myafricanqueen Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 <br><br>Post edited by: myafricanqueen, at: 2009/07/23 16:49 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
she Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 This is a situation that often crops up in the world of greys.Your partner got bit because the clear warning your grey gave was not listned to.If your grey is not happy to be petted by your partner do not push the issue.Just let your partner offer treats to the grey and talk nice to him.Do not have your partner close to you while you are holding the grey.It is often the case that greys will see one person as the favourite and are one person birds.This can be overcome but it takes time and patiance.For now I would be happy to try and rebuild the trust in your grey and partner by observing the birds behaviour and backing off when he is not happy with a situation.Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 Yeah I warned him to stop trying to pet her and just let her watch him. But, He is not patient like me so she bit him as her warings were not listened to. I in no way made her feel like it was her fault or that she was bad for biting as I understand birds well. I have many ideas as to why she doesnt like him. But wondered if I am a rare case. I thank you for your input SHE... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
she Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Hope I helped a bit.No you are not a rare case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 YEAH I know I read a lot about greys and read that they can be a ONE PERSON BIRD. But, I was really hoping we could both enjoy her. I guess not for now. we will just try and let him give her almonds and some other fav's and see if she will slowly warm up to him. I usually dont sit right beside him with her im always in the chair and alone with her for cuddle time at nite, So I guess it will stay that way for a while. She thanks for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joolesgreyuk Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I would say that this is so common it is almost typical behaviour. My Beau doesn't like my youngest son and if he sits next to me whilst Beau is with me, it is me that gets bitten rather than my son - how unfair is that lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eckobird Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Aww that is too bad that Dalia doesn't like your partner! She has given great advice! Just tell your partner to be patient and give Dalia her space. Try to read her body language and have him be the one giving her treats. How old is Dalia btw? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave007 Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I don't believe that your bird has become a *one person* bird. When that happens it's long term and that classification can't possibly be done so quickly. If that happened, signs of it would have happened quite a while back. As a grey gets older, they want what they want and become extremely obstinate. As the your bird gets older, you'll find that your time with your grey should remain your time without inferference from others. Your grey wants to be with you and get all the things you give and do with him. As your bird gets older, he'll go through the same thing with your husband that you're going through. He won't want you interfering with what your husband is going and if you do interfere, there's a chance he'll bite you. That's the secret of socializing a bird--Each person has their own time with the bird equally. He'll remember the good things from you and the good times with your huaband. handing your bird off to the next person will be tolerated by a new bird but as time goes on, he'll learn the differences with you and your husband. never expect your bird to act and feel identical to you both. So far, I've never met a bird that will treat all family members equally as the bird gets older. I have a feeling this only happened recently and didn't happen frequently until now but you are instantly worried. Tell your husband not to worry and neither should you. Share the bird equally but alone to build up individual relationships. Post edited by: Dave007, at: 2009/06/02 18:30<br><br>Post edited by: Dave007, at: 2009/06/02 18:37 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doubletefarm Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Sydney was rehomed because his prior owner felt since her husband to be wasn't liked by him, it was either the bird or the man that had to go. She chose the bird. So you're not alone... but hopefully you are able to find a solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tycos_mom Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Dave gave you some good advice your partner will have to find another way to have a relationship with Dalia it may not be the same kind of relationship that you have with her but It still can fill the void. He should continue to give her treats and talk sweetly to her mabie he could try and teach her a few simple trick something that is fun for both of them. Tyco loves my daughter even though she won't allow my daughter to touch her or pet her but she taught her a few games and now everytime my daughter comes to vist Tyco gets very excited and starts playing the game its very cute to watch. I would never give up my birds for a man if I started dating again if the man could except my bird then hes not the man for me. Just like a single mom wouldn't give up her kids for a man. I feel like my birds are my kids now take us all or none.<br><br>Post edited by: Tycos_mom, at: 2009/06/02 23:26 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tycos_mom Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 double post sorry<br><br>Post edited by: Tycos_mom, at: 2009/06/02 23:16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raposa Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Dave gave you excellent advice. I think that people tend to buy into the "greys are one person birds" too quickly, and because we expect it to happen, it does. They have preferences, and they have a right to ~smiles~ but that does not mean they can't have good relationships with other family members or close friends. Don't give up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 Thanks EVERYONE! I really really appreciate EVERY comment! Dave007 I know exactly what you mean. I am not just accepting her fate as a one person bird. We won’t/aren’t going to just give up on her ever! He ( my partner ) said he gave her, her FAV treat " a few almonds" while I am/was here at work, He didn’t take/let her out as he said he won’t be able to get her back in. ( without another bite ) My plan is to tell him that when he is home at lunch to let her out for that hour and when it’s time to leave the house let her see that he is putting treats in her dish in her cage, and she will Def go back in on her own to eat them and he can close her cage that way with her in there. That will show that he can be trusted and that he won’t try and have contact with her if she is not willing. It’s really our fault she bit him, she did give signs and I actually did tell him just to let her be and wait till she is ready to be pet, I don’t want her to REALLY bite you and break the skin. But, he did so there you have it. We will work on this together and I know she will one day be ok with him. It’ll just take a lil time n patience. feeling better now....Cristen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Thats it, time and patience but I can imagine how your husband is impatient as I have one the same way. Josey is my bird and I do the handling of her but lately she has been allowing him to pick her up and she gives him kisses, something