Gilbert is home

[kittykittykitty]

"I AM WOMAN!" Oh, yes, she is woman! Wise woman born of pain. Bold woman. Problem solver, one to speak her mind. Care giver? She is woman!

[Ray P]

The one thing you will always know is, boy or girl, how you feel about her will never change, all the things the two of you have gone through will never change and the future is wide open.

[katana600]

Funny, I had no trouble "flipping the switch" in my brain. Once I heard the news she is a girl, she is a girl and we will deal with that without diminishing the good boy he has been. The pronoun shift was the easy part. The name will take a while to figure out. It has come to mind that at 375 grams she has been referred to as diminutive by our vet but it makes sense since the females are sometimes smaller in the same clutch. She is just a tiny girl. I haven't put any pink ribbons in her top knot yet. I have to say Java and I were outnumbered by the boys in our household and now it is 3 of each. We have had so many things to overcome that gender was just not an issue. Now that she is coming out of her shell more all the time, this will just be a blip on the radar and a nearly forgotten tidbit in the scheme of decades together. My future grandkids will say "remember when you thought your parrot was a boy?". LOL.

[kittykittykitty]

I am crazy about this girl! And her human mom as well. Congratulations on the instantaneous switch.

[katana600]

This morning when I awakened, I had a plan all prepared for Gilbert's "change of life". We don't know her age, we obviously didn't know her gender. We have had almost two and a half years with her trying to gain her trust and respect. I am declaring a "new birth". We brought her home as Gilbert on March 23, 2011. We were considering that her anniversary date. So her new "rebirthday" is September 23rd and she can have twice the celebrations to make up for the years of unknowns. Her first rebirthday present will be a name. We will try on new ones and hopefully she will tell us the one she likes. When it is right, we will know. It gives us some time to think about it and honor her with her very own identity. If that is Gilbert, that is fine too. It is a family decision and we will try on a few names. This morning I called her Lolita and I swear, she winked at me. LOL. Today the song stuck in my head while I was riding the motorcycle in bug ugly wicked traffic on 285 again was Lynnyrd Skynnyrd's "What's your name, little girl, what's your name" I had a coffee theme going and even dubbed Gilbert originally as having the full name of Gilberto Machiatto Grande. LOL.

[danmcq]

LOL Dee, keep on trucking!! Love the inventiveness as caffeine, good music and thoughts coarse through your brain.

[katana600]

Thanks for everyone sharing our news and the exciting prospect of a girly makeover. I can even use this opportunity to create a better bond with my husband and our 'new' little girl. I plan to tell him that she will be more naturally bonded to a male human and he has to attempt to be more involved. Ah... I see this going somewhere. The plaintive way she still calls for Jim as she gets ready for bed is so forlorn, maybe there is something to this. If I convince him to name her, that will just seal the deal. Not at all that I want to distance myself from her, but any resources to get her out of her shell and more confident, I will embrace whole heartedly. Dan, my motorcycle marathon is finished as of this morning. They essentially paid me to ride a thousand miles since Sunday. It was a new demo bike that they said we could buy at a used price if it had the miles before we signed. David is on the west coast and couldn't do it, so I took the challenge. The last mile logged as I pulled into the parking lot this morning. It was hot here, my temp guage said 96 degrees ambient temperature yesterday, but with the heat coming off the road and the bike, it melted the zipper in my boots. I was just a little nervous when they plugged it in to verify the miles that it would record my driving habits and jack my insurance rates. LOL. Its been a couple of hard years for our family, so having a little fun was on my list. Now I can get back into my daily routine, do some sewing and play nice. LOL.

[kittykittykitty]

That was a lot of miles! And I thought it was hot here! (102 today) I haven't heard of zippers melting, though. LOL This is a special time for all of you.

