Gilbert is home

[Gwen]

Dee!!! I'm so very happy that you & Gilbert had special moments. It is the greatest feeling in the world to receive "warm fuzzies" from them. My recent breakthroughs came when Roscoe sensed I had let my guard down. I believe Gil also sensed that and made his new advances because he felt more relaxed. Our rehomed fids are finally beginning to trust us !!

[Greywings]

Wonderful!!

[birdhouse]

Wow, Dee, huge progress! Super huge props to you and Gilbert! It takes so much courage to go thru everything it takes to reach such an incredible bonding moment. I'm so happy for you both it's almost like I was there!!

 

Just don't forget that you two are still dancing. lol So try not to let your feelings (or your face) get too wounded when he takes the inevitable backslide. Gilbert still needs you to keep proving he really can trust you, even after such an amazing gift. Many years of conditioning will still periodically kick in even when he doesn't really mean it, too.

 

But it sounds like you may have made THE break thru. Pretty soon Gilbert will be able to start truly being just Gilbert. Strange as it may sound, you've likely only really caught glimpses of him before this.

 

I think now the focus will start to swing away from the little lost soul. You may be on the verge of living a much more normal life w/a much more normal TAG, in the relatively near future. So, so good to hear this.

[MarcusCAG]

Yes, it is wonderful news!!! These little steps are adding up so quickly anymore, congratulations!

[Cupid]

Very proud of you and gilbert. What a journey youve had! any new pictures youd like to share?

[katana600]

There are a few things that have been so helpful. One big thing has been the lime drink. I have given him sips of my water and offered him bits of food but nothing has resonated like the happy gurgling of sipping the limeade. I would never have thought of this myself. Well, for one thing, I hadn't tried it myself. LOL. I don't give it to him often, but the look of joy when he just laps it up is sublime, he doesn't sip more than a tablespoon and generally wants more. It is the one thing I read here that has been his new currency. Another thing I read from someone is that at 8-10 years of age, he is still essentially a juvenile. That would not have crossed my mind, I tend to think of him as a little ole curmudgeon just wrapped so tightly and resistant to change. He is still a babe in the woods looking for a leader. I will try to get some pictures, I have tried taking a couple on my phone, but he comes out and gets close in the evening and the lighting isn't good in the room so it is hard to see him. I will see if I can remedy that. Thanks for the encouragement. It has never crossed my mind that he would someday be a healthy happy grey. That isn't something I have seen in my house even though we have had three greys here since I joined the forum. I guess I hadn't dared to dream but also I don't have the pressure of high expectations either. He does get really relaxed, and sit next to me and elicit a scratch and then for two hours we sit and do our dance. He approaches, gets a scratch, makes a happy sound and with his eyes closed in apparent bliss. Even while he is obviously relaxed and enjoying it, he will make a sudden swipe. What is different is how quickly he composes himself with a surprise wide-eyed look and a quick "oh sorry". He really seems to mean it. It is hard to explain, he swings around and if he connected, it would be a hard nip, but I don't pull away, just move to show him I got the message. He doesn't come after me, but we both just "stand down" for the moment. He composes himself and then presses for another try. He is keeping me way up past my bedtime, but if that is his best time, I will adjust. We both fell asleep tonight and that just seems right. I will love him as he is without any expectation of change, but if he does grow and change, that would be more than okay. Thanks again for sharing something that just seems monumental and extraordinary.

[katana600]

Gilbert offered a step up in the morning and I couldn't resist. He came to the kitchen and watched me prepare his warm breakfast, then he obliged to ride very slowly and carefully on my shoulder back to his cage. His balance is precarious but he is calm and willing. I love that he bowed for a scratch request in a different room, he usually is on edge away from his safety zone. The photos on my shoulder are in the bathroom, I was still in my pjs... glad I didn't get in the shot, I noticed afterward that my buttons were one off, LOL. Typical morning.

[katana600]

Gilbert was in rare form this morning for photo opportunities. When I went back to the kitchen, he climbed down to follow me. As usual when he decides to have an adventure, no sooner than he gets down, he seeks out his favorite "roost". It is a portable folding tray table. Even though he is only two inches off the floor, that is where he will go and wait for me to notice the silence that indicates he has gotten the nerve to come down from his cage door to the floor. When I come back into the room to fetch him he quietly says "hey" very nonchalantly. It is endearing. If I am going to be more than a room away where I can't see him, I will close the cage door since he is becoming more adventurous. Every day I think it could be the day when he decides to take flight.

