Any advice for the ones who know the history?

[Ronda477]

Ok for the ones who know me and SweetHeart could you give any advice on how to get her to come around some more with us? I don't mean to be rude with others but everyone here that has read up on my posts knows all the stuff I have been through with her and there is just too much to re-post. I have been very patient and will continue doing so, I just want to know there is some hope! The plus is she is making more noises. Sometimes I even hear little words but she won't say them completely yet, it's like she is doing it under her breath lol. She doesn't fly much off of her cage top anymore which is good. But if we go to get her off of it she will fly. Than wherever she lands she has no problem with us getting her. Remember I got her at the end of Oct. And also remember the terrible flight she had to get here! I just want to be able to handle her! I have not gotten bit yet lol that is a plus. But she won't let me pick her up and sit with me on the chair or come over and eat off of my plate. If she isn't on the top of her playstand she is in her cage. I have tried to take her and sit with her and she immediately flies back to her stand/cage. She will let us come up a little more to her and talk to her while she is on her cage/play stand. She used to right away fly away, but now she waits a minute or two lol. But this is all the progress we have made! She is just become a pretty bird to talk to over in the corner next to me lol. I hate not being able to hold her! Or just being able to be on the same couch/chair with her! Anyone have any more ideas. I feel like I have exhausted every option! Thanks in advance! Just getting depressed about the whole thing! It's been 3 months now. Oh the one other thing she does which I thought was good, actually two: is when I leave the room she will make this loud chirp noise till I answer her or come back and ask her what, and the other is she sleeps on the corner of her playtop/cage right next to me with her beak under her wing. She doesn't do the whole head yet but she sticks her head back and tucks her beak. Well let me know if anyone has any suggestions for a frustrated paront lol.

[lovemyGreys]

Hi Ronda unfortunately not all greys like human cuddles, The word "cuddly" is a matter of your interpretation. There are Grey's who are cuddly, some may sit and watch TV with you and cuddle under your chin. Some other Greys may not like to have that type of one on one contact. I only have one out of my 4 who likes a cuddle !

Have you tried moving her play stand so she can sit around the table with you at meal times ?

she does sound as if she is content & happy with you,maybe your expectations are slightly to high ? ( sorry ronda )

[Ronda477]

No problem Tracy lol. I wasn't saying cuddly like I see some on here I know she won't be like that lol. But seems like almost everyone can at least sit with their bird either on their chair or shoulder and watch tv not necessarily cuddle just one on one contact kind of thing. And meal time does consist of eating in the living room for us lol. So she's with us 100%. But didn't think it was too high but maybe for her it is. Just thought people could handle their birds to some extent.

[lovemyGreys]

maybe she still hasnt gained all her confidence yet ? Ronda does she step up for you ?<br><br>Post edited by: lovemyGreys, at: 2008/01/24 14:43

[Ronda477]

Yeh she does but when you go to her cage to get her off the top of her playstand sometimes she will step up and other times she will fly off. But than after she is off the cage she always always steps up. I have never had a problem with her on that one except for the times we go to get her with her flying off first. She knows "Lets go night night" and will actually have her little foot up before I get there lol. I am trying to work on other ones for the same thing like "Mommy has to go bye bye you have to go home" We just started that last week. So I'm hoping she will catch on to that one as well so she won't fly away before the step up

[lovemyGreys]

Ronda she really does sound a little darling, you are doing everything right,her step up sounds great & is probably the most useful command anyone can teach their grey. night night is a good one for them to learn, when i use bye bye i always finish will mummy loves you & ill be back soon

[Ronda477]

Cool thanks Tracy! Just wanted to make sure I was on the right road. I know she will never be the cuddly type just with time I hope to be able to hold her on my hand or sit with her either on my shoulder or just her sitting on the chair with me and not flying off lol. But she is slowly and I mean slowly coming around I think lol. She moves slower than a snail lol. But thank god I'm a patient person!

[lovemyGreys]

Patience is the key Ronda, it's still early days you have a lifetime to enjoy her just carry on being confident around her & you will have a happy,content well balanced grey sounds as if you are making great progress to me, fancy coming to sort my 4 out ?

