Gilbert is home

[oblivion]

I finally finished this thread, and now I want an update! So much of what you've described I've seen in my Spencer - and so much I have yet to see.

[katana600]

It is time for an update. Sometimes things just flow along as usual and I forget to check in. We are approaching our one year anniversary with Gilbert. Some changes happen so gradually, I almost don't take notice. Gilbert has changed some of his language so slowly and gradually that it is like he has been here forever. He used to shout at the dogs to "shut up" or call them "idiot". At first I couldn't understand it completely but he has gotten more clear, or I have learned his ways. When he would shout "idiot", I would say "Elliot" and then he picked up on me telling the dogs, "Quiet". Now he says quiet in the same derogatory drawn out tone as he used to say idiot. It is kind of funny, but gradually he has been telling them "quiet" and "stop that". The other change he has made is from saying "cracker" for any kind of food, he now calls almonds a "treat". When he wants one, he asks the dogs to go outside and whistles to them. When they come back in, I give them a little morsel of dry dog food and ask if they want a treat and tell them they are good boys. Now Gilbert will say "Gilbert's a good boy, want a treat?" I love that he makes that connection. He has also developed his own night time routine and when I turn off a lamp in the living room and tell him it is time to go night night, he actually runs to get to the door of his cage and hop inside to the perch in front of his favorite dish and ask for his treat. He still does the thing where he touches the almond with the outside curve of his beak back and forth several times and then he takes it gently from my fingers. Recently, he reached out and put his beak on my finger instead of the almond. He felt my finger gently and didn't even pinch it. I was a little taken aback and was expecting less of a gentle touch. I think it means he is getting more and more acclimated and relaxed. So slow and gradual have been our changes that it still surprises me a little when his new behaviors become "natural" and slowly he becomes more predictable. He probably thinks the same thing about me. His morning chats are my favorite. He would still like me to get up at six so that is when he starts encouraging me and asking if it is time to get up. I usually answer and tell him not yet. This week he called out and said "What are you doing out there?" It sounded very much like the same tone as telling the dogs to be quiet. LOL. He is getting several new flight feathers on his left wing but still not enough to slow his descent to the floor when he jumps off the cage top. I put some foam mats around the cage on the floor so he has a somewhat softer landing, but is still a little disturbing to go backward in the flight department. That just means as his feathers grow, and I am confident they will, it will be all the more joyous when he is able to fly. I believe! Thanks for bearing with the long thread, getting to know an older bird really is a journey, a process and sometimes it is full speed ahead and sometimes it is a regression to a less desired spot in our time line. What I do notice is that when he does get a little grumpy and withdrawn, he isn't plucking and he bounces back just a little quicker than the previous time. Just when I think my heart couldn't hold any more love for this disheveled little bundle of nerves and feathers, he melts my heart with a soft kind word and I know we are making progress.

[judygram]

Aw Dee it sounds like things are running smoothly with you and Gilbert and I couldn't be happier, you are both good for each other and I am so glad he came into your life when he did, things do happen for a reason and it was meant for you two to be together. He has come a long way from what he was to begin with when he first came to live with you but small steps are the best and I see many more small steps in your future together. Thanks for the update on Gilbert and keep them coming.

[birdhouse]

I love to read this thread. It almost always makes me smile. So much progress. So much joy. And this is just the first year. A decade or two from now you'll look at Gilbert in all his fully feathered, fully flighted glory & hardly be able to believe where it all started. One thing won't change, though. Gilbert will continue to astound you & give you every reason to believe that love really has no bounds.

 

Thanks for sharing so much of this special year, Dee. Happy anniversary to you & Gilbert!

[chezron]

Great news! Thanks for the update.