[katana600]

It is hot there today too! This morning is quiet and sweet. I awakened to the song Mississippi Queen by Mountain and thought immediately that I have a Cajun lady. Last night was magical. I asked her to go to bed and she was having no part of it, though she usually is in a big hurry to go inside. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder because to my total amazement as I stood there talking to her and asking her to tell me what her name should be, she waved her little foot and asked for a step up. I took her over to the sofa with me and she stayed up with me until 1:30 am. She didn't want any scratches but she wanted to get close. Any time I would try to set her down on the blanket on the back of the couch she would climb back to be on my hand. Today we are auditioning the name Dotty, Dot or Dorothy. In the morning she usually trills out "Good Morning sweet bird" or sweetheart, when she did it this morning, I answered back Good morning sweet girl. She started to say it and then hesitated at just a good morning. This is kind of fun.

[katana600]

Dot and Dotty were short lived, not nearly strong enough for her. My daughter suggested Kahvi, it is a Swedish translation variant of coffee from the arabic or turkish coffee. And whoa does turkish coffee pack a wallop. This seems like a strong name for her. We will keep Gilbert as her 'maiden' name and it gives her room still to reinvent herself. She really does seem to be coming into her own. Love the changes and the prospects and possibilites. It will still be a mystery for us to see what she likes and how she responds to all of our ideas. We have spent so long "waiting" for her, not pushing her and it is a delicate dance to let her take two steps forward and one back. We are having a ball trying out new things, maybe she is ready for her little world to get shaken up a bit and will shake off some of the fear based shackles and dance with me like nobody is looking.

[birdhouse]

maybe she is ready for her little world to get shaken up a bit and will shake off some of the fear based shackles and dance with me like nobody is looking.

 

There could be a lot to that, actually. Phenix triggered on the words "step up". Changing what I said to him literally eliminated a conditioned response. Also, when I've had multiple animals, their response to female vs male pronouns is obvious. "Girl", "She", "her" being pretty much ignored by the boys & vice verse.

 

One of my "interesting" theories is that abused animals' names can be like or are actual triggers. Like a dog who cowers every time it's called. Part of it is just legitimate primal fear. But the name was also used in association w/enough negative attention or abuse in the past where it would eventually become attached to the actual word "AnimalsName". As soon as they hear it, they expect bad things to happen.

 

Such smart critters tend to have a very long memory. So I think good treatment eventually reconditions the association, but maybe doesn't eliminate it. So occasionally, they have a seemingly inexplicable response which is actually a knee jerk reaction from old conditioning. If that makes sense.

 

If this theory holds any water, re-assigning gender & renaming a rehab could actually eliminate a very big load of baggage. Every bad trigger conditioning for "Gilbert" is about to just disappear. Then couple it w/all the progress she's been making lately. That's some pretty huge potential when you think about it.

[danmcq]

Very interesting observance Birdhouse. I can totally see that being a good point to consider and can picture them wincing upon hearing that name called out. I suppose to any abused critter, a name in that case could mean to them, here comes a scare or pain.... sad actually.

[katana600]

Good things to consider. I don't think there was any physical violence or that kind of abuse in Gilbert's past. That is irrelevant though because she has been upset and angry and rehomed so she has suffered what she perceived as unfairness and a kind of abuse being away from her beloved and in new households that was not what she wanted. I do love the name Gilbert and the way she says it sounds very endearing and it is obvious she is speaking about herself. However, I am seeing an opportunity to try new things and she has been more responsive to me. It could be me. I could be considering her to be a delicate little girl and my joy of welcoming her to her new identity could be a trigger for her to respond to me. All I know is, even though I was absolutely sure it would make no difference to label her gender, it does. I am in awe of the complexity of the whole situation and interested in the response of family and friends. We are on the Gilbert 2.0 reboot and remarketing campaign. We are resetting all the defaults and learning to start at the beginning all over again. LOL.

