the same experience with Shadow. I completely understand. Shadow adores my husband for no better reason than she just likes him best. Like Rachel, he can do whatever he wants seemingly with no negative result. I on the other hand have to watch very closely. Your comment about the posturing made me think of the first time Shadow beaked Arno....gave me a tiny sigh of relief. However, she has never even made a dent on him...with me she goes for blood. Such is the way in life with a Grey! I still love and respect her just the same.

[birdhouse]

When I was reading this I was wondering if Rachel has been home long enough to start being treated like this. Then I wondered if Gilbert might suspect that she's leaving again. They're so smart & so complex! So much of the time it's anybody's guess.

 

I laughed when I read what you wrote about never really knowing for sure what makes Gilbert tick. Phenix will stop me in my tracks after all this time. He's said & done so many things that I've never been able to figure out.

 

Admittedly, it's a major source of frustration at times. But mostly I think it's a huge part of the grey allure.

 

Or maybe we're just gluttons for punishment. lol Sometimes I just don't know.

[katana600]

You know, I had not really thought about the timing of his newfound love of Rachel. She has been in and out of our home during Gilbert's time with us. She was living away but would come stay for a week at a time or more when I traveled. Then in May she broke up with her fiance and cancelled the wedding about a week before the ceremony. She was distraught and it took a week or so to get back on her feet and since then, Gilbert just found a place for her in his heart. She just graduated from college so she has been staying with us, going to see friends and family, going away for job interviews and other things. All I know is Gilbert just has become smitten with her and I am watching everything she does and hoping to discover her secrets before she leaves at the end of this month for a start on her career. One thing we are working on is to get Gilbert off this cage more often. I moved a floor stand up close to his cage and he would step off the floor stand to get back to his cage. Twice now though, he left the cage to get on the stand! He is far less nervous and while I couldn't say he is outgoing, he is starting to become adventurous. He is willing to take food from any of the three of us. He has not intentionally responded to a step up from me since I got braces on my teeth. I don't force the issue. He will step up away from his cage but he has been stepping up every time Rachel will ask him and almost every time my husband asks. The lil toot. Strangely enough, I asked my orthodontist to use clear bands now instead of colored ones and he has been letting me get close. (Gilbert... not the orthodontist.) LOL.

[Timbersmom]

That's interesting about the bands. Makes you wonder if the braces are a lot of the problem. It will be interesting to see how he reacts when they come off. I've noticed that they are scared of the strangest things, then Timber won't be afraid at all with something I assume he will be terrified of. You have to wonder if in his past he has had a really terrible experience with someone wearing braces?

[katana600]

It could very well be that as the braces move teeth, it changes my speaking pattern. I have a little lisp and whistle thing going on so Gilbert could be reacting just to those changes. On the other hand, he is a volatile little character. Last night he was "owly" to Rachel and to David. He was grumpy to me too but later when I went to bed, he was giving me the "come hither" and "hey" talk out there in the dark. So, I turned the lights back on and came out to him and he was so sweet and wanted a head rub. I think we are dealing with the nature of a rehomed and suspicious grey and I will take what I can get. We are having some remarkable improvements in his confidence as he has been stepping off his cage willingly to get on the tall floor stand. Once he is on it, I can roll it close to my chair and he is spending hours away from his cage with lots of encouragement, coaxing and pine nuts. When it comes time to go back, he will climb off the floor stand and back onto his cage when he is darn good and ready. LOL. Every day now he will come off his cage willingly on his own accord and I am going to continue to encourage him and let him go at his own pace. We are so tickled with his willingness to interact even though it is on his terms. He is a work in progress and so am I. LOL. He is such a loveable little curmudgeon.

[Timbersmom]

I love hearing about Gilbert! Just reading your posts he has come such a long way. It reminds me of Christian life... sometimes you have to stop and look at where you came from to appreciate where you are. He's so lucky to have you. You know that he's scared, not mean and that he's afraid to trust, not aggressive. Reading his story gave me a lot of help in dealing with Timber. If not for Gilbert's story and the other forum members' suggestions and stories, I'm afraid I might have given up and viewed Timber as just a mean bird in a cage. Sounds horrible, but it happens a lot to rehomed birds I'm guessing.