[katana600]

At the exact moment when I was on the phone telling my husband how wonderful Gilbert has been lately, how many weeks had passed since he took a swipe at me and how he seemed so calm and content, the little darling bowed his head sweetly and asked for a treat. It was bedtime so I obliged with an almond and he took it gently and the immediate pain in my finger took a moment of denial to understand he had bitten me hard. He flung that almond to the bottom of the cage, his beloved almond. Shocking. He didn't get me with the tip of his beak thankfully, but bruised the nail bed and that was enough. My hand was outside the cage, as our usual routine. He touched the almond with the curve of his beak, his usual. It was quick and it was with malice and forethought. Since then, he bit me two more times right when I would least expect it. As my husband returned from a business trip, Gilbert made google eyes at him, bowed his head, softly called for scratches. He seldom tolerates David close to his cage, much less to solicit his touch. While I am thrilled with that, my first thought was "the honeymoon is over". Honestly for the first time, on that unexpected treacherous bite, I was thinking I might be able to hold a grudge because I was still mad at him in the morning. He spent about four days in this funk. I went to the bird fair and got him a couple new toys and he ejected them immediately. I was telling David that Gilbert has been refusing to come out of his cage as usual, he won't sleep on his favorite perch. Any time I come near the cage he bites the bars, flings his food, pulls all his dishes out and tosses them and just seems to go beserk. As I was telling David my concerns, it sunk in, his behavior has lasted about as long as my attempt to get him to play. I reached up and took away that limeade bottle with the almonds inside. Instant magic. Since the first day he was rolling it around and investigating it, I thought he was okay with it. It is just not his time to accept something new. Strange that he didn't show any fear of it, barely seemed to notice it. When they say these guys are subtle, good golly miss molly. He didn't have to bite my finger off about it! My best attempt at a silver lining right now is the fact that he didn't resort to any plucking in his tantrum saga. He turned all of his anxiety outward onto me this time. I am a bit chagrined to admit it but he learned a mild expletive. He repeated it twice and my husband chided me when he heard it, to which I replied "he has been in other homes you know, maybe he already knew that word." David laughed and said "really, were you living with him in his other homes? That was clearly your voice, I have heard you say 's__t" before". I admit it. It was me. It hurt a lot you know. He surprised me. LOL. All is well, we are back in good spirits and Gilbert immediately turned to his sweet stubborn little old self again. It might take a while for me this time though. LOL.

[fidsandfrats]

Congratulations! Glad he is doing so well. Keep up the good work.

[oblivion]

I have to admit that's I'm slightly amused that I was, in a very round-about way, responsible for him learning his new word. Too bad the bottle didn't work out (yet), but good job figuring it out eventually.

 

It's funny when you can't deny the source of a 'bad word.' My daughter once repeated a phrase only I use - I thought always out of earshot. There was no denying it when I hit my thumb with a hammer, hissed a little bit, and she sweetly looked up at me and said, "F---ing hell, Daddy?" *sheepish grin*

 

The only time I've heard Spencer 'swear' was on my prompting, but he wasn't mocking me directly. As a self-censored 'swear,' I'll often say "Sonova!" but never really finish it off. One trip to my folks in the summer, we'd just arrived and I was letting the dogs out of the car. I only had sandals on and one of the 65# labs landed right on my foot, nails first, so I let out a "Sonova!" From under his blanket in the back seat, Spencer let out a quiet, 'helpful,' "Bitch?" Well, they are female dogs. We had a good laugh about it, but luckily I've yet to hear him repeat it.

 

I'm glad Gilbert's 'anger'/fear, while misplaced, was not self-directed nor long-term.

[birdhouse]

Becoming more & more normal by the day! I'm actually kind of glad to hear that you're mad at him. From what I can tell, it's another part of the process. Seems like Gilbert has come far enough to make some reasonable demands. Asking him to try to learn other ways to communicate fear, anger & displeasure should be reasonable by now.

 

By the time I'd gotten to this point w/Phenix I'd figured out that there's no real way to discipline a fid. I already knew anger was scary & completely counter productive. So I eventually took a page from Phenix' book & learned to sulk & pout from the Master.