[katana600]

Last night, once again Miss Gilbert opted not to go inside her cage at bedtime. The usual way of just asking and getting the desired response was not effective and I chose not to set up a battle that would have no winner. She goes to the top of her open door, as usual, but instead of swinging in to her favorite perch for a scratch and an almond treat, she stayed on the door, eye to eye with me, definitely setting up a "challenge". I told her good night, turned off the light and went to bed as she said "hey". After a few minutes, she was out there talking in the dark and I went back out to her and to my surprise, once again she offered me a step up. All my "common sense" says to be firm or bedtime is going to be a nightmare, but for the reward of allowing me to be close to her, the trust of being carried around and not having a panic attack from her is worth losing a little sleep. Once again she was fine with me carrying her to the sofa and this time she allowed me to put her down on a blanket on the back and she explored, came back to me for a scratch and when she was done, she waved her foot to step up and go back to bed. By the time she was out fifteen minutes she started trembling a little and her nervousness was taking over. In the past couple of months, it seems more like we just brought home a rehomed, cautious Timneh and I think we are at a breakthrough. It would seem to coincide somewhat to her gender reveal, but in reality, she was becoming more active which is what led us to the vet for an annual checkup without the trepidation of traumatizing her. Her first vet visit was when we brought her in and the vet suggested it would not be a good time to get baseline blood analysis because Gilbert was so obviously stressed and it would change the readings and not really provide us with solid information. So, we did the minimum until we had more cooperation. A year ago we had the best vet visit but something got lost in translation and the front desk got my message for DNA testing and the vet didn't. It wasn't worth going through the four hours of travel and distress to Gilbert so we waited. The difference one year has made in Gilbert's disposition has been remarkable. In most cases, with a new baby there is a common way of doing things to train them and keep them healthy. With an older, traumatized and upset grey, it is a learning experience and unique to the individual and daily situation. In our case, I have found that not pushing Gilbert has been the delicate pivot point of our success to this level of cooperation. For her to offer her foot to me and initiate the opportunity to be within her protected space is enough for me to be doing the happy dance.

[Kizzybird]

Love to hear about "Miss Gilbert"

[Timbersmom]

Sounds to me like you and Miss Gilbert have a new bedtime routine!

[Wingy]

The bedtime fight isn't just with rescue/rehomed birds. We have a fight every night. Thankfully I have learned the trick but it took me months of offering treats, being nice and even being sneaky. Now I use a pillow to save my skin and bend it in a certain way so that he can't duck back out of the door. He grudgingly steps onto his door perch knowing that it is in the cage time. I wish there was a better, simpler way but he will sleep all night on the cage door if I give him the choice.

[katana600]

I have been just so tickled with her lately, for the most part. When David came home from his business trip, so much for the Cajun Lady, my Mississippi Queen, she was no lady with regaling him with her favorite cuss word. She refered to "it" on the floor, "it" on the dog, and "it" 'it" "it". Since I have not heard it in more than two weeks, David is the common denominator. She knows she is making him laugh even now that he realizes he has to walk away and not encourage it. Today this place is a zoo. I was just posting on jbsmomto1's thread about her bad boy. One of my little dogs chose today to try out the new howling skill his bigger cousins taught him while I was staying there last winter. Miss Gilbert was going from telling him "Quiet" to barking and then to howling with him. I had to quit what I was doing and come up here. Now she is on her floor stand, banging things running up and down her boing and creating mischief. Her late nights up are not slowing her down any today. I am going to get ahead of her this evening. As soon as it gets dark outside, I will tell her it is bedtime and then if she agrees to another step up we will get that out of the way and get to bed at a decent time. It will be my luck she won't be interested and then I will have to go to bed at 8:00. She may not be a cuddle bird (yet) but she has been taking some amazing steps with courage lately. This is what I had my heart set on all that time ago. I had read of others that said when their rescue came out of the shell, it was all at once and remarkable. She is on her floor stand raising unholy mayhem, wreaking havoc upon a bell, beating the stuffing out of a rope and leather lace toy, and is one heartbeat away from getting on a swing for the first time ever. Who is this little ragin' cajun queen anyway? The apple of my eye and the song in my heart, that's who. All these old classic rock songs are in my head because they were playing while I was on the great motorcycle break-in quest. Today it is Loverboy with "Lovin' Every Minute of It".

Edited September 7, 2013 by katana600
misspelling

[katana600]

@Wingy, I think the most wonderful thing of all is how Miss Gilbert is now starting to have daily behaviors that are right in line with "normal" greys. I have been holding back with her and letting her have handicap points, not pushing her buttons, gently bringing her around to over come fear. Now she is becoming more interactive and challenging in a different way. Game on little grey bird, game on!

