serious dilema

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I'm not even sure what help to ask, as I am use to dealing with issues all on my own,,, Ryan my 22 year old son, is coming home for Christmas. He got a rescue dog a year ago. Half Pitt half Lab. I told him, the dog would have to go to dad's and live there. Ryan was okay with that. Now the dog needs Knee surgery ( which of course I will need to pay, and will). He wants the dog to recover here. That will mean closing the bird room which I don't think is fair to Sophie. Ryan just feels his baby will recover better here, I know she will, but I really care more about Sophie! Nancy

[Inara]

Taking on the stewardship of any companion animal can carry a heavy weight, as you are so acutely aware. Sometimes that means that we miss out on things, situations, and even vacations if one of them becomes ill. At 22, Ryan is an adult, and if he needs to bring his dog with him during recovery, then I would suggest that he crates his buddy and when not crated exercises him on a leash. It is your home, and his companion is his responsibility not yours. It may be a tough lesson for him to learn about the weight of responsibility, but it's one that can never come too soon. If this is not workable, then he needs to stay home with his buddy, which certainly would be sad for the two of you to not be together during Christmas vacation.

 

A lot would depend on how far away Ryan lives from you, and if he has already made travel arrangements, etc. Brainstorm ahead of time and then offer him a couple of choices that you and Sophie can live with, but at his age, he needs to choose whether or not he can accept the option(s) you offer, even if that means staying home until his buddy recuperates.

 

Keep in mind, I'm a pretty cut and dried kind of mom so YMMV You give such great advice to so many of us here, Nancy, what would you say to one of us under the same circumstances? It's OK for you to say that to yourself.

 

EDIT: A very timely post and question, Nancy, as vacations and holidays are filled with "what kind of arrangement(s) shall we make" situations.

Edited November 25, 2013 by Inara

[Mistyparrot]

Does the dog regard itself as a member of your family? Dogs often have strong instincts for both attacking small animals but they will also instinctively protect any family member. Can the dog not be trusted under supervision? Do you really think Sophie would be that resentful? Are there no safe ways to compromise? Of course you have to put Sophie's safety first but is your sons dog such a risk? ( My "?" key is wearing out!) Of course you never want jealous animals in each others faces but maybe dog and parrot can come to an accommodation. I think you have more than enough smarts to come to a solution that will work out well.

 

 

Steve n Misty

[SRSeedBurners]

Dad to a 19 year old - with a cat:

 

Use a crate. We crate our two mutts, not because we feel they're a danger to the birds, but because they won't stop wrestling in the house. Our cat is not allowed to roam free with the birds unsupervised. In my house - the birds are #1 priority and everyone knows it. If they don't like it, wife: I'll move out and take my birds with me; daughter: if she doesn't like it, she can get out.

Edited November 25, 2013 by SterlingSL

[Muse]

I agree with SterlingSL - crate or confine the dog. Dogs often like to 'den up' when stressed so the dog may actually be better off. Is the son going to be staying there with the dog during the recovery, so that he could give the dog some "out" time, like walks, as permitted following the surgery, of course? Has the dog ever been around birds (or any other small animals)?

[BaileysPapa]

If you are paying for the surgery, and putting both of them up in your home, I don't think that asking him to keep the dog crated is unreasonable. Besides, as said already, stressed dogs like to feel secure by being in a "den". And, the vet may want to limit the dog's activity while healing. And, they are both guests in Sophie's house! No? She should get first consideration.

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I had thought his dad, whom makes three times my salary would help for the surgery. He told Ryan... " Put the dog down!" I can't say the word that comes to mind! I will pay for the surgery. I thought Ryan could jump back and forth with our home and his dads. NOT going to happen! I have a crate for the dog... just don't want to stress her. I have never even met her. I can close Sophie's bird room and make sure Ryan hangs in there 50% of his time. When I get home... We can put Callie in the crate so Sophie can come out. I also took a week of vacation when Ryan comes home. Sucks that I thought Ryan could go to his dads 50% of the time. Ryan actually called me today crying. He LOVES his baby. It is Ryan's home too. I've got to work it out with Sophie and Callie 50% each. I don't have the time to introduce each other and develop the trust. I don't think I have heard Ryan cry for years! I felt soooo sorry for him. He is just an animal lover. Nancy

[MKparrot]

