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Can no longer keep my African Grey


Eleanor Oates

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I have an African Grey called Charlie who is about 17 years old now. I have had him since he was about 18 months old. My personal situation is about to change - I am renting my home and becoming a full time pet sitter. I will be staying in people's homes to look after their pets while they go on holiday.

 

It's not suitable for me to take Charlie with me on these pets sits. I am thinking of giving him to someone who will look after him for me but I am worried that he will pine for me or not bond with this other person. He has only ever bonded with me and will bite anyone else who goes near him. I am just wondering whether he will learn to forget me

 

I look forward to your views

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That is a very tough decision. One that no one wants to face after loving our grey for years or possibly decades. I have no doubt Charlie is like a birthed child to you and you have great anxiety over it. They really never forget. Just as we humans always remember loved ones and close friends and think of them at various times. But, when separated from their flock, they will adapt and become a member of a new one. It takes time for a grey to get over the shock and loss of their loving home and person they are bonded with. But the right person and home can gain trust and some level of bonding over time. I have no doubt that you know after all these years with Charlie, that greys do not like change much and are very cautious when it happens. I don't know your exact circumstances, but perhaps a family member or good friend that charlie knows and would like to take him in? One that understands a greys needs and personality.

 

What area do you live in so members here in the close proximately that may be interested could chat with you about it?

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Grey parrots have somehow or another gotten the reputation for being inflexible when changes occur in their lives.

I wonder if this maybe has something to do with inherent human narcissism.

 

Don't take that the wrong way!!!!!! I am not calling you a narcissist. I am attributing the tendency to all humankind as we (the species) tend to make ourselves more important in our minds than we really are in the scope of the universe. Considering the challenges (predation, weather, drought, natural and human-instigated habitat loss) that parrots face in the natural environment, if they were inflexible they would have been extinct a long time ago.

 

From everything I've read, there will be an adjustment period for him. He will likely grieve for a while but with time, and a new parront who understands that Charlie is going to need some space to adjust, and the good home he had with you, Charlie will probably make someone a very loving companion.

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Thank you danmcq for your quick reply. I actually live in England. I have a good friend that could look after him but it won't be a permanent home and so he will have to move again - i'd rather not do that to him. I think I will put a notice in my local vets and see if any genuine person will have him for me

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Hi Eleanor and Charlie, you are no doubt in a tough spot and change is hard for all of us, human and extraordinary companion. Since every situation is different, a short answer is hard to evaluate but I would like to add my perspective. When the time comes to find a loving home for Charlie, it is a process and if you can get someone to commit for the long term with an agreement to contact you if it isn't working it could prevent subsequent rehoming which would affect him more. Our rehomed Timneh African Grey was a much longer and harder process for Gilbert because she was rehomed a few times prior to coming to us. Someone with a good heart and good intentions found it much harder than expected and it got worse with each transfer. The good news is that after nearly three years even though Gilbert may not embrace me as the love of her life nor as her first choice she has acclimated and is showing some very exciting signs of getting settled. The other good news is that since you have had Charlie since the beginning he has a good basis to trust humans and others have had great success with rehoming greys with Charlie's background. It will take some time to match a good home for Charlie but I believe someone is nearby who needs him in their life as much as he needs a steady and loving home. Good luck and thank you for joining us while you look for a solution.

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In our situation, I had limited contact with her previous caretaker and very little information in the years before that. It will be invaluable to Charlie to have you available to continue to give advice on what he likes and dislikes. As painful as that would be to you today, if you could put together some information of his food preferences and schedule, that may help to smooth his transition. Also if you have time for someone to come into his home and meet him and maybe care for him for a short period in his own environment, and for both of you to talk to him and tell him there is going to be a change. I can't say enough that they do understand. We just recently discovered through DNA that Gilbert is a girl. Even though it felt a little silly, I talked to her about it. Six weeks later the only thing I have done is to reinforce when she would say "Gilbert's a good boy" was to say "yes you are a good girl Gilbert". In less than six weeks, she is now calling herself Gilgirl. Charlie will be okay. I know you will see it through and give him the very best transition and if his new home is willing to be patient and wait, he will bring joy to their home too.

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Forget you he won't. I've posted here about my CAG that I got when I was 19. I lost her to a divorce when I was 24 and she ended up with an aunt. I saw her again for the first time after 20+ years and she fell right back into a role we used to do together that my aunt had never witnessed the whole time she's had her. However my aunt is taking very good care of her and she doesn't "need" me until my aunt can no longer care for her...and back she will come.

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