Pregnant and depressed about my African Grey

[shazia]

Hi

 

I am going to cut to the chase because I really need some advice.

I am about 8-9 weeks pregnant and my husband I just got an African Grey about 1 month ago.

I am finding it really hard to bond with it, and don’t want to be around it since I am not used to be around animals.

On the other hand my husband is an avid animal lover and has kept many different pets in the past.

 

In the beginning I was all excited about getting our African Grey Mika. Now I feel sick around it. We have placed him and the cage in the living room.

I feel sick looking at the poo, or when he does poo out side the cage sometimes.

Although my husband is doing everything so that I don’t have to clean it up. I still feel ill whenever I am near Mika. Now I try to spend as much time as possible away from the living room. I do not want to interact with him due to the fear I may pass something onto the unborn child. I have fear of how we will adjust with a new baby and parrot in the same apartment. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and everything seems so small.

 

I am a clean freak, and having a cage with poop in the living room just makes me sick.

 

I am sorry I do not want to complain, I really want to bond with Mika and not think like this. But I just cannot help it.

Can someone please please give me some advice. This is really depressing me.

 

Thanks

[Mistyparrot]

Hello Shazia. Thanks for coming here for our advice.

You are going through all kinds of emotional and hormonal changes because of your pregnancy. This is clearly the wrong time for you to be taking on a companion parrot. Your pregnancy is the by far the most important thing happening to you and if the parrot is making you feel unwell then it must be re-homed with someone who can care for it properly.

I do hope that your husband has the wisdom to understand this.

 

Good luck, and I prey that everything works out well for you.

 

Steve n Misty

[Sallas]

I do not think the bird could pass anything on to your unborn baby, most illnesses that birds get we do not and the same with illnesses we get birds do not. There are a couple exceptions.

 

I found this list of viruses that could be passed from parrot to human. They are all pretty rare.

http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/PS019

 

I hope this helps calm your mind about passing something to your baby.

 

As for the mess, there is some clean-up involved with owning a parrot. Most of us accept this because of the benefits that we get from our loved companions. As the post above states, some of your feelings could be on the account of the different hormone levels in your system.

 

Did your husband explain about the "mess" before you all got the bird? It sounds like he is trying to take care of the mess himself (from your statement).

[shazia]

Hi MistyParrot - Thank you for you advice.

I do not think my husband will be willing to move Mika.

I did mention to him to move him to his mum and dads house for a few months. Maybe its the first few months of pregnancy that are really not helping.

 

Don't get me wrong MIka is being cared for. I change his food and water every morning and give it a stroke.

 

My husband does the rest.

 

It's just that sometimes I really don't want to be around him. I know he will sense this. I feel bad for feeling like this, and I am really trying to change but nothing seems to help.

 

I am wondering if there are other women who have been pregnant and how they found it.

[Keywe]

My wife is 8.5 months prego, and she's around ours every day. It's VERY rare to get a disease from a bird. Just don't eat the poo!!! Have your husband clean it the cage daily. I have one of those paper rollers that makes it EASY to keep the cage clean. Keywe does hang outside the cage A LOT, so I try and keep papers surrounding the cage, and I also stack them up, so all I have to do is peel up the top layer and it's done. Birds are not dirty in the wild...They just don't have the area to throw their stuff elsewhere when caged, so it looks worse than they really are.

[shazia]

Hi Sallas,

 

Yes my husband takes care of the mess himself. I give him a hand sometimes, cos I just dont think he cleans things the way I would normally do it.

 

I did not realise the amount of mess that Mika or any CAG would do before we got him.

 

I am just really paranoid all the time about the mess. I don't feel like eating around him. Always washing my hands after I touch him and getting my husband to do the same. Washing my clothes etc. I feel so bad for feeling like this.

 

My husband says that once Mika mature in a years time and as time goes on he will learn, and there will be more benefits. He will poop at the bottom of cage and not make a mess etc. He will be more intelligent. But I am still paranoid about the poop, and for our baby that is coming.

 

I feel like if I ask my hsuband to move Mika to his parents again or re-home him, he will hate me forever.

I don't want to do this.

[Dave007]

It's very good that you were straightforward and explained the situation com[pletely. More than likely, you'll get complete answers.

Since I'm a male, I can't say anything about being pregnant or the problems that arise with pregnancy.