[birdhouse]

Like I said earlier, Gilbert may finally be starting to act like a normal, healthy TAG now that you've exorcised some of those demons. Enjoy the heck out of it because I know from experience how much you're going to treasure so many things that so many other parronts get to take for granted.

 

Also, about what you posted before... Even though Gilbert seems so relaxed, I think it may be an over stimulated reaction when he suddenly up & takes a swipe at you. Too much of a good thing, so to speak. All this loving is wonderful, but still pretty scary. So he suddenly can't handle the conflict. Maybe for a while you could bliss out w/him for shorter intervals. Stop scritching or whatever periodically & tell him how wonderful he is or something to get him to refocus. Then go ahead w/more bliss. Just let up for a few seconds to avoid his need to make you stand down.

 

Phenix does this. Even though he's the king of the sarcastic apology, he really means it when he apologizes afterward. There is no good way to explain it, but I really do know he didn't mean to do it sometimes. He acts too surprised & his body language is immediately submissive for want of a better word.

Edited December 16, 2011 by birdhouse

[katana600]

You are so right about keeping the close moments to a minimum and leave it to Gilbert to come back to me asking for more as he can tolerate it. He is hypervigilant, always right on the edge, I have only seen a few moments of relaxing to let down his guard in our months together. The two nights we had were treasured indeed, it is a step in the right direction and I just wanted sleep sitting up on the sofa because I didn't want to break the magic spell he was under. I do know though, that it is best to stop at a positive moment and leave us both wanting more. My husband returned from a week away on business. Gilbert would have no part of coming out of his cage. It made me realize the progress we made in the last week was due to him having total predictability. Both daughters moved out in the past couple of months. They each had a cat and one had a dog as well. Even though the girls are quiet adults and seldom home with full time jobs and working on education at the same time, it was unpredictable to Gilbert who would be home when. Gilbert has gotten much more tolerant of David and allows him to scratch his head occasionally. But having any small change is rough for this little guy so my nights of enchantment will wait until a better time once more. We are going to travel over the holidays. Gilbert has been to NY and PA before and he did really well. I do expect it to set us back a little, but he may just surprise me. I have never had a playful healthy grey, only have seen photos and videos of them. You bet I will marvel over the day when Gilbert comes out of his cage, explores the house, plays on his orbit or just relaxes for more than a half minute, it will be the highlight of my life. When he comes to sit on a perch in the kitchen for ten minutes without trembling and asking plaintively "wanna go back", I feel like I have won the lottery. Slow steady steps, our dance is ancient and poignant yet lovely and encouraging.

[judygram]

When he comes to sit on a perch in the kitchen for ten minutes without

trembling and asking plaintively "wanna go back", I feel like I have won the

lottery. Slow steady steps, our dance is ancient and poignant yet lovely and

encouraging.

You dang skippy it is Dee.

[DawL]

He is gorgeous, and I love reading about his progress with you. Thank you for sharing this story.

[Life is Greyt]

Everyone that brings a rehomed bird into their life has my respect. It seems to be a very tough road, but with very good rewards. Gilbert is very lucky to have you.

[katana600]

Just when I think I understand the tiniest insight of life with Gilbert, he proves me wrong again. As it approached bed time last night, David was "in my spot" on the sofa. I went to visit with Gilbert and offered him a step up and he girded himself for battle. He wanted no part of leaving his zone and went into the cage to fling food for emphasis. I did ask David to leave, LOL, but somehow he still thinks this is his house too. So, as usual, when Gilbert doesn't give me a resounding yes to a suggestion, I give him space. As I turned off the lights to prepare to go to bed later, Gilbert hurried out to the door perch, tucked his head and when I went to scratch his head, he lifted his foot to step up instead. I was astonished. I put him on the back of the sofa, he trembled a little at the presence of David, but he wanted that scratch and cuddle time, or to avoid bed time, more than he was afraid. In moments, he was laying his head and chest out with closed eyes and I swear I heard a little sigh of relief. Maybe that was David. If Gilbert can get me to stay up an hour later after a long day, he is a miracle maker. After his cuddle, of course, then Java had to have a turn. I give a lot of credit to my husband for his participation in the lives of both parrots. He keeps offering his hand no matter how many rejections it takes. I loved that someone else got to see Gilbert in a vulnerable quiet moment instead of his usual guarded battle position.

[birdhouse]

Gilbert is so similar to Phenix in a lot of his issues & behaviors. You two make me remember things I've long since taken for granted or completely forgotten.

