Gilbert is home

[JeffNOK]

Thank you so much for posting the video. I have never been able to scratch Gracie--not once. To be honest, I haven't tried since she was 6 months old. I would love to be able to do that, but not sure how to go about it. The whole--touchy thing--is alien for both of us. Did you wait for an invitation or just proceed with caution. I am torn. There is nothing seriously lacking in my relationship with Gracie, but I wonder if she might enjoy some tactile affection. Any advice on bridging the gap?

[katana600]

Gil was traumatized when I got her and she would lean and posture for a scratch, head bowed, but she was trembling. She only tolerated about ten seconds of touch before spinning and biting me hard. The thing his, she had someone loving early in her life and she wants the touch. She comes close to ask, but gets nervous. The first thing I did was hand her almonds, then eventually pine nuts through the cage bars. When she asked for a "tickle" as she called it, she would grasp the bars with her foot. I would put my finger on the outside and hold just her toenail. There was a reason for that. When she would suddenly panic at the sound of a car door closing in the neighborhood she would lash out and try to bite me. I'd keep her toe between my finger and her beak and that was the beginning. Gilbert had not tolerated touch for five or six years. The mantra I had was to always quit while I was ahead. If she could tolerate twenty seconds of touch, I quit at ten. How close does Gracie let you get your hands near her? Does she step up? Do you think she would let you use Inara's idea of touching her gently on the top of her head with a chopstick? The chopstick method may be a great beginning. If she tolerates that and even grows fond of a gentle scratching you could cut a little off the chopstick at a slow pace until your hand is close enough to eliminate the chopstick. Birds naturally preen each other on the back of the head where it's hard for them to reach. Gilbert allows me to move only in one direction, like petting a cat. I must never speak when I touch her but lately she seems to enjoy when I sing gently and quietly.

[katana600]

Gilbert has been quiet for a couple of days. It's usual for her to have to withdraw and think about things when she is trying new things. I moved a dog gate to a different place and now its near her cage. She will come off her cage and stand on the gate. This is now her invitation to me that I can offer her my hand and she will step up. After a couple of days of this she is starting to raise her foot when she sees me coming. She sat next to me on the arm of my chair for almost twenty minutes, then sat on David's arm and shoulder. I noticed she was getting real still like when she is nervous but she dint ask to go back. When I asked her she was eager to go back. Then she was so nervous she chewed off a pile of feathers from her chest. She may just need to do this as a stress relief. Right after I found the mound of fluff in her cage she invited a very long head scratch session. She is tucking her head and pressing right up to the bars to allow me to rub way down her neck to her shoulders. It's awkward to get my fingers through the bars. We are so close to having this touch time away from her cage. When she realizes its safe, she is going to jump right in with both feet. She has made remarkable progress in just a few weeks.

[Ray P]

Dee, I admire your dedication to Miss Gilbert. She has come so far from her past and is stepping into today and looking to the future.

Each day bring something new as she comes out of her shell. A long trip but worth it.

[katana600]

I have kept the faith and it was you and all our supporters on the forum saying to hold back. The prevailing grey time wisdom has been to let her come at her own pace. i try to keep my expectations in line with her ability to find her path. I really was able to accept and love her at her lowest point and just know inside it was the best I could offer because its about her learning to trust. We just don't know where she has been for her early years. Some of her life was really wonderful, she says such sweet, kind things. Her other language and behavior shows a less wonderful side and its sad to know she was lonely and abandoned. When I look at other greys going from one home to another, Inara and Sophie for instance, I realize Miss Gilbert is an exception. We needed each other and mostly what I do is wait and when I feel helpless to "do" something to change her life, I use that energy to push away thoughts that I have "damaged goods". She isn't broken. I love to fix everything and this was my time in life to learn not to do, just to be. It was so enthralling to see her sitting calmly next to me and for her to offer me her foot to hand her to David and then to know when she was asking to go back. Every positive exchange creates her new history. Thank you a million times to this entire forum who guided us, shared wisdom and cheered on this little girl. She is worth it.

