JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 We just got Dolly home. Rehomed. She has been cage bound for many years. She is 7. Luckily she has NOT pulled her feathers out because she has been ignored for so long. The previous owners said she bites...she does. She wants me to scratch her head then she bites if you if you reach for her. I am talking gentle to her and I don't expect miracles but I don't know what to expect. She has every feather fluffed on her head and neck...this is bad right? I've ordered books and have been reading every post on this sight...and I'm sure I'm the only one with a NEW GREY that doesn't know what the heck they are doing..right? LOL I welcome all the help I can get to do right by her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbersmom Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hello and welcome! Your Dolly sounds a lot like my Timber. He was five when I rehomed him last year (June, 2012). He had not been abused so much as neglected in a busy household. The feather fluffing can mean different things. Timber usually does that when he is relaxed, but it can have other meanings. The toughest thing for me was putting all the body language together to understand what I was seeing. Like Dolly, Timber would act like he wanted a scratch, but then would bite. In his case, I found that he really did want to be scratched, but couldn't bring himself to trust me initially. I started by scratching his head when he was inside the cage (carefully and with the bars between us). He was more receptive right before time to go to sleep. We've progressed to now, and he will sit on my arm, drop his beak on my stomach and let me scratch to my heart's content. With most greys, it is a matter of giving them time to deem you trustworthy. Feel free to ask specific questions and people here are glad to share their experiences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Congrats on bringing Dolly home but just take a deep breath and relax for your stressing out will only cause Dolly to react unfavorably, back off and take it slow and easy. Yes she is doing the sucker punch, she draws you in with wanting a scratch but then quickly whips the head around and bites. I would give her a little space for now and let her settle into her new home, she needs time to become familiar with her new surroundings and being cage bound she is experiencing lots of new things. Let her decide when to come out of her cage, talk softly to her and let her make the first move. An older bird will take longer to come to trust you and that trust has to be earned. Be sure to read the Gilbert is Home thread as it is about another grey that has traveled the same road as Dolly, her experiences will be very helpful to you in the coming weeks, months and years. Remember this is something that is not going to happen overnight so be very patient with Dolly as she emerges from her shell and blossoms into the lovely grey she was always meant to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffNOK Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 You are very welcome here and certainly not the first person to get a new grey who still has lots of questions. Not by a long shot. The advice given above is right on the mark, so I won't add to it. Relax, take a few breaths, and envision yourself some time down the road with a close warm bond with your grey. Can't wait to hear how things progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I would suspect the changes in Dolly's life have scared her at least as much as it has you. The first day home with any big commitment including my husband, children and parrots was a morning awakening to think "What have I done?" and "Now what?" It all turned out okay and although my first response was to try to improve Gilbert/Gilda's life, she just needed me to be consistent and predictable. The ruffled feathers are just what you thought, a sign of distress. She is making herself look really big and scary to keep you at a distance. As much as you want to give her affection and open her life to all you have to offer, she will have an adjustment period and you are about to learn what "grey time" means. The less you advance, the more she will move toward you. Sit near her, talk to her and tell her all about how her life is going to be when you are friends. If you watch her carefully, she will let you know your boundaries and before you know it you will be posting advice to other newcomers. Thanks so much for joining our forum and for bringing Dolly into your life, and ours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hi Katana...I am doing just what you said sitting and talking to her. We have an open floor plan so she can see into family room and kitchen all at the same time. I put a toy in her cage this morning (maybe it was too soon) and she seriously went into attack mode on me. Also while sitting and talking to her, she put her head down by the cage bars for scritches and when I slowly move to her she bites HARD...again maybe to soon? The previous owners mentioned that she wouldn't let them touch her either, Dolly would do the same thing. Is this a habit that is unbreakable? I laughed when I read "what have I done"...that is exactly the same thought I just had last night. She also just sits in the same spot on this rough thick perch until she eats....normal? She is making squeak and microwave noises now...even to me that's a good sign. I seriously have never been so insecure ever...I really really want her to be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbersmom Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 It is really early days yet in grey time. They just aren't like any other species I have dealt with. Most have only two speeds when it comes to trust and interaction, slow and slower. You are doing all the right things, just be patient and give her time. On the other hand, you need to speed up your reaction time. When she lowers her head for a scratch, be ready to move as soon as you see any movement from her. Good luck and God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hi Timbersmom! She is chirping and whistling now so that's good? I will go slow with her and let her call the shots. I found out she was purchased from a flea market pet store. oh boy. I can't imagine. I have always got my cockatiels from a breeder who lovingly raised them. I'm praying she feels the love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 I want to say thank you to everyone. I sincerely don't feel alone and cherish the warm welcome and all the wonderful advise. I really need you all! Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdhouse Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 A Grey's body language can be very challenging to learn sometimes. But in the absence of facial expressions (eye pinning aside), it's the most important aid to understanding what's going on in that little feathered head. I think one of the top 3 best bits of advice anyone can give a new parront is read everything possible & learn how it applies to your fid's body language. Hopefully, this will help get you started. http://www.greyforums.net/forums/showthread.php?109373-Body-language-most-frequently-seen For right now, you can't be trusted. Accept that & you'll cut your issues down immensely. So, would you want some humongous scary giant creature to grab you by the the neck? Uhh, NO!! Head dipping *can* be a request for a scritch. But sometimes it's just a submissive posture. Sometimes it's also an opportunity to lure someone in for an easy sucker bite. Might be better to put scritches on hold until you're not such a scary beast. lol Btw, my guys don't like scritches at all. So try not to be disappointed if Dolly just doesn't ever get into them. Also, the toy was really a nice thought. But Greys are famous for not accepting new things. Dolly's already on guard in her new surroundings so it's not surprising that she freaked. It's usually a good idea to offer any new cage item in stages. Calmly show Dolly TheNewThing from a nice safe distance. Then put it where she can see it for a while. Once she's ignoring TheNewThing (which can take hours, days or weeks), move it maybe a third the distance closer to the cage. Repeat until Dolly's totally unconcerned w/TheNewThing. And by the time you finally put it in the cage, put it in the bottom half of the cage initially because new things overhead can be perceived as even more threatening. Also important to act like TheNewThing is NoBigDealAtALL. I know that takes some of the fun out of it. But it's the best chance to avoid drama & rejection. It might be easier & more helpful to offer foot toys for the moment. See how Dolly feels about buttons, straws, bits of safe wood like popsicle sticks, clean plastic bottle caps, etc. These aren't as threatening & you can hand them in thru the bars while she can feel safe inside. That will help her get more used to being closer to big scary beasts, too. If Dolly was really upset she'd be still & silent because Greys are prey animals. Those instincts would tell her to hide. So the chirping & whistling is a very good sign! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hi Jeff...Thank you...I am going to post my progress with Dolly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Birdhouse...thank you! I have ordered several recommended books from Amazon. I would have done this PRIOR to getting Dolly but this was a take her now or she is going to the pound situation so we had to act fast. I will do as you say with the toys. I guess I wanted to her to have all the things she didn't all at once. I will take it slow and I am so glad to know that her chitters whistles answering machine beebs and SMOKE ALARM sounds are a good sign. I think the last owner must have burnt a lot of food. Everyone has been such a blessing on this site for someone like me. I don't feel alone in this journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 What exactly does crouching head forward wings slightly out to the side mean? When my Cockatiels did it they were excited to see me...Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdhouse Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 LOL One time someone on TV whistled a 15 second bit of classical music. Phenix liked it so much that he whistled it back perfectly after he heard it that one time. Really helpful hint: Greys don't need to hear sounds very many times to learn them. If they get a reaction (good or bad), so much the better. Maybe a little more detail about your wing question? Slightly spread, outstretched or "heart wings"? How far down for the head? Feathers somewhat or all fluffed? Does she shake herself or more her tail or just settles back to normal afterwards? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdhouse Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Oops, take back the wing questions. Didn't catch, "wings slightly out to the side". Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hello Jan and Dolly. Welcome to the forum. The others have all given good comments and advice. The head down crouching forward with wings outward a little could mean a few things. The actions you described of your cockatiels definitely meant they were happy to see you. But in regards Dolly it could be a defensive posture or could be she is happy your there as well. It depends on the circumstance that caused it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywings Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 The best advice I can offer is to take a big giant cup of patience. It has taken an unknown number of years for Dolly to be who she is now and it may takes months or even years before she feels safe enough to allow a relaxed head scratch. I live with 4 rehomed Greys-each came with their own preconceived ideas, fears they had learned and habits they had developed. Greys are wonderful observers of our behavior, vocal tones and body language and we have to work very hard to learn theirs. Think of your challenge this way for now-each day or hour you put into observing, building trust and quiet companionship with out demands is like putting time in a bank. You will be able to get back so much after your initial investment - in positive interactions later it is well worth waiting for those results. You have the right attitude wanting to learn more and wanting to do the right things, just give her space and time and show every day that you are worth her trust and her time to invest in a Grey bird relationship. Do read Barbara Heidenrichs books they will help you along this journey into trust. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hi Birdhouse...the crouching and wing act seems to happen now when I am eating or have a snack at hand, her feathers are not fluffed (although she does do that occasionally to look ferocious?) I think she wants what we have and I have given her a bit of hard boiled egg that she took nicely from me....seriously it's the little things that make me so happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hi Greywings...I will get Barbara Heidenrichs books...any particular one to start with, she has a few....going on Amazon now. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanMarie Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Me again...Dolly hasn't had a bath in years....should I mist her while in the cage or just wait until she will come out then offer a shallow dish or shower? I don't want to traumatize her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acappella Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Welcome to the grey family. I'll post more later - gotta run. Maybe start a thread for her in the Rescue Room? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hi & Congrats on rescuing this wonderful soul! Others have given you excellent advice. You want HER to be the want of attention, and offer it slowly....I have an amazon that loves to do the sucker punch, she is a sweet & adorable one, but if you put your fingers near her cage, she will bite & hard. It's HER territory! I respect that, but if I say softly, in a sweet voice, "cuddles?" , she will put her head down for a lite scratch, but I ALWAYS leave her wanting more, I take my hand way before she can think about it & bite. You might want to try this method when she is ready..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danmcq Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Me again...Dolly hasn't had a bath in years....should I mist her while in the cage or just wait until she will come out then offer a shallow dish or shower? I don't want to traumatize her. I would definitely wait on the bath a while. As you said, you don't want to do anything to lose trust while your trying to build it. When you think she's comfortable and wondering outside her cage, have a pan filled with water in the area she at and let her decide if she's wishes to partake or not. It may take a while for her to even get used to the pan at first, before she decides to go in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbersmom Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) LOL! Yes and amen to TheNewThing advice. Some toys that seem totally innocent will never be accepted by a grey. That is one of the things that I have found to be so strange about Timber. Things I'm sure he will like, he doesn't (ever). Things I am not sure about he often will take to. That's part of the wonderful world of parronthood. As to the bath, some birds like to be sprayed, some don't. I was fortunate in that the previous owner told me Timber likes to be sprayed, and he does. I do this almost daily with a spray bottle and nursery water (aloe in the winter when the house is dry). A full bath is different and they only do that when they feel like it. As Dan said, you just need to offer water in a pan. I use a heavy glass baking dish that won't tip when he stands on the edge of it. If she is interested she will get to it, if not just keep putting it out there at times. When Timber is ready for the pan, I can tell because he will start messing around in his water bowl. This probably happens 3-4 times a month. Edited November 5, 2013 by Timbersmom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 You are bringing back memories of bring Gilda (formerly Gilbert) into our home. In the five months of cautious consideration and correspondence with her former caretaker she was described as having been rehomed more than a time or so, she had "issues" and was referenced as "that mean grey bird" by the children in her former family. Her background is sketchy to say the least. I remember seeing her and just having a great wash of emotion of what I wanted to bring to her life. Like you, I had a boatload of new toys and had read up on thing that should make her happy. Like you, I proudly offered her a lovely cage with new toys and she responded much like I did once when I returned home to find my visiting mother-in-law had rearranged all my furniture. Dolly hasn't read on the internet what a wonderful companion you will make, nor has she had great personal recommendations from experienced greys in her coffee group. LOL. She has had limited experience with a small samplings of humans and she judges you harshly under high suspicion. What I can tell you for sure is that when you do learn to get past her defenses and earn her trust it is going to be the most profound relationship you will ever experience. Have patience, prepare yourself to not take her many small rejections personally. There will be larger rejections which include bites on occasion and if you can rise past those, just breathe and keep yourself from trying to "do" too much. You will learn from Dolly more than you ever considered possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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