Gilbert is home

[katana600]

They are all so individual. I agree that they remember. I am so sorry for both of you getting bitten. Its such a painful shock and I haven't needed stitches! I was angry too. I haven't been one to stoically take a bite and say nothing. With Gilbert, she most likes to be in her cage and to communicate from a distance. Sending her to her cage or ignoring her is as rewarding as tossing Brer Rabbit into the briar patch. When she asked for that first pine nut, I may have been standing in a spot that she perceived to block her egress from cage top to inside. She has been accepting oatmeal on the cage top and I mistook it for progress because I so want to gain her trust. We aren't there yet. There was a little voice saying "don't let her that close to a finger without bars between us", I was aware she might not be ready. She misread the "usual" where I tell her it's time to go to bed, she asks for a treat. I get a treat and stand back while she goes inside. She will take it from my fingers while inside. The thing Gilbert does is posture for a scratch but spend several starts and stops of offering her bowed head, turning to look. She repeats it over and over while I speak softly and reassure her. Sometimes she can relax for a brief touch and sometimes I tell her it's okay and I walk away. My fingertip is still torn and sore and every time I bump it I momentarily fantasize going to have a shout at her. I'm absolutely certain she has the memory to recall everything in her lifetime. I also believe she distrusts me for reasons that are from her past and not particularly about me. It is particularly evident when she tries to get close to David but if his hands are close and she doesn't have the safety of the bars between them she tucks her head but when he draws close she tries to bite him too.

[kittykittykitty]

I hope your finger heals soon. David may need to take a clue from your bite as well, even though she seems to love him dearly.

[katana600]

Interestingly enough he had nerve damage from a complicated birth that left him with no feeling in his fingertips. He really wouldn't have a reaction to her bite yet he is much more hesitant to reach for her after seeing her bite me. He has seen her 'rage in the cage' when she has had a close encounter. It's fearsome. She hasn't had a bad one in a while where she would strike the bars, upend every dish and snatch up toys. Thankfully they don't last long and are getting fewer in frequency and milder in fury. He sits on the steps and asks her "Why do you do that to mama? I'm not going to cook your beans or clean your cage or be home with you." He enjoys her 'good' side but like most people asks why would you keep a creature who would bite you and could do so much damage with no provocation. The answer is just because I didn't poke her with a stick or taunt her doesn't mean she isn't provoked. I may not be the direct cause of her disturbance but I am part of the whole picture that has produced this anxious, caged, highly intelligent synergy. It's all about where we are today, the many who have gone before us leading the way, sometimes making mistakes, sometimes having brilliant insights. We have come far and the road stretches ahead. We have passed the point of no return and now we must work to understand and to make life the best it can be for our companions.

[kittykittykitty]

You are very wise.

[Inara]

"You be the bird, I'll be the feather..." This song reminds me of each of us and our rehomed and rescued fids, but in particular you, Dee, and Miss GG:

 

 

Love goes on forever, that's what's up

Edited July 17, 2014 by Inara

[kittykittykitty]

Thank you, Inara. Yes, it is love.

[katana600]

Oh wow. That one made me cry and that's rare for me. All of your thoughts, all of your kindness inspire me yo do better for her. I do want to be her shelter and also the wind when she needs a gust to lift her up. I do love her even when I am exasperated and don't feel like even liking her very much when she has been a pip. After a low point, there is no place to look but up. We had the greatest couple of days. While I was in the kitchen she flew to me and flew around a corner even. I lifted her up and she sat on the floor stand for more than an hour while I cooked for our outdoor deck building contractors. She wasn't at all bothered by seeing or hearing her out the window. Later when I went to the living room, I offered a step up and she sat on my hand albeit VERY nervously and skittish while I towed the perch close to my chair. I took a deep breath and offered her an almond and she was gentle. I pushed my luck and gave her a pine nut just for the thrill of it or maybe just to have a more positive thought about it. After a few quiet minutes, I saw her looking at her cage and asked "wanna go back?" You could see the pure relief in her face. Her "shoulders" drooped and relaxed. She leaned eagerly toward me and swayed. She quickly stepped up and "flew" the last foot to the cage top as we approached. And then I gave her some watermelon I was cutting up. It has been offered and rejected too many times to count. This time, she reveled in it. I am not sure if the mess or the realization that she just had unbridled enthusiasm was more breathtaking and awe inspiring. What a MESS. What joy! I am going to follow that link again. Thank you so much for lifting us up, all of you.

