Would you do it again?

[katana600]

Many times in the past five and a half years, I have wondered if I was doing the right thing by Miss Gilbert. Many times I wondered if I was making progress with her. Sometimes the question would come to my mind, "If I knew then what I know now, would I have taken her in?" The answer is a resounding YES! It took five months of soul searching to ask myself if I could commit to a bird with issues, forever. Once I made that decision there has been no looking back, no wishing I hadn't done it. Sure, I wondered if we were enough for her. I wondered if there would have been a better "click", a natural fit, better for her. The thing that always made me feel strong and capable was reading this forum. There are many rehomed parrots here who have thrived in a second home better than the first. So many of you have welcomed tough cases were my trailblazers and hope for Miss Gilbert. For those of you out there with second-hand parrots, would you do it again?

[Greywings]

Uuummm YES and we have several times over, cannot leave a bird in need. Not sure if that means I am a little off kilter and they are happily pushing me towards being that crazy bird lady or if they are helping keep me sane. (:>

Edited September 8, 2016 by Greywings

[Timbersmom]

Absolutely! I had initially wanted a baby grey, but circumstances prevailed, Timber needed a home, and I wanted a bird. I still sometimes wonder what life might be like had I gotten a baby, but I wouldn't trade Timber for anything.

[birdhouse]

I would. I have. But...

 

There isn't much doubt that Phenix would have been put down w/o someone to stand up to the vets. That's hard to do for I'd venture to say most people. I spent over a year at war w/myself because I was afraid he was suffering because I was wrong to defy them. Guess I can't regret that decision.

 

But in some ways, Phenix has been the most work for the least progress, even though he's made tons & tons & tons of progress. But he doesn't like people. In his heart of hearts he will remain a wild bird until the day he dies. Miss G has long since surpassed him socially & I will in this rare case use the "N" word. He will never come close unless someone very special drops out of the sky into his life.

 

That person had better be dropping into my life as well. Because otherwise, I'd feel obligated to let Phenix go have a better life than he has now. Here, though he may be safe & happy & loved, he's an island of his own choosing. I have always wanted him to truly be part of a flock. In the least, part of a pair. And I wonder sometimes, if there could be another chapter for him, like what happened w/Janet's Sully.

 

... that would hurt ...but at the same it would be wonderful for him. Because that's the thing that I've always wanted most for him & never figured out how to give him. I've always wondered if someone else could. If he really should have come home w/me or I just happened before the right one came along.

[katana600]

As a child, I remember thinking I was with the wrong family. I had a fantasy that my real parents were looking for me, that they were wonderful and the world would change when they finally found me. With Gilbert, in my times of fervently wishing for her life to be better. I often thought of the way she called out for Jim. I wondered if I could find him, if he could be the magic link to make life better. Now I have reached acceptance that what we have is the best it can be for our Miss Gilbert. I have accepted the dreaded N word as in she will never fly. She may never relax and feel safe. That's okay now. The alternative of someone dropping out of a rainbow and having a magical connection to her could happen but I am not spending energy fantasizing about that any more. I am hers. She is okay. I won't look back wishing for a different outcome because although we have worked hard and struggled, we are good together. Today I can be certain that I wouldn't change a thing. We have learned wonderful things together. Phenix can't show you that you are wonderful, but I think if he could, he would say you are okay too.

[birdhouse]

As it happens, we just had this conversation the other night. So all that was a lot closer to the surface. And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, for me, anyway. Knowing that I could & arguably should be replaced w/a better model. Keeps me humble, for starters. ")

 

I also think it's good for me to admit, as this is a teaching forum. I feel like these threads are an opportunity to share what it's really like w/newbies & wannabies & shouldn't be's (especially!). My cautionary tale about how after three decades it could turn out quite well & all. But still only be a qualified success. Maybe after it's all said & done, that's all it's ever going to be. If potential owners can't deal w/that particular reality, they should probably be encouraged to move along now before it's too late.

 

To me, when I commit to a rescue I commit to doing my best to make up for the crappy way they've been treated by so called human beings up to that point. Phenix was very brutally ripped away from his flock & his family. From all the freedom of the rain forest, condemned to life in a cage. No one can possibly make up for even the first humans who came into contact with him. Let alone any of the rest. So my commitment to him is just more daunting & humbling. Perfectly fine household though it may be this is a good place to admit it's a bad trade. Just like the lot of all the "more fortunate" wild caught's.

 

 

We aren't generally comfortable talking about the wild caught's in so many words. But they're owed the recognition that nothing anyone can do is ever really good enough to make up for what they've been through or what they've lost.