 

It works amazingly well w/him & I have a way to communicate how (emotionally) hurt I feel. More often than not, he'll start trying to get back into my good graces pretty quickly. After all these years of practice I have to admit, I've gotten pretty good at milking it for all it's worth. lol

 

I wouldn't give him "his beloved almond" for a while after something like this, either. If you've already done, then it's too late until next time (yeah, pretty sure there'll be a next time ). But if not, then I wouldn't. It's like taking a toy away from a child who used it for something naughty. I do actually believe a grey responds to something this subtle. Unlike a dog, I believe the bird gets it. You also get to use almonds again later as something "new" & exciting when you need it.

 

Very glad to hear that Gilbert went for a bit where he wasn't happy but wasn't plucking, either. That really does sound encouraging! How's his flying coming along btw?

[Malikah]

Aww rats Dee. Sorry the little stinker thought he had to bite to get his point across. Mark you had me laughing out loud! Kito has not been much of a talker, and now with Scarlet home I have noticed how much I swear. Bad me! Ditto on pretty much everything Birdhouse said.

[Greywings]

Your honesty with both yourself and us will take you a long way with Gilbert. they know the truth and trying to fool them by acting one way and feeling another way will not work. They are funny how a "dramatic" issuance of a word seems to make it an immediate learn for them, little stinkers.

[katana600]

I appreciate the insights of all of you, and especially the good humored sharing. The bottle with almonds in it is not far from Gilbert's cage. I pick it up, give him the lid, then shake out and almond so he will associate that with his bedtime routine. Maybe at some point he will initiate contact with the bottle and we will go from there. I certainly don't want another of those meltdown moments. The little s--t! LOL When he bit my finger, I had the presence of mind to get right in his cage and snatch back that beloved almond and he didn't get one that night. But, we are back on friendly terms the next day. I do put the almond in his dish at night rather than give him the chance to do that to me again. I will do that for a while because he has been unpredictable and a bit obnoxious lately. I do think he has been curled into the provberbial fetal position and coiled up scared for this first year together. I do see this new obnoxious side coming out for a reason, I believe he is beginning to feel safe to express himself and now we just have to set some ground rules. I also have seen my children when they were young, would go through an anxious acting out period right when they were on the cusp of a new developmental stage. I think Gilbert and I are moving to a new level and we are going to have some growing pain in the transition.

[katana600]

Actually I think I am reaching the phase with Gilbert that others have reached with a rehomed bird that turns them into a second rehomed bird. I am not going to give up because I believe this is just a necessary ritual of trial by fire. My deepest wish is that he is reaching near his potential for flight and this is the internal conflict he is having and dishing out to me. Now he is not only going in two seconds from "awww, sweet boy, scratch my head" to "SNAP, don't touch me!" but he is also pushing the envelope for some "new" repetitive sounds that are very very unpleasant. He has a whole repertoire now. One is for when I am talking to my husband. He starts with a hoot for attention and if I don't turn from his "competitor" he makes a sound somewhat like David blowing his nose when he gets out of the shower in the morning. That was a laugh at first, but he is really loud and does it without breathing in between. The other one is a vacuum cleaner with a bearing going out of the motor that screeches. He used to only do that one when he was scared, now he uses it for wickedness. My reaction so far is to leave the room. He can still see David and I talking on the sunporch through the glass doors but he can't intrude with his noise. I believe our little dogs were bleeding from the ears after being left inside with the little darling. LOL. Gilbert has been hanging out on the top of his cage door and flapping wildly. Two days ago when I looked at his back he had a two inch heart shape of space where no feathers grew in the inside of where his wings come together. I put a bungee cord on his door so it can't get knocked shut while he is standing on it for fear he would get a toe pinched. What I have noticed more lately is when he is flapping, the bungee is stretching more. When he stops it pulls the door back and he seems to get it to stretch almost six inches. I know he is practicing. I may just be dreaming and wishful thinking, but I believe he might be filling in the lost feathers that were plucked out almost a year ago. I would like to say that the surprise bite would be worth it, but while the bruise on my fingernail is still painful to touch, I am not in a sweet rose-colored-glasses kindly forgiving mood. I promise I am not holding it against him or thinking of retribution, but it is not forgotten either. LOL. I firmly believe in positive reinforcement and couldn't really be ugly to him, even in my words, but I have found the depth of my well for sweet talk and soothing for just a few moments. LOL. The little snot.