[katana600]

Every day is something new for Miss Gilbert. Yesterday she had no reaction at all to my smile without braces. No one could be more happy than I, happy happy joy joy. I can whistle again and I can talk without a lisp again. This morning as I worked in the kitchen, I heard Java sounding her "Wrong!", game show buzzer. She really stuck to it, so I came to check on them. Gilbert has found a way to get onto Java's cage. They are 3 feet apart and too high off the floor for Gil to climb. She had to have been inspired to hop/fly over there and she has never done it before. She wanted no part of getti g off there either. I had to pull my old standby sock puppet behind the cage and she jumped right off and landed right on my chest. It was quite the commotion but she stepped up onto my hand and then hopped right into her own cage. She still will do everything possible to avoid any contact with me for the most part. She is so suspicious that if I stand up she makes a running dive to the safety of her cage. One day that will change. Even though today wasn't really her idea to get on me and she hopped off quick like I might hop off a fire ant mound, there was no bloodshed and I put a tick mark in the "positive" exchange column. :-)

[Ray P]

I bet you have a lot of marks in the positive column now.

[Timbersmom]

Congratulations on getting the braces off! One of those things that I'm sure was worth it when you look at your smile

[Acappella]

So glad GilGirl didn't have a problem after you got your braces off. There's really no predicting what they will and will not stress out about. It feels weird when those braces come off, doesn't it? Do you have to wear an appliance for a while? Are you happy with the results?

[katana600]

Time will tell if it was worth the three years. My bite was off and causing some bizarre migraine-like symptoms. I have upper and lower retainers that prevent the crushing clenched jaw and am so relieved to be able to eat, chew and floss u encumbered. Some teeth gapped again overnight, but that's expected as they settle. I can't stop smiling. I see Gilbert watching my face intently while I share oatmeal or stand next to her to give her a scratch. She leaned over this morning and pulled my hair real hard when I bent in to clean her cage papers. I moved to the side to protect my face with the bars between us. She slowly and carefully got closer and pulled my hair again, biting and grinding to tear off a chunk. I leaned back slowly and asked her quietly "Gilbert, why would you do that? That hurts me." She coolly maintained eye contact a d in an equally quiet and calm voice she said "ouch". It didn't seem like she was mocking more like an agreement that hurt means ouch. Slow subtle changes, I can't put my finger on it but its forward progress.

[Inara]

How nice it must feel to get your braces off, I'm so thrilled for you. I must agree with Ray (who could possibly disagree with that gentleman?) that there are a lot of positive tick marks in the good Gil column with many more to come. When HRH first came to live with us, she would try to preen my hair, much in the way that you described what GG was doing. She was very rough, and she was also very rough when preening herself. I had been used to my wild caught birds being verrrrrry gentle (after the long road to get them where we could have physical contact) preeners. I'm wondering if GG was trying to preen you, or do you think it was more of a hair pull situation? She's such a little scallywag that it could be a toss up. It really is so encouraging that she landed upon you, no fright bite, and continued on her way albeit in a flurry. She continues to flourish as the two of you do your lovely chacha. Add another pearl to GG's necklace.

[kittykittykitty]

I am sure it must be a relief to have the braces off. I know from my sister's experience that using the retainers is very important.

I do wonder if Miss Gilbert's hair pulling/chewing isn't a reaction. Her intelligence really shows equating hurt and the word "ouch," as well as the sentence making and comprehension. I think she is on the level of Alex, maybe even beyond him.

