Something a little weird happened.

[Q9550]

Hi Guys/Girls,

 

Okay so as the title describes, something has happened this weekend that i don't know how to make sense off.

 

My girlfriends mum came to visit us over the weekend. Everyone who has read my welcome thread knows that nonsense isn't my bird, she belongs to my girlfriend. My girlfriend use to live with her parents with nonsense and its been 3 years since she has been living alone. Her mum paid us a visit yesterday and she hasn't seen the bird for 3 years and she was talking to nonsense and then she decides to put her finger to the cage and i immediately tell her not to because i know nonsense is capable of drawing blood, she ignores my warning and she sticks her finger into the cage and to my surprise nonsense is actually playing with her finger and i'm like WHAAAAT!!! There's no sign of her being aggressive or wanting to bite or anything of the sort. She then opens the front door of the cage and puts her hand inside and nonsense immediately steps up onto her hand and starts playing with her. I'm standing there with my jaw to the ground trying to figure out what the hell is happening here, can this really be the same bird that i know or has she been swapped out with a another?

 

So if anyone can explain to me what happened i would really appreciate it. If i tried the same thing or even my girlfriend for that matter we would be left with out fingers.

[SRSeedBurners]

Maybe she's a bird whisperer. I took GraycieMae to a race venue once and people were wanting to hold her etc. She was a little snappy and bitey with everyone except this one lady whom she'd never met before. The lady showed absolutely no fear and told Greycie to step-up like she knew what she was doing. She could practically do anything I could do with her. I think they can sense fear and use it to their advantage.

[Talon]

Well, Nonsense knows her mother. If what I read is correct, nonsense lived with your girlfriends mom, so she knows her a and has already established a relationship with her so I'm not at all surprised. It takes so long for a grey to accept change and learn to build a relationship. That's something if you try to rush takes way longer than normal.

[judygram]

As Penny said, Nonsense already knew her mum so a relationship had been previously established and they do not forget so easily even if it has been 3 years, they remember and will act accordingly. It will take time to establish your own relationship with Nonsense so please be patient and do not try to force yourself on her, she will come to accept you in her time not yours. You will have your own relationship with her and it may be different than what she has with others, that's just the way greys are.

[Acappella]

Don't let your feelings be hurt because Nonsense is further ahead in her relationship with your girlfriends mother than she is with you. I know that's easier said than done. After all, aren't you the one feeding her, cleaning up after her, buying/making her toys and otherwise doing everything to improve her life?! Nonsense obviously remembers living with your girlfriends mom and was at one point bonded to her. You'll get there with Nonsense and it will be your own unique relationship, but it won't likely be fast. I believe that you have what it takes to stick it out until she decides what that relationship will be.

[Q9550]

Thanks for all the replies. It definitely was a sad moment seeing her being so accepting to someone else but i will not give up and will continue to try and build a good relationship with nonsense. Im happy that nonsense had that opportunity to associate with a human touch she seemed happy so anything that makes her happy is always welcome. Hopefully one day i can have that same connection with her. Until that day i'm going to vent out my frustrations here lol

[Greywings]

It should give you hope to see that even after years have passed the relationship remains. Your turn will come with patience and time. This lady is from her beginnings when Nonsense was learning about her new world.

[katana600]

I say to take advantage of the respect Nonsense has for mum. Maybe Mum can pick Nonsense up from her cage, then you offer to allow her to step onto your hand. Since we adopted Miss Gilbert, she has gone through many new people in her life. They all started as strangers. It is amazing how she will make a snap decision about someone and they will be her favorite and it seems like they have known her all her life. I always was cheering and happy for Gil girl to take an interest and respond to anyone. Of course, deep inside there was that "hey, what about me?" I have been dedicated to her for five years now, and there are few of those "wow" moments of trust, they are fleeting. But, I have also watched her have a shocking "love fest" with someone new, like when our daughter moved back in after college. Every day Gil would step up, request head rubs on the outside of her cage etc. Then.... recently my daughter had a baby and I took Gil to Texas. She was wicked to our grandson and even worse to his mother. Our little grey is fickle. I love her just the way she is but I don't mind saying that just last night she shocked me by offering me her foot to come out of her cage. Then she resisted being put back in. This morning her "regular" order has been restored and she let me know last night she was having a moment and today the moment is over. Keep working with Nonsense. Use anyone who comes along and give you a chance to have a positive, hands on experience. ... and vent here any time you like, we share your awe and your disappointment.

[Q9550]

Great advice Katana600, I actually plan on using it as well. I feel like this was exactly what we needed to help train nonsense and get her more comfortable with us and other people in general. However there is this fear in me that it could also make our relationship worse in that she would refuse us and only want to interact with my girlfriends mother.

 

Latest battle wounds 4-0 to Nonsense

 

 

Those were giving to me while trying to get her to step up onto my forearm while using a long sleeve shirt and a woolen jacket. She still had no problem drawing blood. I held my composure and took it silently but damn it was PAINFUL!!!

Edited July 14, 2016 by Q9550

[Acappella]

What are you doing when you say you are trying to get her to step up for you? Are you physically trying to force her to step up? If you are, my advice is to stop. Offer her the step up but if she refuses tell her that's ok, and that you'll offer again later. It lets her know she's got some power in your relationship and that you will listen to her desires. I never tried to force Dorian to step up. I just made the world outside his cage look like fun, making toys, playing with the cat, playing music etc. . . I kept up offering and one day he simply raised his little foot and tentatively stepped up for me. Also, if you do get her on your arm only keep her for a couple of minutes and then return her to her cage, even before she asks. That ends each session on a successful note and gives her a good feeling about these training sessions.

