Maybe Im not cut out to own a grey

[Jadewolf32]

I am being to think that Im not cut out to own a Grey. Things was going very good, screaming stopped, he stopped snapping the cage bars, and was getting better on the feather tipping and eating. Until this Wendsday. I noticed a lot of down feathers floating around, unsure if it is normal preening or going a bit over board, he does tip the feathers next to his legs on the bottom part of his chest still, I try to divert his attention when I notice, but I had family over Wend night, my daughter did have a red hoodie on which he hates red and that got him started with the screaming, had her take it off, but he just didnt like people around so I put him in the bird room to get away from the stress, still screamed figured he was mad, I kept reassuring him when he was quite but that got it started as soon as I would say good boy so it became a cycle and frustrating for me because I was not able to enjoy myself..Thrusday rolls around and we went to family for dinner so I wasn't home like I always am, I even got up early so he could have his time out of his cage before we left, when I got home same old song and dance, the screaming that he used to do when I walked through the door, OK i was gone 5 hours, when its noramly no more then 2 at the most, waited till he calmed down got him out without over fussing, there goes the non stop screaming, the cage bar snapping, refusing to eat, this went on ALL weekend now he has dropped a bit of weight because he is refusing to eat, I am doing the same things I was doing that worked but now he is back to square one, tipping feathers, not eating, snapping the cage bars, and non stop screaming...I can not live my life not going out for more then 2 hours, not have people over and then have to take the next 3 - 4 weeks re training him and stressing over him not eating and feather destruction..Maybe he just isnt happy with me, I sit here crying, things was going so good we was happy and now I feel if I have company or leave for longer then a few hours it will undo everything? I alreday live my life around my one dog that has seizures, if he has one I do not leave at all that day, I have to be up at 6:30AM and home by 6:30 - 7 PM at the lastest for his medications evey day, I can not stay out late or go on vacations or even get away for one night, and now it seems that I can not have family or freinds over or be gone during the day now to? Im frustrated, depressed and angry now, I am staying away from him as much as I can so he doesnt feed off my energy and make it worse, but today I am at my wits end~~~

[Tycos_mom]

I feel your frustration it comes through loud and clear in you post. I wish I could help but I don't even know what to say to make it better for you. Is your Grey just a baby becuase if so mabie he will grow out of this. I have never heard of a screaming Grey before most are quite quiet I know mine is anyway.

[nims]

Looking at your previous posts I know you have had a bit of a tough time with your grey and I know that he/she is only a baby. I have Indy since she was baby and Ice came to us at 4years. And both of them are quiet and I know you have tried a lot of things to help your grey and as Pat said we could tell how frustrated you are by your post. I dont know what advice to give you im afraid, may be its just a phase as Pat suggested. Maybe the other members will be able to give you some more advice

 

I wish you all the best<br><br>Post edited by: nims, at: 2008/11/30 19:53

[Dave007]

I'm gonna be very honest with you and people here are gonna get angry with me but I feel that you're dealing with your problem in the wrong way and it's not your fault. I also wanna say that you're not the only one that has problems thrown at people who can't cope.

A major word concerning a troublesome bird is *relapse*. Many birds go through relapses concerning all different types of things. It could have to do with eating, biting, behavior, feather plucking/chewing, aggression, withdrawing from all that's around, screaming, being unfriendly, lack of bonding with anyone in the house. All of that creates distrust between the person and the bird.

I know that there's things going on that would need to be approached in specific ways but unfortunately, those specific things are the types that need long periods of time in order to get corrected.

Also, a person may have a lifestyle that's perfectly normal but not right concerning the ownership of a wild animal which is what parrots are. Some people are in situations where the lifestyle can be changed while others will have their lifestyle damaged if changes are instituted. It may have to do with friends, family, traveling, working hours, vacations, other pets ( most of which are domestic animals). You're dealing with another animal who has a serious illness and lots of extra attention must be given on a constant basis. This may be an exhausting strain mentally.

Many things that you're doing with the bird aren't the proper things to do but I can understand why you do them which is simply because you have no other way to deal with the many problems that arise with him.

Interfering with your everyday situations and habits can be straining and people build their lives around those habits. It's not something that can be changed quickly if ever. Then there's children involved. The children can't be put into an uncomfortable situation on a daily basis.

There may be things going on that your bird does which may not disturb other people who know how to deal with those things. They know routines and methods to use but most of the time, those people are home most of the time and can devote a lot of effort into changing things. This is not to say that you should stay home more because your habits and situations and lifestyle would be drastically altered. It's obvious to me that that's happening already only because of what you're saying.

A very important thing here is your ability to handle relapses and I can guarantee you that because of what you describe, there will be relapses, many relapses and it's not your fault. Many times, a happy medium can't be reached between a bird that's extra troublesome and a person who is overwhelmed by that type of constant behavior.

Many people here can give many suggestions but most of those suggestions will take a concentrated long term effort on your part and many people aren't in a situation where they can do that and it's not their fault.