[katana600]

You are absolutely right on all counts. Our mindset going into this, what we thought was our definition of success and where we evolved to with our parrots have a very different viewpoint. For me, as it seems with you, I went in with a commitment that it wasn't just to try it out, but to do whatever it takes. I had a fairly good idea it wasn't going to be easy but confidence that it would be worth doing. With a warm, cuddly appreciative puppy, it is easy to feel good about living with him. With a blazingly intelligent creature with a goal that is not necessarily to please her "captor", it isn't as clear cut. What I do know about Gilbert and other companion parrots is we make the best choices we can to create a healthy environment with what we have. In one sense, if we had the power to know what we now know without removing these beautiful creatures from the wild, would we still do that? But in the cards we are dealt, I am more certain every day that Gilbert's life is better, my life is better and I have grown as a human being by the struggle of finding a way to make her feel safe.

[Talon]

You are all to be commended for the commitment, dedication, love and patience for taking in such rescues with all their heavy unknown baggage, and deciding no matter what....they will have the best life possible regardless of what has happened to them in their past. That my friends is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE....and having that for a child or spouse is one thing...but to have that kind of LOVE for a rescued parrot takes an entirely different kind of person. And you guys are few and far between...I am honored to have been a part of your sharing your lives with your flock.

 

For or all the rescues...I say a big THANK YOU!!!!

[Ray P]

My answer is yes, yes, yes.

In the past 45 years my wife and I have taken in over 40 rescued birds, most of them Cockatiels, some love birds, parakeets and Cricket my very much loved BFA along with some other species of birds.

We also have rescued many dogs, cats and goats.

Our biggest challenges have given us our biggest rewards

[Inara]

I have to echo Ray and say, "Yes! Yes! and Yes!"

 

Birdhouse said it beautifully "We aren't generally comfortable talking about the wild caught's in so many words. But they're owed the recognition that nothing anyone can do is ever really good enough to make up for what they've been through or what they've lost."

 

My 'zon, Elliot and my CAG, Lestat, were two absolute loves of my life. Their wildness, unfortunately was what caused them to be in such dire straits when each came to live with me and was something that I loved and cherished in them. My only goal with each was to give them a safe, peaceful, home and to allow them to just be who they were. By having no expectations from them, and simply caring for them, each on their own time and in their own way went from violent (Elliot actually had killed another bird) plucked (what I believe at the time was suicidal) and became such sweet and gentle birds. Although, Elliot never could even after a couple decades muster the nerve to step from his tree onto my arm. He would happily step onto a small branch that I would hold, then he would walk up it onto my shoulder. He never spoke a word, and wasn't even a whistler. But he loved perching on my shoulder and even taking showers with me while there. He would make these delighted trilling chirps that would completely melt my heart. Lestat eventually became a friend to all, and grew to love socializing with people and animals. Both a long way from their original homes in the wild, and their experiences at the hands of humans. To this day, I can still conjure up in my mind the wild sounds of each. Hoots, growls, wild calls. Completely unlike those of domestic birds. Spine tingling.

 

I don't count HRH Inara in the rescue world, as she was well loved by her original people, and the only challenge with her (which was nothing) was getting her diet switched, and the fun of teaching her to fly. But I did know that when I was looking for a new companion, that I would adopt and not go to a breeder. That is not a criticism of responsible breeders, it is simply that for me I could not justify getting a baby bird when there are so many thousands who are need of homes, and especially experienced homes.

[katana600]

We learn more from our struggles and that makes us better people overall. Something I learned from Miss Gilbert helped me to understand my family of origin a little better. A parrot's mental health and outlook on life is a combination of nature, nurture and life experience. As we make small differences in our daily lives, the history of experience changes ever so slowly, in grey time. When Miss Gilbert came to us, I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I just knew that we were going to learn together. I didn't know if she would ever talk until the day I picked her up. Sarah didn't want to advertise that this little creature could say some wonderful things as not to influence someone wanting a novelty. She also didn't want to have someone dissuaded by the prolific cussing. That is probably good that I was naïve. Now that we are making progress with Miss Gilbert and she is showing a different, kinder, gentler side of her innate character, I am ever so grateful to the members here saying how wonderful it would be when our work together started to show promise. What I needed was a shift of thinking from what I believed was success five years ago to what I know today was is hard work. She has done some incredibly hard work shaking loose her baggage. I am impressed that she is willing to show me her heart. I am more impressed that she is learning to play and to be light hearted and joyful. It may take a lot of looking at her sideways when she doesn't seem to know I am there to see these glimpses, but each time it makes me so grateful to know her. Of course, she has been looking at me sideways the whole time getting a "read" on me too. There where early days when I was concerned that I had jumped into the deep end without checking how far I was from the edge, but even in the worst of times I had all of you ready to toss me a lifeline and help me along a little. I have no regrets. All along the hardest thing I have had to do is to wait. I have always thought you couldn't reach success without doing. Miss Gilbert has taught me that success is about being, just being.