[katana600]

Miss Gilbert is ever evolving and it's a challenge to sort out 'new' behavior until I stand back to see where it leads. Her cage is a prime example. There are times or phases when she is fiercely antagonistic, simply walking by when she is on the top will provoke her and she runs at me with fire in her eyes, trying to bite me in the face. Putting food and water in her cage is an ever changing challenge. If she is in one of those moods she will see me coming, position herself for battle and then I do a quick switch up and use a bowl on the opposite side. She will get her hackles up and dash over trying to catch me and will go I to a flurry of very emphatically swiping out every morsel to the bottom of her cage. She will upend the cup and send it clanging to the floor of her cage. My best bet there is to leave her be and let her eat from the floor papers until she gets out of the cage. Then I lock the door, reach in through the food doors. I leave the food door open and when she is darn good and ready she will enter the cage through there and all is well. There is no doubt from her cobra sway, tightly slicked back feathers and fierceness, she was intentionally giving me the heave ho message. Five minutes later when I told her I was leaving, she tucks her head to ask for a long scritch session. Still, even with the intensity and hostility of the hair pulling, when I drew away and spoke quietly to her, you can see the tension fade as I move out of the cage zone. I know she wants her cage to be her safe retreat. I also know she was chased out with brooms or vacuum cleaners to frighten her enough to try to escape. I try to respect her space and always let her cage be her domain and respite, but it does need cleaned and stocked with food and water daily. For the first year she needed her cage barren and huddled on one perch trembling day and night. Conversely, on top of her cage while I share my oatmeal every morning, I am using shorter and shorter spoons so my fingers are gradually closer. She sometimes reaches and touches the back of her beak in a tap on my finger before taking a huge gulp. She also looks under the bowl and gently touches that hand several times in a session. Her tolerance for having my hands near (as long as she is not inside her cage) is growing. It may be a nanosecond at a time, but progress is progress. I do know she is insanely aware and exquisitely intelligent, the same as all our other forum flocks. We are only at the cusp of human understanding of their potential.

[Ray P]

Miss Gilbert has been a challenge , but you have risen to the occasion.

There will always be progress for the rest of her life.

Corky who is 13 1/2 years old and has been with us all her life can be a real stinker about once a week, but we know she loves us by her actions 99% of the time.

She just needs to keep us in line.

You and Miss. G have a bond, but she dose not know how to show it yet.

There will be a time in the future when the both of you will sit together in a chair and say, I`m glad those old days are over, but I will be a stinker about once a week.

[katana600]

You know what Ray? I think these grey friends of ours are so advanced they can read our minds. The trouble is she is sending her messages straight to my mind and they bounce around in the chaos. She forgets I am not as evolved in mind messages and gets thoroughly infuriated at my stubborn refusal to bow to her command. LOL. My husband has a little of that mind reading expectation too. No wonder they are buds.

[Greywings]

Somehow now it all makes sense.

[Inara]

. . .think these grey friends of ours are so advanced they can read our minds. The trouble is she is sending her messages straight to my mind and they bounce around in the chaos. She forgets I am not as evolved in mind messages and gets thoroughly infuriated at my stubborn refusal to bow to her command...

 

Dee, I frequently joke about all of my birds having or having had ESP, but I do believe that there is a lot of merit to it. Birds use cryptochrome in order to read the geomagnetic fields in order to help them navigate and migrate. It's not such a far stretch at all to posit that they may also be able to read the electromagetic impulses given off by our brain waves and neuro systems, much like an MRI or PET scan would do. When we think about what close proximity we are to our fids, physically, it is quite possible. My thoughts are that they sense/see (via the cryptochrome) certain patterns given off by us, and then start filing those away in their phenomenal brains, eventually making sense of what we are doing/saying/feeling. Coupled with their advanced empathy centers in their brains (more advanced than ours, actually) that is a very powerful combination for sub-language communication on an extraordinary level.

 

So for example, often I can be in a completely different room and be thinking about being thirsty and then start reaching for my glass and I will hear Inara say "waaaahter," at that very moment, in spite of the fact that she could not see me, nor would she have known where my water glass was positioned. Or I will be thinking about going into the kitchen to get something, and she will sing "walllk," (like and Egyptian) which is what she sings whenever I get up and walk to the kitchen. Those are just two small but uncanny examples.

 

I have no doubt whatsoever, that we "beam" things to our companions, they receive and that they do get frustrated when they "beam" things back to us and we don't respond with the electromagnetic pattern that they are searching for. I'm very inspired to start reading more scientific articles on the functions of cryptochrome and perhaps do a metastudy on the literature and put together an article. It fascinates me, as I do believe that its use goes beyond just reading the earth's magnetic fields.