 

Most recently, Phenix' transition to "normal". I got so well trained that I think I held him back, maybe a lot, in some cases. I got so invested in not doing anything to cause a relapse that I forgot it was a healing process for his mind as much as his body. Especially at any point where it might prove at all painful for him.

 

It seems from here anyway, like Gilbert is on the verge of another major transition. It may be that he's getting ready to "do a few more laps in the pool", so to speak. Even though he may object & have some new aches & pains for a while.

 

I think this is a really, really difficult part of the process for a rehab'd fid's parronts. You want so much to avoid setbacks & keep them happy after all you've both gone thru. But there's a very fine line & places where that can actually retard their forward progress. One of my many regrets is that I couldn't see this a lot sooner w/Phenix.

 

It sounds like Gilbert reverted to type when he vehemently rejected your night time cuddle. Something changed so he automatically reacted (to David). With a normal fid, that would have meant figuring out his motivation & working around or thru it. In most cases, defuse the temper tantrum & step away, but not just accept "no" for an answer.

 

Gilbert may be ready for you to start to think more proactively & stop automatically taking "no" for an answer. Maybe start carefully & selectively to push boundaries some more. Ease up when there's inevitably a set back. But the focus can start shifting more & more to normal interaction where ever possible.

 

As hard as it is, you might try to really see him as a normal TAG more often. As long as you "tend to think of him as a little ole curmudgeon just wrapped so tightly and resistant to change", you can't help but avoid trying to change the status quo sometimes, for fear of upsetting the apple cart. But I think he may be getting ready to flip that baby over w/your help. Which could be a really, really great thing in the long run.

[Gwen]

Gilbert and Phenix are both on that lonely, scary journey along with Roscoe.

We know they need consistency, patience and confidence to take that next step. How frightening that must feel!!

 

I've had the last two evenings alone with Roscoe. He actually usually settles to nod off around 10 on his cage door. As soon as the TV & lights go off; he immediately starts: "GO TO BED !!" I walk over, he rubs his head on the back of my hand & makes kissy sounds & swings thru the door & up to the corner for toe rubbing & more kissy noises.

Being alone, he stayed on the floor with me until 11... I finally stood up & asked him to step up -- then carried him to his cage door. I softly whispered, It's time to go to bed & he picked up the routine & did his swing thru into the cage. Just the fact that he switched up & wanted to stay with me & cuddle, I accommodated him by letting him stay up. When we are alone he is much more relaxed & so is his schedule. I felt so fortunate that he chose to stay up later with me. Sounds like you had some extra cuddletime with Gil also, Dee. I'm not quite brave enough to stick my face & glasses near enough yet.... I'm just getting comfortablr with my hands..

 

BTW, I'm mixing up a batch of Simply Limeade tonight, in hopes that he will forgive me for having to share the evening w/ my hubby. LOL

[MarcusCAG]

Gilbert may be ready for you to start to think more proactively & stop automatically taking "no" for an answer. Maybe start carefully & selectively to push boundaries some more. Ease up when there's inevitably a set back. But the focus can start shifting more & more to normal interaction where ever possible.

 

As hard as it is, you might try to really see him as a normal TAG more often. As long as you "tend to think of him as a little ole curmudgeon just wrapped so tightly and resistant to change", you can't help but avoid trying to change the status quo sometimes, for fear of upsetting the apple cart. But I think he may be getting ready to flip that baby over w/your help. Which could be a really, really great thing in the long run.

 

I think that is really wonderful advice... I agree, I think Gilbert might be on the verge of something, something inside of him that's struggling to find balance right now. Change isn't always easy, for humans or animals, but Gilbert seems to be giving you signs that he is ready to take a few more steps forward, come what may. I think it's awesome that he was able to relax with you in front of David like that--fantastic! And you might have another few setbacks in the meanwhile, Dee, but that's okay. Gilbert knows you love him and, I think, as long as there is no doubt in his mind that you're sticking this out for the long haul like he wants to, and you won't disappear on him, he seems to be giving indications that he wants to and is ready to move forward with you into the relative unknown and uncharted. Marvelous!

 

And it sounds like Roscoe may not be too far behind.

Edited December 19, 2011 by MarcusCAG

[Gwen]

Yes, I agree that Gilbert is showing you he's ready. Dee, you have been such a good friend to "help" guide me with Roscoe.

As I said before, I'm not quite ready cuddle up close yet, but Roscoe is stretching his neck up onto my pillow to let me know he wants closer. We haven't tried the back of the couch yet, but possibly some evening when I'm alone with him I'll try it....