[Ronda477]

lol goodness NO! I have enough emotional roller coaster stuff with her lol. I couldn't imagine 4 at this point lol. I feel like a high school girl lol. Why doesn't she like me? Why doesn't she want to be part of our flock? We're popular! lol Jokin but trust me I thought that when she first got here lol. Just now I know it takes time. Baby steps lol

[lovemyGreys]

Two steps forward, one step backwards, your get their girl

[BMustee]

Man, it sure is taking a while to get her to come around isn't it. Well, I would say you could do one of two things...one, keep doing what you are doing, because it does seem that little by little she is getting better. Or two, you could "force" the issue. I've never really heard anyone doing it with greys but I have seen it work with other birds. One of the girls at my work took home an Alexandian Ringneck that was scared of everyone and could not be held. She basicly didn't give him a choice...he WAS getting kissed and scratched if he liked it or not, and sure enough 2 weeks later she brought him back and you could pick him up and snuggle him. A week after that he was sold to a nice guy and he's called and came in a few times and says that they are the best of friends and tells use how great a bird he is. Would this be a good idea for you...I don't know.<br><br>Post edited by: BMustee, at: 2008/01/24 15:32

[lovemyGreys]

BMustee i have heard of people doing the second choice "the force " where they get their grey & snuggle him in a towel, just my personal opinion but i don't agree with it & i don't think it is the direction Ronda should take, it may not have the desired effect & could set sweetheart back a long way.Thats not to say it doesnt have the desired results with other birds.I just dont think it is of any benefit here as Ronda is doing a fine job & may just have a timid/shy bird.

[Ronda477]

I was going to ask the same thing, with our quaker Molly she was abused and the vet and all the forums said to towel her and talk to her every day. We did well mostly me cause she would go to my husband, the abuse came from a woman so she hated me! But than again quakers are definitely{Feel-good-000200B9} known for a one person bird, so I just accepted that and now 9 years down the road she will let me handle her a little bit here and there, but is still completely hubbies bird! But I didn't want to push back the little tiny bit of progress I have made with her so I haven't done this with her. Just hopefully it will be like when I was adopted lol. I was 3 months old, and took to my adoptive parents like they were my birth parents eventually. Didn't take long for I was a baby but of course being passed from adoption agency to foster home back to adoption agency and than into my mom and dad's arms it took me a bit just like it would anyone to adjust. Guess I just have to give it time! My patience will one day be rewarded I hope!

[BMustee]

I was just throwing that idea out there for kind of a last resort thing. I aggree with using the "force" training in the Ringnecks case because it would never have had a chance for a home if it wasn't tried and there was not a lot of time given and we all knew the normal training route was not going to work.

 

 

After I posted I was thinking that because of the trama your little girl went through your best bet is to keep on the trust building path you are on now...and I personally would not want to risk the progress you already have made with her.

 

Sorry for any confussion that you all thought that I thought she should start doing it right now...I was thinking months down the line and progress had screeched to a halt.<br><br>Post edited by: BMustee, at: 2008/01/24 16:55

[Ronda477]

No problem at all, like I said I am here to learn and just trying to get her to love me!! lol But thank you! If down the road she won't let me than maybe I'll force it on her but for now she is stepping up when asked so that is a good thing, she just doesn't want to hang out is all lol. Maybe she'll get bored by herself and hang out sooner or later!

[danmcq]

Oh Ronda, I feel for you. You have certainly been trying everything under the sun and showing such patience while your heart aches. You certainly set a great example for all. :-)

 

This will probably be a shock to some, but if you are not successful with using the "Step-up by force or I'll towel you and snuggle" methodology or you feel it is harming the relationship and trust you have built so far, You may need to clip the wings so she will be reliant upon you and family for transportation to and from her cage.

 

This would be the last ditch effort, but the good news is, feathers will grow back. :-)

 

Some have been successful in doing this and then still having a good relationship once the feathers grow back in and they become flighted. Others have found once flighted again, they start pulling away do to their re-found independence and no need for transportation by others.

 

I hope this helps and I would truly love to see the trust and relationship grow closer than it is presently. Even if she doesn't become a "snuggler", she may atleast want to be with the flock in closer proximity. :-)

[Ronda477]

LOL Dan sorry but have you forgotten she does have her wings clipped! lol This is the stuborn bird remember? She has 5 feathers clipped off of each wing, and from previous posts we decided not to clip any more off because I would have to towel her and it would probably set her back with me. So guess patience is my only option :unsure:

[danmcq]

Well, shoot...yes I had forgotten she was clipped. She must be a very strong Grey, just like Dayo. He also has 5 primaries clipped and has gained the ability over the last 2 months to fly and navigate himself through out the entire house to find us non-stop. He can take off from the floor and fly to the ceiling if he wishes.

 

Your patience and love for sweetheart is a great example for all. I guess as Gump would say "Getting a Grey is like a box of Chocolates, you never know what your going to get". :-)

 

So, Sweetheart may not be a cuddler or even coming to sit with you yet, but over time, both may happen, if not atleast one of the two!!

