I'm having some troubles with Alfie in that he doesn't seem to tolerate me any more... let alone like me. Alfie has been with me for his whole life- since he was 11 weeks old. I have always been his primary caregiver. He is going to be 17 years old this year.
I'll be the first person to admit I haven't always been the best owner I could be over the years. I got Alfie when I was 17 years old and thought I had life all figured out (as you do at that age). Well, life happened and I wasn't always as present as I should be for Alfie and he didn't get all the attention he deserved. Since joining these forums I have been trying to correct that and Alfie get a lot more attention and time out of his cage than he probably ever has these days. The problem is... he doesn't seem to like me anymore.
Now I'm well aware that greys will have their 'favourite' person and that this can shift and change. I've got no problem with that. At the moment his favourite person is my housemate, who has very little to do with him but is able to give him the odd head scratch and treat. This is fine and I have no problem with that. I like that they have become friends over the years as my housemate never used to like Aflie (or the noise he made).
Last year there was a bit of upheaval as I was redecorating the rest of the house so the cats had to live in the same space as Alfie for a few weeks, which meant he has less out of cage time. There was a lot of noise and people coming and going because I was having flooring fitted and family came round to help decorate the other rooms. Alfie's room/space hasn't been changed- other than having to live with the cats for a few weeks. I also had a biiig hair cut and now have shorter hair. He took a dislike to me after all that and would fly to the back of my head and bite it a few times. We got past that but it's never been the same between us. He stopped letting me scratch his head- either through the bars or when he was out of his cage. He stopped putting his head down for scratches and it got less and less as time went on. I can't just walk up to Alfie and start scratching his head as that is a sure fire way of getting bitten- you have to wait for him to offer his head/neck to you. He doesn't do that at all anymore- even when it's time for him to go to sleep. I can't remember the last time he asked for scritches from me. He will ask my housemate, but never me.
When he is out of his cage he comes out and pretty much does his own thing. He plays with his toys and throws things around and flies to whatever perch/surface takes his fancy. He no longer wishes to fly to me, either of his own accord or when asked.
I know I shouldn't apply human emotions to his behaviours but I'm feeling pretty run down from work and being a bit poorly over the last few weeks so I keep finding myself getting quite emotional about this. I'm trying to remain cheerful in front of Alfie but it's now progressed to the point where I can't even give him a treat. I always try and reward him with a tasty treat like a walnut or banana chip when he goes into his cage nicely... but now he sees this as an opportunity to lunge at my hand rather than take the treat. Now I'm finding that I'm really nervous around him (I know, I know, he'll pick up on that!!) and I'm really wary of him lunging at me or trying to bite me.
Is there anything I can do to try and repair this relationship or do I just have to deal with whatever comes my way? I can stand right next to his cage and chat to him and he doesn't show signs of anger/aggression. When I get him to go back to his cage I'm asking him to step up on to a perch rather than my hand- usually because I can't reach where he is but also because I'm too nervous to offer my hand/arm. When he comes out he just climbs out of his own accord- if I offer an arm he ignores me and won't move until I get out of his way so he can climb out himself.
I don't care if I'm not his favourite person but something has definitely shifted over the last year and I worry about how nervous I am around him now. I don't know how to try and shift things back to how they were before... I wasn't the favourite but I was able to give him scritches and interact with him more without worrying about him lunging at me.