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hi everyone :) thank you so much by looking at this thread, im sorry if my English sucks :(


please help me out with these couple questions.


3 days ago i got an african grey girl that is 5 years old :)) but she was in a family for 5 years now and she only likes one person there, everyone els she was biting and wont let tham near her. I have a week to see if she likes me or not if she doesnt shell have to go back :((( but i love her alredy sooo much :( id hate to see her go :(

but for 3 days shes been talking even called my name , bu she wont go on my hand and she tries to bite me all the time and all of the family members ... help what do i do how do i do?

should i just wait , i talk with her all the time and try to be nice and stuff ... idk how to make her like me :( helpppp

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It takes time and patience to win the trust of a grey, and three days is VERY early in the piece.


This girl has had some recent major upheaval in her life, so is probably feeling insecure and uncertain (new people, new environment)


Distance yourself from her a little physically, don't try to get her to step on your hand. Talk to her quietly from a distance she appears comfortable with, pull up a chair and read to her. Talk to her in a quiet soothing voice, tell her she's a good girl, that it's ok. Continue being nice, but take it at her pace, not yours. This can be frustrating, especially if you want to cuddle and play with your bird, but if you want to succeed and form a bond, you have to step into her world.


The biting is her trying to tell you she doesn't like what is happening at the moment. Parrots speak in parrot language, which is simply body language, and you will have to learn to speak that too.


A week probably isn't long enough anyway to get a feel for whether you are compatible with the bird.

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You have to realize this will take time, it can't be rushed with an african grey and especially one that is 5 years old and you have only had her for 3 days. She is a mature bird and has a personality already developed and brings baggage with her and it will take some time for her to unpack that and settle into a new home and that means weeks and maybe many months before that happens.

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A grey is not a pet that you can pat on the head and it will looke up and love you for ever. They go way past that. You have to earn the trust of a grey and it does not happen in a week. It could take a month or 6 months or evean a year. But when you gain the trust of a grey you have it for ever. It takes time, and kindness on your part.

Also the family has to be apart of this with every one doing there part so all can be sean as a flock

Sit by the cage and talk to her sing to her offer her treats read to her and the rest of the family too so when anyone comes around she knows something good is going to happen.

You will get alot of good advice from the members on this forum. A week seams to short to me for you to decide and you could miss out on something good

Good luck

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Hi bodnar19, what is your grey's name? I would give your new grey a little more time to get use to you and your family. If she is caling your name she must like you. Is she trying to bite you or just touch your hand so she can get her balance and to see if your hand is steady? Why don't you just sit and talk to her and let your grey come to you when she is ready to trust you.

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I hope that you are able to decide to keep her especially since you love her. If she has to go back to the family, they will just send her to someone else and she will have to try and get used to another home all over again. You have gotten a lot of good advice here. Please keep us updated and let us know how it is going. There are some really smart people here who know a lot about African greys and they will help you with any questions or concerns.

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It will take time to develop a bond with this bird and like it was said you have to earn her trust, a grey won't be rushed into anything so if you are prepared to take some time to allow this relationship to happen then by all means do so. A bird is not like a cat or dog that will be friends right off the bat for they are domesticated animals, greys are wild animals and have to come to trust you with consistent behavior on your part.

Sit by her cage and talk to her softly, read the newspaper or magazine to her and let her see you are not forcing anything on her, offer her treats and allow her to come out of her cage but if when you approach her she goes to bite you then you know you need to back off, using her beak to bite is the only way she can tell you she is not comfortable with what you are doing so do not take the bites personally.

The other members of your household should back off for right now and let her settle down and then they can offer her treats and do the same things you are doing to develop a relationship with her. Some greys tend to favor one person over another and that may be the case here but that doesn't mean she will never accept them but maybe just differently.

Give it some time will you for one week is not nearly enough to gain the trust of a just weaned baby much less an adult grey.

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my little girls name is Sinty , well i dont know how to spell it :(

but shes been good today talks alot and i mean aloooot

mimics me :)

still tries to bite tho :( but i spend a lot of time with her , and she tries to get attension all trhe time :)

i dont want to give her back :( the family i got her from didnt give her alot attention for the past 2 years , so i feel bad for her, greys have been my dream since i was little and i just hope to keep her but shes pricy and at this point i dont rly care i just want her to like me as much as i like her :) when i was taking her away the guy didnt want to let her go :( but when he said take her today she instantly said "well thats it " I WAS VERY UPSET I WAS TAKING HER AWAY FROM HIM :(

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Well be sure to read thru a lot of the many threads we have here for you will find loads of advice that will prove invaluable to you and Sinty, all kinds of questions have been asked and answered, you will find them to be a great resource of helpful information.

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Hi and welcome, I'm sorry, this is on going process, a week is far to short to develop any kind of relation with a older grey. In reality it can take years to have the full companionship you wish for. To return this young bird at this time can cause severe mental damage, which will even take longer to repair, please consider what advice everyone here has given you,, and plan on not week, but forever on this baby, and you will be rewarded.... Here's a post on one of our rescues. The wait is worth it......Thank you...Jay d

Joey: Congo African Grey Parrot

Present Age: Four years old

Abuse Type: Mental and Severe Psychological (No visible sign of Physical abuse)

Background: We know the pet store that Joey had originally been purchased from. He had been weaned and clipped, never allowed to fly. For the next two years we had no record and we have not been able to speak to the previous owners. After purchasing Joey and with some help also with help from Joey himself, we have been able piece together some of his past history and his previous owners.