Nancy, it seems to me that you have to make reasonable compromise. It is not about dogs and parrots - it is all about your Ryan. You will sacrifice your (and your parrot's) comfort for a while. Sophie's room will be closed part time and part time the dog will be crate. Ryan will watch over his dog (probably the dog will be limping and lying, not running around, most the time while recovery) you will watch over Sophie and most off all you will enjoy Ryan's presence that seems you love so much. Chin up Nancy, don't worry - be happy for Ryan's presence at your home :):)

[Inara]

I had thought his dad, whom makes three times my salary would help for the surgery. He told Ryan... " Put the dog down!" I can't say the word that comes to mind! I will pay for the surgery. I thought Ryan could jump back and forth with our home and his dads. NOT going to happen! I have a crate for the dog... just don't want to stress her. I have never even met her. I can close Sophie's bird room and make sure Ryan hangs in there 50% of his time. When I get home... We can put Callie in the crate so Sophie can come out. I also took a week of vacation when Ryan comes home. Sucks that I thought Ryan could go to his dads 50% of the time. Ryan actually called me today crying. He LOVES his baby. It is Ryan's home too. I've got to work it out with Sophie and Callie 50% each. I don't have the time to introduce each other and develop the trust. I don't think I have heard Ryan cry for years! I felt soooo sorry for him. He is just an animal lover. Nancy

 

Looks like you've come to the solution. It is so frustrating when the other parent refuses to share the load. As for his suggestion to "Put the dog down!" I'm sure there are a lot of us here who would have a few choice words with which to bend his ear. Ryan sounds like he takes after his mama in the compassion department, and I'm sure he will do everything he can to help ensure that both you and Sophie have a peaceful time while he and Callie visit. You certainly won't, as you've said, have time to work out bird/dog trust due to the limited amount of time, and especially if Callie is going to be in discomfort. Ryan's emotional response speaks well to who he is as a person, and to the example you have set for him, Nancy.

 

I'm confident that you all will work it out and the worry will probably far outweigh the reality. {{HUGS}}

 

[danmcq]

Wow, "put the dog down". That's whats wrong with people in this throw away world. They include all types of pets in that category. Just infuriates me every time I hear that. Your a great person and mother to take the responsibility for your son and set the standard for him to follow.

 

As others have said, the crate is best in this situation. After knee surgery, I suspect the dog will be on limited exercise until that heals anyway. But, a mutual agreement as already discussed here be others on this topic is a win-win for both of you. Good luck in this Nancy and god bless you for upholding the stewardship we humans are charged with and need to maintain on critters we tame and/or bring in to our homes.

[BaileysPapa]

I hope I didn't come off too severe in my response. Of course it is Ryan's home, too. And you are his Mom, and will (and should) do whatever is best for you both. Just wait until they arrive to settle the arrangements. I know a loving family will take care of all members in an amicable and compromising way. Enjoying your son's visit is the most important issue here.

[Luvparrots]

A crate that is large enough for the dog to turn around in and watch the action in the room is the way I would go at first. Sophie can be outside the crate and get use to having the dog around while doggie is recuperating. Dog in crate, parrot outside watching dog heal. Then once the dog is no longer in pain, I would see how having them out together goes. Both will be use to each other by then.

[Mistyparrot]

………….(probably the dog will be …... lying, not running around, most the time …….

 

I am pretty sure from my experience with dogs that they are incapable of telling lies! I am not so sure about Greys though!

 

Steve n Misty

[kins2321@yahoo.com]

I have a crate that is HUGE! Callie will do just fine in it. I am feeling more happy today. Ryan as well. I've got my confident attitude back. ( Thanks all!), I've talked to Ryan several times today. We are working together long distance on Callie's surgery, as well as discussing our plan to make Sophie safe, and considering Callie's needs. We are a GREAT team, always have been, as proven how fantastic our birds and dogs are. You have been soooo helpful! LOVE you guys!

BaileysPapa I didn't think negative at all what you said... Took to heart your advice. It had merit! Don't EVER worry about what you say. Say what you believe. THATS whats great about this site. We become a family! We argue, disagree, and absolutely refuse to listen at times. Sounds like a typical family to me. Always feel comfortable with your opinion. Stick with it, even if you find yourself " the only one!" I have been outnumbered soo many times... I don't change my mind. Thats ok. Its what works for my family. We don't judge... just argue our point! LOL! Nancy