First, to put things aside--a baby won't contract illness from a parrot. If anything, people can make a parrot ill --example--- coughing and sneezing and mouthing a bird close up.

Poop--it upsets you a lot. All parrots do that both in the cage and out of the cage and it upsets you. Fine. Many people get an animal not knowing about all the downsides of keeping that animal--a comparison here--people will buy a baby puppy. The puppy will immediately start pooping and urinating in many places in a house and it'll have to be cleaned up and the next step will be to paper train the puppy but even that has to becleaned up until the puppy is eventually trained to go outside. Parrots cant go outside. Mant people would suggest potty training for a bird but obviously, even that has to be cleaned up which would bother you.

In order to be successful in raing a parrot, there needs to be interaction with that bird. Putting the bird in an area where the bird won't get interaction with a person does the bird no good and often leads to a problem bird. It too needs to be done.

You're focusing on a new baby which is obviously thenatural thing to do. Normally, the 2 things ( having a baby--interacting with an animal ) isn't a problem but for some people it will be.

Your husband is the one that deals with the bird but of course he works all day. So the bird needs to wait for him to come home.

Greys do need time out of their cage everyday. Pooping while out will bother and scare you. It's your feelings on things and it can't be blamed on you. That's the way things are.

I feel that much more investigation should have been done before the purchase. If that had been done, you would have found out that one of the most important things that go on is for thw bird to be socialized in a house will all members of the family. That's not going on.

Being a clean freak isn't unusual whether a woman is pregnant or not. I commend you for being a clean freak.

Nothing is gonna change as far as the pooping in and out of the cage. It's part of being a parrot owner. There's a possibility that as the bird gets older, there will be slight aggression towards you for not socializing with him.

The fears that people have concerning things can't be gotten rid of by others that don't live with you. We here can only go by what the complete picture is which you've supplied.

Your bird is very young right now and my opinion is that you should sell the bird to someone that can provide for the needs and life style it desperately needs.

We here can't change your feelings about things because the things that are bothering will continue to bother you no matter what suggestions are given Example--poop, urination.

We here don't look upon you as a complainer. Just a person who needs to know what the right thing is to do in your situation.

The most important thing that you should do in the future is to look at all aspects before purchasing any animal so those aspects won't bother you.

[shazia]

Dave007 - Thank you for your response.

I feel like if I ask my hsuband to move Mika to his parents again or re-home him, he will hate me forever.

I don't want to do this.

 

Don't get me wrong I do like Mika (honest). I am just really paranoid and hate the mess.

Will this ever change? Get better?

 

Did anyone else go though anything similar and overcome it?

[Dave007]

Honestly, I can't tell if it will ever change. I'm a man and won't be so bld as to what your feeling will be in the future. But what I'm trying to suggest is only for wellbeing of

1--you

2--your future addition to the family.

 

t may be true that your husband will be upset but any husband will normally be caring about a new baby that will arrive.

You say that you have family that will take the bird and that's great.

Your bird is very young and will definitely get used to new owners. I can guarantee you that.

In a way, your situation is very similar to people who have asythema, breathing problems, COPD. They accidently didn't check out things before purchasing and many times, they too had to re home their bird/birds. Greys have dander which is a protective coating on the body and that dander will make a room dusty. It too has to be cleaned up.

Normally, people would get angry with you concerning your problem but I feel that your situation is different than others. No one has the right to change your natural feelings concerning the well being of a new bay, the feelings of having a messy bird around, the feelings of future motherhood. Motherhood is a very time consuming thing. Cleaning up after animals is also the same.

In no way am I saying that your feelings for your bird are bad.

I just feel that you should concentrate on something that's gonna happen which is a marvelous event.

I'm not your husband but like all of us men, we sometimes take a childish attitude towards things that will upset us. Hopefully, we all grow up and stop thinking of ourselves.

I can remember many,many years ago when my wife was pregnant. She was a duifferent person who was very involved with pregnancy. Yes, I had other types of birds back then but they were the types of birds that didn't need as much care as larger, more individual care BUT I still had to clean up after them.

I wish I could tell you about the future. I can't nor will I make up something that may happen in the future.

What I said in my post before was basically for your mental stability. In your situation, your bird will easily adjust to change. I personally believe you won't which isn't abnormal. We men can't believe how women manage to clean up all the

defecating and urinating of a baby. It's a feat that many of us don't have and being forced to do it doesn't make us change our minds.