 

With all of us w/ re-homes it's a very difficult balancing act because we seem to take 1 step forward, 3 steps back. Our poor babies are so leary and jumpy, sometimes I think they don't even know how they're going to react.

 

Wishing you continued success & yes, I'm right behind you all the way....

[katana600]

It is so helpful to have kindred spirits here with advice, encouragement and a different perspective to give the best opportunity for our best personalities to emerge, both for Gilbert and for me. I gave a great deal of thought of what to do for Christmas travel and decided Gilbert responds better by being in contact with me, so traveling by car was the better of two unpopular choices. When I put Gilbert into his travel backpack at six am a week ago, he rewarded me with a powerful chomp on my thumb. We were well into Virginia before I regained sensation. With a start like that, the rest of the trip was better every day. LOL. He was fantastic. It seems that having four adults in the car for a thousand mile journey in one day was a bonding experience. We got to know our future son-in-law better and the wedding is still on! Gilbert and Java were the hit of the hotel in our small hometown. I spoke to them at the desk and requested no housekeeping except to change towels because Gilbert is desperately afraid of the vacuum. They went one step above and beyond, sent the one housekeeper up with me to meet Gilbert and discuss our options. On the last day, I needed to get pliers from maintenance and they all wanted to come meet him as well. They said he was talking every day to our helper. He was absolutely a different bird on this trip. He snuggled my neck and asked for scratches with four people in the room. He went a step further and has asked my daughter and husband for scratches and has been charming. I think the experience of going with us, and returning again has boosted his confidence. He has continued to allow David to scratch his head several times a day. It is so cute the way he says "hey" very softly, then quickly tucks his head to let us know he would like contact. There has not been one swipe at any of us and even when he bit my thumb at the onset, he has been telling me daily that he is sorry. I love that he was talking in the car where previous trips he just hung on and looked very worried. He actually asked for food while we were in motion and was able to balance on one foot to eat. I think we are starting a new chapter with our boy. Thanks for all the suggestions. I do think that if I try something that doesn't go well, I take a ten minute breather and try something else. I take a no when he is adamant, but look constantly for a way to turn that to a yes. You know... kind of like with a husband. Hahahahahaha.

[katana600]

Returning home has been a whirlwind of "new" things for Gilbert. He has been much more relaxed and willing to come sit next to me and obliges for scratches away from his cage as well as when he is inside and he will come close to the bars. One change I made after giving his big cage a thorough cleaning was to pull out the sliding tray on top in order to line it with fresh papers. I have done this before and he hasn't seemed to think one thing or another, it is something I do on cleaning day. This time however, he got very excited, hung upside down from the ceiling and I was afraid of pinching a toe, so I left it off for a while. That seemed to be magical. Where he would previously come up top just to perch high above, now he suddenly has become very relaxed about playing on the wire of the cage top. He started for the first time to play with toys that have been up there for months and months! He has gingerly examined toys I put in his cage, but it seems as though he is determining if they are going to eat him and then he just sticks to perches and ignores everything exept the stainless steel bells. He will vigorously ring a bell to sound an alarm if he is upset by anything. Otherwise, nothing. Well, in the week we have been home, he has been playing. Really playing. It brings tears to my eyes just to tell you. He has a bucket of foot toys on the cage top. He hasn't actually gotten any out of the bucket, but he has been pulling the bucket all around on top of the cage top. He has lifted the top toys and dropped them back in and he will sit right next to the full bucket. We have an orange rubber football looking thing that is sold in pet store for putting dog treats inside the open framework and then they wobble it all over the floor in the attempt to get the food out. I handed Gilbert a few strands of the paper grass for foraging and he was scared and nervous but tugged a little at one piece at a time. He watched as I gave some to Java and she made short work of ripping them into little pieces. I came back to him and he ripped one up too! I put a few in the orange football and he went right to it and pulled them out and tossed them off his cage top. Then I put some strands in and balanced his almond on top and he begged me for a "cracker". I picked up the almond, put it back in the paper nest and he backed away and was a little scared and asked me for a cracker again. This time, I put one in the paper nest and handed him a second one. It took about an hour before he got brave and went for the second almond. Now he is just running all over the top of his cage and it is such a new thing and a fun thing that I am over the moon excited about him coming out of his shell just a little bit. One of the cutest things he does up there is when I approach he tucks his head for a scratch. Since I have to reach so high to scratch him it is awkward and I don't have a spot to easily pull away if he gets spooked and takes a swipe. So, I reached up from inside the cage and scratched his head through the bars. He loves this. When he is in his cage, his rules seem to dictate that we are not welcome to reach in there. But when he is outside it is perfectly okay for me to be inside. Another happy note is that he knocked off a couple more wing feathers on our trip when he got scared and thrashed in his backpack. The feathers were hollow so that was a consolation to me, but since they both came off one side, he no longer had any long flights on just one wing, so I am sure they were not just falling out in natural time. Now though, last night I noticed for the first time that two little feathers have grown slightly longer than the rest of his stubby little wing. I have also noticed some thick pin feathers on his head. Could it be time for him to molt? Does a bird this old, (8-10 years) molt one feather at a time throughout the year, or will they have periodic molts of lots of feathers at once? I guess that is a better question for the general health room, so I will look for answers there. Thanks for being a listening post for our joyful news.

