Family matter, advice/opinions pls

[Laurie]

We have an issue here that's been driving me nuts. My brother in law is staying with us after he and his fiance broke up (they were living in her house). We don't mind helping him out while he gets back on his feet. However, he's started seeing a new woman (a little over a month ago) and he's been having her spend the night. We allowed it once a while back when they'd been drinking (we didn't want them driving and so gave permission for his guest to stay over). Since then she's been sleeping here half the time and he knows I don't like this. I have a 10-year old son here and I don't think this is a great example for him. Also, my brother in law does not pay rent, so I think he should respect our wishes. I opened my home to him, not the general public! I hardly know this woman! Am I just being a @#$%&? What would you guys do in a similar situation?

[Makena]

You have every right to be pissed! If I was you, I would make a rule and stick with it. If he is going to be staying with you, he needs to respect your wishes. If not he needs to find a new place to live.

 

Your first responsibility is your son... You need to look out for him. I wouldn't let a stranger stay in my house especially if it was going to be a bad example for my child.

 

I say lay down the line!!!! It's your house!!!

[Guest briansmum]

i agree with you completely. this is out of order. you are having your genorosity taken for granted.

 

for starters he's not paying rent, which i would suggest you start charging him. secondly as you said you have a son and this is your SONS HOME not a hotel for your brother in law.

 

if i were in your position i would put out an ultimatum.. for example : we love you but we dont know her if we say we dont want her here she doensn't come or you don't come here either.

 

maybe that's a bit tough, but it isn't healthy for your little boy to see this, and you don't need me to tell you, if you're brother in law is old enough to bring home women he's old enough to know this isn't appropriate.

 

beccy

[judygram]

Kick the bum out, it is your house and if he is staying there and not paying any rent then by all means show him the door. Personally I would never have allowed him to move in in the first place but that is moot now.

 

And to top it off he is bringing a woman into the house for overnight vists, no way should this be happening. You have a young child that sees that this is acceptable behavior if it goes on in Mom and Dad's home and that is not what you want him to see.

 

Show him the door, tell him you are sorry for his predictment but you have to set a good example and this is not allowed in your house, then shut the door after he exits.

[Toni]

Yea, I would have a talk w/ him. You dont want your son to start thinking its ok to have a woman sleep over like that.When your son he gets to the age he might think he can. Not only that, hes not paying rent so is he also not paying for utilities or food? If hes been there awhile he needs to start paying his way. If he wants to have fun tell him to go to a motel, her place or go park some where away from your house and have fun in his or her vehicle.If he does nt respect then show him the door. You say this is your brother in law, what does your hubby think of this? Maybe he needs to have a bro to bro talk w/ him.

[Laurie]

Thank you all sooooo much!

I don't know why I was even hesitant in my feelings about it. I guess I don't want to come off as trying to be his parent or something. Or that I'm some high and mighty person with impeccable morals. I'm not perfect but I like to think I'm a decent human being.

My husband is on board with me - he wanted it stopped, too. So, I saw my brother in law this morning and made sure he was perfectly clear that this isn't to happen again. It was awkward to have to do that, but I feel so much better now. And, much better now that I know I'm not the only one who would not stand for it! Thanks again, ladies!

[sandra902]

does this guy work?

 

time to take your house back.

[judygram]

Yes I'm sure it was awkward for you, but it had to be done and you will feel so much better for it, glad your hubby stood by you on all this, that helps tremendously. You go girl!!!!!B)

[lovemyGreys]

Not much to add ! im with all the other guys on this one Be firm, stand your ground

[danmcq]

You did the right thing in addressing this issue Laurie!

 

It's your and hubbies house and you guy's set the House rules. If someone does not respect them, then they are no longer welcome. You still love them, bit that does not mean you want them to live with you :-)

 

Hopefully your hubby gave his brohter a good talking to also.

[Laurie]

Yes, Dan - I think you hit it on the head. It's hard to let someone know you don't like something they're doing without making it sound like it's them you don't like.

Sandra - he does work now, but he's coming off a stretch of unemployment, so he's trying to get on his feet. As tempting as it is to charge rent, we'd rather he save his money so he can get into his own place all the sooner!

[Guest briansmum]

go you for sitting him down and telling him whats what! lets hope he doesn't test your patience anymore. and i understand what you said about not charging rent so he can save his money, thats actually a good move.

 

bet it feels good to feel at home in your home again.

[sandra902]

set a nice timetable miss laurie, it should only take a few paychecks til he has escrow + first month's rent.

[Laurie]

Thanks again for letting me vent and for backing me up!