[Inara]

 

Dee, your sweet GG reminds me so much of my Lestat. No easy road, and not a holiday destination, but the discoveries along the way were priceless. You are filling the fissures in Miss GG with your own heart of gold, and helping her repair herself in a beautiful way. There was an old Ann Landers column about a mother who gave birth to a special needs child, and she equated the experience to one having thought they were on a plane to Paris, and then hearing the flight attendant say, "We are now landing in Holland." But after awhile, she began to see that Holland has it's own beauty and master painters, etc. I know that you see the beauty in GG's heart, spirit, and even her little chewed feathers.

 

I would not trade the years I had with Lestat for anything, and I promise one day I'll write his story here in the rescue forum. HRH Inara has indeed been a cakewalk, and I'm so grateful every day that she landed with us, and not with someone who would have been harsh with her, or who would have broken her independent spirit. Your GG is so very very fortunate that she landed with you and David. We all know that you would not trade her for the world. She is progressing in leaps and bounds, and over the course of her lifetime, as you are aware, three to five years will be a drop in a bucket.

 

It is so heartwarming whenever I tune in here to catch up, and I see just how far she has come over a week, or a few days, or sometimes even within the course of one day. Sometimes I wish it was easier for you both, but trust us -- those days will come, and you're already catching some great views of what they will be like.

 

Big hearts and hugs to you both!

Edited September 22, 2014 by Inara

[katana600]

If it were easy, the best of times might have been taken for granted. When she lifts her foot to me, it's a heart racing thrill. For her too. She reaches out confidently but when she realizes what she has done she looks around in a wild eyed panic. Sometimes she jumps off my hand and skitters away growling at herself. Sometimes she falters for a moment then regains her composure. She has really gotten to be possessed with running from anywhere in her cage to ask for a head rub. This week has been wonderful with one breakthrough moment after another.

 

That picture and sentiment is dear to me. I had no idea about the Japanese culture and filling in the imperfections with gold. We moved extensively with my husbands career. When I unpacked after a move, there were always damaged and missing items. I would fix the broken things and called scrapes and scars in furniture "patina" that tells our story. When I see them, I don't think about what we lost, but the friendships gained along the way. I like this gold filled patina idea. Thanks. Your words are a joy to my soul.

[kittykittykitty]

Inara, that is beautiful! Dee, you are the one who is mending Miss GG with gold.

[katana600]

It is a reciprocal healing. I needed her after losing both our baby greys to PDD. I was bereft and thinking we could never again live with a grey because of that exposure when along came this little diamond in the rough. She has an unknown past and the risk vs benefit was what gave us both that second, third or fourth chance. I am so grateful for her good health and it was the best decision for all of us. She is my never ending source of pure gold to heal together.

[katana600]

Little Miss Gil-girl continues to come down to sit on the wooden gate as her "offer" to come to us. I keep our sessions short, her tolerance is still very low. She genuinely wants to oblige, but she gets absolutely panicked and wild with fear and nervous tension. I don't mind too much if she nervously chews her feathers occasionally. If she gets too nervous, its a sign she isn't ready and when I ask if she wants to go back, she is eager to rush to me knowing she will get right back to her safety zone. We are working up to five minute intervals away from the cage. She is much more interested when David is home and I use that to our advantage for this slow, steady process of acclimating her to change. She was on a very tall chair back in the kitchen and beginning to tremble and look toward her cage, when I offered to take her back, she put her head down to indicate not yet. David offered his hand and she tried to take a cobra strike bite out of him. That was our first indication that she is learning to outlast her fear. I had her next to me on the arm of the sofa last night and pulled a very interesting new treat from my little handbasket. She has never had a whole walnut in the shell. It kept her so preoccupied she didn't realize she was away from the cage for five minutes. It's pretty funny how she comes down to the gate, I stand up to come get her and she runs back to climb into her cage. Sometimes I sit on the stairs and wait for her to get brave again. Sometimes as soon as she turns to run, I tell her its okay and sit back down until she is ready. Its really tough when she isn't at all motivated with toys, very few foods and change is almost imperceptible. But a steady drip of water can wear a hole through a stone. I take the smallest step toward her and repeat until she accepts. She so enjoys the comfort of a head scratch when she hurries back inside to keep me outside the safety of those bars.