[katana600]

Gosh, your timing is a little like the empathetic and telepathic otherworldly grey mind. I was driving after getting supplies ready for our trip "back home" at the end of the month. My mind was on where I came from as I am not entirely thrilled to return. On one hand, there is the family I chose and married into and at the same time the one from which I escaped. Like Gilbert, I have come a long long way and had some trust issues but by the grace of God, I am better than okay. Gilbert can be unpredictable, seemingly ungrateful and sometimes breathtakingly scary. Even if he had been with me since he hatched, he may not be receptive to my touch. I accept that and give him my best while keeping reasonable expectations for how far we will advance. My goal is to keep him healthy, minimize the stress he has been under most of his life, encourage him to exercise and to find ways to help him learn to trust humans. Beyond that, if he someday decides to be friendly, that will be a bonus. Happiness is a relative term and I would love to be able to give him that too, but will settle for him being a companion in his own right and with his own expressive and wonderful way of being. It takes the willingness to look at the big picture and not to have a plan of action for him other than to make a commitment to care for him and hope he is able to continue toward his potential. I do love him and feel very lucky to have him in my life. It isn't the way I would have "written his script" but maybe this is meant to teach me something. I am keeping an open mind, open heart and open cage door.

[katana600]

We have been using the rescue remedy provided by our vet for three weeks now. His vet suggested five drops in his water might help him and to give it a couple of weeks before we might recognize some improvement in his nervousness. On a subsequent visit with Java we discussed Gilbert and his rescue remedy and he said it is one of those things that isn't going to hurt him and I could give him more drops if I was wondering if he was drinking enough water for it to have an effect. I did start adding a couple of drops to his warm beans and since then I have noticed a remarkable change coming over him. He does seem to go through periods of sudden withdrawals and refusing to let me near his cage without getting upset. Sometimes he bites the bars and flings pellets and just gets agitated when I am near his cage. Other times, he will see me coming and will quickly skitter to his chosen "touching" perch. Lately I have been seeing him posture for a head scratch on every perch as I approach him. He is especially warm and friendly at bed time and has been talking in the dark. When he does that, I do get out of bed, turn the light on and give him a head rub for as long as he tolerates it. This usually means about thirty seconds. Lately he has been more accepting and I have also noticed he isn't shaking any more when we get close. This morning was exceptional. He not only allowed a five minute session, but he was falling asleep. Usually, he will hold tight to his lower chest feather with his beak and just shake and tremble even though he wants the contact. This time, he relaxed so much his head just kept getting lower and lower until it was on the perch even though he was clutching the bars with his foot. I thought he was going to relax so much he might fall right off the perch. Generally if he hears any kind of sound inside the house or even outside in the neighborhood he will spin around and snap at me. This time, David walked past us to take the dogs out and Gilbert was totally oblivious. The only time he startled and seemed a little nervous was when the upstairs air conditioner kicked on and one of the vents made an unusual whistling sound. He spun quickly but didn't try to bite me this time. He listened for a few seconds and then tucked his little head for more massaging. Usually he has a specific spot just on the crown of his head where I am permitted to just touch him and rub a little. This morning he was stretching and moving into my hand until I had all my fingers between the bars and was rubbing on his neck and head. It was so warm and he was so relaxed that I have to believe that the rescue remedy is having an effect on him. Since we are going on a road trip in a couple of weeks, I am going to continue using the drops and see if this makes a difference to him. So far even though I have been skeptical, I have to say I think it is encouraging to see he is letting down his guard and is definitely less nervous and hardly seems to tremble at all. One more thing. While he was relaxing this morning for his little massage, for the first time since I have had him, he was blushing. I saw this with Kopi and Juno when they were happy and excited to see me get up in the morning, but for Gilbert, this is a first!