Behavior Change When Visiting Family

[JeffNOK]

My CAG Gracie is a sweet gentle grey when we are at home. She isn't perfect by any means, but she never bites or acts too obstinate. When we go to my parents house, she changes somewhat. During the holiday season, Gracie and I spent a lot of time at my parents' house. She seems to love the attention from family members and the big house with high ceilings for flying. The thing is, that she is nippy and kind of grouchy when we are there. I don't interfere with Gracie's freedom much, but sometimes I have to remove her from forbidden places or have her step up to go to bed at night. Inevitably she will nip me. Sometimes those nips are hard pinches that break the skin. She steps up happily, but as I move her she bites me, sometimes more than once, and says with defiance, "Gracie bite! Ouchie!" Sometimes she adds, "I'm sorry."--but it is far from a sincere apology. With my mother she is a grouch after a while. At first she seems excited and happy, but after a few hours when my mom gets close, Gracie strikes at a toy or her perch and admonishes, "Ah-ah!" like she is saying "This is my space woman!". She even struck at my mom's glasses when she refreshed her water bowl. She seems to like my father a lot, but she gets grouchy with him too and nips (although not hard). In the past, she always let my father put her to bed, but now she steps up but flies off back to her play stand. I am now the only one who can return her to her cage (with a few bites as part of the package). With the dog, it has gotten odd. She has been dive bombing him and tries to land on his head. It isn't aggressive, but it seems Gracie wants to engage him more than I am comfortable with. The dog (a small toy breed) is bewildered and confused by this. We end up caging Gracie for a time out and sometimes put the dog in another room. The dog and bird relationship is well supervised and someone is always there to prevent anything from happening, but it is worrisome nonetheless. Now Gracie and I are back home, and she is back to her sweet self. No more nips, bites, or grouchy behavior. The docile princess has returned. Is she just overstimulated? Showing off? Anxious? Just a Brat at the grandparents? Your thoughts are appreciated.

[SRSeedBurners]

Sounds like very similar behviour as when our Greycie gets mad. She gets nippy and obnoxious and strikes at things and plays angrily with her rope toys. My guess is Gracie is pissed about not being at home. We're dealing with a situation right now where apparently Toby did something to Greycie and she's been a real pain in the tail for the last two days. She's bent on making him pay and is just generally in a pissy mood.

Edited January 7, 2014 by SterlingSL

[BaileysPapa]

It's probably a combination of things. Not being home, not being the center of your attention, everyone's excitement of the holidays or vacation, and just like all the rest of our birds: being a brat! Since she calms down once home, I wouldn't worry about it. But, I also wouldn't expect any different behavior other times away from home.

[JeffNOK]

You know it is interesting that you say Gracie may be pissed that she is not at home. I know she likes my family, and I want to keep her socialized and open to new things, but when we get ready to go to my parents' house, Gracie resists going into her travel cage. I tell her where we are going and she steps up, but flies off over and over again before finally getting in her travel cage. Sometimes it take 15 attempts for her to go in. This last time I actually put the travel cage in the bathroom where she really couldn't fly off to get her in. Interestingly, when it is time to go home, she goes right in the cage without a fuss. She says, "Go to Gracie's house. Bye Bye!" and happily enters her cage--no muss no fuss no nips. You may be on to something, but I don't want her "homebound" and always surrounded by the familiar. I have also noticed that she is becoming more wary of new toys and objects. It takes her much longer than before to accept and be accustomed to novel things. I don't want her to get set in her ways. She is just two and a half. I want her to keep her adventurous spirit.

[SRSeedBurners]

For me it's a comfort that they like to get stuck in their ruts. Sometimes I get a little depressed that all these birds have to do is get up and go through the exact same routine everyday: poop, eat, morning screechy time/pterrordactyl practice, preen, play with toys, preen, eat, afternoon ciesta, eat, evening screechy and the fight against going to bed. They love it all except that last part. Once they get stuck in their familiar little rut they kind of want it to keep going that way. Greycie doesn't like bike rides, car rides, going places etc. Toby loves car rides but the Grey's seem to like the status quo.

[JeffNOK]

This may be off the topic, but I wanted to address two of Gracie's vocalizations that I mentioned in my original post: "Ouchie" and "I'm sorry".

 

You might think that Gracie learned "ouchie" from me as a reaction to a bite, but the story behind that is very different and very interesting. In my research on parrots and biting before I got Gracie, I read that it is best not to react to a bite because those emotional reactions can reinforce the biting behavior. I never say ouch or "ouchie" when bitten. The origin of that word relates to my parents' dog. Several months ago my parents' dog had surgery to remove some pre-cancerous vascular lesions. When Gracie and I went to visit, I showed her the dog's wounds and stitches and said "Barkleah has an ouchie". She saw the raw skin and noticed his pain moving around. Later when she bit me, she said "ouchie". Somehow she associated the word with pain, which she somehow perceived when looking at the dog's post-surgery wounds. And she knew she had inflicted pain on me, so she used the word associated with pain. This was after I used the word only a few times.

 

With "I'm sorry", Gracie only heard that phrase when I did something that disturbed her. Maybe I bumped her cage or her perch or maybe I dropped something that made a loud noise that sent her flying. I never said I'm sorry in relation to anything she did to me. I never demanded an apology or used that phrase responding to her behavior. But Gracie must have understood that since I said "I'm sorry" when I did something that bothered her, she would do the same when she knew she had done something that bothered me. In both cases Gracie showed an amazing ability to empathize and understand the mind of another and apply it.

