judygram Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I see Dave has been up to no good again but thanks for the laughs I am PMSL........depends anyone!! {Feel-good-0002006E}
Dave007 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 In the bus ------------ A man is standing inside a crowded bus. Behind him a woman starts spraying perfume on herself. The man is overwhelmed with the smell and the fumes of her perfume and can't stop coughing. He turns back and looks at her. The woman says, "Perfume de Paris $100 dollars a bottle". A few minutes go by and the woman starts gagging and starting to throw up. The man turns around again and says to her, "Pinto beans .29 cents a pound.
danmcq Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Oh geeeezzzzz, what a great lunchtime of laughter and tear wiping ......... Thanks for that wonderful lunchtime laugh Dave!!!!!
Supernova Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Just found this thread. Boy have I got some jokes for you.
judygram Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Well don't make us wait too long, I want to see some jokes, I need a laugh desperately!!
Supernova Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 ZUB ZUB ZUB ZUB ZUB ZUB ZUB A bee flying backwards.
Supernova Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Why dont blind people do parachute jumps from 20,000 feet? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Supernova Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 A very important man did not turn up for work, so the boss thought after 20 years he has never taken a day off, I will give him a call to see what is wrong. A very young child answers the phone Whispering hello. Boss, Is your dad there? Whispering child, Yes. Boss, Can I talk to him? Whispering child, No he is busy. Boss,is your Mum there? Whispering child, Yes. Boss,can I talk to her? Whispering child, No She is busy. Boss, Is there anybody else there? Whispering child, yes the Police men. Boss can I talk to them? Whispering child, No they are busy. Boss, What is that buzzing noise? Whispering child, The search Helecopter. Boss, WHAT THE HELL IS A SEARCH HELLICOPTER DOING THERE WITH THE POLICE? Whispering child, LOOKING FOR ME, SHHH.
Supernova Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 A Duck walks into a bar sits down and said to the barman, GOT ANY BREAD? The barman looks at the Duck and said, Sorry we have no bread. Duck, after 5 mins said, GOT ANY BREAD? Barman said, a bit annoyed NO! NO! NO! we have NO Bread OK!! 5 Minutes later. Duck, GOT ANY BREAD? Shouting and very angry, NO!! WE HAVE NOT GOT ANY BREAD AND IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME I WILL NAIL YOUR #@#*ING BEAK TO THE TABLE, OK :evil::evil::evil:. After 20 minutes. Duck, Got any Nails? Barman, No we have not got any nails. Duck, GOT ANY BREAD?<br><br>Post edited by: Supernova, at: 2009/04/14 19:16
Luvparrots Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Doctor: I’m sorry to have to tell you that you may have rabies, and it could prove fatal. Patient: Well, doctor, please give me pencil and paper. Doctor: To make your will? Patient: No, to make a list of people I want to bite.
Luvparrots Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
Supernova Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 My mate Paddy asked me. Q, Why do divers fall backwards off the boat?? A, I said, You pillock if they fell forwards they would still be on the flippin' boat.
Supernova Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Two cannibals are having dinner. Your wife makes a great roast says one. I know says the other, but I am going to miss her.
Supernova Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 When I came home last night, the wife complained that the cat had upset her - but she really should not have eaten it in the first place. :sick:
Dave007 Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I have a disease called Kleptomania. When it really gets bad, I have to take something for it.
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