 

I am sure, even though she is not a snuggle muffin, you enjoy her presence immensely.

[Ronda477]

Oh yes I do enjoy her soo much even though I can't do anything really with her. Like I said before please don't anyone get me wrong cause I knew most likely she wouldn't be cuddly just was hoping to be able to sit with her at least and I really think I lost out on the breeders, where everyone was able to chose their bird through connection. I won't ever do that again. I really didn't have a choice for there were no breeders within a 350 mile radius of us but I think a lifetime long bird would be worth the drive next time. Example if we get a Congo in the future. Thanks everyone at least for trying lol{Feel-good-00020114}

[danmcq]

Oh, Ronda, sweetheart could still become your love muffin. You have many years for that to build. Heck, she's still just learning who and what she is, much less the strange flock of weird looking birds around her <br><br>Post edited by: danmcq, at: 2008/01/26 19:34

[Ronda477]

lol thanks Dan!

[nevjoe]

Ronda, I think a lot different about this problem.

First: All is not well if you say, you have never been bit. You have given the bird too much freedom in her young mind. She is not the boss and you’re the slave for her, instead of being the teacher. My bird is 2 days younger then yours and I have been bit so many times that he knows now it don't work. He never bits me anymore because he learned it means nothing. He hated me to touch his body, now he lays on me and loves to be pet and cuddled. He bit me so hard and drew blood when I tried to get him on his back, now he is always on his back even if I just hold him in the palm of my hand. He also sleeps on his back while on my chest.

 

Second: There are pros and cons about flying, but in your case it’s for sure a problem, because she Has Too much independence. It shows so much as you say she will get on you after landing on the floor. She doesn’t need you for much, instead of her needing you for everything. You beg for her respect, but it’s her to gain your respect. What is the difference between her and a child that you have to help when it is needed? She don’t need you, she is doing fine, You’re not. Plenty of food, water, clean cage, treats and toys. Who needs you?

Take over the control even if you think she is human, witch she is not. She don’t have human emotions as you do, so don’t think she is equal to you.

Best of luck, and if I said anything to offended you I’m sorry. Just one mans feeling.

 

Joe

[Ronda477]

No Joe not at all first of all on the offense thing! You never have!

 

As for the never been bit thing, I think it's cause when she growls at me I show no fear, I just make her do what I want her to do anyway, like step up. Cause she will give me a growl and try to bite and I say no in a firm voice and I don't stop going at her till she steps up. I don't dance around her for fear of being bit, I just haven't yet, but than again I haven't done what you have said you did with petting her back, cause that one I have backed off of before, but I will take your advice and take the bite if that will give me more room for her in your opinion. I am not afraid lol I deal with 1500 lb horses and kicks I'm sure hurt a whole lot worse than a parrot bite! My husband says either I have no sense or I just don't like to get walked on lol and I think it's a little bit of both! And as far as the flying I can't control that any more than I have already or I don't know how and any thoughts would be great! But she is clipped! She can't fly around the room but she can glide to the other side. I was afraid for one if I toweled her to cut the other two feathers that I could cut it would put whatever progress I have made back a few steps, not to mention the fact that we have dogs and cats in the home. The idea that she can't fly around the room but can glide to the top of the couch or to our quakers cage (which by the way she got her toe bit the other day) is better than her gliding to the floor and landing on a dog or chance of the cat getting her. We are always in the room with her when she is out, our living room is open to the kitchen and we can see her and she can see us so it's not like I'm leaving her alone in the room with the other animals, even when I go pee I announce it to the family so they will know to keep an eye on her lol. She doesn't seem to fly off her cage/play top unless something spooks her or occasionally when we just want to get her off her play top to try to encourage sitting with us. So please write me back and let me know what you think about what I have wrote because I am very eager to try anything with her. Like I said not afraid, I train horses lol and not little ponies lol. My one horse is so tall that when she extends her head as far as she can go even on my tippy toes I can't reach the top of her head and I'm 5'8. So please any advice I'm willing to try as long as no one thinks she will hate me for it! Thanks again Joe and please no offense taken in anything!

[nevjoe]

What would happen if you walked over to her on the cage and talked to her. then grab her with you hand? I used to get sreams and bits, but now its great for her, because I hyave brought him to me and thats where he want to be.

[Ronda477]

goodness I don't know! My hands aren't big enough for her though lol I would have to grab her with both of them and that means double the bites lol Should I try grabbing her? Or what is the first move I should do? I don't want to freak her out totally, should I start with her back, or what?