chezron Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 So my husband left me for his best friend's wife. Get this, they are all living under his friend's roof because the husband either doesn't know or is ignoring what is going on. This couple used to be our next door neighbors and even attended our wedding! I am alone now and I feel so bad for my parrots because I am so sad and quiet. I am giving them attention, but I am only one person, and a depressed person at that--not so fun to be around. I wonder if they would be better off with another family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdhouse Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 So long as they're being fed & maintained in any reasonably healthy fashion, they'll weather this right along w/you. And if you'll let them, they'll help you get thru it. Buck up. Things will be better no matter what it looks like right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VStar Mama Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Look, as I am going through a nasty contentious divorce myself, I can tell you from recent experience that you need everything possible around you to keep yourself moving forward. You may find yourself crawling or even going side to side but as long as you keep moving you ARE going to get through this and come out stronger on the other side. I don't remember reading in any book, article or advice column about parrot care that requires the human half to be 100% compos mentis. Those parrots are making you continue to function through the depression. Your sense of responsibility and commitment to them will ensure that they continue to be cared for....and that you'll be continuing to care for yourself even if it is in a limited fashion. And I'm going to remind you of one very important fact that I still have trouble with. You are NOT alone. You have your parrots in the house. Friends and family just waiting for the go ahead to help. You even have people in places like this who will do what they can to support you. You know people who have dealt with this and there are thousands of people dealing with a similar situation right now. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. After the divorce bomb was dropped into my world I tried to continue living and it just wasn't happening. The failure to "live" then made my depression worse. During a meeting with a local COPE counselor, I was advised to give myself permission to just be. It made sense to me so for several months I was just being. Being was whatever I was at that moment. In the beginning I was just being in shock. Sometimes I was being angry. Sometimes I was being sad and sobbing randomly and uncontrollably. I was being a parent and mother because that was my job and they kids needed me to continue to be a parent and mother. I was being student when required although I lost the heart for it. At some point I decided to start learning how to be me; or the person who was supposed to be me instead of the person the future ex wanted me to be. This is probably going to take me the rest of my life but self-expression has already become easier. Ultimately you have to do what is best for yourself and your situation. But also realize that the extreme emotional state you are in does not lend itself to thinking logically and rationally. Don't make emotionally based decisions whose consequences may contribute to depression or long-term guilt down the road if you realize you made a mistake that can't be unmade. If you need to talk or anything, feel free to give me a message and we can exchange numbers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brat Birds Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Chezron, VStar Mama has given you some good advice. Don't try to be everything to everybody. Right now you need to be for you and your parrots. Keep going every day and soon you will be looking forward again. I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. Come here and get things off your chest once in a while if it helps. Prayers coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luvparrots Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Take a big breath and boogie on. You are a strong and intelligent woman so sit back or go for a long walk and think about what is best for you and those you love then move on and know that if you think you can.... then you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mistyparrot Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Dear Chezron I am sorry to read what has happened. You must feel terribly betrayed but your birds will help you through. I think those two treacherous rat bags deserve each other. If you have your birds you have the best part of the deal by far. Mistyparrot has seen me through some really dark times and I am sure yours will see you through as well. Steve n Misty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingy Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 They would not be better off with someone else. VStar is right on about giving yourself permission to be. Your emotions and moods are going to cycle but that is to be expected and is part of the grieving process. Surround yourself with those that love you, and that includes your parrots, and let their love comfort you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Chezron, I have known you almost since the beginning here. I have always read and looked forward to what you contribute to our family. NEVER EVER make life changing decisions when you're going thru a divorce, depression or any other type of grief. You are grieving, but you are grieving for a person that didn't exist. He is not the person you thought he was, you were in love with someone you thought existed, but really never did, or he wouldn't have left you. He did you a favor, but you won't realize that for quite some time. Trust me on that. You are living day to day in a fog, unable to see things clearly. You NEED your birds to help you thru this difficult time. And you will get thru it. They will help you. They understand, and having you as a depressed person is something they will accept for as long as needed. They know your sad, and in them keeping quiet, they are just letti g you know they don't need your excitement and interaction, they will just be. It won't change them, it will make them show you their love for you even more. They need you and only you to keep their life and home stable. It is not the time to uproot them. I am very sorry for the difficulty you are experiencing, but we are here for you. Please come here and vent, share,cry, or just let us know how your day is. It WILL get better, but for now, you need to take care of yourself and your flock, one day at a time, don't look past that. The future will wait. We are here for you, we are your family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 Thank you so much VStar Mama! Such helpful words that mean so much to me right now. I sure am a flip-flopping emotional mess right now. It WILL get better. I just have to have faith that it will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 Your words made me cry Penny. I will reread them anytime I feel I need a boost. I deeply thank you for your care and concern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I mean it, and I, we, re here for you. Stay strong and any time you need a talking to, I'm good for it. You will have up days and down days, but that will only make you