Do what you feel is best and if necessary, send your husband here to ask questions. many here have gone through parenthood and it isn't easy.

[Talon]

If you think a bird makes a mess, wait until you have a baby spitting up all over, and leaking diapers. That will seem "neat" compared to the mess they make as toddlers and young children.....not to mention the mess they leave behind as teenagers!

 

And I speak from experience, I have 4 kids, and 4 birds!

 

Don't pass any judgment, or make any decisions until you have the baby and your hormones return to normal in my opinion. Your brain is highly affected by your hormones.

[judygram]

My gosh Penny, don't scare the poor girl so much about the truth but she hasn't seen anything yet, I would much rather clean up my birds messes than the ones the human children leave behind and I could tell you some stories but I don't want to make you sick.

 

I'm with Penny on the hormone thing and you may find you feel differently after the baby is born so don't make any snap judgments just yet.

[DavidH]

Ok, you may be angry at me for this response, but I'll just throw it out there in the hope it might be useful to you:

 

Consider for a moment -- you don't have to agree, just consider -- that it's not about the bird.

 

I'm not a shrink, but a psychologist might suspect you are projecting a lot of your anxieties about your relationship with your husband ("he will hate me forever") and the totally life-transforming event that will be the birth of your child onto Mika.

 

If I were you, I'd go with my husband for a couple of counseling sessions with a good marriage and family therapist. It's a good way to get all the issues on the table, whatever you decide: to keep the bird, rehome the bird, sell the bird, etc.

[Dave007]

Hmmm, wait for hormones to return to normal. That's more than 8 mts away. Think that you can put up with this situation for 8 more mts especially since it's seriously bothering you now? Your husband will still be away working and your bird will still not get the care it needs. It still needs freedom, personalized attention and still needs cleaning up afterward. Ready to handle that? Think that the poop will look better? Think the bird will take to being ignored in an area where he'll be out of the way? Think you'll feel less ill around the bird and it's poop?

I wonder if this is really a rash decision when a baby is concerned. I don't think so. It may be a rash decision after your child is alreay 6 mts old, not 8 weeks in the womb.<br><br>Post edited by: Dave007, at: 2009/02/04 20:56

[judygram]

I beg your pardon but the baby is under 7 months away, can't you count Dave, do you need help with math:blink:

[Dave007]

Oh gee,that's great Judy. 8 mts down to 7 mts. Thanks for the correction. I really wasn't thinking with a clear head. Considering that you made that clear, it makes the whole situation totally different. No, I don't need help in my math. Thank you for your concern though.

[danmcq]

I agree with Dave on this.

 

The Grey will never stop being a bird or going Poop wherever it may need to go. It will always require atleast 3 to 4 hours a day out of the cage enjoying the flock it lives with.

 

Placing the Grey in another room by itself would really border on inhumane psychologically for such an intelligent bird that needs challenges, love and companionship.

 

With that said, Search your heart deeply, talk to your husband truthfully and sincerely and decide if the bird is in it's forever home that will maintain it as a family member. If it can not be kept as such, the best thing to do would be to sell him to a very compassionate person that knows what parrot ownership requires and can provide that Grey with a good forever home while it is yet a baby. :-)

[Janfromboone]

I had a friend who was a real cat person--3 cats in the house, all declawed. When she got pregnant with her first child (my godchild) I couldn't believe the change in my friend. All of a sudden there was unbearable mess from the cats. She couldn't get the cat hair out of the couch and couldn't stand to clean the litter pans. Then the most awful thing, she put all the cats outside after the baby came and made them outdoor cats. They all survived in spite of being declawed. When her daughter was two she gradually started letting the cats back in and recovered from whatever she was going through. I've never had children and could only watch with amazement as she went through this. I do think a tiny little bird turd pales by comparison to the dirty diapers a baby presents you with.<br><br>Post edited by: Janfromboone, at: 2009/02/04 23:36

[LilosMom]

First I'd like to say Congrats!

I myself am pregnant (20weeks) I just got over my 1st trimester (thank god) and I can totally relate with you about feeling ill. I had a real bad morning sickness, where I couldn’t even stand to smell anything. I m not a neat freak but ever since I got pregnant my husband handles all the cleaning relating to the bird just to be extra safe.

