New Year's Resolutions

[EFGriffith]

(Please forgive me for being long-winded, but I wanted to post this particular piece in full. It's been a great year, full of learning, and these two resolutions are how I hope to apply my newfound knowledge):

 

I have two this year, and both of them make sense concerning where I am in my life. Both improve my life as well as those near to me, and I can’t wait to see the impact they have. It will take a while for them to fully saturate my life, but that’s the goal I’ll be working toward.

 

1. Run my home more efficiently.

 

Zach and I are moving out of our “starter apartment” Jan. 6, the day after our 1-year anniversary, and I find the timing to be quite significant. It was our first year, with all the experiments in living together being set in motion. I feel that we’ve come a long way as a couple, but obviously we’re still working toward that firm grasp couples who can boast longevity may claim. At this point, we find ourselves letting the laundry and dishes pile up, and we eat more like we live in a barracks than a home with a kitchen. We’re not living in a dump or anything, but improvements could definitely be made.

 

We talked it over, and we really want to start eating more healthy, meaning we would prepare meals instead of just microwaving things, eating cereal, or whipping together sandwiches all the time. I want a crock pot. Laundry will be easier for us to handle, as it won’t be a matter of “we can do laundry when we have quarters.” The laundry facility is nice at our new place, and once we get our pile under control, it will be easy for us to keep up. We’ll have lots more space to store out-of-season clothes, and will be able to take moving as an opportunity to sort through the things we never wear. As far as the dishes, we’ll have a dishwasher, which will help also. We never let the dishes pile up when we had a dishwasher before, but since ours has been out-of-order and both of us practically detest doing dishes by hand, having that appliance will help immensely.

 

2. Make personal behavior modifications that will not only make me a better individual, but also strengthen my relationships with others.

 

This one sounds a little out-there, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about ever since I was introduced to Karen Pryor’s book, “Don’t Shoot the Dog.” Pryor is the pioneer who introduced “clicker training” into the world of animal behavior modification, and in my psychology of learning class, we studied her book. Although she is best known for her work with animals, her book relates those lessons to people as well.

 

My initial reaction to the book was to classify it as a manuscript on how to manipulate people, but upon further observation, I realized it went much deeper than just that surface assumption. Yes, there is an entire chapter devoted to how to get people to do what you want, but there‘s a catch; the foundation of that chapter is changing your own methodology in a way that will naturally assist others in changing theirs, oftentimes with no noticeable reaction to the fact that they’ve just modified themselves. Sneaky, I know, but the book only teaches us how to use this power for good. The improvements on both parties individually assist in the growth of their combined interpersonal relationship, which improves the quality of life for both of them.

 

Allow me to give an example. Let’s pretend Zach came home from work grumpy every day, which resulted in regular afternoon fights between the two of us. One method from Pryor’s book involves discovering the root cause of the problem and working from there. Say I discover that the root cause is that he never has time for lunch, and is grumpy when he gets home because he’s always hungry. If I had a snack ready for him when he came home that could bridge the gap until dinner, it would fix his hunger, which would cause the grumpiness to cease. So like I said, by modifying my own behavior, I can improve others’ lives, which will in turn improve my own. Pryor has eight different methods, one of which she describes as practically never working, one of which is the ideal method, and another six that are used in more specific circumstances. I hope to gain a better understanding of these methods, becoming aware of the times when I naturally default to that ineffective method, and finding novel ways to substitute the others.

 

I’m equally excited about both of these resolutions, and have slowly begun implementing them in just the past couple of days. A few mornings ago back in Maine, I wanted Zach to wake up early with me, but when I roused him from sleep, he refused to get out of bed. After nagging and tapping at him, he still didn’t want to get up. I fussed my way back to the computer, trying to pass the time until I felt I could try again. Siem (Zach’s step dad) made some fresh-roasted, fresh-brewed coffee, took some to Kate (Zach’s mom & Siem’s lovely bride) in bed, and told me there was a good bit left if I wanted to fix some. I doctored it appropriately with cream and sugar and headed back over to the computer, situated between windows where I could gaze outside to the still, snowy backyard. I just sat there, thinking about life, sipping coffee, and enjoying my solitude for a while, when it hit me that I want every day to be like that. I want it to start off with beauty, slow enough for me to take in the life around me, whether that life is watching birds twitter between trees or batting Pogo’s slobbery tongue out of my face. It’s all so beautiful. And I want to give that to my husband, to be able to share it with him. I want to make “us” better by making myself better, and I feel these two resolutions are the best way to do it. When I went back upstairs in my next attempt to garner his companionship, I snuggled up to him in bed and gave him gentle kisses. Once I had his attention, I fed him grapes, one-by-one. The extra half hour of sleep combined with a much nicer wake-up were exactly what he needed, and he came downstairs for that quality time.

 

So here’s to a 2009 that promises to be just as wonderful as my amazing 2008 was, if not somehow better! Happy New Year everyone! I hope you are all as blessed in your lives as I feel in mine. If not, please take some time to reflect and find out how to wake up thankful for every single day. We only go around once, and I really do hope that all the people I love are happy in their lives. If there’s ever anything I can do to help anyone, honestly, let me know. I’d love to do my part to make your day a little brighter.

[Carolyn]

This is a wonderful way to start the new year right, and the great strides you are making with your Grey is helping as well.

 

Good luck with your move, I hope everything goes well. With this wonderful outlook to start 2009 with, I am sure it will for you and your little family.

 

Carolyn & Mika

[judygram]

If I wake up tomorrow morning I will be forever grateful.:laugh: :whistle:

[EFGriffith]

Karma to you Carolyn, because I feel like you've been so helpful and supportive of Tango & me during our little bump in the road. Thanks again