So, maybe you're not the type of person who can handle a very troublesome bird and that too isn't your fault. Who knows, maybe you can handle a bird that is much less trouble. I don't know you but your words say a lot.

The cure here is long term concentrated effort, the ability to understand that relapses happen, the knowledge that what's going on will be upsetting yet can be coped with.

So, maybe your happiness is being interfered with and only you know how important it is to have that happiness so the words that you used to start off this thread may actually betrue. It's a serious decision that you have to make. I realize that in the past, people have already given you suggestions but maybe, the important word that was left out was *relapse*.

[she]

I am so sorry you are having a horrible time.I can not give you any sure fire solutions, only offer you general advise. Have you had your grey to a vet lately. It may be worth a visit to see if all is well physically.You really do sound fed up.Can any one in the family help by babysitting the grey for a few weeks to give you a break. I dont know if this is such a great idea for the grey but you are very frustrated and just maybe a change of suroundings may help break the cycle.I give Charlie a phone book or an old paper back book to chew up when I need a bit of time to myself, give it a try.It works for him.Also check nothing in his room is scaring him. A friend of mine hung a new picture up and within days her bird was screaming and chewing feathers and not eating right. .the picture was found to be the cause, removed and thins settled down. How much weight has he lost? that is my reason for sugesting a vet visit. You have a lot on your hands with a sick dog aswell. You do apear to be doing things to the best of you knowledge but it does sound like you have a dificult bird. It is not all your fault.I hope at least I have given you a bit of suport.<br><br>Post edited by: she, at: 2008/11/30 20:03

[daveyj]

Hmm it seams as if something is really bothering your grey the screaming is a sign that he,s upset has anything changed in his cage e.g. new toys been introduced or is there something in the room that has been altered or brought in that he doesnt like i think this is definatly a fear thing ?

[Luvparrots]

Hi Barbara, I'm sorry for your unhappiness. I understand you also have a quaker and another new bird. You certainly have a full plate with your 2 dogs as well. Only you can decide if having a grey is too overwhelming for you. If I were you I would see if someone could come to your home to watch your pets and go off for a day, an overnight, a weekend and see what it is you really want in your life. Sometimes the hardest thing to is let someone or something go. You have to look in your heart and see what is best for you and your grey so everyone is comfortable and happy. Good luck!!

[Jadewolf32]

I know I am feeling very overwhelmed, my daughter is 18 and is now hardly ever home and my husband:angry: well he likes to claim the pets, enjoy the pets but he doesn't help with NOTHING and this is including his own bird, dealing with my Shepherd's health issues, it has became second nature I have been dealing with that for 3 out of the 5 years I have had him, Lobo he is a healthy almost 11 yr old dog. The agreement was when the Brown Head came into the house that was HIS bird meaning he feeds, trains, cleans, that bird and cage but guess what? Yeah I do EVERYTHING with all the animals here, I am not the type to ignor or blow off his bird, it's not fair to him, and yes I have had MANY fights concerning this issue, Im the care taker, cleaner, feeder, trainer, cuddler, my husband just plays with whom ever and leaves everything else to me, and I really think that Shadow KNOWS when im feeling low, when I have had enough and what buttons to push, when my husband has had enough of his screaming, he gives the dirty look or says NO and he freaking STOPS but when I point this out he tells me its MY bird that Shadow doesn't like him so it is my problem to fix~ So now you have the full picture everything is on my shoulders 7 days a week, including picking up the dog crap!

[judygram]

It kind of sounds like you and your husband are having problems and he doesn't want to do his share and you two are fighting over it and creating much stress and your grey is reacting to this situation. They know our emotions well and Shadow is just responding to this. I am afraid that if you and your husband can't work things out then you may have to consider finding him a new home but only you can make that decision.

 

You obviously have a very sensitive grey and he is reacting to the power struggle between you and your hubby.

[she]

Yes Judy I think you are right. Jade I am sorry but it sounds like you are having a hard time, Kick some ass girl.Maybe Shadow is responding to the tention

[Jadewolf32]

You know he does seem to act out more on the weekends when I do get pist at Eddie for doing nothing, I get things done but I am mad and I have a right to be, during the week I relize he has to work OK fine but I could use a break once in awhile to, he gets weekends off I don't. If anyone is going to be re homed it is Eddie NOT any of my animals, they did not ask to be here, I made the decision to bring them in my house..Should have heard the fight we had yesterday because we can not go away for a weekend or go camping or as he puts it do anything because of Chance, well I am sorry but I WILL NOT put my dog down or get rid of him because he alters my life. ( Cant get anyone to come in because Chance is VERY protective of his house )I will put him down when he is no longer happy with living life.. I feel better getting some of this out, I really talk to no one but my animals.

[judygram]

You got my vote, kick the bum out, if he can't pull his own weight or help with the animals especially his then show him the door and tell him not to let it hit him on the way out.:angry:

[danmcq]

Oh Barbara, I feel for you. Your situation is a tough one and very emotional at the same time. With flare ups taking place in the family, it just adds fuel to the fire, due to all critters being highly sensitive to them and react to them differently from one pet to another.