stronger. Rely on your flock to see you thru and they will. You are needed and loved by them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I am so sorry this has happened to you but you are not alone as many many more are happening as we speak, divorce is so commonplace nowadays but you will get thru it with the help of your fids, your soon to be ex is the loser although he may not realize it right now, what a sorry mess his situation is but he deserves it. We are all here for you any time you need us, some have offered to get in touch with you to talk and if you need it then do it for sometimes talking it out with someone else is what you need to put things in proper perspective and you have family and friends who will be a great help to you but you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 I appreciate your support Judy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbersmom Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Truthfully, I'd guess a good 50% and maybe more of the forum members (including myself) have been through a divorce. We just helped my oldest son through a year-long divorce/custody battle/mess and he is still healing. Your birds, family, and true friends are what will help you keep putting one foot in front of the other. As others have said so well, your birds need you, in whatever state you are in, because you are their family. They will weather the storm, just as you will! God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SRSeedBurners Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Yep - divorced here too. Lost all three of my birds to it as well. Wasn't fun, thought it was the end of me for a very long time. Took me a couple of years to get through it but I recovered. Stay strong for the birdies and yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Your first post was heart rending, not because of the divorce but because you thought anyone would be better off without you. It sounds as if you think this man leaving had anything remotely to do with you and your "faults", it does not. He made choices based on selfishness and a transient infatuation that will not make him happy any more than you could "make" anyone else happy. That is his job and he may never man up and look at it that way but you have not failed, he has failed you. Your "best" friends have failed you as well, shame on the whole lot of them. We all would be worse off without you, including your birds, it would be a double pain if they not only changed routine, but lost you in their lives too. You may not be one hundred percent yourself for a while, but you are everything to them. You will find your footing again and look at the world differently and make time for you as you re-evaluate what you believed to be true. Grieve for what you lost, your birds will grieve in their way too. Then, claw your way out of the darkness and get that sunshine on you again and let it heal your pain and make you feel whole and perfect just the way you are. My best to you as you weather the storms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks Katana, I feel better today. And yes, there is NO WAY I am giving up my birds! I love them and they love me. I was just in a bad place yesterday. My husband and I had been together for 22 years. You think you know someone after all that time, well it is plain to see that i didn't know him. Thank you for your support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judygram Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Better days are ahead for you if you keep this positive attitude, you go girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana600 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Interesting. At 23 years in, I discovered my husband didn't know who he was either. It was not pretty but I dug deep and found myself in the process and although we are still married, the good life where I put him first at all times and made myself second rate in my own priorities has changed. I daresay it hurt him more than it hurt me and I found my inner demons with sharp and pointy teeth and they have kept me true to myself since then. You are certainly entitled to rough days, you have had the rug yanked out from under you by the one person who supposedly loved you above all others and your friend did you a big favor by clearing up that one way street of using you too. I learned to care deeply for others but never allow myself to get more emotionally vested than I can afford to lose and to love myself first. If you don't do that, anyone will cozy up and take advantage. In good time, you will discover you can take care of yourself just fine thank you very much and look back with wisdom and strength. We really are here for you as you shake yourself off and find your sharp and pointy teeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kins2321@yahoo.com Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Chezron... I am so sorry! I have tears right now welling in my eyes. My ex of 13 years... fell in love with my best friend. She was married to my ex's college roommate. It was terrible! We were best friends for 19 years. I understand your pain. Also feel free to contact me. I was surrounded by friends and family that let me vent. ( on and on) It takes time to get over the depression and feeling of worthlessness. Then comes the anger!Actually, the anger can be a good thing because it takes you out of the terrible darkness and moves you forward to healing. We are all interested in you talking to us.Seriously! We are NOT just here for our birds... but the owner. Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aerial.2000 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 WOW WOW the advice and caring that has poured forth in this thread has seriously touched Me. I dont have any advice on divorice, but I know that when Ive been crying in the past Marco has totally tuned into my mood. I can see her watching me if Im upset. She will either come closer to me and just sit with me or say something to make me smile and make it "all better". So let your birds and pets, and friends help you thru this you got some great support HERE as well! Plus it will keep you busy and that in turn takes your mind off things. Hang in there .. happier days are coming for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murfchck Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 We are all here for you! I have any ear any time you need it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray P Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Not only are your birds better off with you, You are better off with and because of your birds. Just hang in there !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovethatgrey Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Parrots are very empathetic. They probably understand what you're going through in their own way. Allow them to comfort you. I like this quote * No matter how bad our situation may be, remember it can always be alot worst.* Don't lose sight of all the great things you have in your life. Take time to remember and Appreciate them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chezron Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Nancy, Thank you so much! I wonder how I will get through, but I am trying. You must know how much your words and experience mean to me. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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