 

Whew! That was a pretty dry response to your post, but it is very interesting, I think. Also, it's my understanding that cryptocrhome works best in the blue light spectrum and when not interfered with by other electronic devices, etc. Maybe it is the interference in our home environments now by so many electronic devices that cause our fids to misread some of the signals that we are giving out.

 

Now, off to adjust my tinfoil hat (grin) and perhaps put together a survey post in the Grey Lounge about this very topic.

 

In the meantime, I just can't think that Miss GG could ever find a better brain, better heart, or better hands to be her companion, than yours, Dee. She is such a complex little soul, who does sound like she suffers from PTSD, (I just want to smack whoever chased her with a broom and vacuum!! and lawd knows what else) and you are her safety and rock, even when she gets the message scrambled.

 

It's hard to find the words to say to you that I so wish you could also have along with Miss GG a little gal like my Inara who could pour back into you so much of the love that you give out. I don't say this as an indication at all that Miss GG is not her own reward (I've been there!), but now having a companion who is not a daily challenge in this second half of my life is so peaceful, and I just wish that someone with the abundance of love and patience (that makes you perfect for GG) could get your own well replenished on a daily basis in spades.

 

Your love for GG comes shining through even when you're having a bit of a low day, and Ray's vision of you and Miss GG sitting together in a chair laughing about the "old days," is one that I too hold in my heart for you both.

Edited July 25, 2014 by Inara

[katana600]

You know, I may have had a tongue-in-cheek response to keep the humor in our interactions, but what is said in jest often has roots in our thoughts. Gil is very complex but even when its quite unpleasant like a hair pulling snit, I marvel at where we have come. When she can have a fit of temper and even while my finger has not yet healed, its an awesome evolution from self harm to self expression. When she throws things in a flurry of fury, I clean it up and remember my fervent wishes that she would be released from the rigid, nearly catatonic state she was in. My wishes came true. When she bites me, I remember praying for her to be released from fear and anxiety, prayers are answered. I made a decision to spend more time in her cage and give her another gradual shakeup of the status quo. She just may need a sparring partner to build up a paper tiger and rip it limb from limb, in her own way. So, today I handed her a birdie bagel through the bars. She snatched it away, flung it forcefully to the floor of the cage. She did her cobra sway. I reached past her, snatched up that little ring of blue with as much flair as she had emphatically applied. We did this back and forth several times. I let her get a little exercise and although I am quite aware she would have bitten me had she caught me, I didn't see angry frustration, just energetic exchange. Then in a moment of feeling devilish, I hung that birdie bagel from a child's plastic ring set so she could grab it and shred it, but she couldn't snatch it or dash it to h floor. Maybe it's time for her to exercise to exorcise. I will not push her to the point of frustration, but she did seem energized with a decent dose of irritation and she was using the name LuLu as an expletive and cussing a little for half the day.

Edited July 26, 2014 by katana600
Typo

[katana600]

It's hard to get mad at the things done. I really believe it was a matter of being pulled in too many directions and less than optimal life experience at the time. Maya Angelou's "we did what we knew, and when we knew better, we did better" comes to mind. What is effective and expedient at the moment will not yield cooperation or trust in the future.

 

I do often think about getting a cute little grey baby to start fresh. A few months ago I came upon a very sweet four year old CAG in a pet store with an asking price four times higher than a baby. I offered the going rate for a baby, he refused and I spent a lot of sleepless nights wanting to go get her. But, we have had PDD in our homes and it took the lives of two sweet babies. It also exposed Java. When we agreed to take Gilbert with her unknown history we knew it was a chance worth taking. The risk to her was about equal to the risk from her. We were meant to be. Java is loving, sweet, hands on and touchy feely with me and only me. I am also exquisitely aware that if Gilbert had the daily comparison of her complex and difficult composition, it would be easy to focus on a more compliant and welcoming newcomer. I have joyously fulfilling memories of Juno with his flushed eager little face rushing to be near me. Maybe that was my training to bring me to be the person Gilbert needs me to be, for now. She may frustrate me, she may shock me, but I have the distinct vision that this is the season for me to learn something and she is the unlikely guru. Your tin foil hat might just be my size, hahahaha. I have the fleeting thought on a daily basis to cut the cable line, turn off the internet and quiet all the external noise coming into my own mind. But then I would have to go to Starbucks to get my daily Grey Forum fix and I don't need the caffeine.