[birdhouse]

Once in a while, Phenix will lose a couple of feathers at a time. But rarely. Nature in it's infinite wisdom designed molting to allow a bird to stay flighted. Flight & tail feathers can't all be molted at once like other feathers, for obvious reasons.

 

So another way to tell if feather loss is just molting is when a similarly placed feather's lost on the other wing in a day or two. They don't need anything like all their flights to fly as we know from badly clipped fid stories. But they need to be able to maintain balance & control.

[katana600]

Thanks, I am seeing two new flight feathers on his wing, they are coming in after the hollow ones came out. So, at least I do know that those two are being replaced. The question that is haunting me is whether the ones he plucked a year ago will come back in the natural order of things. I will probably never give up hope, but if I had a magic ball to tell me if it doesn't happen by a certain time, it is probably not a reality. Then I answer my own question by realizing, I will take what I can get and not think too far ahead of things. Speculating is not helpful to the process of grey time. I just have my dreams of what a different world it would open for my little guy if he regained his gift of flight. I think from the beginning of time humans watch the birds soar and it is a deep seated desire of all of us to fly free.

[MarcusCAG]

I don't know if this will help any, but our little Beaker was a plucker when the woman who owned a dog rescue took him in (she went to the house to take possession of two big dogs that I guess were being abused/neglected, and the guy had a big aviary in his house with all sorts of parrots, and he said she could take one of them too). She said Beaker was just sitting in a corner, shivering as all the bigger parrots flew around him, there was four inches of poop all over the floor, and as she watched he was just ripping his little chest feathers out. So she took him; and in the end she put him up on CL because she's "not a bird person" but a dog person, and wanted him to find a good home. So we got him, and in that time that she had him, Beaker's chest feathers grew back in, she said. But he still has a noticeable, half-moon shape of naked skin on the front of his neck. Occasionally some down will grow in, but we've had him almost two years now and it's still naked. We don't think he plucks anymore, but I guess his little follicles there are all dead. But maybe if Gil's feather's are more like Beaker's chest feathers were, at least, they'll grow back in given enough time, too.

[katana600]

Thanks, when Gilbert came he had been plucking through two homes that we were sure of, but he mostly would barber his chest and back. He looked like he was walking around in fluffy underwear. He only pulled flight feathers under extreme duress and I haven't seen any of that. His chest feathers were never down to baldness and he will grow them for a while, then get a little nervous and pull off a handful, then we get him calmed down a little. It helps to hear that most of Beaker's chest feathers regrew. The barbered feathers that were chewed off grow back nicely. The ones I saw originally on Gilbert definitely were plucked with chunks of flesh. Those are the ones I wonder about. The good news is that he is learning other expressions and not resorting to pulling off his own feathers as a first course when nervous about something. For instance, he was deathly frightened of thunderstorms and we had one this week late at night. I left a light on and stayed in the room to keep him from being startled and he kept telling me "Gilbert okay" and I would repeat it to him and we had no feathers at the bottom of the cage in the morning. Yay! He still has a lot of baggage to unpack but he seems to be making progress. He is starting to hold his foot toys but he doesn't really play with them as much as just keeping them under surveilance.

[oblivion]

I just read through 5 pages of this thread, but will have to finish later. I just wanted to say that I'm LOVING reading about your experiences and it's really making me wish I'd recorded and shared my journey with Spencer as well as you have here. This is fantastic and will be a treasure for you your entire life. Great writing. And your heart is quite clearly immense! Squabbles on other threads of these forums had be a bit disheartened. THIS thread is what I call "Ending on a positive note!"

 

Thank you so much for sharing.