Edited July 14, 2016 by Acappella

[katana600]

Q, I certainly understand your fears. My thought is to let her interact with the one person able to coax her out. Let Mum bring her to a table perch were you are sitting close. Don't reach for her, let her come to you. If Nonsense shows body language of aggression toward you, let Mum remove her from the situation while it is still on a positive note. It does take a long long time but with every interaction that doesn't involve coercion or end in bloodshed on your part is a win. I read here often that greys are subtle and resort to a bite when they can't communicate with their retreat or posturing. The problem with that is once they have bitten, it becomes the first tool in the arsenal until they learn better ways. Mum has to be on board, to chastise Nonsense when she is aggressive, to take her out of the fun, and to return to you and show Nonsense that Mum likes and trusts you. Maybe Mum could hand you treats that you then start with putting in Nonsense's cage dish and work toward her receiving good things from you. If Mum could model behavior such as giving you a treat and you giving her treats prior to working with Nonsense, that might go a long way toward reaching peace. I commend your willingness to keep trying with Nonsense. We went through a lot of suffering with Miss Gilbert and it has taken years, but now that she is being less fearful and more affectionate toward each of us, I know that holding back and waiting for her to come forward has been key.

[Q9550]

What are you doing when you say you are trying to get her to step up for you? Are you physically trying to force her to step up?

 

Hi Acappella,

 

I would never force her to do anything, an besides she will never listen to anything she is like a rebellious teenage girl lol

 

So what i do is open her cage door and when she comes out i give her a treat i leave her to investigate her surroundings for a bit and clean her feathers once shes settled down on top of her cage i start target training her to walk around while she is on top of the cage. I then place my arm on the cage between myself and nonsense and i target her closer and closer to my arm, i never bring my arm closer to her i just wait for her to come to me. She is still not keen to step up but recently she has been coming closer to my arm and the last time was when she drew blood, but in her defense i don't believe she wanted to bite me she was just investigating my jacket and caught my arm, i just stood there and smiled at her.

 

She normally never gets on the floor when shes outside her cage she just usually stands on the top and looks at everything. Yesterday i placed a small cardboard box next to her cage to get her use to it so i could put it in the caged for destruction lol and to our surprise the first thing she did when i opened the door was come out and shred that box to bits hahahah she is just too cute and i'm so glad she is becoming more confident now.

[Q9550]

Hi Katana,

 

Okay so not sure where to start so lets start with mum, She hasn't been in my girlfriend's life for a long time, family drama which i rather not get into, so getting her to help with nonsense will not be as simple as inviting her over for lunch one day to help us with nonsense. We dont have a relationship with her so that makes it difficult to get her to assist with nonsense. When i started this thread it was out of amazement that nonsense still remembered her and i was in shock at how friendly nonsense was towards her. So basically mum is not an option with regards to training nonsense.

 

Nonsense doesn't have a problem with us and she isn't overly aggressive as when i first moved up, even then she would readily accept treats from my hand without fuss. I got her clicker and target trained with no issues and she picked it up very quickly.

The biting is more of a game to her as opposed to a fight or flight reaction. I know this because she laughs after she bites you. I make it a point to always let her know when i'm walking past her if shes outside her cage and if i'm carrying anything in my hands i show it to her and tell her its nothing to be afraid off.

 

I'm very particular when it comes to nonsense and i try to give her the best life possible, it may not be perfect but its alot better then what she was use to. I readily accept all advice for you more experienced owners and try to implement it as best i can, so keep them coming lol

[Acappella]

You're doing things exactly right, in my opinion. You're letting your bird set the pace and as a result you're building trust and creating a more confident fid. It might help you to see the progress you are making if you keep a little journal of your steps forward with Nonsense. Sometimes things feel like they are moving soooooo slowly that we can only see our progress when we look back over months and years. Remember, with a parrot, unlike a dog, we have years to build our relationships. That's why one of the most used words on this site is the word patience. Lol. One day, sometime in the future, you'll be giving your baby kisses and cuddles, and finding it hard to believe things were ever any other way.

[katana600]

I understand about your girlfriend's mother. It's too bad she couldn't be a positive reinforcement for your relationship with Nonsense. Life is complicated and our greys are the most complex relationship in my experience. As Acappella says, you are doing well with reading Nonsense and working to build trust. Your posts definitely show that you care about Nonsense and want her life to be the best it can possibly be. I look forward to watching this relationship develop. Glad to hear Nonsense shredded that cardboard. Keeping such an intelligent and exquisite creature gainfully occupied is a full time job.

[Timbersmom]

You are doing great! I'm a rehomer myself (first AG too). The hardest thing for me was to understand how much TIME it often takes for them to adjust and trust. If you go back to the beginning of many of our stories, our "cuddle birds" didn't happen overnight. Or, in a week, a month, sometimes years. It took 3 months for Timber to step up without a blood-letting. And he wasn't happy about it then. I was frustrated, disheartened and sad. This forum was my salvation because I knew I wasn't alone and Timber was "normal" for a grey.

 

Hang in there!