His previous owners were a well-established young couple. The female was never fond of any types of pets, did not fit her lifestyle. Joey had favored the male and there had been a bonding but it wasn’t a healthy bonding. Shortly after getting Joey, which brought problems to the marriage, the male was more interested in maintaining harmony than integrating Joey.

This brought about bickering over Joey between the two owners with the female getting more and more agitated, putting him in a small room by himself, being ignored by both of them except for cage cleaning, food and water. There was a lot of arguments that took place within earshot of Joey, possible marital abuse, yelling at Joey by both of them, cage being tapped, arguments about whether to keep Joey or get rid of him.

At this point, the owners decided, (not mutually) to get rid of Joey. So, at this point, Joey and his cage was taken to a pet store where the owner agreed to hold him for awhile and let Joeys owners visit him for a while (which was wrong). They only visited him three times over the next six months, arguing in his presence each time. At this point in time, we took Joey into our hearts and home.


The Homecoming: We didn’t know this young Grey’s name, so we called him Jim (Kirk) to go along with Spock. At this time, we had enough birds for everyone in the city. He was a quiet bird and would sit in his cage in the back and be soundless. He would let you change his water and food (he had been on seeds only diet). He would also shake if you came near the cage and would constantly head-search while chewing his toe-nails. He was extremely neurotic…he was a small bird and looked like he might have been stunted from lack of a proper diet. We introduced him to everyone and we did not attempt to hold him. We talked to him and talked to our other fids in front of him. If we saw that he was being extremely nervous, we would go out of our way to stop and talk to him with a “Hi Jim” etc, and we were slowly discovering the depth of his psychological and mental abuse. We left the cage door open whenever we were home and awake which at this stage was 24/7.

One day, Jay left the room and in the most concerned voice, Joey called out “Hello! Are you okay?” When Jay came back, Joey was standing at the open door looking down the hallway, looking for Jay to come back. He would also say “Hello”, “How are you?” at this time. He also started talking to himself…bringing up his past two years. While shaking badly, he would say things like “Are you going to feed me?” “Get a lawyer”, “You can run but you can’t hide!” “LIAR!”

He would make crying sounds…he would do this while we were not in the room (plus other things too sad to say). During this period, we were introducing him to all sorts of fresh veggies and fruits. (It has taken over a year to get him to eat veggies and fruits)

Besides his ruminations, he also started talking, calling to the other fids, calling us by name, singing but always reverting to his old self and chewing his nails and shaking. Out of nowhere, as Jay and I were walking by his cage, he looked Jay straight in the eye and said, “I’m Joey, NOT Jim”. He told us this twice (imagine us with our jaws on the ground) and we had to start changing his name on our threads.

Now and into the Future: Joey lets us hold him and play with him more each day. He is coming out of the closet so to speak…he is an ideal parrot in a number of ways but it is all from his abuse years. He has built his life on his own routines. He eats at the same time each day, he talks at the same time each day, he preens himself at the same time each day…he definitely has obsessive-compulsive tendencies. For the last two months we have not heard him say anything from his abusive past. He has a growing vocabulary and strong cognitive abilities which we believe has roots in his abusive years. He lets us hold him when he wants to. At times, he is very cage-territorial and he stays on his cage. He will perch and let you take him from his cage for a few moments only. We have a perch on the outside of his cage and he likes to spend most of his time looking out the window. He is extremely vocal and interacts with Spock and Salsa and lets both of them eat and drink from his bowls and he plays tail-chase with both of them on his cage. He is very insecure anywhere away from his cage. It is an ongoing process to try to get him comfortable enough to stay away from his cage. He has attempted to fly on four-five occasions to fly and they have been disastrous. This is definitely due to the fact that he was constantly clipped. (We have set out pillows on his common landing areas that is more often missed than hit.)

At times, he will revert to something that triggers his bad memories and will pin his eyes and draw blood out of the clear blue. Once he snaps out of it, he is very affectionate and loving.

The Future continues: On-going Progress: In the last couple of weeks, Joey has made some amazing changes. To everyone’s surprise, when you open his cage in the morning, he will hang from the top of the cage, wait for you to support him with your hand and involve you in beaky play. He will hang with one foot and grab your hand with the other (Yikes!) and play roughly while talking to you. (Non-Sexual) He’s molting and he’s also found out that a human finger is excellent for rubbing the pin feathers at the bend of the leg where it touches the body. In the few moments that he lets you hold him, he has leaned against our chest (on his own) and cuddled.

Now and Beyond: Daily, you can still see the pain that he has endured. When he thinks we are not observing him, he reverts to his shaking and nail chewing to a lesser extent. His most recent trait that the past is still current in is memory is when we have to leave, he will let out a couple of loud contact calls and puff up to almost twice his size and stare and you and call while you are leaving. It is so sad…

They NEVER forget…any abuse is a major and daily part of their lives and they live with it….it is always there to haunt them.


Jayd and Maggie

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The advice here is from loving, caring people that want the best for you and your most precious grey. It would be a terrible tragedy for you to return this darling bird to her previous owners. You said she is already talking to you! How exciting!!! But it does take a LOT of time and even more PATIENCE. Please keep use posted.

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