 

Your sick Dogs health is #1 to you and your taking the right stance on that issue.

 

The others have all given great advice and comments regarding your situation. You obviously take the responsibility of caring for your pets VERY seriously and expect support when needed by other family members.

 

Only you know how much you can cope with for a prolonged period of time and how much strength both physically and mentally to continue.

 

You know we are all here for you anytime you need an ear or helpful advice. Consider us a lifeline, if and when needed. There's always someone here 24/7 that will help or respond.

[Jadewolf32]

Thank you I do take caring for my pets to heart, I brought them in my home and its my place to make sure they have the best life I can give even if it means going or doing without. So many people act like it's OK to throw away or pass on a pet like they have no feelings, you mentioned about me knowing how much I can take~~~I have no choice but to keep going because as you now see I'm all they can depend on..Yeah I get flustered, down right pist at times, and it's not the dogs or the birds Im mad at, its my husband and daughter, I would be happy for ONE day a month where I didnt have to feed and do water changes for the dogs and birds, wipe down the cages and spot clean perches and toys, sweep, mop and vacume, pick up dog crap, to SLEEP in past 6:30, what kills me Eddie leaves at 6:30 for work why can't he take 2 mins to get Chance his medications with his food? He will come wake me up or CALL me to make sure Im up, (which i have 2 alarms set for AM and PM for his meds so yeah Im up) but for maybe one day take my alarm upstairs do Chance's meds and leave a note hey I gave him his meds, it would not kill the birds to stay covered for a little longer one morning. I ask him all the time why and get no reply really.....Thank you for listening and not judging me as a nut case that cant handle my animals, I can I do just one day off would be nice! All my animals thank you because they are sick of me asking them these same questions!

[danmcq]

One possible way of having your one day to yourself. Maybe to just say hey guys, Ive writtten on the Calendar that I am taking the x/x/xx off and need you to take care of all the critters and household duties for that day. :-)

 

If that works, move it up to 2x a month, then 3 and so on and so on. :woohoo:

[Jane08]

I hear your frustration and you are not a nut case. I have this sometimes with my boyfriend over the birds, I get so tired of taking care of them all the time as he travels a lot for work and I feel sometimes he doesn't do enough to help when he is home.

 

So I would say your bird is feeding off of this turmoil as I know ours get upset when they know everything is not right and then they mis behave. The only way is to change the circumstances that you are in to reduce the stress that you have. Your grey can feel the stress and tension and he deals with it by screaming and other behaviours.

[casper]

Barbara,

 

I really feel for you!

The others have offered great suggestions and advice!

There is always someone here to talk with, even if you use this thread just to get things out of your system, do it! It always helps to share, thats what we are here for!

 

Caroline.

[Acappella]

I'm sorry you have this added stress in your life. I know what it's like to be at wit's end with an animal and to re-consider it's place in your life. My cat, when he was a young adult, went through a phase of defecating on the bed of anyone in the house he was mad at. At times I changed bedding 4 times a day and spent some considerable time sitting on the floor crying hysterically. The added stress would make 'normal' daily stresses (like on-going house work disputes) almost impossible to bear. I know your nerves must be stretched to the limit, and if I could, the first thing I'd do is give you a big, long, hug.

 

So, what to do? I know I can't offer any better advice on behaviour issues than the veteran forum members here can. Have you searched around the web looking at some avian behaviourists like Barbara Heidenreich @ GoodBirdInc. In addition to books and dvds, some offer phone consultations, even home visits if they're near to you. Check them out well though, as there are some so-called bird trainers who use fear and domination techniques which may work short-term but won't give you the relationship with your bird that you want.

 

Now to soothe those nerves. You're going through the same kind of experience that a new parent with a colicky baby does. You need a break from the noise! If you can afford a decent pair of noise cancelling headphones, they're a great sanity restorer, especially if you can put on some music you find soothing. Be careful to slowly let the bird get used to the sight of them as anything new in the environment could further spook an already high-strung animal. Also, (and I know this sounds too simple, but it works) sit and concentrate on deep breathes while saying to yourself 'I Can Handle This' over and over, or some other mantra that works for you. If you can keep your stress down the bird will begin to pick up on the change in your 'aura' for lack of a better term. Then (and I know this also may sound stupid) try empathy with him. After all, it's terribly draining and not much fun to be upset all the time, around others that are upset. Just talk quietly and calmly to him. It's not the words you use, but the tone of your voice that's important. If you have to read a children's book aloud to him while wearing earplugs or headphones, it may calm him. You'll still be able to hear when the screaming stops and reward right away with a piece of walnut or almond (Those are Dorian's fav treats)

 

That's all I can offer right now. I hope knowing that you can come here for support, advice and cyber-hugs helps you get through this. By the way, Jac is now a sweet, lovely cat who didn't revert to his old ways even when Dorian came into the house, although I have to admit, I kept bedroom doors shut for a couple of months:P

[Acappella]

Barbara, I've been thinking about you and wondering how things are going. Any update?