[Acappella]

It's funny, that's how Dorian began to be ready to step up. He chose a perch mounted on the outside of his cage, and when he was on that perch it was a signal that he was ready to step up and be away from his cage for a little while. Like GG, he took a couple of years to get to that milestone. Congrats on waiting her out until she was ready for a bit more freedom.

[katana600]

Great idea on the perch mounted on the outside of the cage. We had tried that in the past when she wasn't ready and I almost forgot about it. Since she can only tolerate touch if she has bars between us, it gives me an idea to create a safety zone away from her cage but with a set of bars that might help her transition from guarded head rubs to open air closeness when she is ready. It's odd that she wants to come out when David is home. I thought it was an indictation she liked him better. Time is not bearing out that theory. Maybe two or more people stimulate a "flock" instinct. Whatever the theory, nothing good will happen until Gil comes to decide she is ready. I am enjoying each phase of her evolution. Every time she advances toward me, I meet her where she is, try to give her incentive to step out of her comfort zone and always give her an exit strategy so she can choose retreat.

Edited October 4, 2014 by katana600
Darn auto correct

[katana600]

We have had some interesting developments. On Friday, I awakened early and was sitting quietly, in the dark, reading on the computer. When I was taking the dogs out, I heard "Hey" coming from an unusual place for that hour. Gilbert was out of her cage, sitting on the gate. I was sure David had let her out of her cage. Sometimes he will do that if she gets noisy when he is up so much earlier than me. As it turns out, a bit later she was out walking around on the floor, in the dark. When she was ready, she climbed back into her cage and closed the door. She has been doing midnight reconnaissance missions walking about in the dark! I've "floated" the sofa and left room to walk all the way around it. I have been finding her droppings behind there and thought it was because she is more apt to explore when I am busy and David is in the room with her. When I asked he said she hasn't been doing that. I have not figured out yet how she is opening her cage, but she has. I think its possible she goes in and pulls it closed and it doesn't latch, then she comes out later on her own accord.

Edited October 6, 2014 by katana600

[Acappella]

Lol. You've been had by Stealth Gilbert!

[Ray P]

You have to watch those greys.

We use twist ties on all Corkys food and water doors and have to make sure her main and roof doors are latched and locked or she will be out of her cage in no time at all.

[katana600]

No wonder she always guards her small doors and tries to bite me when I change her food and water. She has them adjusted just the way she wants them and doesn't want me to get any ideas about putting locks on them. My house is well toddler-proofed and I am thinking it gives her such a source of empowerment and if it helps her along the path to find her mojo, I may not worry about her getting out. If we step up vigilance in the morning to be certain she is in her cage, I may not batten down the hatches just yet. As she gains insight and learns new strategies, her techniques are getting more sophisticated. She is an amazing little mind bender. That gate across the foyer entry has become her neutral zone. Although she still refuses occasionally she consistently will step up to either of us. Going to the gate is a signal of her willingness for an adventure. This weekend she was trying to woo David back in the room after he showered. I offered to take her to him and she willing went in to perch atop the bathroom door. There as he was shaving, she regaled him with wolf whistles and hoots of approval. Then she laughed uproariously. It was contagious. Only I laughed so hard I couldn't pucker to whistle. For the first time she was so engrossed she didn't notice she was away from her cage. She refused offers to leave the bathroom and even stayed in there alone for ten minutes. I left her to allow her to save face and decide it was her idea to go back. She is opening a tiny little peek hole into her heart and mind. We are making progress.

[Ray P]

This little stinker is making her way into the world on her terms, with your help.

You have given her options, and now she has to make her own decisions.

She will rise to the occasion !!

