Bonding at 4?

[Shara62]

So.... ever since Willie my almost 4 year old CAG has been able to see my new baby (Whose name has become Betty Boop) he has been eyeing her and fluttering his wings at her. She of course as a baby at 6 months has been totally oblivious. Willie has never bonded closely to anyone in our family although he is friendliest to me. He is a very smart and high strung bird. Well the other day I thought that perhaps he was wagging his wings at me. Since my chair is next to the baby cage across the room from him, I though maybe I had misinterpreted his actions. When I walk closer to his cage or to the side of his cage he stops fluttering his wings but follows me. He also seems to want more head scritches. It would be great if he became more friendly or bonded to me. What are your interpretations of his body language?

[JeffNOK]

Shara62: Greys have their own time for everything and I believe the bond can grow throughout a lifetime. I recently posted about my grey bonding more closely with me in recent weeks. She is 2 and half. I am happy things are progressing well.

[katana600]

Our Miss Gilbert is a rehomed Timneh African Grey and we believe she is somewhere around ten years old and with us for three. She has come a long way after sitting frozen like a sentinel for two years with us and reportedly similar withdrawal through 2 1/2 years with a former caregiver. In recent months she has taken a big interest in my husband and at first I thought she was going to bond with him and be his buddy. It's so hard to tell what they are thinking but lately I have more reason to believe she is engaged and energetic with him because he is taking my attention when he is home. He travels extensively for work and is usually home late at night. That is when she goes into high gear and says new things. She seems to be trying to entice him to her but then she rebuffs him if he comes close. Lately I am wondering if she is secretly looking at him as a rival for the attention that she gets from me. If the two of us go to the kitchen she can still see us but she performs and gets louder and louder. Willie may love you deeply but may be a little shy or coy your first instinct that he is looking for your attention may be on the mark. Whatever the reason, take the opportunity to offer him treats, praise, new toys and whatever attention he is able to tolerate. Gil is starting to accept toys and foods that she rejected twenty times or more so I just look at any interest as an opportunity to try again.

[Shara62]

Katana, I think you might be right. Willie only seems to act that way when I sit in the chair next to baby Betty. I think he is jealous and trying to get my attention. Today I gave him some extra attention and treats. He may be feeling left out although I try to give them all the same amount of attention they had before Betty joined us.

[judygram]

Shara, when you tend to your birds always keep Willie first in everything, first out of cage, first fed, first spoken to and so forth so he knows his place, they can get very jealous and by ensuring that he always comes first will help him deal with having to share you with another grey.

[Shara62]

I try to give my other two birds attention before I go near the baby (although it is so tough to do that, a new baby is so exciting!) but I am probably not giving them quite as much time as before. I'll try to pay more attention to that. Thanks!

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I'm thinking different.I think Willie is definitely interested in the baby! Encourage that... safely. Let willie see you care for baby in front of his cage. Let him know what you are doing for baby. I just have a feeling, Willie is NOT jealous, but curious. Nancy

[katana600]

Regardless of intrique or emotion, a combination or many other factors, I believe you will find a way to take advantage of Willie's interest and build your bond through opportunity. All our flock and family benefit from the ebb and flow that is the dance of our ever changing life. My baby days are well passed but I so look forward to grandchildren that will know Miss Gilbert from their earliest memories and someday one of them may be the perfect person to join me in the love of all things grey and feathered. You have some wonderful times ahead watching your little girl, "Betty Boop" grow and who knows, maybe in a few fleeting years she will be the one Willie loves best. I appreciate you being part of our forum and look forward to how this plays out over time.

[Shara62]

Thank you Katana. : )

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

Shara62... Katana600 said it best. I apologize for not discussing furthur with you my thoughts.Willie is liking the new baby. Sometimes it takes something new in their life, to make a life altering change to the family dynamics. While all my birds and dogs have a favorite within our family... this always created the development of each one of our animals to feel like we were all a pack, and they all learned to love the entire family.If Willie is loving the new baby, encourage the interaction. The common denominator is YOU!You win by having a new relationship with baby, and Willie sharing the bonding experiences as well. It is a chain reaction. Next family member bonds with new baby, Willie will observe and decide " well I guess they are not so bad!" Your new baby is Willie's " achilles heel!" African Greys are such complex creatures. They absolutely don't think like us, or should I say, WE don't think like them. Once we got Sophie to stop biting after six months of adopting her at age two, I decided to " listen" to her. Of course I always listened to her, but I mean really listen. Analyze her behavior. I discovered it didn't take much to upset her, but I also discovered it didn't take much to make her happy. We found the balance. Nancy

[katana600]

This is one of the things I like best about our forum. Everyone has a unique take and perspective and when we share our thoughts they add up or come together at just the right point for the next person to take some or all and think about their grey and what will suit the situation best. Every grey, every home, every day is a learning experience. There were things I read early on that didn't help Miss Gilbert at the time, but later someone may have mentioned it and we tried it again and that day it was magical. It really does take a village to figure out what these complex and wonderful companions are doing sometimes. Miss Gilbert seems to be reading ahead of me, I just scramble and try to keep up. LOL.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

katana600.. from what I have learned about you, I suspect miss Gilbert has learned as well. She will keep her cards close to her chest. She knows you keep her safe and she can trust you. Nancy

[katana600]

Thank you Nancy. Miss Gilbert is writing her memoirs "1,083 days studying my captor. Have found some soft spots I can use in my takeover plan. It will take a long time, she seems simple and difficult to train. I am certain I can outwait her." Life with a grey is a series of challenges. I am sure they are keeping notes on us. I would love to hear more as Willie figures out how to use the newcomer to reach his goals. Gil's most recent caregiver gave birth to her fourth child just after taking her in. When we have a quiet moment at night and Gil wants a head scratch she will stop and look at me, then cry like the baby. It's the only time I hear that and it is just precious the way she uses it.