 

As far as disease from the bird, if you really worry about it, you just tell your Doctor that you have a parrot. By the time you are about 12 weeks pregnant, they are suppose to do all kind of blood test on you anyways, and one of these test will test if you caught anything from the bird or not. If the test comes back negative, chances are you are immune to it even if the bird carries any dieses.

 

My situation is different from yours. I had Lilo for almost 3 years now, and he was my bird before hubby even came into the picture. When I first found out I was pregnant I even told hubby that we will give up the newborn baby for adoption if there is any problem between the baby and Lilo (Jokingly of course…hmmm.. evil: )

Before becoming pregnant we had also talked about how we are going to take on the bird and a newborn baby. We still haven’t figured it out the details yet but… We came to a conclusion that no matter what, we are going to try our best to provide both the bird and the baby the best we can. I think it really takes both me and my husband to want to commit to it, if one of us is not in it. It’s really not fair to the bird.

 

I agree that you really need to sit down with your husband, and ask him to also see it from the bird’s perspective that it’s not fair to him if part of you doesn’t want him around. In that cast maybe re-homing the best option.

Or if you still want to give it a try, you don’t have to be around the bird for too long everyday just 15 minus a day sit by the cage and just talk to him and watch him (they can be so darn cute!!) wait until your 1st trimester is over, maybe you will feel less ill around the bird since all your senses (smelling tasting) will go back to normal. See what happen then. Good luck with everything and Please update us on your decision.

[PrettyPax]

I agree with DanmcQ whole heartedly. As well intentioned as you and your husband are, it sounds like a Grey isn't the best fit for the two of you. Also, given your current situation, the uneasy relationship you have with Mika is not likely to get better. It's best to focus on what is best for you and for your bird, and whether yours is truly Mika's "forever" home. I'm sorry to be so pessimistic.

Lastly, another thing that I've discovered is that it's impossible to simultaneously be a neat freak and be a happy African Grey owner. If you're so worried about the the droppings around the house, train your bird to wear a flight suit.

[LisaM]

I have come to realize that there are some people who just will not likely ever adjust to having birds in the house. This can be for many reasons (noise, mess, etc), but they're there.

 

Think back to before you were pregnant and if you think the mess would have bothered you as much then. If so, it's likely it will bother you in the future. I think animal poop is somehow different than baby messes. Nature must make us moms immune to the nastiness of baby poop/puke in order for our species (humans) to survive. I have a friend who has several kids but if my bird is sitting on the back of the chair and poops on the floor she freaks about how she could never stand that in her house (she likes the birds other than that).

 

If you think it will be a problem forever, you should really try to get your husband to consider rehoming him. It may cause more strife between you and your husband more and more and you'll have enough on your plates trying to raise a child.

 

Just my two cents. I certainly don't think you should feel bad about your feelings and like DavidH, I'm a bit concerned that you really think your husband will hate you for asking him to rehome the bird. I hope that is not the case.

 

Please let us know what you decide. No matter what, we will be here for you and for Mika.

 

Lisa

[BaxtersMom]

It is my opinion if a grey or any bird for that matter is not welcome or wanted in it's own home for what ever reason, I think it should be placed in a home where it is loved and wanted. I have rehomed (taken in) 3 older birds and think they are better off and happier because of it. I think it's much better to be rehomed to a loving home than keeping it and have ill feelings towards it. If it does not get the attention it needs it's not going to be happy in it's environment and that is not fair to the bird either. I am concerned that when the baby comes the bird will not have out of the cage time or the attention it needs and it's not fair to them either to be locked up all the time. I think it's better to place the bird in a loving home than keeping it and avoiding it. It is certainly not a light decision to make and it's not something I encourage but if you think your feelings will not change it might be better if your grey was placed with a family or person that will be able to love it like it should be. Now if your husband can provide all the love and attention the grey needs that is an entirely different story. Like I said I have taken in 3 older birds and the transition went smoothly and they were not traumatized by it. I think you should do what is best for the grey. Good luck with what ever you decide and please keep us posted.

[shazia]

Hi

 

Firstly I would like to thank everyone for replying and for thier advice.

 

Please do not get me wrong we give Mika alot of attention. When my husband gets back from work he spends atleast 2 hours with him. Currently he is doing everything with cleaning etc. I just give Mika food in the morning so that he knows that I am hear and bonds with me abit.