[Inara]

Maybe that was my training to bring me to be the person Gilbert needs me to be, for now. She may frustrate me, she may shock me, but I have the distinct vision that this is the season for me to learn something and she is the unlikely guru.

 

My heart just aches for Miss GG, the swearin' little ragin' cajun guru that she is. Your "exercise to exorcise," is a great philosophy and you already know that each time GG acts out (OK, I have to admit I grinned at her use of "LuLu" as an expletive for 1/2 the day) and does not get terrorized by her humans in response, you keep passing her tests one at a time. It really would, as you've said be tempting to focus on a more compliant newcomer. The long and short of it is that Miss GG is meant to be yours, and you are meant to be hers -- "you be the bird, I'll be the feather."

 

With each post, each reader feels that we are right there with you and cheering you both on. I'd love to know, if you're willing to share, what you feel are some of the lessons you've learned about yourself since the arrival of guru GilGirl. Perhaps you've posted those somewhere else in this thread, and could point me to the post. But if you haven't, it could be very helpful for others who have a rehomed companion with complex issues. With each successive post, I find myself more and more fascinated with her, and with the coming together of the two of you. (I will refrain from mentioning you writing a book, because we've all made it pretty clear that we'd be the first in line to buy it, and how helpful it would be to so many!) (oops, I guess I did mention it )

[katana600]

Thank you Inara for all the caring and validation. Specifically from my life with Miss G-bert what I hqve learned is that sometimes the best thing to "do" is to wait for the right time. My Myers-Briggs and other profiles put me in a highly driven, type A or double A, get 'er done sort of gal. I had to completely reinvent myself to accommodate this little grey fluff. She comes off all tough and ready for battle but it is mostly a bluff. She is a gentle and timid spirit with an "I'm going to get you before you get me" kind of attitude. Another thing I have learned about myself is that I was close to being depleted. In five years I lost my first baby grey Juno, then his brother. In that same time I have been a primary caregiver for the hospice phase of three close family members. No amount of "doing" matches being there, being strong and giving up home and everything familiar. I lost one sister suddenly to an aneurysm and another one more recently following her own life of hardship after severe birth defects left her with no moving joints except her jaw. Even with the original request for Gilbert to find a home, my decision was based on her situation and there was nobody else to give her a chance. What I have learned is I have a need to see a different outcome this time. i have a need to watch, listen, regroup, change the approach, back off, push forward and wait. She is going to have her own story, she is going to find her way back to being the soul and spirit she is meant to be. I am going to be the first to see her full-feathered freedom flight when she finds her mojo.

[kittykittykitty]

Dee, you are not only the feather, you are the wind beneath the wings of everyone you contact, including this special spirit called Miss Gilbert Gilli Girl GG Swamp Queen. You surely lift me.

[katana600]

Thank you for being so sweet. The truth is, Miss Gilbert wouldn't be a pearl unless I am the irritant. Also, I cuss when other drivers make bonehead moves, which is often in Atlanta traffic. I have lots of bad habits but caring for Miss Gilbert makes me want to help her get to a better place. Also, I took a little too much pleasure in seeing David drop from favored status with Gil yesterday. After she got on Java's cage, I moved her cage a few inches. No sooner than he returned from a trip, she came down to the seed catcher and he saw her bite a chunk out of the door frame. He scolded her and pulled the cage out so she couldn't reach. He asked me to come see what she was doing. It was the funniest thing. She was hanging off the side of her cage and quickly pulling her wing high above her head as a cloak of invisibility. Think of the old vampire movies as he shields his eyes from the rising sun with a flourish. She did it about five times and when she would drop her wing and see he was still there she grumbled and tried her disappearing trick again. When that didn't work she we t topside to fling food and toys at him to make him just go away! What kind of no sense is that, he gave her the tone and he told her no, the nerve. And just until bedtime, I was not alone on her nuisance list.