[Life is Greyt]

Poor thing. I have no concept of how difficult a rehomed grey can be, but I'm sure that you and Gilbert will work it out with time and love.

[katana600]

Gilbert has been through some changes over the years that from what I can tell were not abusive, but change is really hard for him. I wonder what makes him pull himself in tight and withdraw from time to time. He is happy and chatty but doesn't want to get far from his cage. In the best of times we say "what would he be like if he had been with us from the beginning?' and in hard times we wonder what he is thinking. Sarah told us it was heartbreaking the way he calls out for Jim. I thought he may have just picked up from someone else the name of a person in the house, but he really does get quiet and comfortable then turns his head and mournfully asks "Jiiiiimmmm?" Those moments are far outweighed by his jokes, his cheerful sweet little voice saying "good morning sweetheart" and "night night, sweet dreams" or "bye bye, see ya later, come back soon". His language tells me he was treated kindly and spoken to gently. After a year of steady progress, he will still shake when he is outside the cage and any of us who know him best approach. He feels safest inside the cage. If we tell him night night, he dives right in and goes to his favorite spot for an almond. For the past few days, I have combined his empty bottle with some almonds. I shake an almond and lay it in the open bottle and offer it to him. I would like to say it was to get him more accustomed to seeing the bottle in the hopes he would progress to a place he is no longer afraid and maybe will play with it at some point. The truth is, this was the first nasty bite that didn't have a "tell" or a "reason". So I have given him a little distance at treat time so he can't get me again. We have still had our sweet moments, head scratches and treat almonds, just at bedtime is when I let him take it from the clear bottleneck. Then I leave the bottle open, with two or three almonds hoping to entice him to approach it. He has been occupying the cage top with the bottle near, but walks a wide berth around it and doesn't try to get the almonds even though he loves them and even though they are within easy reach. I see just a little improvement every day as he gets over whatever upset his apple cart. All I can say is that he has been grumpy but not scared. He has been Jeckyl and Hyde throughout the day. There are times when he rushes in to the back perch and rings his bell. That is a general alarm and signal something is troubling him. If I come through the room, or if I am sitting and I stand up, he runs to the bars, grasps them with a talon and begs for a scratch. He is sweet and allows long minutes of scratching his head and talking to him, but he only has wanted scratches if he has the bars between us, kind of a safety net. If he is on the cage door, the door is open, he will not let me scratch him directly, but if I get on the other side of the bars he will beg for scratches. He will sit on my knee or my shoulder for hours as long as I don't look directly at him or approach him. I do see him opening up some and he loves talking to everyone in the house and slowly he will become the bird he has the potential to be. I will love him with all my heart whether he becomes more relaxed and interactive or if he puts up a wall and stays to himself.

[chezron]

Thanks for the update. It must be difficult hearing him call for Jim. It sounds, though, like is really coming around. No doubt because of your patience and love.

[katana600]