 

I think i am going to try and gte over my 1st trimester and see how it goes. Just being stressed out like this is not good for any of us especially the baby.

 

My husband is being really caring and trying to provide us all with the due attention and care we need. I know he so wants to keep Mika.

 

a few questions I do have are:

 

1. If we do decide to rehome him, how long should we leave it before we decide this? I mean will the bird not adjust after a certain number of months around one family?

 

2. If Mika is toilet trained to poop in his cage, will he then never poop outside?

 

Currently Mika has the freedom to fly around our living room. He does not poop while flying. Only when he crash lands out of nervousness, or when he is in his cage. Its the poop in the cage which is making me sick, and probably due to my pregnancy i guess.

 

I do not know if i will feel like this after preganancy since I have nothing to compare it to. I found out i was pregnant the day we got Mika.

 

If God wills all will be okay for all of us.

 

Again Thank you all for your caring responses.

[Sallas]

There is no set time for how long a bird will take to get used to a new home, as all birds are individuals. Your bird is young yet, so I think it would not be as hard on him as it would an older bird.

 

As for the potty training, there may still be accidents, but for the most part you can train a grey to poop anywhere that you want them to poop.

[tibanks]

Hello and Congrats on your pregnancy. I went through this my first 6mos of my pregnancy, and want to say to wait it out a bit, which sounds like you have the option of doing. I knew I could never get rid of my Grey, but yet the near smell of her up close, and the look of pooh real would get the best of me. My husband & teenage daughter were given the bird chores until I was 6 months along, this was about the time I was feeling better.

 

I did worry about my Grey when the baby arrived, but everything worked out, and not one problem. My son is now 3, and bird and child respect one another. I have since added another grey to our family, and couldn't be happier. Good Luck in whatever decision you choose.

[Dave007]

[b]""""1. If we do decide to rehome him, how long should we leave it before we decide this? I mean will the bird not adjust after a certain number of months around one family?""""

This is your bird's age in which he gets used to things such as envirnment, people, daily habits, likes and dislikes. This is the age in which most people are told to work the bird into family life. It's official name is socialization. You've had your bird for one month. The bird hasn't been given a time to do that. It takes much, much longer for that to happen. Again, it's your choice. You need to sit down and think about your main focus.

 

""""2. If Mika is toilet trained to poop in his cage, will he then never poop outside? """"

 

A bird trained to defecate be it in a cage or outside of the cage will defecate a very large amount in the morning. Afterward, a bird will do the same thing no matter where he is. That's because nature dictates that. If your bird is in your lap, it will defecate right there if nature tells it to. If he happens to be on furniture, he will do the same thing because nature tells him to.

A few official facts about parrots----Parrots are wild animals even though many are kept as pets. Those pet parrots will always remain wild. Nature dictates this. This is also the reason that many people alter their bird's natural abilities such as wing clipping because if the bird accidently gets out of the house, it's first natural instinct is to fly away and a huge amount of birds that do fly away are never retrieved. many times a clipped bird will excape and the bird will fly away but the clipping limits it's ability to continue on it's journey and bad things happen and the bird dies. Right now, this doesn't apply to your bird but I say these things so that you understand the difference between domestic and wild animals.

Back to defecating--A parrot will defecate every 35 to 50 minutes no matter where it is in a house, or in a cage. The only time it doesn't defecate is when it's flying. Nature dictates this because they're wild animals.

Most of the poop for the rest of the day is partially liquid and partially solid and both are mixed together and it's messy as most people will tell you.

I say it again---Nature has decreed that the bird can't fly and fefecate at the same time. That would interupt each bodily function,

A human being cannot sneeze and urinate at the same time. When one function happens the other function automatically stops. If that were to happen to a bird in flight, there would be serious trouble. What flight does do is incourage the bird to defecate shortly after landing. It doesn't happen all the time but many people don't realize that flying can encoueage defecation.

 

In your situation, being a clean freak won't matter to the bird at all. A domestic animal can be changed but it doesn't apply to all domestic animals. A cat can't be walked in the street with a leash until it defecates or urinates but it can be trained to go tio a certain place in a house but that to will be messy and need to be cleaned up especially because of the odor.

If people have snakes, rodents, reptiles in a house, none of those animals can be trained to hold it in. Nature tells them that it's time to go.

You'll need to put up with a parrot's bodily function when it goes no matter when or where it goes.