[kittykittykitty]

Miss Gilbert is really blossoming. I know, she isn't a flower but I couldn't think of a better word,

[katana600]

She is blossoming Howardine, it is a lovely way to put it, I will start auditioning flower names for her. After reading Talon's thread about picking feathers and all the great ideas for shredding materials and toys, I offered Miss Gilbert a nearly empty toilet tissue roll. She was not impressed. I showed it to her. I put it on the outside of her cage on a porch perch and she watched me put it there. A little while later she went out to inspect it and I don't know quite what happened. One minute she was sneaking up on it to take a look and the next she was growling and screaming I was sure I was going to look over and see her neck deep in the throat of a python. I took it away and she ran to me for solace and protection. I took her outside in the sunshine and she had her beak open as if she was amazed with her jaw agape. I have decided to mix things up a bit and rename David too. LOL. Since she calls me LuLu and has already made that decision and she has started calling me "Maaaaaa" as well, I figure we all can have alias names. So, I called David "Poppy" hoping she will pick up on that and it could transition to grandkids some day. When we came back inside and she was settled again. I tried a different approach with the toilet paper and ripped of a square and she snatched chunks out of it from my hand. This morning she played tug of war with a piece. Well, I say playing, but there is no doubt she was trying to pull my hand close enough to take a swipe at me. I put the little roll of tissue back on her porch perch outside the cage and maybe she will give it another try. I feel so happy for her. She really is blossoming. A few months ago, everything was still scary and she didn't venture far from the inside of her cage and comfort zone. Now she is on her floor stand, hanging upside down, swinging wildly from a boing and she keeps pushing the swing to and fro. I really think she is going to get on it one day soon. One tiny little petal at a time, her personality is unfurling like a delicate flower or fern turning toward the sun. As far as the bed time routine last night. At eight oclock she said "time to go night night". She ran right into her cage just as usual and took her bedtime almond snack and she put herself to bed. After a couple of night owl late nights, she was too tired to challenge me I guess.

[Wingy]

Something else to try is a small child size ice cream cone. If you have some avicakes you can soften them in the microwave and smoosh them into the bottom of the cone around an almond.

[Timbersmom]

No, no, you went about it all wrong. You were supposed to stand on one foot, hold the roll in your claw and chew on the end to show Miss Gilbert how much fun it is! Just kidding, but the things I do (and eat) to gain Timber's cooperation have me laughing hysterically at myself sometimes.

 

Seriously, what a pleasure it is to see her blossoming. I really enjoy reading your posts and am always watching for Miss Gilbert's latest progress

[katana600]

Thanks for the great idea Wingy. It seems we have been in a holding pattern for so long, I have forgotten all the lively play ideas for "normal" greys. I so appreciate all our forum friends applauding the strides our girl is taking. I have been willling to stand on my head and eat bugs to get her to try new things and gain confidence, but really all I had to do is reassure her, stay my distance and be quiet. She did most of the work on her own. It was the hardest thing in my life to not "help" her but it wasn't help she needed, it was time. She is amazing us with her normal grey behavior. It seems to have come out of left field all at once. She matter of factly came out of her cage this morning, played for a long time on her floor stand, then climbed to the floor exploring the living room. She came under David's chair, tested a toe or two and then went back to her "job". I wasn't thinking when I heard her chewing wood. I have heard that before, with her peeling the bark off her floor stand. It took a second before I understood she was still on the floor and she chewed the nice little wooden trunk the little dogs use to get up on the sofa. I have to up my game to keep up with Miss Gilbert. I will get ice cream cones today. Love all the new ideas.

[Wingy]

You are not taking enough credit. YOU stood your ground and made a decision not to give up and not to give in to her own self prescribed pity party. YOU decided to love her and show her each and every day that you did. If it wasn't for your commitment to love her warts and all she would not have wanted to give it a chance. While she may have been the one to make the decision you are the one who gave her the tools and the encouragement to take those steps.