Thanks for the support. Gilbert has continued down the path to grumpyville. This is the first time he has had such a sustained campaign of .... mmm, can't explain it. He has been trying to bite me through the bars and acts every bit like the little scoundrel. When I have been trying to feed him, the same as we always do, he tries to bite me while I am putting the food dishes into the rings. Since he can't reach me through the open food doors, he bites the bars, throws things at me and then when I give him the food he throws that too. It isn't like he seems threatened or scared, he is intentionally trying to intimidate me. This morning I just set the stainless steel cup of pellets on the top of the cage because he was too defensive for me to give it to him. I was planning to wait for him to climp to the top so I could more discretely just put the dish in the holder without the confrontation. He outwaited me and then had a sustained attack from the top of his cage, flinging pellets and having a general tantrum. He was wicked scary. I reached my hand inside his cage and pushed a foot toy towards him. In the heat of the moment he forgot to be petrified of his toys. He played tug of war with the leather knots. I held it from inside, he attempted to snatch it away. I suspect he was just trying to get me close enough to bite me through the bars, but he was engaging physically for the first time since he came here! I rolled the plastic bottle toward him with the almonds inside. He grabbed that and knocked out an almond and our play war was over, he took the spoils of his battle and calmed himself. I don't know what is happening here, but I am willing to go with it, protect my fingers and see where this takes us. He seems to have wanted an adversary to spar with. He seems quite satisfied with himself up there on his castle. I am a bit in awe of his newfound aggression. It is better than being curled into a ball, shivering with fear. He goes over and rolls the bottle, then turns to look to see if he is getting my attention. We may be at the very onset of his "play". I have never seen him play. He may ring a bell or chew a leather lace but this new thing seems a lot like play. Fearsome play, but a new arena for Gilbert.

[Malikah]

I think I would forget about the plastic bottle and find some other less scary foraging toy. JMHO

[katana600]

Thanks for your input and concern. If it were just one new toy and his reaction to it, I would probably be more likely to ditch it completely. I did remove it for a few days and he got interested in seeing the one the dogs have and the one Java has in her cage. Inside his cage he has only the familiar toys he either brought with him or accepted from the beginning. He is easily disturbed by small changes so I put anything new and some of his foot toys on the cage play top. He has to specifically go up there on the outside of his cage and he goes around the outside but seldom ventures to touch any of those toys. Just after I finished the last post, he was posturing and banging things around a little and I stepped up to talk to him and he bowed his head for a scratch. He almost never does this from the outside of his cage, he always wants a little safety zone. I was a little concerned that he was luring me in for a bite, but instead he let me give him a scratch and then offered me a step up. He hasn't done that in more than a week. He came over to the back of the sofa for head scratches and was completely relaxed and gentle like I seldom see. Then he asked to go back and he is gingerly walking the perimeter of the outside of his cage and play top and poking at things he has never taken an interest in. There is some kind of change taking place with him and it isn't a fear of one new toy but that did seem to be his original change catalyst for some grumpy behavior, but that may have just been a coincidence. I am not leaving the bottle on his cage all the time. I offer it to him with an almond balanced on the wide mouth opening and runs right over to get his almond that way lately. I really think he is turning a corner and getting comfortable and feeling safe enough to have an occasional outburst and my greatest hope is that his new development is related to feather regrowth that might, just maybe, hopefully lead to regaining his flight.

[judygram]

I really think he is turning a corner and getting comfortable and feeling

safe enough to have an occasional outburst and my greatest hope is that his new

development is related to feather regrowth that might, just maybe, hopefully

lead to regaining his flight.

I hope so too Dee, you have come a long way with Gilbert and it was just an outburst and nothing more, I do hope he regains the ability to fly again, thanks so much for keeping us updated on him.

[Malikah]

I was a little concerned that he was luring me in for a bite, but instead he let me give him a scratch and then offered me a step up. He hasn't done that in more than a week. He came over to the back of the sofa for head scratches and was completely relaxed and gentle like I seldom see. Then he asked to go back and he is gingerly walking the perimeter of the outside of his cage and play top and poking at things he has never taken an interest in. There is some kind of change taking place with him and it isn't a fear of one new toy but that did seem to be his original change catalyst for some grumpy behavior, but that may have just been a coincidence.

 

Excellent! See, what the heck do I know. LOL! Maaaybe fighting is a precurser to playing. I wish you the best with him as always.

[oblivion]

Actually I think I am reaching the phase with Gilbert that others have reached with a rehomed bird that turns them into a second rehomed bird. I am not going to give up because I believe this is just a necessary ritual of trial by fire.