[katana600]

Watching her find her way has been a journey of a thousand faces of Miss Gilbert. At any given moment she comes through and loses all the baggage and we see glimmers of who she is meant to be. To hear her get excited and carry on and hoot and laugh unencumbered atop the bathroom door was inspirational. The unbridled enthusiasm was a shocker and we just laughed and laughed and horsed around like kids with her. She has had quiet days afterwards as she is prone to do. She reminds me of a little librarian with her hair in a bun and thick black glasses showing up at a rock concert and changing into a party animal. That's it Gil-Girl, life is a party, grab your dancin' shoes!

[Ray P]

It`s her happy dance you see, and she is starting to enjoy the music.

[katana600]

I have a sneaking suspicion she has been dancing in the dark for a while. David gets up at four to go to work. If she is out of her cage when I come out at seven, I have been thinking he lets her out and he insists he doesn't. This morning he came back in to ask me if I forgot to close her door because she was out walking about at four am. For the life of me, I couldn't remember. I know I stopped and sang her a good night song and rubbed her head. I know her door was closed, but could not recall closing it myself. I don't find her droppings around the house so I don't really think she is doing this regularly. What I think she is doing is pulling the door closed but not latching it. I am trying to pay closer attention. Today I see it open, I see it closed. She seems very watchful of what I'm doing. She is so clever and always one step ahead of me. I'll be more careful about checking her latch.

[katana600]

Miss Gilbert really is going through a growth stage. She asks for a head rub every time she sees me now. If I even look like I'm going to move, she quickly grabs the bars and makes a sound like a crying infant. She has been coming out to the gate and probably 4 out of 5 times she will step up when I ask. If not, she makes a run to go inside her cage to her "spot" to get a head rub instead. Three or four times in recent days she launched off the gate in flight attempts. She doesn't seem to get any lift but from a two foot altitude she can fly twelve feet before hitting the floor, or the side of the sofa. What's really kind of amusing us the shout she does when she works up the courage to launch. Then, the brief time she is beating her wings she is growling-clucking-squawking until she skids to a landing. In the past she would be wild eyed with fear and looking for me to rescue her from the floor. Now she rebuffs my offer for a ride back to her cage. It's the cutest little thing she does. I tell her she is okay and walk toward her offering my hand. She does a slow bow to the floor and makes and arc "line drawing" on the floor. This is a "no, I can do it myself" reply. I stand back and watch as she takes her time and waddles back to the gate. She isn't even making a mad scramble to get behind the safety of her bars. Her comfort zone has grown to encompass "her" gate. It seems like a six foot long linear extension isn't much of an expansion, but to her it's the Grand Canyon of expansion to her territory. She is living large and has a great new attitude.

[Ray P]

In no time at all her territory will expand to include the front and back door and then you will really have to watch out.

If she gets out who knows how large her territory will get. You may have to buy more land.

[katana600]

It's official, there is another female vying for my husband's attention. Gil-girl comes out of her cage and is motivated off her cage for him. For the second weekend, she got real interested in him while he was shaving. She flew from her new safety zone on the gate and waddled around the corner through my bedroom to get to him. I brought in the portable perch stand and once again she wolf whistles at him while he shaves. Then she laughs. It's hysterical and joyful. Once he was leaving the room she refused offers from both of us to come out. Finally after being left in there for ten minutes alone she took my offer to step up. When we passed behind his chair she leaned in so I let her down. This is only the second or third time she has agreed to stay on the back of his chair. This time he asked "what is she doing?" For the first time since we have had her she was preening his hair! She was away from her cage for at least a half hour. The rest of the day she is hanging out on her seed catcher or the gate beside her cage. It's so darn funny that the only time she does the wolf whistle is when he is shaving. The belly laugh wicked chuckle is the icing on the cake. She really is coming around and giving us a peek at her real personality.

[Acappella]

OK, not to be bossy, but you've got to find some way of getting this on video. It sounds too cute. Woohoo GG.

[katana600]

It's not bossy at all but it made me laugh. It would be on America's Funniest Videos if you saw what I have seen. Hubby in his underwear shaking his booty for the entertainment of his ladies. Hahaha. I'll request he gets dressed before he shaves and see if I can get a video next weekend. He gets up way too early for me or Gil-girl on work days, usually about four. This is still a new thing for her. She is waddling around on the floor a lot more these days. It's awesome.