 

So when Gracie says "Gracie Bite! Ouchie! I'm sorry." It is not some rote response. It was constructed based on observation of several very different complex situations.

 

In both cases Gracie had to get into the mind of another sentient being and apply it with regard to her actions and how she expected the other would react. At some level Gracie must have the understanding that other beings have a state of mind similar to her own. Others feel pain--others get fearful or bothered. I would never have believed that was possible with any animal-even great apes or cetaceans unless I had witnessed it.

 

Most people don't believe me when I share these stories. They would accuse me of anthropomorphic-delusions of the first order--but I will swear on a stack of Bibles that what I have shared is 100% true--so help me.

[murfchck]

No reason not to believe you! Your little miss is a smarty pants, lol.

I feel the same that she is in her happy place at home and at her age is just trying to get her way. I would keep doing what you have been and she will, in time, cave so to speak. She is in her terrible twos after all. :-) Feeling her oats, testing the waters and her bounderies.

[danmcq]

I know she likes my family, and I want to keep her socialized and open to new things, but when we get ready to go to my parents' house, Gracie resists going into her travel cage. I tell her where we are going and she steps up, but flies off over and over again before finally getting in her travel cage. Sometimes it take 15 attempts for her to go in. This last time I actually put the travel cage in the bathroom where she really couldn't fly off to get her in.

 

She probably does like your family. But would prefer to see them in her home, not theirs. She is no longer the docile baby of just a few months old to a year old. She is in her two's and is exercising her will stronger than ever and using her best physical and verbal ways of letting you know she has no desire to go to your parents house. As you know, a grey has every inch of your home mapped out and is comfortable and confident in it. She knows and expects the routines and times they happen through out the day and evening. When she goes to your parents house everything is different. The schedule, the sights, sounds, people and interactions. To say she would be anxious and not her normal self is just the tip of the iceberg of whats going on in her brain as it analyzes everything in real time. If you could take a pet scan it would look like a lighting storm going in there. Of all the parrot species, greys do not like change, stick solely to their flock and reject all others. So in a nutshell, Gracie is a normal grey.

 

Interestingly, when it is time to go home, she goes right in the cage without a fuss. She says, "Go to Gracie's house. Bye Bye!" and happily enters her cage--no muss no fuss no nips.

 

You expected anything less?

Edited January 7, 2014 by danmcq

[danmcq]

So when Gracie says "Gracie Bite! Ouchie! I'm sorry." It is not some rote response. It was constructed based on observation of several very different complex situations.

 

In both cases Gracie had to get into the mind of another sentient being and apply it with regard to her actions and how she expected the other would react. At some level Gracie must have the understanding that other beings have a state of mind similar to her own. Others feel pain--others get fearful or bothered. I would never have believed that was possible with any animal-even great apes or cetaceans unless I had witnessed it.

 

Most people don't believe me when I share these stories. They would accuse me of anthropomorphic-delusions of the first order--but I will swear on a stack of Bibles that what I have shared is 100% true--so help me.

 

Only us grey owners know this to be true. As you state, the rest of the non-grey owning world unfortunately and errantly believes we are liars or insane when we speak of the intellect and cognizance of our greys. Thanks for sharing this. I love hearing of Gracie!

[katana600]

We have had kind of the opposite response taking Gil to see family. She loves the travel, the new home, the new people and even though she is confined to a smaller cage and less freedom than she would have at home, she is happier and more engaged. One thing I have noticed is that I am getting the cold shoulder from her while we are in a new environment and she postures and asks other family members to "rescue" her from me. I think she gets kind of put out by the hours I keep. Both sides of our extended family live in the same area, we are the ones to have moved from the homestead. So, we are busy visiting and coming and going. Earlier trips, we had Gil more secluded and kept in my room for her safety and so she could have more freedom out of her cage etc. This recent trip, she did so much better to be in the middle of things but kept in her cage the whole time. It makes me wonder of with Gracie, like Gil, she is more quiet and reserved and its a little like kids on a sugar high when they get overstimulated. Maybe try a short weekend with your family and keep Gracie confined except for a visit with you behind closed doors at bed time and see if that gives her a little security as well as a little social contact. Maybe backing down the contact and confrontations trying to get her back in her cage while visiting "grandma" just for a few visits could change the dynamics. I really can't blame her for getting a little edgy when she has to share you with everyone else.... I find myself getting irritable when I have to share my hubby while getting pulled in ten directions at once after being just the two of us at home for months in between. Just kidding, I share nice... but sometimes do feel like giving someone a quick chomp just to keep them on their toes.

[JeffNOK]

In some ways Gracie sees my parents as part of her flock when we visit, and she gets stressed when people come and go and leave her line of sight. I live in a small condo, and when I'm home with Gracie we are always together. When I visit my parents, my mother and father come and go and she doesn't like it. She flies after them, tries to land on their heads, sometimes flies into their bedroom if the door isn't closed. She wants to keep everyone together and when that doesn't happen it stresses her. When we sit down to a meal, and seem to be ignoring her, she sometimes circles the table and flies low over everyone's head.

[katana600]

They have the ability to have complex thinking, its hard to keep up. As Gracie is becoming more mature it will be interesting to see this as a passing phase as she becomes more aware that when someone is not next to her, they are still there. Slowly and surely, you will help Gracie make the transition from her life in your home to your visits with your parents. She has such a great relationship with you that she will help you figure out what she is trying to tell you with the behavior change she is experiencing at your parents. All of us with kids have definitely seen the same things when our kids are out of their familiar place. There is so much to be gained by the interaction with extended family that a little adjustment is worth it.