Some Questions and Concerns About Bonding

[Saskia]

Hello All,

 

This is my first post on the forum. I have been thinking seriously about getting a Timnah grey for a long time, and just when I thought I had made the decision to go ahead, I saw a documentary called "Parrot Confidential." I'm sure many here, being bird lovers, have heard of it. Well, it was about the most heartbreaking thing I have ever seen, and even though I could never be one of those people who gets a bird as a novelty and then just disposes of it when it becomes inconvenient, there were a few things in the film that have given me pause.

 

First, I have heard, both in the film and elsewhere, that the bond a parrot forms with its human is a mating bond, and that in the wild, a bird is almost never separated from its bonded mate. This is concerning for me, because even with the most conscientious human who spends many hours a day with their grey, it is just never going to be the same as what the bird would get in the wild with another closely bonded member of its own species. Is the bird going to be truly happy like this? What about the physical mating urge . . . how present is it, and how much stress does it cause the animal to have the desire to reproduce and never be able to do so?

 

For that matter, do those here actually agree with that premise: that the bond between parrot and human, as far as the bird is concerned, is a mating bond? Because before researching the subject and reading tons of articles by animal psychologists, parrot behaviorist, etc., I always just thought of it as a "flock" bond, a filial bond, and for that one special person, maybe, from the bird's perspective, a substitute for the mating bond. I would love to hear what actual bird owners have to say about this.

 

I guess this issue worries me because it is one thing to have a cat or a dog that is fixed and domesticated . . . those animals need humans to survive, and not having their reproductive hormones intact, they don't feel much urge to reproduce or even seek out members of their own species. They think of us as their parents, their pack, their family. But for such an intelligent and complex creature as an African Grey, I am simply afraid of having a vital part of the animal's psyche (by which I mean the physical urge, AND the emotional desire for an ever-present mate) repressed and unattended to in this way. I think for an animal like this to be unhappy or feel like it was missing something out of life just because I wanted to keep it with me in my home would be very tragic.

 

I hope I don't offend anyone with the previous sentence, I'm not suggesting anyone else is doing that. I just need some insight into this topic from people who know these animals best. I would love to hear your opinions on the subject.

 

Thanks.

[Ray P]

Hi Saskia and welcome to the grey forum.

I also saw the documentary Parrot confidential a number of times and it is heartbreaking.

It`s good to see someone take the time to try and understand the parrots point of view. You are the kind of person that would make a good companion for a grey.

When you take on a grey you become their flock and you can have some very strong bonds.

Parrots do have a mating season just like dogs and cats and each parrot acts in there own way, but in the end it`s you they want to be with.

My Congo grey Corky is very well socialized and will and will interact with most people.

People she don`t like are the same people I don't like

A well socialized and bonded parrot is a happy parrot and a joy to be around.

Corky has also traveled all over the U.S. with us and enjoys going places with us

If you love them forever, they will love you forever.

[Greywings]

You are showing how much you care about doing the right things in choosing to live with a feathered companion. There is much information on this site about how to avoid stimulating any sexual behaviors and still have a great interaction with a Grey or other parrots. You might look into volunteering with a Parrot rescue or Sanctuary to get first hand knowledge and experience observing the interactions the different birds have with each other and with their care takers. I think this could be most helpful for you and will influence your decision making. I do volunteer at the local Sanctuary every weekend and find it very therapeutic and often gain more insight into the lives of the feathered. I think you will make a great "Parront."

[bluedawg]

Hello Saskia, and welcome to the forum. I also watched Parrot confidential several times and find it so informative and also humbling and at first I did feel deeply ashamed of my decision to keep a parrot as a pet/companion. On the flip side and there has to be one since I am already committed for life to my feathered friend, being aware of the issues and how very special they are goes a long way to making someone a good candidate to help alleviate the huge problem of finding responsible, knowledgeable forever homes for unwanted parrots out there today by adopting a grey who needs a good home. Of course living a natural wild life would be ideal but short of that, there are many souls out there for whom that is not an option and a loving home is not a bad second choice. The show and articles like this one: http://magazine.africageographic.com...hades-of-grey/ prompted me to seriously start researching what I could do to help and members here gave me some good ideas as well. So while we do "own" parrots, we can also love them and care deeply about doing the right thing for them and their kind. I do hope you decide to adopt a parrot in need of a home. Also, consider that they live a long time I've heard all different numbers but can range from 40 - 70 years so adoption allows you to get an age appropriate bird so that your bird does not outlive you and again need to be re-homed when you are gone. All things to consider.

 

So far I have seen no signs that Miss Dayo is unhappy. She plays constantly, eats well and has a personality that I just adore. Of course I do live in a big bird cage, meaning she has lots of places to hang out and puzzle toys / foraging toys to keep her mind occupied and of course she is fully flighted (No wing clipping). When I go out I leave the TV on for her and I make sure to spend quality interactive time with her in the morning and in the evening. I do go out to work and school so she is at home without me for hours at a time during the day but the TV and the company of the dog and the cat seams to be doing the trick. I am glad you are here discussing this.

 

-Best,

Mary & Dayo

Edited January 8, 2015 by bluedawg

[bluedawg]

P.S. Here is an earlier thread I had started on the topic and some input from a few people who have opened their homes and hearts to those in need... http://www.greyforums.net/forums/showthread.php?202219-Why-adopt-a-rescue-rather-buying-from-a-pet-store-or-breeder

[Saskia]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I feel considerably better. For me, the only issue is the bird's happiness, and from what I am hearing, it is not as difficult to have a happy parrot as that documentary implied. I am still glad the film painted the picture it did since it will certainly dissuade people who are not suitable parrot owners from buying a bird, but I think it is also dissuading good parrot owners as well! Of course, better that than the alternative.

 

As far as the mating issue, if it is indeed seasonal and not a constant thing, then it shouldn't present as much of a problem as I thought.

 

I would love to adopt a rescue bird, and will almost certainly do it in the future, but my current situation will not allow for the degree of unpredictability I am afraid one would introduce. You see, I also have a five year old son, and I worry that having a large bird I did not not raise from a baby might create problems. For that matter, I'm not even sure I can do it WITH a bird I raise myself; I need to get some more information about whether it would be a good idea.

 

Actually, my son is the last remaining factor that I need to consider before I make this decision. But that's another thread. I think I will go start it now.

 

Thanks again!