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nevjoe

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It looks like you men need some help here...

 

 

Woman - A Chemical Analysis

 

Element : Woman

Symbol : Wo

Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175 .

Discoverer : Adam

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.

 

Physical Properties :

a) Surface usually covered with painted film.

b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.

c) Melts if given special treatment.

d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!

e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

 

Chemical Properties :

a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.

b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.

d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in

alcohol to a certain point.

e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.

f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

 

Uses :

a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.

c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.

d) Can cool things down when it's too hot.

 

Tests :

a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.

b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

 

Caution :

a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.

b) Illegal to possess more than one.

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judygram wrote:

Looks like us women have taken over this thread of Joe's for the men, but hey he isn't here so we will have our say and take back what is ours, right girls!!

 

Whats that Judy, the last Word or the Kitchen???

 

{Emotions-000200C6}

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nooo girls can't take over the man forum

:pinch:

although i do believe judy has written more on here than all the men put together...

thinkng about it how many men are on this site?

i have seen two other than me :S

oh well never mind. i like ladies :) teehee

 

DavE

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Ok Men - I'm pulling out all the stops.... B)

 

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?

Walking the dog is relaxing.

 

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

 

What have you done wrong when your wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? You made the chain too long.

 

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank God for that, i thought i had gone deaf!"

 

Why did the woman cross the road?

Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

 

Why don't women wear watches?

There's a clock on the stove.

 

Why do women have short feet?

So they can stand closer to the stove.

 

Why dont women have a penis?

So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

 

Why don't women need drivers licenses?

There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

 

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?

Because she was a woman.

 

How many men does it take to open a beer?

-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.

 

 

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.

 

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

 

If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

 

Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?

It doesn't need cleaning yet

 

How is a woman like a laxative?

They both irritate the crap out of you.

 

Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)

 

Wanna hear a funny joke?

Women's rights.

 

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, shes already been told twice.

 

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, let the bitch cook in the dark!

 

Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.

 

How are women and high school phone policies similar?

Because they can be seen but not heard

 

Why do women live longer than men?

Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

 

How do you get a woman dizzy?

Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.

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