she wouldn't have done a year ago. She definitely has a different relationship with each of us but you have to respect her wanting to be left alone or not petted at any given moment. Dave always has the best advice, you can count on him to tell you like it is and he really knows his greys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 Thanks Judy! caitb2007, Dalia hatched Jan. 20/09:silly: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 <br><br>Post edited by: myafricanqueen, at: 2009/06/03 04:02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Char Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 I agree with all that has been said above. I will add one little thing..Your husband needs to learn to read her body language and respect her. When she indicated she did not want him to pet her and he did anyway he lost some ground with her. Trust can be lost or gained in all the little things. It may have been something he did previously that he is not even aware of and she may need time to learn to trust him again. I think it is the little things that add up for a bird and he can gain her trust back by doing the little things. Oh and be sure to tell your husband that cage cleaning is really high on a birds list as ways to show you care. Seriously.<br><br>Post edited by: Char, at: 2009/06/03 04:18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SchroedersJen Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Schroeder hates my husbands guts. He is nice and outgoing to everyone but Mike, including small children. Mike is his only real competetion for my attention and he would sooner bite Mike than take a treat from him. Mike has accepted the fact that is isnt going to have a relationship with Schroeder, and as long as Schroeder can get everything he needs from me, it doesnt really hurt anything. Mike can read Schroeder enough to know when to back off, or when Schoreder needs help and will accept Mikes intervention. They are civil with eachother 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time, the house is a war zone and I have to separate them. Mike helped me wean Schroeder, and when he was a baby tried to play with him, read stories and spend time around him. Schroeder just isnt into Mikes attempts to play nice. My point isnt that they are bad or that Mike screwed up, in fact, I think Mike did everything right..... but that once in a while there is bad chemistry. The only thing that really stands to get hurt if everyone keeps their cool is the hated humans feelings. I would try everyone's suggestions at keeping the peace, but please understand that there is a chance it isn't going to work out. Don't give up on your bird or your beau. It is still possible for everyone to be happy under the same roof, even if everyone isnt the best of friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Boesman doesn't tolerate Cornel if I'm home....and he was the one handrearing him as a baby:blink: at night Cornel can scritch him , but now Cornel lets it be he wil talk to him ect. but no touching .....and the good part is Torry absolutly adroes Cornel so it's a bonus he lets me touch him but not as much as he lets Cornel handle him but I am patient Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane08 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Myafrican queen we went through this as well, Rangi hated my boyfriend and then Kea hated me. It took lots of time and bribery to bring them both around, but finally we have adjusted to each other and have a fantastic relationship. We have our own special time with each of them and do special things that the other person doesn't do. For example Rangi loves to play ball with by boyfriend, so that is their special game only they play. Kea loves to sit with me and watch out the window and this is a special thing her and I do. They both love to come in the shower with me and this is something only I do with them. As for petting that is on their terms. They will let us know if they want to be petted and we respect that. Tell your husband not to give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 Thanks SchroedersJen,Natasha and Jan08! Your words were really comforting, and I am glad that I am not alone in this situation. people can get hurt feelings like you said SchroedersJen, but people get over them as well, and just accept things for what they are. I just want to say that I have no intentions of choosing between Dalia and my Partner. Its not about picking one or the other, we just need to find a happy medium/balance. My Partner does Respect Dalia as well as our other 4 Fids. He spends time with each of them daily. He has a great bond with Conner our GCC, and also Moe our Loviebird. Two days ago our Cockatiel actually surprised me and went to him and hopped to his shoulder. Having a grey is different in a lot of ways in comparison to our other birdies so its just going to take time for my partner to learn the different behaviour and needs of Dalia. We will keep on trying some of the things suggested here by you wonderful people and if in the end Dalia just doesnt want a relationship with him then so be it. I will continue to spend time with her on my own as I have been and as long as I can give her all she needs she will still be a happy grey!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christina Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Hang in there MyAfricanQueen. My husband's blue and gold loves him best...I kept giving him treats and trying, but only when hubby wasn't around, as when he was there I just received a bite. Loki likes me okay now...but I still sit in the back of the bus according to Loki! :ohmy: Now, Finnigan didn't like my husband or son at all when she came home, my husband kept after her to step up, eventaully, she just begrudingly stepped up to get him to leave her be, but it turned from a grudging "oh, okay", to now, she loves him and lifts her foot when she sees him (I'm still her favorite though!). I think it's harder when you have other birds that love you being there, there isn't that incentive to keep going and earning the love and trust of the one "difficult" bird. But, if he decides to keep trying, in the end, I think it will be a fabulous relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 thanks Christina! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keywe Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Keywe doesn't really like my wife and usually act jealous of her when she shows affection toward me. She's actually chased her away from me. I've read this thread to her and she is going to try and find her type of relationship and make that grow. We've had her since 3 months and she was attached to both of us, but over the past 2 years has taken up with me. She also LOVES my dad and almost treats him like she does me. Mom, on the other had, is scared to death of her because she acts the same way toward her as she does my wife. It's almost as though she feels that females are a threat to her...Sad and funny at the same time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myafricanqueen Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 So new update, Dalia actually allowed my Partner to pick her up and even gave kisses! I have been placing her playstand in the living room, while my partner watches sports etc I stay out of there and he alone tries to bond with her. Gives her treats asks to pet her and if she acts like she doesn't want to be pet he doesnt. He talks to her a lot and she actually allowed him to pick her up! It takes time and knowledge with a lot of paience. I THANK you Dave for your advice as it has made all the difference. Cristen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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