 

What an interesting statement. I wish you all the best possible transition through this period.

[katana600]

I say things tongue in cheek about him being at the phase of a second rehome. He has had too many homes already and I am committed no matter what, no matter what. This isn't our first bird, but he is our first "second, third or maybe fourth" rehome and he came with a built-in reputation and serious baggage. I am so elated to report that he is changing, it has taken him a year to get to the place where he is having some tantrums. It is fearsome. He flings food, bites his bars and there just isn't a description of his angst. But, sure enough, he is beginning to interact in a different way. He has been skirting around the outside of the cage top to avoid a couple of toys that have been up there for a full year. In the past two days he has been moving things around a little and I found something so exciting when I cleaned his cage today. There is a small stainless steel bucket up there with foot toys. Every now and again, I pull them out and play with them and show them to him. He may touch them with his beak but he immediately rejects them or takes it tentatively and then flings it. Today I found two plastic beads. When I started looked to see where they came from, he had untied a leather lace on a foot toy. Tonight, he was startled and jumped off his cage and hid under an ottoman, as usual. Instead of coming to me for a rescue, he went to David this time. He has done that a few times, but this time, he offered David a "kiss". David looked very skeptical and asked what Gilbert expected. When he does that to me he will lean over and put the back of his beak on my lip and make a kiss sound. Considering the recent ornery streak, I was stunned when Gilbert leaned over, David held still and Gilbert kissed him as a thank you for taking him back to his safety zone.

[oblivion]

Tongue in cheek, perhaps, but very telling of the struggles of keeping a parrot - rehomed, "damaged," or not. I know you're his 'last stop' and forever home and are not going to give up on him/yourself, but others would (or would have already). I just meant that to hear you be able to pinpoint the situation in which the rehoming cycle would ordinarily repeat was "interesting." And sad. For other birds - not Gilbert. I was too short in my reply (was having a hard time articulating and had stared at the text box long enough) and realize I really didn't make my point well. Having just been to a local shelter and shaken pretty hard by the experience, I was thinking about all of the birds not as fortunate as Gilbert, Spencer, Scarlet, etc., etc.

 

As for the rest of your post - it's great to see the steps forward even after the few steps backward with the plastic bottle. You guys are all in it together, and that's awesome.

[katana600]

It is very good for you to point it out, I didn't take offense, just assuring myself and others, this too shall pass and we will learn from it. It really was the first time I didn't have the mindset to love him through his unpredictable behavior and find a "reason" for it. It just is. It marks a changing point where he made me mad enough to react, then for the first time I felt apprehensive about approaching him in his best of times. We did have a setback when the storms came through. It is the first time in this house we had to seek shelter in the basement. We had guests and that was a little disconcerting already for Gilbert but he was happily making the best of it. He already has an enhanced fear of storms so the lightning and thunder were the worst we have seen here. As the tornadoes were approaching and we were in the danger zone, the sirens were sounding for the first time and Gilbert already has experience with sirens from living on the gulf coast. Our dogs were also exhibiting unusual behavior as the storms approached. Java was real quiet in her travel cage and Gilbert was inconsolable. I opened his cage and he got on my shoulder and growled and growled and put his head down for scratches and reassurance. He wanted to be near me but he went into a frenzy of plucking. It was only for a moment and he plucked his chest only, not any flight feathers, thank goodness. When the storms passed, he calmed down and even tried to fly back to his cage when I approached with him on my shoulder. I left the lights on for him and he seems okay and I don't see evidence of more plucking. I just don't know what to do for him, he gets so very frightened. He seems a little more "needy" and asks for more head scratches inside the cage but he will duck and assume the scratch invitation position and then pull away and look at me, then bow his head again and again. Last night when he finally calmed down enough to elicit a scratch he just pushed himself against me for a long long time. I can't help but feel that the storms are something separate and apart from his usual "pulling inside himself". The progress he was making with play has been somewhat interrupted. I have complete confidence he will resume when he has had time to calm himself from the storms.