Help!

[Kaeurl]

Good morning everyone!!!

 

Well...we've had our adopted Grey, Cookie, (8 years old) for about 5 months now, and as things have moved on, some things have moved backwards as well.

 

Cookie was raised by a man. I'm female. He has started to take more to my husband than to me....which husband really wants no part of it. I mean, he loves the bird, but in no way, shape or form wants to be "the one." He got me the bird as a b-day gift, and just really is not interested in being No. 1. I don't want that either! I want to be able to play with my bird! We knew getting an older adopted bird would have it's challenges, and that's fine..I just need help dealing with them. Never had a "smart" animal before!!!

 

So...what's happenening is, if I even walk by the cage, Cookie starts to retreat. He really won't even take treats from my hand anymore. Well.. unless I have a peanut...then he'll walk over to me and kiss me until the end of time until I give it to him, but he won't step up on me to get it.

 

He's not biting me, but more just backing away. If DH walks in the room, Cookie will walk towards him. It's making me nuts.

 

DH and I are trying to figure out the best way to handle it, and shy of showing a puppy who's the boss, we have no clue.

 

I'm afraid of continuting to try to get Cookie to step up, or "harrass" him because I wonder if it will totally turn him away from me. On the other hand, if DH continues to be the guy, then that bond gets stronger. If I sort of leave Cookie to his own, I feel like he will (in his little brain) think, "oh, cool...now I don't have to deal with her." So, it's like he wins the battle. It's not an issue of not wanting Cookie to "like" DH...it's just that we want him to be okay around both of us. I wondered about trying to get Cookie to do the step up (or whatever it may be) with DH standing next to me and not really participating...sort of showing Cookie the chain of command, and letting him know that DH gives his seal of approval?? Ugh... It's so frustrating.

 

Cookie is a GREAT bird..he talks, sings, whistles, calls the dog... I'm teaching him how to count... he's fantastic!!! I'm afraid that if he becomes a one person bird in our house (and said person is not me) ... that it's not going to work out. He definitely won't get the attention from DH that he would from me, because like I said, while we know Cookie is a family member.. the main responsibility part needs to fall on me.

 

Anyone have any suggestions, websites, books.... anything to help me out???

 

You all are soooo helpful...and I appreciate it in advance.

 

Carol

[danmcq]

Hello Carol,

 

Unfortunately, if Cookie has decided that your Hubby is his favored. There is really nothing you can do to change that.

 

But, what you can do is use the "Peanut" as the path to having Cookie interact with you more often through out the Day. Make him step-up for that peanut. Make him come to you for it, put it on your Lap etc. Then find others things he loves like toys etc that he just can't stand not to come over and want.

 

He may always run to Hubby when he's in the room, but you can certainly maintain a close relationship as well by ensuring you interact with him as much as possible.

 

My Grey Dayo, loves my Wife more than anything, even though he is MY Grey. When we sit and watch TV, Dayo will hop up off of me and run to my wife as fast as he can and stay there with her cuddling, flipping over on his back etc. I know I will never be able to change that preference. But, when my Wife isn't here or I make her do chores ;-) so I can spend time with Dayo, it's all great.

 

The bottom line is to love Cookie and enjoy her antics, personality and never ending entertainment that will keep both you and Cookie happy for decades. :-)

 

Sorry I don't have a miracle fix, if I did I'd use it on Dayo too!! :-)

[sandra902]

hello carol and welcome!

 

i too am having the same 'problem' with my merlin. he is a 3-yr old rescue that does prefer daddy man to me.

 

he too retreats from me and interacts a lot with me though but on his own terms.

 

not much i can give you in terms of facts or strategies, but i can definitely connect with your concerns and will be watching to see what good advice the others give you.

 

i agree with the concern about 'harassing' your birdy and i too am taking a light touch with merlin. being a dog person i have had to really switch my thinking around!

 

what i do to keep the joy in my day and to reduce any anxiety vibes is to remind myself that these little guys live to 50+ years and we have plenty of time. i spend a great deal of what they call 'ambient time' with merlin because i work from home and he is in my office with me. but perhaps that is working against me too? because having daddy man come in is a big treat for merlin. ah well there is always a flip side to everything i guess and you can drive yourself crazy if you take it too far.

 

does cookie have a special treat that he just adores? i see he likes his peanut so if you are the only one to make with the peanuts that should be a step in the right direction.

 

merlin likes a bit of eggy and i am the only one that makes with the eggy. he loves grapes too and will only accept them from daddy man.

 

sorry this is so long, i guess my advice to you is to find the joy in every day and to embrace the good things you and cookie already have. they say these little guys are very perceptive and having those good vibes might then help your progress.

 

i myself have read 'for the love of greys' several times (it'll take me several times more i am sure) and i also subscribe to Bird Talk magazine. a friend of mine gave me a barbara heidenreich DVD also which really helps me get my head together (being a dog person and all).

 

happy sunday sweetie and again welcome to the boards. are there any bird clubs near you? they are very easy to find on the internet. and do you have a dedicated bird store near you? what a wealth of information there that is for sure.

 

and one more question may i ask where you are located geographically? there might be a board member near you.

 

happy sunday!

 

-s

[Kaeurl]

Thanks y'all!! Well...I guess I just take it day by day! This morning Cookie was up on his playstand (on top of the cage) and we were leaving for church, so I had to put him back in. Yikes. So... I went over ...talked sweet...gave him a scratch, and put my finger out. He just bowed his head for the fake "gimme a scratch." I put one hand in front and my other hand sort of behind him. He tried to freak me out by lunging toward the hand in the back, and I just calmly said, "no bite, cookie." And within a second, he stepped on to the hand in front. He had nowhere else to go. Once he stepped up, I praised him for it, and tried to give him a peanut. I petted his back and put him away.

 

I'm going to keep trying to get him to step up, and hopefully he'll realize that I'm okay. If not.. so be it, but he'll still have to do it anyway. LOL It's a battle of wills at it's finest, I tell you!!!

 

He is definitely my love... even though he's the most difficult little guy ever!

 

Lately, he thinks he's pretty hot stuff if I let him drink water from his own cup.

 

Thanks again you guys!!!

[Jane08]

Our boy did this as well. He decided I was the one and he was my boyfriends bird. What we did was have my boyfriend do everthing for the bird and I was sort of in the background. So he feeds him, cleans his cage, gives him treats, trains him. I also give them alone time so that they can play games together to bond, games that I do not play with the bird. I also stopped cuddling the bird and he finally learnt if he wanted cuddles my boyfirend was good for them as well.

 

Now everything is fine. Of course I am still the one, but the bird now spends time with my boyfriend and he cretainly knows where he gets his food from and then he can be the most cuddly bird ever to my boyfriend.

[Jane08]

Sorry one other thing we used the love the bird had for me to train the bird. So I would stand just behind my boyfriend and we would do step up training. As soon as the bird stepped up onto my boyfriend, he then passed the bird to me for a cuddle and kiss and then I would place him on the perch again. My boyfriend would then do it again and he would step up and then get to come to me for a cuddle and kiss and then back to the perch. So we rewarded the bird with time spent with me. The bird would then sit on the perch and wave his foot at my boyfriend to step up because he was so desperate to get to me.